


Snowfall

by BlueFaeWren



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Aroace Biana Vacker, Character Death, F/M, I also mess with multiple rules of the series because I want to, I pick who Forkle is because I want to and who cares about canon, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nonbinary Keefe Sencen, Not Canon Compliant, Paralysis, Temporary Character Death, this is for my boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 151,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27476983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFaeWren/pseuds/BlueFaeWren
Summary: Four people find out that they're elementals - elves that can harness the four primal sources to protect the world. Sounds cliché. Wait, was that the moon? And you just wanted to fall in love with your boyfriend.Or: While Fitz and Dex fall in love, I mess around with canon.
Relationships: Dex Dizznee/Fitz Vacker, Keefe Sencen/Tam Song, Sophie Foster/Keefe Sencen
Comments: 20
Kudos: 37





	1. Rooting (Part One)

**Author's Note:**

> You've probably heard this before, but this was supposed to be a one-shot fueled by my frustration that there aren't enough Dex/Fitz works. 150,000 words later... I was _wrong _.__
> 
> _  
> _Context:  
>  \- Elves don’t have telekinesis.  
> \- Schooling: You start year one at eleven and finish base years in year eight at eighteen. Elite levels start at nineteen and go for two years. College/Uni type education is also offered, but the levels are perceived as “better”.  
> \- Bronte and Fintan aren’t ancient, they are around the same age as most of the adults (e.g. Forkle, Della, Grady, Eda, etc.).  
> \- Imparters are just phones, but only with calling, texting, and music._  
> _

“Stinking _wonder boy_ ,” I grumble, flopping down on Sophie’s carpet with a soft thump.

“Why do you hate him so much anyway?” Sophie asks, sitting lightly on her bed. “He’s just a boy.”

“But he’s not just a boy, he’s Fitz- _fucking_ -Vacker. He has the ‘glittering teal eyes’ and ‘rippling biceps’. He just feels so… fake.”

Sophie frowns at me, her eyebrows creasing.

“What?”

*

_I just don’t get it,_ I think to myself, pacing around my room. _Why does Dex hate me so much?_

I sigh. _Okay, yeah, I get the jealousy thing, but we’re friends now. Generally, that fixes it. He knows I’m not that stereotyped person that everyone else sees._

_…It would be nice to have more people to be close to._

*

We’re all heading home from Dex’s house, and by ‘we’ I mean: Biana, Sophie, Keefe, and I. I can feel Dex glaring at me as I hold my home crystal up to the light, and just as the others glitter away, I turn back to him.

“What is _up_ with you?” I question, my crystal bouncing back to its customary spot on my chest.

“What do you mean?” Dex returns, his voice icy.

"Why do you hate me so much?”

“What are you- It’s not because- of course I don’t- _IT’S BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU’RE ABOVE ME, OKAY?_ YOU AND YOUR FUCKING POSH CRYSTAL MANSION AND PERFECT FAMILY AND PERFECT LITTLE LIFE!” Dex is panting, staring at the ground. “I’m so _sick_ of people who think they’re better than me!”

“I think _you’re_ better than me,” I say quietly, fiddling with the edge of my cape.

He stops, his breath leaving him in a rush. “What?”

“Look at this place.” I gesture to Dex’s beautiful house, the yard worn from playing and running, the forest next to it, the mountains in the distance. “Every time I walk on this property it feels like home. And it’s not even my home! You can feel the genuine love you guys give off _everywhere_. Your family feels so whole. I wish I had a life like yours.”

Dex is staring at me, his periwinkle eyes wide, and I can feel a huge blush forming on my face. Before I can react, he’s hugging me, whispering and quiet ‘thank-you’ into my chest. When he lets go he won’t meet my eyes, but sends a haphazard wave my direction as he walks back to the house.

*

Suddenly, things are less awkward. Suddenly, things are simpler. I realize, a few weeks later, that I now laugh at Fitz’s jokes and will sit next to him and lunch. I realize that I’ve thrown notes at him in study hall and participated in inside jokes.

I’ll pick him first – to talk to, to pair up with, to be on the same team with. We’ve become actual friends. Even closer friends than some of the others. I like Fitz. It’s not forced. There was a barrier. It’s gone now.

*

Dex is glaring at the piece of paper in his hands so intently that I think it's going to catch on fire. I lean over his shoulder, and quickly scan the list of potential classes for the next two years.

“Having trouble?”

He jumps slightly and sighs, dropping the piece of paper. The edge is crumpled.

“I still haven’t picked my classes. Sophie and Biana are finished, but I can’t decide. Can’t quite figure it out. Can't think it though.”

“Well what do you have left? What are you deciding between?”

He lets out an incredibly long sigh. Not at me, thank god, just at the situation. “Well: alchemy, agriculture, and abilities are required, all of the a’s.” He smiles. “And for the last three I’ve already picked Elementalism and universe. But I can’t decide between species studies _and_ gym _and_ history _and_ metaphysics.”

“Do you have a preference?”

He bites his lip. “None of them particularly interest me, but they all have benefits, I guess.”

“What about them?” I ask, leaning forward to scan his paper. He's circled the classes that he's already chosen, but the four he referenced are left completely blank. Except for a note scribbled in the margin - from Sophie, I'm assuming.

“Well: gym is good for your body, but I don’t like exercising that much. Metaphysics is good for your ability in the future, but only really benefits elemental abilities and telepathy, which I might not manifest. And history. I hate history. Fuck history.”

I laugh.

“Species study isn’t too bad, I guess. It can be interesting, and it’s really useful.”

I nod once.

He blinks at me, then smiles. “Okay. Species studies it is. Thanks, Fitz.”

I blink back at him, suddenly flustered. "Y-yeah. Of course."

*

_This is bad this is bad this is bad._

I burst into the office, flinging the door open. It would be overdramatic if I wasn’t so completely terrified. Dad looks up at me, his eyes narrowed. “Fitz, why are you interrupting my work?”

“I heard people whispering.” My voice is shaking, my hands are shaking, I’m _praying_ that nothing’s actually wrong. “What’s happening?”

He looks up at me, and for the first time, Dad doesn’t seem fake. People always describe the Vackers as _fake_. Because how could a perfect family with a hard-working father and lovely housewife mother be real? People wish to be us, then whisper behind hands about how _the first son, with those eyes, must’ve been an affair_ and _do you think they use elixirs to alter their appearances? Liars._

Well congrats, you’re right. We’re fake, _fake, FAKE_.

“Fitz,” he says slowly. “Sophie’s been kidnapped.”

My entire body starts to buzz, and somewhere, outside, far away, I ask, “have you told Dex?” _Dex, Sophie’s best friend. Who’s going to tell Dex?_

“Dex was kidnapped too.”

I feel like my entire body crashes to the floor. Like everything breaks, for a moment. I reach out to one of the plush chairs next to me and sink into it, the world spinning. Dad writes something else down, then stands, brushing his hand over my shoulder as he leaves.

“There’s no reason to worry.”

_Liar. Fake._

I can’t remember much else; I just wake up the next day to hear people scrambling down the halls, rushing to unknown and unseen destinations. Biana is asleep next to me, her hair a mess and tear tracks down her face. Keefe is here too, snoring on the floor. I slide silently out of bed and into the hall, where Mom and one of the gnomes that help out – Fern – are talking quietly.

Mom rushes over, enveloping me in a hug. “It’s alright,” she says, her voice soft and arms warm. “We’ll find Sophie.”

_And what about Dex?_

*

When I wake up, I have a pounding headache, my side is burning, and I don’t recognize the room I’m in. _Thank, fucking, god._

I reach down with shaking hands and push down the covers. I’m shirtless – the one I was wearing was burned away. And underneath it all is a mess where my side used to be. The skin itself is oddly artistic, curling and twisting, taking my pale skin and transforming it into this monstrosity of lumps and ripples and black. I can _smell_ it.

“Dex?” Fitz appears over me, but before he can say anything his eyes lock on the burn and he's gone, down the hall.

 _Fitz,_ I think, head full. Everything is ever so slightly off, like I’m dreaming. My eyes flutter closed against my will, even as I hear footsteps. They’re loud, echoing through my fuzzy skull. I hear rustling, clicking, the snap of a conjurer.

“This... was Everblaze. This was a _pyrokinetic._ Something about the fire… it scars. It won't go away. I’ll do what I can, but it will sting.”

“I can help.” That’s Fitz. I feel a pair of warm hands wrap around my clenched fists, and crack open my eyes to see Fitz’s bright eyes and rumpled hair. I want to say something to him.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

I open my mouth to respond, but all that comes out is a hoarse yell as _cold_ and _pressure_ and _pain_ is put on my side. Fitz bites his lip, eyes glassy. He squeezes my hands tighter, tighter, as if doing that will stop both of us from breaking.

“I’m going to talk, okay? Okay. I’m going to talk because it’s going to make me less nervous and you’re probably curious what happened. Sophie’s alive. Yes, that’s important. She’s alive and it was _close,_ but she’s getting better and Elwin’s pet, Elwin is the one treating your burns, by the way,” Fitz winces as I let out another groan. “Well this pet thing he can tell when an injury is fatal and he’s stopped freaking out so that’s good. It’s good. It’s okay. It’s good.

“The burn… Everblaze is different from other kinds of fire. Its scar won't go away. But we still need to fix the other parts of it. Elwin is going to put a shell on it that will protect it while it heals. Okay? Okay. Once this is done you’ll need to drink some water but then you can sleep again. We’ll have to put on more and you’ll need to drink some elixirs and stuff but everything should feel better. Okay.”

He looks crazed. I use the rest of my energy to give Fitz a small smile. “O-kay,” I say slowly, my voice raspy.

Fitz practically melts, a tear streaking down his cheek. “Okay.”

The second voice, Elwin, speaks up again. “Dex, you’ve done great. You have to drink this water, and then you’re free to sleep, alright? And Fitz, I’m going to check up on Sophie if you want to come.”

“No,” Fitz says, slipping his hands out from mine. He takes the water from Elwin and comes back over to me, uncapping the bottle. “I’ll stay here.”

The door clicks closed. Fitz sighs, his shoulders drooping. “You scared the living shit out of me, Dex.”

I smile at him, and attempt to sit up again. Fitz wraps his arms around my side and lightly, slowly, props me up to a sitting position. It feels like there’s a hard disk pressing into my side, but it’s easy to ignore as Fitz picks up the bottle, and, wrapping an arm around my shoulders to support me, helps me drink from it.

It takes a while, every couple of sips I break into a cough or two, which in turn sends waves of pain through my side. But as we get closer and closer to the bottom, it gets easier, the liquid filling me up. The relief makes me more comfortable, and in turn, more tired. As I down the last gulp, Fitz lays me back down, tucking the sheets around my torso. I hum quietly, already half asleep.

“Goodnight, Dex.”

I reach over blindly and take Fitz’s hand, squeezing it once before letting myself go.

*

Dex can barely walk. Sophie can barely stay awake for longer than ten minutes at a time, and I can’t stop _dreaming_. Dreaming of Sophie fading away into nothingness. Dreaming of everyone getting dragged away by cloaked figures while I watch, helpless. Dreaming of Biana screaming, Keefe sobbing over gravestones, of Dex, dying in my arms, because I was too late.

I give up, eventually, and head downstairs. Normally, at this time of morning, no one is awake – Mom sleeps in later than I do, and Biana hasn’t had a semblance of a sleep schedule since she’s known what a sleep schedule is. But we have guests, and Dex is sitting at the counter that we never use, eating strawberries. 

“You okay?” I ask, sinking down into the chair next to him.

He ignores my question, instead offering me a strawberry with the top carefully sliced off. “Do you remember when Sophie first arrived? She would always complain about how she didn’t recognize the food. The first time that she saw strawberries and apples in the Foxfire lunch line she started sobbing in the middle of the cafeteria.”

I grin. “Is that when you reminded her that elves aren’t _vegans_ and that Foxfire is just one of those fancy-fancy schools that sells posh food no one actually eats?”

Dex nods, smiling. I carefully bite into the end of the berry, savoring the sharp flavor.

“Have you seen Sophie yet?” I know it’s not a good question to ask, I get that it’s safe to swerve around it. I just hate sitting here, pretending that one of our closest friends isn’t half dead upstairs and that Dex doesn’t have a giant, permanent scar across his torso.

He sighs, one hand absent-mindedly coming to his side. “They’re scared it’ll set me back. No one will say it, but Elwin had a pretty loud conversation with my parents about it at my door. I think he did it on purpose so that I would know why no one will let me see her. They think that I’ll blame myself, and it will make my treatment take longer.”

Dex frowns, flicking a discarded strawberry head. “I’m just sick of that fucking room and the fucking cream. I just want to go home.” He starts and turns to me. “It’s not that your hospitality isn’t great but-”

“Dex,” I say, my voice heavy. “When I said that one time about how your house felt like home? I wasn’t joking.”

“I-” Dex sighs, leaning his head back. “I wish that I could deny it. But I know what you mean. I have to move all the time to make sure that the burn doesn’t shrink my skin so I wander everywhere. Every day: your dad is in his office. Your mom is in their bedroom. It makes me think about how my parents make us eat together, even though it makes a huge mess, and how it’s always noisy and people are always wandering around. One time, my dad posed for two hours so Mom could paint him, and she ended up hating it and spilling paint everywhere. But he just laughed and they cleaned it together and…” He trails off. “I miss home.” 

“You’re the first person who has ever been that honest with me.”

He’s glaring at the strawberry in his hand. “You have eyes. You know what’s going on.” He smiles at me, finally relaxing. “You’re smart. I can see that.”

“Thank you.”

*

Foxfire finally deems it safe enough for everyone to return, which is a bit dumb as we only have two weeks left. By then, I’ve been pronounced fit enough to go back, as long as I keep doing my exercises. But Sophie… she can stay away the whole day, and walk around some, but she tells me how she feels she can barely think, like the world is crushing down on her. I hug her, when she says that. I ignore the fear rocketing through me, I ignore the constant ache on my side.

I should ask to switch to a lower locker – it hurts to stretch my arms this much. But I take a deep breath and slide each book into place. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Fitz leans on the locker next to mine.

“Hey,” he murmurs.

“Hi."

He watches me for a moment, then takes the books from my arms and easily puts them away. Fitz is observant – something I’ve learned about him, over time. I don’t know if anyone else has noticed. 

“I know you’ve been taking the homework to Sophie. Could I come with?”

Deep breath in, deep breath out. I nod.

The leap master is always crowded, so Aunt Eda gave me a crystal directly to Havenfield. She said that it was long overdue, anyway. When I hesitate, staring at the beam, Fitz grabs my hand, accidentally crushing my fingers together, and pulls me into the light. 

The crash of the waves is easily suppressed, but for some reason I still can’t walk.

“Dex?” Fitz questions, voice soft.

“I can’t do it again,” I say, my voice shaking. “Every time that I bring her the work she takes my hand and thanks me. ‘Dex, it’s so kind of you to do this for me.’ Do you know what she did right before we were taken? She took my hand, pulled me closer to the beach, and said, ‘You’re the best, Dex, _it’s so kind of you to do this for me._ ”

I can tell Fitz feels out of his depth because there are tears streaming down my face and I’m shaking all over. “I can’t focus on Sophie, because I’m glancing around the room and I’m on fire and I want to run and _run and run-_ ”

I dump the pile of papers I’m holding into Fitz’s arms and scramble to pull my home crystal from where it’s tangled among the others. I try to pull them apart but my hands are shaking too much and fat tears are trailing down my face and-

Fitz is slow and calm amidst my panic, setting the pile down, untangling the cords with slow, practiced fingers. “You can tell her; you know? She went through it too.”

I should shut up. I should stop spilling my dirty incriminating secrets to Fitz but- “She was never awake.”

“What?”

“She wasn’t awake. She wasn’t brave. _I_ was the one who couldn’t fall asleep, while she was passed out. _I was the one_ that had to listen to people coming and going, the drip of the water in the background, the _screams_. _I_ WAS THE ONE getting _burned and tortured and marred and-_ ”

My voice breaks and I attempt to pull away but Fitz has wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into him. He’s warm and stable and comforting. He’s here. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him too tight, burying my tears in his shoulder.

His hand is soft on my back. “I’m so sorry.” His voice is shaking too. “I am _so sorry._ ”

“Me too.” I hold him like a lifeboat. “Me too.”

*

Time passes, as it does. The school year ends, summer arrives, and Sophie heals. Everything is fine. She’s offered to take all of us to a forbidden city, London. I’ve been here once before, so many years ago.

I saw Dex’s expression. I saw him stiffen, saw the fear flash across his face. When Sophie turned to him he muttered something about needing to help his parents in the store. He just told me, a few days ago, that his parents gave him the summer off to relax and be with us. But Sophie didn’t say anything, didn’t even notice, just grinned and nodded as Dex stared at the floor. Now we’re in London, _minus Dex_.

I try to tell myself that I’m still thinking of him, but London is _so cool._ Sophie buys us food and takes us around and shows us museums and sculptures and translates things for us. We walk around all day until our legs hurt then lay in a park to watch the sun set. 

We’re all exhausted and full, but Sophie drags us along the streets, down the water, and points and… wow.

The elven world is beautiful, but the humans have this way of crafting light and metal that’s so unique, and the London Eye lit up at night is a whole new kind of breathtaking. We’re standing there, staring at it, and Keefe wonders out loud: ‘I wonder how?’

*

The bell for Slurps and Burps chimes lightly, knocking against the doorframe. The store is much like their home – full and cluttered and bright. I can hear voices in the back, so I wander through the twisted shelves towards them. Kesler and Juline are standing over a beaker, and as I watch Juline drops a ribbon of metal into it. It starts to fizz.

“Oh, hello Fitz,” Juline says, pushing away her goggles so she can see me properly. “Do you need help finding something?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call Dex a thing,” I say brightly. 

Kesler laughs. “Straight upstairs, on the right.”

I thank them both, and push through to the back as they dissolve back into chatter. The stairs are covered with books of all kinds – some for chemistry and alchemy, of course, but others are fiction and more are cookbooks. There are only two doors at the top; the right one is slightly ajar.

Dex is sitting at a large desk, fiddling with something. I can hear metal clicking together and light humming. His hands don't pause when he says, “You can come in, Sophie. Neither my parents nor my siblings knock, so I’m more than used to people barging in.”

“That’s unfortunate,” I comment, and grin when Dex whips around, his mouth dropping open.

“F-Fitz! Oh! It’s good to see you! I, uh, wasn’t expecting you.”

“I guess not. I don’t have you on my phone and…” I trail of lamely, staring at my feet. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Not at all.”

I hover in the doorway for a few more moments before Dex rockets to his feet. He grabs a random pile of books and scrap metal, revealing a plush chair. “I’m so sorry it’s such a mess. My siblings and I share it, and I’ve had all of this stuff on my mind and I like to tinker it helps and-”

“It’s okay,” I say, sitting on the edge. “I live with Biana, after all.”

He laughs awkwardly, returning to his work table. He picks up an ancient looking phone and frowns at it, swiping his finger across the screen. It flashes to life, the bottom section fuzzy. He sighs. I look around at the metal scraps all around the room, the piles of metal, the tools-

“Oh. You’re a technopath.”

Dex opens his mouth, closes it, then sighs. “Don’t tell my parents.”

“Then don’t tell my parents that I manifested as a hydrokinetic three months ago.”

“WHAT?”

“Fuck.”

Dex stares at me, his eyes wide. “You’re a…”

“Hydrokinetic and a telepath. Yes.”

“Oh.”

I wrap my arms around myself. “I tried to tell Sophie and Keefe, but for some reason… I can’t. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to hear what they think, about their stereotypes, or I want it to be _my_ thing, or…” I shake my head.

Dex leans against the wall, running his fingers through his hair. It's getting long. “I know what my dad will say when he finds out I’m a technopath. It’s not bad, at all, actually. He’ll be so proud. But after so much time hearing about how abilities are sacred in the elven world, something is so nice about just doing whatever the hell I want.” He gestures at the mess on his worktable, smiling softly.

“When I was young, all I wanted was to be a telepath like my dad. As I got older, I didn’t want to. But I did it: I manifested as a telepath. He was so proud. But telepathy is extra lessons on the weekends and ripping secrets from people’s brains and working for the council and ignoring boundaries. But being a hydrokinetic is… fun. That’s all it is. That’s all I want it to be. I don’t want rules and expectations to smother my love.” I sigh, running a hand down my face. “And don’t even get me _started_ on the elemental ability stereotypes.”

Dex doesn’t say anything, just watches me, hands working on something else.

I look down at my hands, slowly closing my fingers into fists. “I should really tell someone.”

“Ah, so I don’t count as someone?”

He hasn’t moved from his position, expression carefully blank in contrast to his icy tone. He crushes the coil that he’s holding. “No, Dex-”

“Oh, by the way, how was London, huh?”

“Dex!” I stand, poking him in the chest. “Stop being a shit. You are someone, and nothing can change that. That is not what I meant. There’s just…" I slump slightly, vigor gone. "There’s a list of people I should really tell. My family, of course. Keefe: we knew each other back when we both first manifested. And Sophie has multiple abilities so she might be able to give advice or something.” I shake my head. “It’s not that you’re less of a person, it’s that you’re easy to tell. Safer, in a way.”

And Dex is staring at me with his mouth open, looking taken aback, his eyes wide. I feel a wave of embarrassment, but all he does is lean forwards and hug me tight, his hands clenching the fabric of my shirt.

“It was shitty of me to bring up London, I’m the one who turned it down.”

“It scares you, doesn’t it? The cities?”

He nods slowly, face against my shoulder. “It’s everything. Everything reminds me. My whole body freezes up, and I go into fight or flight. It's like my body shuts down.”

I push him away from me so I can see his face. “That’s what happened when we went to take the work to Sophie, isn’t it? You froze.”

He won't meet my eyes. “Yeah.”

I step back to flick one of the scraps on his desk. “Wanna tell me how the London Eye works, Mr. Technopath?”

He grins brightly, practically _jumping_ away from me to grab a sheet of paper. I suddenly regret my decision, but the glowing smile on his face makes it worth it. I just want him to be okay. I just want him to be happy.

*

It’s always chilly here – even in the summer. When Mom gets stressed, she coats the property with snow. She’s powerful, but even for her that takes a lot of energy. It feels good to drain all of your stress into one huge clump, growing it bigger and bigger, and then watch it explode. The moonlight is making the frost sparkle.

The screen of my phone is too bright against my sleepy eyes. I ping Sophie, and ask her to talk to the others. I hit send with a slight frown. Fitz’s name sits just under hers; I called him a couple days ago so he would have my number. My fingers hover over the keypad.

 **Dex:** I just texted Sophie about this, but I thought I should just tell you directly too. My mom put some snow over the ground so if you want to come over tomorrow to have a snowball fight and sled and stuff you can.

 **Fitz:** what do you mean you texted Sophie?

 **Dex:** I wanted to invite everyone over, and I don’t have everyone’s numbers. I have yours, (duh) but if I just asked her to invite Biana and Keefe it would sound like I’m excluding you. 

**Fitz:** I see

 **Fitz:** what am I in your phone

 **Dex:** …Fitz?

 **Fitz:** Biana has me as Fitzy Bitsy

 **Fitz:** Keefe won’t tell me what he has me as right now so it’s probably a joke but it used to be That Guy™

 **Fitz:** Sophie says it’s just Fitz but blushes every time so I don’t really believe her

 **Fitz:** Oh and also I asked Keefe and he said that it’s not Fitz but he won’t tell me

 **Dex:** I know what it is and I support that decision

 **Dex:** Sophie has me as Dizznee Land, which is weird and apparently it’s something from the cities but I don’t get it

 **Fitz:** that’s… actually kind of funny  


**Dex:** what is it?

 **Fitz:** It’s hard to explain

 **Fitz:** Sophie has some pictures she can show you

 **Fitz:** Okay I have one for you

 **Dex:** Ok??

 **Fitz:** *ahem*

 **Fitz:** The Dexnopath

 **Dex:** …

 **Dex:** Alright fine. But don’t let anyone see it.

 **Fitz:** YEA

I shake my head, laughing. For reference, Sophie’s contact for Fitz is something along the lines of ‘most beautiful wonderful handsome guy ever’. It’s sad. Look back on it a year later and cry from embarrassment sad. We’ve all collectively decided not to tell Fitz to save her from the worst of it.

 **Fitz:** alright Dexnopath, what’s mine?

 **Dexnopath:** uh

 **Dexnopath:** I have no idea

 **Dexnopath:** I’ve never had to do this before Sophie is literally Sophie in my phone

 **Fitz:** wow

 **Fitz:** well tell me if you come up with anything I gotta go to bed

 **Fitz:** OH AND YES TO SNOW I LOVE SNOW 

**Fitz:** YES

 **Fitz:** YES

 **Fitz:** YES

 **Dexnopath:** oh my god okay

 **Dexnopath:** goodnight

 **Fitz:** goodnight

I smile and close my eyes, letting my hand fall to my chest. I hum quietly, letting the pale moonlight and hum of technology wash over me.

It’s quiet.

*

“Could have at least said hello,” I say to the back of Fitz’s head. He showed up, early, and immediately face planted in the snow.

He rolls over and looks up at me. His eyes are blue, blue, blue compared to the bright white ground. His hair is tousled, with perfect flakes stuck in it, and he’s staring up at me with this adorable grin, like all of his dreams have come true.

“I _love_ snow,” he says, scrambling to his feet and running over to poke the powder off from some of our plants. “It’s so pretty and soft and shiny.”

I laugh, walking over to join him.

“The best part,” Fitz says, taking a deep breath, “is this.” He spins his hands, and a bundle of snow rises off of the ground. He doesn’t hold it up for very long, but his eyes are shining with pride and he’s panting.

“But… water?” I ask lamely, still captured in Fitz’s proud smile.

“I can’t create snow and ice like Frosters can, but I can control it. I think if I get good enough, I can switch water to ice!”

I laugh at Fitz’s bright smile, and pick up a ball of snow and throw it at him. He stops it with his ability, and grins proudly.

“Come on,” I say, rolling my eyes, “no abilities.”

Fitz sticks his tongue out at me, then promptly hits me straight in the face with a snowball. I retaliate with two more. He manages to dodge one, but the other one hits him in the side. We continue to throw back and forth, and I eventually pick up a giant pile of snow in my arms and cover him with it.

We’re collapsed on the ground, laughing, both covered in snow. He looks so radiant. His eyes are bright and glowing, his hair completely soaked, a floppy black. There’s a lovely pink flush on his face, and he’s staring straight at me.

I open my mouth to say something, but just then I hear the telltale sound of others glittering in. Biana cancelled – she was sick yesterday and doesn’t want to make it worse – but Sophie and Keefe had agreed.

I lightly pick up a snowball and throw it at the two of them. It runs short, but gets the desired effect, because Keefe grabs two fistfuls of snow, lets out a war cry, and rushes at us. I have a temporary alliance with Fitz, but he breaks it when he pours cold snow down the back of my shirt. Sophie, inevitably, trips and face plants into the ground.

Everyone is dripping wet and cold and happy. Sophie and I are laying in an undisturbed patch of snow while Keefe and Fitz attempt to make a snowman – a concept that Sophie had just introduced them to a few minutes ago. I dutifully offered my hat up for _Gerald’s_ head, apparently, while Sophie’s scarf was forced from her.

“I didn’t notice you and Fitz were so close,” Sophie says, glancing over at me.

I frown slightly. “We finally got over that first barrier. It’s nice.”

“You were smiling more than I’ve ever seen you.”

I falter slightly, but am saved by Keefe pronouncing Gerald the ruler of all and crowning him with my soaked and muddy hat. I applaud while Sophie groans loudly.

“Hot chocolate, anyone?” I ask, getting to my feet. I take their grunts as yesses, and lead the sagging four of us inside. Whenever Mom adds snow to the grounds like this, it cools down the entire house, so there’s generally a pot of hot chocolate on the stove.

I serve up a couple giant mugs for everyone and we collapse onto the sofas, content to drink in silence. Fitz is next to me, while Sophie and Keefe have taken one of the chairs and the other sofa, respectively. The entire sofa, mind you. He’s much taller than all of us, so spread out his feet hang over one side.

I snag a blanket from the floor and wrap it around my shoulders. Before I can protest (not that I was going to), Fitz takes the other end and wraps it around himself, inching much closer to me in the process. I smile into my drink and take a long sip, letting my eyes flutter closed.

“Look,” I whisper to Fitz. “My mom’s putting down another layer.”

The snow turns in perfect curves, catching the light as it falls. It’s beautiful, completing the quiet aura we’ve created here – playful exhaustion, warmth, friendship. I lean further back into the couch and sigh, content.

*

**Dexnopath:** I’ve got one for you.

 **Fitz:** one??

 **Dexnopath:** a name

 **Fitz:** a contact name?

 **Fitz:** tell me

 **Dexnopath:** alright

 **Dexnopath:** …snowfall

 **Fitz:** oh

 **Fitz:** I love it

 **Dexnopath:** I’m glad, snowfall

*

I _hate_ opening ceremonies. People can make speech after speech about how important it is and what it represents, but at the end of the day, it’s just a bunch of kids in ugly costumes dancing.

Keefe skipped, shockingly, so I try to pick out the others in the row in front of us. There are hundreds of kids milling about, blocking each other, I spin around-

Dex. He’s looking up, eyes wide, as the flakes starts to fall. He laughs and spins, completely unbothered by the weird outfit he’s wearing and the people around him. The harsh orange light filters softly through his hair and his eyelashes, making them glow bronze. I watch, entranced, as white paper flutters by him, like a perfect piece of snow.

_Snowfall._

*

Sophie is pacing back and forth, hands tangled in her hair.

“The last time I was over there, he called me a child and was so mad…”

 _So he’s being a shit and you should leave him alone,_ I think, trying my hardest not to roll my eyes. Sophie tries, really hard. And I can respect that. But sometimes in her desperation to try really hard she forgets that sometimes people just need fucking _space._

“…so obviously he’s hurting so much, and needs to be comforted.”

 _By anyone but you, Soph. This is just going to hurt you and make Fitz feel guilty._ But like a true best friend, knowing full well that Sophie will never listen to my warnings, I say, “I’m coming with you.”

“But, Dex…” she mumbles, sitting on the end of her bed.

“Sophie, Fitz is angry and upset. You need some backup.”

_And someone to pick up the pieces when all of this goes to shit. …Why am I letting you do this again?_

Sophie stares at me for a moment, but lets out a reluctant sigh. “Fine. But let me talk.”

“I’ll let you _start._ ”

She’s not paying enough attention to hear my deflection, her mind already at Everglen with Fitz. I dutifully follow her upstairs to the leap master, into the light, and onto the grounds. The gates are blinding, as always, and make Sophie flinch.

Biana is staring very intently at the floor, arms wrapped tightly around herself. Her hair, normally straightened, is curly and huge around her head. Her eyes are wide and fixed. The other one, Alvar, I think, is reading a book, clutching it so hard that he’s leaving dents in the cover. And Fitz… is starting straight at us.

His eyes narrow when he sees Sophie, but as his gaze slides over to me he starts to look… desperate. Fitz is showing wear and tear just like his siblings – red rimmed eyes, puffy faces, messy hair and rumpled clothes – but something about him just looks _lost._

“Fitz?” Sophie questions softly.

“What are you doing here?” Fitz asks. I expected anger, but this is just exhaustion.

“I want to talk. Try to help.”

“You’ve done _enough._ ” There’s the anger. But as his eyes slide over to me once again, he continues. “Sophie please go. _Please._ ”

But she keeps going. “Fitz, if you need to blame me, go ahead-”

“I didn’t realize I needed your _permission,_ Sophie. I BET YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD, HUH? WHAT I’M FEELING?” He gets bigger, louder, like all of this mad was coiled up inside of him and now it’s striking.

“W-we went to, to Exile without y-you,” Sophie manages to choke out, shrinking in on herself. 

“NO. IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE BROKEN AND MESSED UP AND-”

“That’s enough.” I state it calmly, like Fitz wasn't just screaming. He immediately breaks, turning away in on himself. Neither of his siblings have moved.

“Sophie,” I murmur, turning towards her. “Go home, okay? Fitz needs space. I shouldn’t have let you come over here at all. Go and get some rest, eat something. I can deal with this, alright?”

She looks like she wants to say something, but runs her hand through her hair and nods slowly. With shaking hands, she unearths her home crystal and turns to leave.

I lay my hand lightly on Fitz’s shoulder. “Fitz?”

He straightens and walks past me, towards where Sophie disappeared. I think that he’s following her, but he hovers in the doorway and turns back to me, like he wants me to follow him.

“What’s going on?”

He doesn’t answer. His head is held high, but his whole body is shaking. There are tears welling up in the corner of his eyes, but they don’t fall. He walks us across the property and towards the forest, down one of the paths. After a few minutes, we step off of it, and start to weave through trees. I’m about to ask him where we’re going when we break into a clearing.

It’s beautiful.

A pond whispers to one side, taking up a good third of the clearing. Crystal clear water sparkles in the early sun rays, only broken by a few scraggly rocks and a single lily bud. Two bright koi fish flit under the water, and a frog suns on one of the rocks. There’s a set of metal and glass table and chairs, bright lights strung through the trees above them. A woven hammock sways in a corner, an old book discarded in it.

“Oh,” I say.

“I told the gnomes about my ability. I trust them. One of them, Fern, made me this. So I could practice in secret.” He sounds so sure until he collapses to his knees by the pond, sobbing into his hands. “I _tried_ Dex, I _tried._ ”

I wrap my arms around him, too tight, letting all his weight fall on me. He’s warm.

“I _know_ it wasn’t her fault. I _know_ she didn’t do anything but I asked her to leave I _begged her_ to leave but she kept pushing and pushing and I _broke._ It’s so easy to blame her because she was there and because she knew something was going on because-” his voice cracks, and he buries himself deeper into my chest.

“I saw you try. I saw you. It isn’t fair to ask you to balance all of your emotions at once right now.” I rub my hand up and down his back.

“It’s not just my dad. It’s that _telepathy_ hurt him. After all of those years of telling us how amazing telepathy is and how much we should want it, it’s what’s killing him. What does that mean for me, Dex? What does that mean for me?”

“You are not your father.”

He clenches my shirt. “He’s a bad person.”

“Alden?”

“He’s not a good person. He’s not a… he’s a bad parent. But he’s dying. And I hate him sometimes, but now he’s _dying._ I don’t want him to die but I want him to leave and this just doesn’t feel right _why am I relieved?_ I shouldn’t feel good about this.”

“Fitz,” I whisper. “You don’t have to know. Right now, it’s just us. The fish and the frog and the plants and us. You don’t have to know anything or be anything.”

He sighs into my shirt.

“Breathe, Snowfall, it’s just us.”

*

It’s cold. It is midnight and it is fucking cold. Sophie and Keefe have been gone for hours now, and we have no clue when they’re going to get back. It was Biana’s idea, and I did agree, but now she’s asleep on her brother and not suffering. About an hour in I escaped home to grab us more blankets and some hot chocolate because it is _so fucking cold._ (the hot chocolate was requested after the snow day) (it’s Dad’s recipe, but Mom says I’m the best at making it) (after Aunt Eda, of course).

“I can’t believe this,” Fitz groans, flopping onto my shoulder. Biana doesn’t even stir.

“That Sophie went off with Keefe?”

“That they just left. No message, no text, they just took Silveny and left. Thanks for remembering your friends, guys.”

“You’re not mad because it’s Sophie and Keefe?”

“What? No. It was the logical choice – we fought, and Keefe is the only one that Silveny doesn’t hate besides Sophie.”

“You don’t? …Never mind.”

“Like her back? Am mad that she went with the other ‘eligible bachelor’ and not me?” He glances over at me and grins at my surprised expression. “Sophie’s not exactly subtle, not to mention I found the contact and… well. I know that Keefe flirts with her a bunch, so I can see that, but I just… don’t think of Sophie that way. She’s more of an annoying younger sibling than anything else.” He nudges my shoulder. “And you don’t give yourself enough credit. Keefe and I aren’t the only _‘eligible bachelors’_.”

I laugh quietly, ducking my head to hide my blush. “If you ever have to tell her, I recommend not using those words.”

“I think you’re right.”

I’m full of hot chocolate, warmed from the inside out. Fitz is sure and soft against my side, humming quietly as he scans the horizon line. We’re wrapped under a fluffy blanket, looking up at the stars, the night is brisk and cold and just sharp enough. All I want to do is lean my head on Fitz’s shoulder and say:

I love you.

*

WHAT.

*

“What are you doing in here?”

Dad flicks his eyes up for half a second and continues writing. “Morning, Fitz. I’m getting some work done.”

I scan my father’s face – the thin line betraying the nasty cut that he got only a few weeks ago, the permanent eye bags. Frown lines and wrinkles etched into his face, marks that he really shouldn’t have.

“You said you were taking a break.”

I was so happy when he said that – Mom and Dad don’t talk. Dad is incredibly well respected, if he ever asked to drop a case or change his schedule, no one would even blink. But still, he sleeps at work and practically lives in his home office and is always, _always_ working. I was hoping that this ‘break’ would give them a chance to reconnect. If it’s broken than it’s broken. If it’s fine than _show it,_ damnit.

“I had a few forms.”

“That’s not a break.”

Dad purses his lips, setting down his pen. “It’s like relaxation for me. You know I love working.”

“More than you love your family? Your wife?”

“Excuse me?”

I plant both of my hands onto his desk, eyes narrowed. “When’s the last time that you and Mom had a conversation that was more than three sentences? That didn’t have anything to do with work and the fact that you wouldn’t be coming home that night? When? When’s the last time you two went on a date? When’s the last time we ate dinner as a family? Since we’ve had a heart to heart? Since you and Biana even _talked?_ ”

_“FITZROY AVE-”_

“DO YOU LOVE WORK MORE THAN YOUR FAMILY?” The glass of water to my left shatters, exploding all over the desk… and my hand. I’m too angry to even feel it, numb to the world around me. I shoot one last glare at Dad, watery blood streaking down my fingers, and turn and walk away.

In some last ditch effort for comfort, I glitter onto Dex’s front lawn. I pinch my nose on his doorstep, frantically trying to calm my panicked breathing. I squeeze my eyes tight, leaning against one of the posts. I scratch my cheek and leave a smear of blood across it. My hands are shaking.

“Fitz?”

I open my eyes just in time to see Dex notice the blood. “Hey, stranger.”

He sits me down on the bathroom counter and pulls out a selection of elixirs, shaking his head.

“ _What_ did you _do_?”

I blink, surprised at the sharp anger in his voice. “I broke a glass.”

He grabs a pair of tweezers and starts to pull out the shards. “On purpose?”

“It was the hydrokinesis. I was so mad. It just happened.”

“Just happened?” He glares at me. “You have to take care of yourself.”

I blink, surprised. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

His thumb brushes over my wrist, the moment so soft it makes me shudder. He continues his work. It’s painful, but methodical. The clink of metal against glass, a sting, a clatter as the shard falls into the sink. Over and over. One by one. The light reflects off of the glass.

He sighs, shoulders finally dropping, voice no longer angry. “What were you so mad about?”

“When my dad woke up yesterday, he promised that he was going to take a break. No working, no stress. Give him a chance to lay around – read a book, watch a movie, maybe even go on a date with Mom. This morning, I went to find him. I don’t know exactly why I wanted to see him – to just say good morning, or because I was afraid of exactly what happened. He wasn’t in his bedroom, or the lounge, or the kitchen, or the library. No, he was in his office, working.” I shake my head, finally letting the tears well up in my eyes.

“I asked him _why_. I was hoping that he was just doing something personal, not the very thing he _promised_ us he wasn't going to do. The thing that _broke our family._ All he told me was that he ‘loves to work’.” I take in a shaky breath. “I asked him if he loves work more than he loves our family. There was a water glass next to my hand. It shattered.”

Dex sets down the tweezers and grabs a bottle full of pale blue liquid. “I’m going to pour disinfectant on this. It’ll sting.”

I watch, numb, as the liquid traces over my hand. It pools in the cuts, making my skin tingle. Dex turns on the tap and rinses the excess off, lightly rubbing my hand with his thumb.

His eyes flick up to mine. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I know. But I’m sorry this happened to you. You don’t have to go home, if you want. We can organize something – a sleepover maybe.”

Another elixir knits the skin back together until there’s no remnant of the entire situation. My voice breaks. _“Please.”_

*

I scrub the pan again, staring as soapy water washes down the drain. Sophie grunts softly as a spare spatula knocks against her scar. She huffs, staring at it, then resumes wiping down the counter. The parents agreed to the sleepover - once we _promised_ Uncle Grady and Aunt Eda that we would make sure that Sophie and Keefe didn’t overexert themselves. We drew straws for the dishes. When Sophie got picked (even with everyone’s protesting), I volunteered to go too. Played if off as it being my house, my responsibility, wanting to help out a close friend. Something like that.

My hands still. “Can I ask you something?”

She doesn’t even falter. “Of course.”

I take a deep breath, gripping the edge of the counter so I won’t shake. “What do you know about guys liking guys?”

She stares at me for a moment, then slowly sets the rag into the sink. She wipes her hands off on her shirt and turns, walking towards the door. “I’m going to go grab something from my house, alright? I’ll be back in ten.”

Unsure if she even heard me, I helplessly pick up the rag she dropped and finish wiping down the counter. 

When Sophie returns, she’s glaring intensely and carrying a bag. I’m dragged upstairs and sat down, smushed between Keefe and Fitz.

Sophie has a huge binder and I am scared.

It has tons of sections, each labelled with calligraphy – I didn’t even know that Sophie could _do_ calligraphy! The girl’s handwriting is terrible! But she’s very proud of it, and strokes the page lightly before launching into a speech. A SPEECH.

Terms for attraction. The difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. More kinds of attraction – aesthetic and sensual and other ones I can’t even remember. Gender and sex and their fluidity. Different kinds of relationships – polysexual, QPRs, everything in between. 

We’ve heard of this before, but not to this extent. We all look equally shocked, and she looks sorta proud of it. Keefe pulls the binder away from Sophie and him and Biana start flipping through the pages and pages to read all of the definitions they can find. Fitz is just staring at the floor, and Sophie is digging vigorously through her bag.

“What about you?” I ask lamely. She winks at me, producing a huge flag. It’s blue and pink, with a thin purple stripe through the center.

“I, sir, am bisexual.” She grins brightly and throws the flag over Fitz. He yelps, jumping out of his stupor and scrambling to unearth himself from the fabric. He gives us such a dazed expression that Sophie and I immediately burst out laughing.

“Have you talked to anyone else about this?” Biana questions, glancing up.

Sophie frowns. “Twice. The first was with Tiergan. He and his wife and Prentice – they were all together. All bisexual, actually. The first few people that talked about Wylie ending up with Tiergan said it so shamefully – like it was forced on Tiergan, like he wasn’t Wylie’s father and never really would be. But Tiergan was always Wylie’s Dad, just as much as Prentice and Cyrah were.”

We sit in silence for a moment. Sophie nods. “The other was Bronte.”

“ _Councilor_ Bronte?” Biana exclaims.

Sophie nods. “He was very articulate. Explained to me how focused the elven world is on bloodlines: ancient and disproven ideas on purity, the discrimination of twins, the idea that everyone should have kids, and only a certain amount. So many rules. They’re ignorant of what people want, and ignorant of overpopulation. I was told once, when I arrived, that elves could make anywhere hospitable. Not only is it pretentious, no one wants to live on the fucking moon!”

She’s furious, and lets out a long breath of air. Her flag is sitting in her lap, and she runs the fabric between her fingers, examining the stitching. “It’s complicated. But sometimes it feels like it really shouldn’t be.”

We all nod slowly.

Keefe breaks the silence, his voice tight. “It’s never been a stretch for me to identify as pan or bi or just liking anyone regardless. But I’d never heard of any of these gender terms before.” He reaches out and brushes the top of the binder. “I think I’m non-binary. I don’t know why it feels like that, I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never agreed with any of those ‘that’s just what men do’ or ‘that’s just what women do’ or because no gender roles ever made sense to me. Maybe it’s just because I already think gender roles are dumb. But this feels right. It feels good.”

Keefe still seems nervous, rubbing the back of their arms, but Sophie is grinning brighter than the sun. She tackles Keefe, collapsing with her head in his lap. “You’re amazing, Keefe, amazing. Being enby is so cool! You can use any pronouns you want, and just say a double fuck-you to gender roles. I’m glad that you feel safe enough to tell us.”

Keefe is finally smiling too. “I’d like to try they/them pronouns, if that’s cool.”

“That’s so cool,” I say, reaching over to ruffle their hair.

Keefe glares at me, but Biana leans in front of them to pick up the binder. “Soph, can I borrow this? I want to look at a few more terms.”

“Of course. Just don’t lose it.”

She sits up suddenly, almost slamming her head into Keefe’s. “One more thing. I’m going to go sit out on the balcony. If any of you want to come talk to me about this, then we can talk. I get that not everyone is ready to put their nerves out in the open. I’ll wait.”

Keefe, Biana, and Fitz start bickering over movie choices – there’s all of the classics, but Sophie has managed to smuggle over a bunch of CDs over the years. I’ve already re-wired our TV to accept them. I add my opinions for a few moments, but eventually slip away to the balcony.

“To be honest, I was expecting Fitz first.”

I pull her blanket around me too. “It’s a scary thing to talk about, especially in situations where you don’t feel safe. My parents are great, all around, but some aren’t. It gets even worse when you’re one of those identities that no one knows about until someone like you comes to educate us.” I smile at her. “I’m glad you did.”

We sit in quiet for a moment. I wrap the blanket tighter.

“So Dex, what do-”

“I like guys.”

There’s a beat of silence, then Sophie nods. “Yeah.”

“You knew?”

“Maybe I guessed. I pinned you as ‘not straight’ and didn’t go farther than there. My sister could do specifics in a heartbeat. I can just get gay. By gay I mean anywhere on the LGBTQ spectrum. I could say trans, and they would be aro. Still technically LGBTQ, but definitely not close. Also you pretty much said that in the kitchen like twenty minutes ago.”

I hum in response, laying my head on top of Sophie’s. (Generally people just lay their head on the other’s shoulder, but I’m a good head and a half taller than Sophie, so that doesn’t really work. Then she can generally lay her head on my shoulder and pretend that it was her idea all along.)

“I can’t tell if I’m gay or bi or pan or whatever. I’ve never really felt a need to define any of it. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s even romantic attraction or not. I’ve definitely liked a guy, and I’ve had a thing for a girl, but it might not have been romantic. It just…”

“You don’t have to know.”

“I…”

She turns to stare me down. “You _do not_ have to know. It’s _okay_.” She kisses me lightly on the cheek. “You’re brave, Dex. I’m proud of you.”

*

This was not what I was expecting. Sophie has lectured us about human things before – Disney, food, memes - mostly joking. This… is different. This is serious. This is big. This is complicated and important.

This hits a bit too close to home.

I watch. Watch as Keefe comes out as non-binary and pan. Watch as Biana examines each term, borrows the book, her brow furrowed. Watch as Dex comes in from outside, expression bright. He meets my eyes for a moment, and smiles. It takes me aback – the softness of it. It leaves me stuck, for a moment, but eventually I can stand and go outside to join Sophie.

“I told Dex I was expecting you first.”

I stiffen. “Why?”

“Because I was.”

I perch on the edge of the bench, tight, wrapping my arms around myself. She watches me for a moment, then throws the blanket around me and pulls me closer towards her. I force myself to relax, leaning back a bit and examining the tree line.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” she comments, fingering the frayed edge of the blanket. “But not horrible.”

“I’m glad.”

She nods, knotting two of the frays together. She tries to tie a bow and fails.

“I don’t like you back.”

Wow. I _really_ did not mean to say that.

“I know.”

“What?”

She shrugs a shoulder. “I didn’t have much of a crush you either.”

“Keefe?”

“What, you think flying pressed up against them on an alicorn for two hours made me fall in love with them? Okay now that I say it I can see what you mean, but... I don’t think so. I was in denial about being bi for a while. I knew it was right, but I wouldn’t even let myself consider having a crush on anyone but guys. I saw you, and my brain went: ‘great, here’s a hot guy. Fall in love with him and you’re fine’. I overcompensated. After a while I realized that you’d never like me back anyway.

“Why?”

“First, you see me like a sister. Second, I don’t think you like women. Third, I think you’re in love with someone else. The crush wasn’t very strong in the first place, so it didn’t take long to fizzle out either. It was more of an obsession than anything else.” She makes a face.

“You think that I’m in love with someone?”

She ignores me, turning to place a hand on my arm. “We’re here to talk identity. Do you want to talk? Are you ready? You don’t have to be sure. I promise.”

“Really?”

“Here – I’ll tell you a secret. I think that I might be a demi-girl and use they/she pronouns. But I’m too scared to tell anyone. Does it matter that Keefe just came out as non-binary? Nope. Because I’m still scared. And I don’t know why! But does that make me less valid? Nope. Does that make me less non-binary? Nope. Does that mean I’ll never tell anyone ever? Definitely not. Take it as it comes.”

“You’re good at this.”

“I’m stealing all of my sister’s advice.”

I laugh. “It was always a bit off. When I was young, it was the Vacker legacy. Then all of the expectations to be perfect. But one day, when I was older, I just realized that I liked guys. So simple. I had a crush on a classmate, I could pick out other guys I was attracted to. It wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t complicated, it just was.

“But then I turned thirteen and Dad sat me down and had a conversation about ‘continuing the Vacker line’. That’s when I started to hate myself a bit. Hate that I liked guys and not girls, hate that I had no desire to be with someone in that way.”

“You’re ace.”

I turn to her. “Maybe? I don’t know enough about it to make sense. What does sexual attraction even feel like? What does wanting to have sex even feel like? Maybe I’m feeling it and I just don’t know what it’s called?”

She shakes her head. “You’re ace.”

“I don’t know.”

“Say it with me. Say it out loud: I am Fitz Vacker. I am enough. I am asexual. I am not bad. I like men.”

“I am Fitz Vacker,” I murmur shakily. Sophie nods encouragingly. “I am enough. I am asexual. I- I’m not bad. I’m not wrong. I like men. Romantically.”

“Fitz,” Sophie says, rubbing my shoulder.

“I’m not wrong.”

“You are not wrong.”

*

The moon filters through the sheer curtains, illuminating the star we’re forming on the floor. It took a while for us to settle down – the movie, gossiping, talking more about the binder – but eventually we settled to bed. Biana, to my right, is fast asleep, thick hair spread around her. A single drop of drool is snaking down her face, and she’s curled in on herself. Sophie is on her stomach, head turned towards me, smiling. As I watch, she stirs slightly, hand coming up to cup her face. Keefe is on their back, one arm thrown towards the center. I can’t see their face, but I can hear them snoring softly.

Dex is on my other side. I turn towards him.

“Hello,” he whispers, giving me the smallest of smiles. He’s curled up on his side, one hand cupping his face. Strawberry blonde hair is spread over the pillow, illuminated by a strip of moonlight. 

“Hi,” I whisper back, flushing slightly. “You’re awake.”

“So are you.”

The corner of my mouth tips up. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Dex yawns. “I sleep lightly – it’s been ingrained into me after all of those years of the triplets pranking me at night. Someone must have gotten up for water or something. I’m sorry it woke you, generally people sleep through it.”

“No, no. I sleep lightly too.” I look down, away from Dex’s searching gaze. “Sometimes my mom gets up in the middle of the night and takes a walk. I think it’s because she’s scared, or restless, or because of my dad. I got used to getting up and sitting with her in the kitchen. I think sometimes she feels alone.”

“I think sometimes _you_ feel alone.”

I take in a shuddering breath. “The mind breaking really got to her. We all knew that something was up, that he was cracking. It always feels worse for me to have known and not done anything than to have not known at all. It’s a lot. But at night… sometimes we just need a moment alone without any of that suffocating you. A moment of peace.”

Dex watches me for a moment, then slowly slips out of his sleeping bag and stands. I stare up at him, confused, as he offers his hand out to me.

“Want to take a walk?”

His hand is warm.

There’s a stone path wrapping around the house that branches into the forest. My sneakers make tiny tapping sounds against it. Dex is somehow completely silent, completely at home. It’s the perfect kind of quiet out here – not completely; bugs and plants coming to life around us.

“Mom got a lot of hate after Alvar was born. Partly because of the eyes, but I think that it’s also because we’re mixed. Elves like to pretend that they’re not racist, they’re better than humans in that aspect. It’s a lie.” I shake my head. “Polluting the Vacker line. Such a nasty thing to say. Dad never did anything about it either. Even played into it – blatantly ignoring Biana because she has the darkest skin. It's _disgusting._ ”

Dex just shakes his head. We continue walking. Every once in a while, Dex points out landmarks and different kinds of plants. He names each one and tells little stories. They all make me smile.

“If you don’t mind me asking… what did you tell Sophie?”

I tense slightly, and Dex opens his mouth – to apologize, probably. I cut him off before he can begin. _Don’t feel sorry. I want you to know. I trust you, Dex. I trust you._ “It’s okay, you can ask,” I say, slipping my hands into my pockets. “I’m gay.”

My shoe clicks against the stone. 

“Me too.”

_WHAT?_

“But-” I frown, glancing over at him. He’s not looking at me, instead fiddling with a woven bracelet on his wrist. The center is metal; It twitches, part of it flicking up onto his palm. “I thought- Sophie- and all of that stuff-”

Dex slowly lifts his head to meet my eyes. “No. Never.”

“Oh.”

I’m caught there, for a moment, Dex’s eyes more purple than blue in the moonlight. I start to take a step forwards – to take his hand, touch his shoulder, something – when a howl sounds from behind us. I glance towards the noise, suddenly cold.

Dex taps his bracelet again. The metal center moves. “We should get back.”

I nod, and follow him down the path, footsteps echoing off the trees. It doesn’t feel safe anymore, shadows turning into shapes, every twig breaking and leaf rustling a threat. I move closer to Dex, who has rolled up his sleeves to reveal a matching bracelet on his other arm.

He jolts to stop, staring between two trees. Without any warning, he takes my hand and runs. We tear through the forest, slamming into branches, trying desperately to stay on the path. Dex intertwines our fingers, pulling me _faster and faster,_ closer towards the gap in trees ahead.

We break out into safety – only to be surrounded by figures in dark cloaks.

*

Dex’s hand is clammy and shaking in mine and I squeeze it to provide some semblance of comfort. He’s frozen, staring, stiff and _terrified. These are the people who took him._ I realize, rage boiling up out of my stomach, acidic and hot. _It was them._

One of them darts towards us, cloak billowing and snatches at Dex’s shirt. His hand rips out of mine and I want to scream and there’s a flash of light and they collapse to the ground, twitching. Dex is alight with rage, one hand still extended. His bracelets have expanded over his palm, still crackling with energy. He bends his knees, shifting his weight closer to the ground, and says, “never again.”

I want to hold him. I want to hold him. I can suddenly feel, like weights, each and every time that he’s stiffened up against his will and _remembered._ This beautiful boy has used his lovely, unscarred ability to build weapons to protect himself and watched as everyone else got over something that is _burned_ on him.

I want to kill them all.

Another one reaches forwards and Dex slaps them, an arc of white going straight into their side. They stagger, backing up. The circle tightens slightly and I kick out and manage to hit something, blinded by fear and black fabric. 

In some sort of unanimous decision, they grab their fallen and glitter away.

The moment they’re gone Dex gasps, painful, and in slow motion crumples to the ground, his feet then his knees then his torso then- I run to catch him, wrapping my arms around his middle and supporting him as he shakes.

There’s a commotion from inside the house and I think I can hear the rest of the group running out but I’m just holding him, _hoping and hoping and hoping-_

_I can’t lose you too. Not you._

Dex slowly wraps his arms around me, gripping my shirt tightly in his fists. I can feel tears pooling in my eyes, and slowly, one by one, they slide down my cheeks. Dex pushes away from me so he can see my face, and with sad eyes brushes away one of my tears.

“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice tight.

Dex shakes his head. “No. No.” He takes one of my hands and squeezes it, and I lean in so my forehead touches his.

Our bubble is broken by a shrill scream – one of the figures is collapsed on the ground, abandoned by their associates. Dex reaches forwards, bracelet wrapping around his palm again, but I take his hand, tapping the center so it shrinks again.

“No more,” I whisper, pulling us away from the body. “Never again.”

Dex stares at me for a long time, then nods very slowly.

Sophie is near us, staring at the figure. Her eyes are shot wide and she’s caught in this position – as if she wants to run and is frozen in place at the same time. She’s afraid. I reach out to her. She joins us on the grass, taking my hand. Keefe and Biana are off to the side calling parents and the council, but we’re here.

“They must have… wanted to try again… since we got out the first time,” Sophie says, voice shaking. “They must have been watching.” She starts to cry.

_Too young. Not now._

My mind feels broken and constrained and too big, and I realize, somehow, that I’m shaking. Dex slips his arm around my waist. The three of us take deep breaths in sync, ignoring the body and the adults glittering onto the property, ignoring the world around us. Dex buries his face in my shoulder and I make eye contact with Sophie through his hair.

_…third, I think you’re in love with someone else._

Sophie raises her eyebrows ever so slightly, and for a fleeting moment I wonder if she’s reading my mind. I frown at her, wrapping my arm around Dex tighter, and she gives me a small smile.

_…in love with someone._

_…in love with…_

_Dex._

*

_Fuck._

*

One moment, there are a million adults at our house. The next, they’re all gone. I’m left sitting in my room, alone and cold. Moments are frozen in my mind – the star of sleeping bags, Biana’s shrill scream, Fitz’s hand in mine as we ran.

It’s too quiet here – just my shaky breathing and the moon. I hope, for a fleeting second, that Mom will put down a layer of snow – all of this is bound to stress her out.

_Snowfall._

I want to scream, to fill the silence that’s wrapping around and constraining me, to let go of all of this fear that’s boiling up, fear that they’re still here and fear that they’re going to get us next time and _fear._ I want to scream because this is _unfair._ Because we’re all just kids and we shouldn’t have to do this at all. 

My hands are shaking and my eyes are screwed up I feel like I may _actually_ scream when there’s a soft knock at my door. I see the top of Mom’s auburn head lean in, and she smiles at me, revealing two mugs of hot chocolate in her hands. I give her a weak nod, scooting back so there’s room for her to sit. She settles down at the end of my bed, leaning against one of the back posts. The mug is warm against my stiff hands. I breathe in the familiar scent, eyelashes fluttering closed.

“I’m so sorry, Dex.”

I look down at the swirling cocoa, watching as pale foam mixes with the dark brown in incomprehensible patterns. “Yeah. Me too.”

Mom stares at me, her eyes sad. “Honey, are you okay? I know that this evening… I know that you’re not okay _right now,_ but before that? Has something happened?”

My hands start to shake, and I grip my mug tighter. “You’d never hate me, would you? If I haven’t been telling you things?”

“ _Dexter,_ ” Mom says, her voice cracking.

“It feels like there’s so much I should be telling you that I’m _not_ and the longer I wait the bigger it gets. I’m scared that you’ll hate me for not telling you earlier and there’s so much I want to say and I don’t know what to do because _I need you._ ”

The tears from earlier are still here, running down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. Mom doesn’t look angry or horrified, just sad. Quiet. She sets down her mug on my bedside table and leans forward to cup my cheek with a soft palm.

“You don’t need to tell me now. Honestly? You never need to tell me. But if you want to, please do. I will never hate you. I promise. I will never hate you. You can tell me. But you don’t have to.”

Before I can even contemplate what I’m about to say or even which one I’m going to say I blurt out: _“I manifested as a technopath three months ago.”_

Mom blinks, surprised, but quickly schools herself and nods for me to continue.

“I didn’t tell Dad because I didn’t want to deal with the expectations he was going to put on me – he wants me to manifest _so bad_ and he’s projecting all of his ideas around manifesting onto me and I… I just want to build stuff! It’s not complicated. But I know that dad will get this really big uncomfortable grin and I’ll have to deal with that when it’s just building stuff.”

“I’m proud of you, Dex.”

“…You are?”

“Of _course._ But I’m especially proud about this. Your dad does have some stuff around manifesting, but it’s a big deal to parents in general. We’re proud of you growing up and discovering who you are. We’re proud of you ‘just building stuff’, because it’s big and important to us. But I’m also proud of you for being able to admit it.”

I give Mom a watery smile and she leans forwards and hugs me tight. I realize that I’m much bigger than Mom at this point, practically towering over her, but her hugs still make me feel warm. She gives me one last squeeze and leans back, retrieving her cocoa from the table.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you do when you fall in love with someone you can’t be with?”

She gives me a wicked grin. “You marry them, have four kids, and say ‘fuck society’.”

_“Mom!”_

She laughs. “No. You ask yourself: why are they the wrong person? And then you realize that they’re probably not.”

I stare down at my hands, twisting my bracelets. Mom hums lightly, sensing my muddled feelings. “Doesn’t feel that simple, does it? Is this about Sophie?”

I, very slowly, shake my head.

“The pretty Vacker girl? Biana?”

I tense up slightly, and I can feel Mom smiling.

“Honey, just because they’re the Vackers doesn’t mean that you can’t date Biana. She’s a lovely girl, and she seems like she’s not posh or rude or anything. She’s just a person that you know. If you approach her, I’m sure that-”

“Mom,” I say, my voice breaking. “It’s not Biana. It’s not the pretty Vacker girl. It’s the pretty Vacker _boy._ ”

She stares at me for a moment, her mouth dropping open slightly, eyes wide. But then she sighs, taking my hands. “I was there for the talk that Grady and Eda gave Juline when she wanted to marry Brant. They knew the pain and the difficulty of a bad match, of going against Elven ‘norms’. I know them too. I see them every day. And here’s what I’m going to tell you, Dex: The Elven world hasn’t seen change for thousands and thousands of years. Really since we left the humans. It feels like everything has stayed the same.

“But I believe, with what’s going on with this group that just showed up and the Black Swan, I believe that this may be the time that that changes. This may be the year, the decade, the century, that the Elven world finally let’s go of the traditions and beliefs that they have gripped to for so long. I hope it is.

“This could make your life hard, Dex. There will be people who are against you. But no matter what happens, your father and I will always be here for you. We will always love and take care of you. And I’m sure that many of your friends will feel exactly the same way. Embrace yourself Dex, but _please_ be careful.”

It’s my turn to be surprised. Mom brushes a tear off of my cheek with a sad smile. “I love you, hon. And your dad loves you too. I want to talk more about this with you _and_ Kesler, but right now I think that you should get some rest.” She slides off of the bed, and grabbing my mug, kisses me on the head. “Sleep well, Dex.”

I nod slowly to myself. “Love you too, Mom.”

When I slide under the covers, I reach for my phone on my bedside table.

*

While the buzz of my phone makes me jump, it thankfully doesn’t disturb Mom or Biana. I slide it off the table, blinking as my eyes adjust to the light.

 **Dexnopath:** you there?

 **Snowfall:** yeah

 **Dexnopath:** how are you feeling?

 **Snowfall:** …I don’t know. My dad came and tried to talk to me at one point, but I just ignored him until he gave up. My mom and Biana came into my room and we’re all staying together tonight, but I can’t sleep.

 **Dexnopath:** yeah, I know the feeling

 **Dexnopath:** I just talked to my mom

 **Snowfall:** what about?

 **Dexnopath:** everything really. She asked how I was doing, so I just started talking. And I told her I was a technopath and that I’m not straight and then… yeah. She just left.

 **Snowfall:** wow. How did it go?

 **Dexnopath:** she told me about how aunt Eda and Grady talked with Juline before she married Brant and how they knew that they were a bad match and how to deal with it. She said that I’m going to have to deal with a lot of bad stuff in my life from people that think that I’m bad but she still loves me and stuff. So yeah, it went well.

 **Snowfall:** that’s good.

There’s a pause where neither of us write anything. I can almost feel Dex next to me, a small frown on his face, his hair ruffled. His bright eyes sad as he stares at the screen of his phone, the harsh white light illuminating his skin.

 **Snowfall:** I wish you were here

 **Dexnopath:** I wish you were here and didn’t have to deal with everything with your parents.

 **Snowfall:** me too

 **Dexnopath:** …I should really get some sleep. Stay safe, Snowfall.

 **Snowfall:** goodnight

 **Dexnopath:** goodnight

I stare at my phone for another few seconds before discarding it on the table next to me and rolling over onto my stomach. I close my eyes and imagine Dex again, asleep in his bed on his side. One of his hands is up by his face, and I can see his pale eyelashes vibrating as he dreams. Of good things, I hope.

*

I set my tray down on the table with a sharp clang. “Ok, Dex, give it back.”

Dex looks up from where he’s helping Sophie with her alchemy homework with a wicked grin. “Give _what_ back?”

I glare at him, sitting down next to Keefe, who is looking on with interest. “C’mon Dex, I need it.”

Dex just smiles at me, winks, then returns to helping Sophie.

I huff in annoyance, taking a bite of my soup.

“What did he take?” Keefe asks, raising their eyebrows at me.

“It doesn’t really matter,” I mutter into my food. 

“Mhmm,” Biana hums from across from me, peeling an orange. “Of course it doesn’t.”

With a defeated sigh, I stand and walk around the table towards Dex and Sophie. Then, throwing all of my dignity out of the window, I forcefully squish myself between the two on the bench, half sitting on both of them. Sophie laughs, sliding over to give me more space, but Dex doesn’t budge, ignoring me completely, continuing his conversation with Sophie. I slowly start leaning more and more on Dex until he relents, turning towards me with a corny smile.

“Yes, Fitz?”

“Can I have my bracelet back, please?”

Dex blinks innocently. “What bracelet? I only have on the bracelets I made.”

Without breaking eye contact, I grab Dex’s left hand and point at the seashell bracelet sliding around on it, tied much too big for his thin, bony wrist. There are three tiny blue pearls in the center. I found them while practicing my hydrokinesis. A gift from the ocean.

I pull it off of his wrist and slip it onto mine. I attempt to pull the strings taught with one hand and fail miserably. After watching me struggle for a few seconds, Dex snorts and pulls my hand towards him. He tightens the bracelet for me with practiced fingers, twisting the band so it lays flat.

I glare pointedly at him once again, then stand and return to my seat and my soup. 

Keefe leans towards me. “What was that about?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I mutter, twisting the bracelet around my wrist with a small smile.

*

I trace the top of the waves with my toe, watching the others roughhouse. Biana squeals as Sophie tackles her into the water, a huge splash erupting out. Keefe is one the side, laughing, but screams as Biana pulls them down too. The dock creaks, and I feel Fitz settle next to me. He doesn’t say anything, just leans his head back to let the sun shine on his face.

It’s the perfect day to go swimming. The water is clear and crisp and not too cold, shining teal in the sunlight. Three fluffy clouds drift across the bright blue sky, the sun warming the entire scene. There are light waves crashing across the ocean, a comforting background noise.

“Fitz?” I ask, staring at ocean floor.

“Yeah?”

“Why can Sophie… why isn’t she scared of the ocean like I am? She was taken too. I don’t understand why she can be so happy and I can barely even touch the water.”

Fitz sighs. “I’m going to give you my best guess: Sophie is ready.” He slides off of the end of the dock and into the water so he’s facing me. His eyes match the ocean. “Sophie is ready to face her fears, and you’re not. It’s not a bad thing that you’re not ready, you just aren’t. Sometimes you have to just close your eyes and go.”

I glance up at Fitz’s face, then slide forwards slightly on the dock so both of my feet are in the water. Fitz steps forwards to help, and I take his offered hands, intertwining our fingers. I scrunch my eyes closed, take a deep breath, and jump.

The water only comes up to my waist , and it’s… warmer than I expected. I crack my eyes open to see Fitz slightly below me, grinning proudly. I laugh, feeling much lighter, and wade out towards the others by the rocks.

Before I can get there, my entire head and back are soaked in water with a mighty crash. I turn to see Fitz still mid-splash, his mouth open. “Shit, shit I didn’t mean to put that much power in!” He shouts, dropping his hands.

I grin wickedly and splash Fitz back, soaking his fluffy hair and plastering it to his head. It immediately curls into tight coils that flop over his face. He glares at me through the sopping strands, then winds up to splash me again. Before he can move I’ve tackled him, pushing us both under the water. I hold my breath, but Fitz is laughing, and he wriggles out of my grip like a fish and kicks out towards deeper water.

I follow him, and with a lucky grab grasp one of his arms and pull him towards me. Fitz lets out yell of surprise as I lift him out of the water and over one of my shoulders like a sack of potatoes, marching towards Sophie, Biana, and Keefe.

“Really?” He asks, poking my back.

“Do you want me to throw you?”

Fitz shrieks in fear and I laugh, dropping him onto his feet. Everyone is soaked and enjoying themselves, Biana on Sophie’s shoulders and Keefe waving at us as we walk over. I forgot how much fun it is to just _be._ Splash fights and floating on the water and having rock climbing competitions and swimming competitions and teasing Fitz for cheating when no one’s paying attention because _Fitz I know you used the water to propel yourself that’s not allowed turbo arms do not count as swimming._

We play around in the water for a couple hours, then Keefe convinces us all to make Biana into a mermaid with sand, which actually goes moderately well. As it gets dark, we dig into the picnic basket that Sophie brought, watching the sunset reflect onto the water.

Keefe has pulled out some watercolors and is trying to recreate the scene before the sun finishes setting, Biana and Sophie asleep on top of them; Sophie across his lap and Biana on one of his shoulders. Fitz and I are out at the dock again, and we’re laying on each other, tired, tired, tired.

“I’m glad that today was fun for you,” Fitz says with a wide yawn. “It would be sad if you could never go swimming again.”

I nod lazily, wrapping one of my arms around Fitz’s waist. “It was nice to hang out with all of you. It makes everything less hectic and more… peaceful. You can’t really think about all of the bad things that have happened when you’re trying to stop Sophie from tackling you and Biana from splashing you. It was a good distraction.”

Fitz melts into my side, and I smile down at him, feeling him falling asleep against me. No longer scared of the waves crashing under me, I hum under my breath, watching the sun bleed into the water as it sets, perfectly content.

*

There’s a light tapping on my door, and I glance up, surprised. “Uh, come in?” 

I'm even more surprised to see Keefe’s blonde head peer in through my door.

“Oh, Keefe, I wasn’t expecting you. Is everything alright?”

They nod, closing the door behind them and settling down onto my bed. “I dunno, Fitz, I wasn’t going to bother you about this, it’s just… it’s been going on for so long and it’s started to worry me, and it’s not that I think that you’re doing anything wrong, but something is up and I don’t really know how to deal with it anymore.”

“…Ok?” I say, my eyebrows creasing together. “What is it?”

“It’s about Dex.”

I can feel myself stiffen slightly at the name, and Keefe frowns at me.

“It’s just that, what you just did – something's up with you two. I can feel it. You have all of this emotion towards him and it’s so overwhelming and for some reason I just don’t understand it and… Fitz, if you hate him just admit it.”

“Keefe, I…,” I pause, blinking rapidly. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t have to pretend to like him, if you hate him then-”

“Oh my god, Keefe, I don’t hate Dex, I’m in love with him.”

There’s a sudden and sharp silence as both of us process my words.

“Well, shit,” I say, rubbing my face with one of my hands. “I did not mean to say that at all.”

Keefe continues to stare at me, then slaps their forehead. “Of course! That makes so much more sense! No wonder I was confused, your actions don’t align with hate at all! …I think one of my empath books said something about love and hate feeling similar. Maybe I should look more into that…”

I watch as Keefe trails off into their brain with a small frown. “You… don’t care?”

They glance up at me. “No, Fitz, of _course_ I care. It’s just… it’s not _groundbreaking._ I’m not going to go crazy. Look, Biana and I guessed that you and Dex weren’t straight when you both went out to talk to Sophie, and you guys went walking... in the forest together-" They trail off, face blank. "Okay how did I think you hated him?”

“Keefe, slow down,” I say, reaching out blindly with one of my hands to pat their shoulder. “I can’t think. You’re the first person I’ve told and I didn’t even mean to! I’m sorry if I’m A LITTLE BIT FREAKED OUT, OK?”

“Fitz,” Keefe, says, their voice suddenly calm. “Fitz I need you to breathe with me, okay? Take my hands.”

I feel our hands grasp each other’s as Keefe continues talking.

“Breathe in, Fitz, then out. In and out. I think you’re panicking, so you need to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Again. In through the nose, out through the mouth.”

I allow myself to get swept up by Keefe’s words, breathing steadily. Keefe squeezes my hands, their voice steady and unwavering.

“It’s alright. I don’t and won’t hate you for loving Dex. I understand, alright? I understand that it can be really freaky to have this sort of secret you haven’t even admitted to yourself. And I’m really sorry that you accidentally admitted it to me – I wish you had more control of the situation. But now that I know: I won’t tell anyone without your permission, I promise, and I will support you on this, ok? I’ve got you, Fitz. I’ve got you.”

“I’m so scared of what’s going to happen with my parents,” I say, squeezing my eyes shut. “For Biana too. And you! I know that Dex will be alright, he’s already talked to his parents, they’re completely okay with him being whoever he is, and I know that Grady and Edaline will be supportive for Sophie, but my dad… I still remember that conversation we had about ‘finding a suitable candidate to continue the Vacker line’. At this rate I don’t even want to continue it! I want to continue my _mom’s_ line, but if I have kids, all they’re going to be is Vackers.”

“You could take Dex’s last name. Or you could disown your own name and make your last name… hey, what _is_ your mom’s maiden name?”

“Exactly! No one really knows who she is outside of being a Vacker. It’s Astraea.”

“That is so much cooler than Vacker! Oh Fitz, please disown your father and become the Astraea’s. Please. That would be so cool. I can disown my father and become one too. It would be amazing. Let’s do it. Come on Fitz. Come on. Your mom would be so down she’s amazing.”

I laugh, shoving Keefe away from me and collapsing backwards onto my pillows. “God, I wish.”

They flop down next to me, staring at the glowing stars I’ve stuck across my ceiling. “That’s actually her last name right there,” I say, gesturing to one of the lines. “The one that looks like a person. The name ‘Astraea’ means ‘star’. Astraea was the Greek goddess, one of the human’s religions, of justice and innocence. The legend is that after ‘wickedness took root in the world’ she left and became this constellation, Virgo. It’s a lovely reminder of her.”

Keefe nods, “Did you learn all of that for her?”

“Yeah. And I thought it was interesting.”

“Hm.”

I close my eyes, basking in the warmth of having someone you care about next to you, safe.

“Keefe?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Fitz.”

*

“Tell me you’re not actually going this. _PROMISE_ me that you’re not doing this.”

“Dex…” Fitz says, staring at the floor, “I…”

“ _FITZ!_ ” I yell, slumping against the desk, head in my hands. “Why are you doing this? Is this out of obligation for Sophie? Do _not_ put yourself in a situation where you could get hurt because you feel bad for yelling at her!”

“It’s just… I _have_ to.”

“You DO _NOT_ have to do this at all! Fintan can stay asleep and half-dead for all I care! Since when did we care about whatever the fuck the council thinks? Your dad or Tiergan or someone else can do this! It doesn’t have to be you!”

“I am _not_ making Sophie work with my dad. She doesn’t need that in her life. And she’ll work the best with me! We actually know each other so our minds will be much more compatible.”

“FITZ, GODDAMNIT, I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE THE BEST CHOICE, I CARE THAT YOU COULD DIE. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WALKING INTO THIS? WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS?”

“OF _COURSE_ I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS! I DON’T EVEN WANT TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS FINTAN! BUT SOPHIE HAS TO DO THIS OR THE COUNCIL WILL DO SOMETHING TO HER AND I’M NOT LETTING HER GET HURT BECAUSE I WOULDN’T DO IT! _I don’t want to do this in a million years. But it really fucking feels like I don’t have a choice._ ”

I walk over towards him, standing just in front of him. He looks up at me, expression sad.

“Dex,” Fitz starts, his voice heavy. “I don’t want to go.”

“I know. You need to know that.”

“What?”

“You can’t go there pretending that it’s all fine, that you’re all happy with the situation. If you live in that fake mindset, you’re going to get hurt. As long as you know. As long as you’re walking into this understanding that it’s a choice.”

His shoulders sag. “I don’t know what to do. I know that I don’t want to go, but I also know that if I go it reduces the chance of Sophie getting hurt…”

“…But it ups the chance of you getting hurt.”

“What am I supposed to do? Value myself over Sophie?”

“Fitz, you’re going to hate yourself if you don’t go. I want you to choose to go, and I want you to go fully knowing the risks and understanding everything, but you also know yourself. I don’t really know either. But I think that you can figure it out. I’m here for you, Snowfall.”

He reaches up and hugs me around my neck. I wrap my arms around his waist.

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

*

Fire splits the room in three – I can no longer see the councilors or Fintan. The entire structure shudders, ancient crystal not ready for the amount of glowing Everblaze in it. I look frantically to Sophie, but her attention is caught by the flames. Instead of backing up to protect herself, she leans towards it.

Sophie, with more boldness than I’ve ever seen her have, with this power I can’t explain, walks into the fire. The wall accepts her like an old friend, burning off her cape and leaving it melted on the ground. I can feel myself scream, somewhere, but it’s eaten up in the sheer amount of neon. Bright and choking and Sophie is gone and I don’t know what to do. I’m itching to do something to escape when the fire swells, lifting up and up and _up_. Sophie stands in the center of the room, holding a burning sun above her head.

This is the Moonlark. With glowing orange eyes and sharp features and an intense glare. This is not Sophie, this is the girl that the whispers speak about – the girl with four abilities, the weapon. She doesn’t even register me, just turns towards Fintan, who smiles.

“I should have known,” he says, eyes turning a horrible red, “I should have known.”

They lock gazes, and Fintan nods. Sophie bends her arms, pushes the Everblaze up, and lets it rain down onto Fintan. He doesn’t scream, he doesn’t even twitch, just closes his eyes and tips his chin up towards the ceiling. His body is gone in a breath, and Sophie just watches it.

“Fintan Pyren, you are free.” Her voice echoes. “I take the burden of The Sun from you. I, Sophie Foster, am now Sophie Ruewen of the Sun, and vow to only use The Sun for the betterment of The Universe.”

Sophie seems content to just stand there, watching the flames, but Oblivimyre is still melting around us. I take Sophie’s hand, hoping it won’t burn me. 

“Sophie?" My voice shakes. "Can you get us out?” 

She turns to me, eyes glowing. I don’t know who this girl is, but she nods, pulling the two of us out the building and into the open air. I close my eyes tight, putting all of my faith in Sophie Ruewen of the Sun.

I cry out as lightning rips through my shoulder, a throbbing mess. I roll onto my other side, using my good arm to help me sit up. We’re on one of the hills away from Oblivimyre, a perfect view of the continuing destruction – neon flickers, rivers of amethyst.

Sophie is shaking. Normal, _real_ Sophie, small and curled into a ball, arms around her knees and face hidden in her clothes. “What am I going to tell Grady and Edaline?” She whispers, barely understandable through the fabric. “ _Who is going to tell my parents that I can control the very thing that killed Jolie?_ ”

There is nothing to say to that, so I try to push myself to standing. I somehow forget that my arm doesn’t work anymore, and collapse onto my side with a yell. Sophie, calm and slow and panicking all at once, wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me into a sitting position. She peels the sleeve of my shirt away from my shoulder and winces.

“It’s messed up. Maybe dislocated? I can make a sling.”

I nod slowly, eyes finding Sophie’s face. Her eyes are still orange, but they’re not glowing anymore, now… muted. If you didn’t know her well, they would look almost the same. Sophie reaches for my cape, but freezes. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

She turns around slowly, and all of my breath rushes out of me. Because where Sophie’s blonde hair used to fall down to her mid back, is now burnt away to her shoulders, the ends a sickly shade of black. “I’m sorry. It’s gone.”

Sophie runs a hand through her hair once, but doesn’t say anything, resuming taking off my cloak and tying it around my torso so I can rest my arm in it. Once she’s done, we stand, and with a sort of unification, walk down the hill.

There’s a small group of adults nearby – all twelve of the councilors and Dad. They’re all shouting, except for, surprisingly, Bronte. He is the first to notice us, and slips away from the group. “You need to go. _Now._ ”

Sophie is shaking once again, so I wrap my free arm around her shoulders. “What are we supposed to do? What happened?”

“Just go to Havenfield. I’ll meet you there and explain everything. But right now, you need _to leave._ ”

I frown slightly, staring at Bronte. His eyes aren’t cyan like I expected, they’re hazel, a forest green with veins of brown in them. There’s a question on my lips, but instead, I take Sophie’s hand. She holds up her home crystal, and together we walk into the light.

We glitter onto Havenfield, and the first thing I see is Dex. He’s crying and pacing back and forth and back and forth and- I’m so exhausted that I can barely move, but I just manage to grasp onto Sophie’s hand and say, “I’m here.” I see him hear me, and he rushes over, enveloping us both in a hug. I bury my face in his shoulder, letting myself shake.

“Fitz,” Dex whispers, leading Sophie and I into the house, “what happened?”

I glance over at Sophie, who has her arms wrapped tight around herself, drawn and scared. “I don’t really know.”

Grady and Edaline are sitting in front of the fire. From far away it just looks like they’re cuddling, but I can see from their tense shoulders and the taught silence in the room that it’s fear. Sophie, next to me, sees the fire, tenses, her hand flying up to her mouth, and sprints out of the room. Dex starts to go after her, but I shake my head, pulling him over so we can sit with Grady and Edaline.

“Leave her be,” I say, sitting down on the other couch and wincing. “She needs some space.”

Grady looks helplessly at his wife, both of whom had stood to help their daughter, then slowly rests back down on the sofa. “What happened?”

“…A lot. But right now, you need to call Elwin.”

“For Sophie?”

“No. For me.”

That’s when the three of them notice my half-burnt sling. Edaline stands and leaves the room, to call him presumably, and Dex glares at me. I don’t say anything to him, just close my eyes and lay my head on his shoulder. I feel him relax under my touch, and I sigh, letting a tear slip out of one of my eyes.

After a few minutes, I hear the door open. All four of us (Edaline came back with waters, thank _god_ for my dried out throat) look up. Standing there is not only Elwin, but also Bronte, who looks very tense. Elwin comes over to me and crouches in front of me with a sigh.

“How are you feeling, Fitz?”

“Great question,” I mutter, making Elwin crack a smile.

“Drink this for smoke inhalation,” Elwin says, handing me a vial. “I have one for Sophie when she comes down. Where is she, by the way?”

I say, ‘throwing up’ at the same time Bronte says, ‘she won’t need one’.

Elwin glances between the two of us, confused. He must have to deal with stuff like this a lot, because he just returns the vial to his bag and stands. I expect him to ask where Sophie went, but instead he sits down next to me and pulls off my sling. I hear him hiss in annoyance, and he produces a pair of scissors and starts to hack away at my shirt.

I cry out in pain as the scissors press against my skin, and I feel Dex intertwine our fingers and squeeze my hand. I grin over at him, wincing slightly. “Feels lovely to have the roles reversed, doesn’t it?”

“God, don’t remind me,” Dex mutters, touching his side.

“Okay Fitz,” Elwin says, “I’m going to have to set this. And it’s going to hurt. A lot. I would offer you a numbing agent but I promise it doesn’t really help. Feel free to scream.”

“That’s comforting,” I mutter as Elwin positions his hands on my arm. I close my eyes and squeeze Dex’s hand tight and- _CRACK._ So yeah, I screamed. Loud. It felt just like when it dislocated – a lightning bolt through my bones, ripping my muscles and tissues out from the inside.

Just like that, it’s over. I collapse against Dex, letting Elwin wrap another much more professional sling around my body. There are footsteps from behind me, and Elwin says, “Ah, Sophie, you’re back.” I open my eyes to see him handing her a glass of water and directing her to sit down on one of the single chairs. She takes the glass with shaking hands and gulps it down. “I was told that you don’t need any help with smoke inhalation.”

Sophie winces and shakes her head. Elwin crouches down in front of her too. I can see now that he’s doing it to another how it works. It gives the patient the higher ground, allows them to see everything that’s going on _and_ him, and it makes you feel more like a kid when you’re tired, less responsible.

“Sophie, would you like me to cut your hair?”

I’m surprised at that, but it seems like the right thing to say, because Sophie nods. Elwin grabs his bag and stands behind her, pulling out a pair of scissors and a comb. She closes her eyes as he runs the comb through her hair, trimming away burnt ends.

“Sophie,” Bronte says, startling me, “is there anyone you would like to leave while I explain this?”

Sophie looks around the room, making eye contact with me and Dex, then shakes her head. I can practically feel the confusion radiating off of Grady and Edaline, but they stay silent. Bronte nods, shifting in his seat slightly.

“Before we start, we’re going to need some background. Sophie?”

Sophie sighs, and holds up one of her hands. Her eyes glow orange once again, and she snaps, a small flame appearing above her fingers. She watches it for a second, a tear running down her face, then makes her hand into a fist to extinguish it.

“I’m a pyrokinetic,” she says, her voice shaky. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Edaline whispers, eyes wide.

“Also, you aren’t a pyrokinetic,” Bronte says matter-of-factly. He smiles sadly at Sophie’s confused expression. “You’re an elemental.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Tumblr at @bluefaewren or @blueartwren.  
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Rooting (Part Two)

“No,” Aunt Eda whispers. “That’s impossible. Of _course_ she’s just a pyrokinetic. That’s fine. The Black Swan must have just… you know.”

Bronte shakes his head. “This is not something that the Black Swan can do. They _can_ make her a pyrokinetic, but they cannot even touch the elementals. Not to mention, Sophie is a granted elemental.”

Aunt Eda frowns. “But doesn’t becoming a granted elemental involve-”

Uncle Grady turns to her, surprised. “You know about this?”

She blushes. “Yes. I did some research into it. One my great-great-something-grandparents was one, so I was interested in learning about it. But, Sophie, did you really…?”

Sophie closes her eyes. “Yes, I did. I’m sorry.”

“Who was it?”

“Fintan.”

“Oh fuck,” Edaline says, ignoring everyone’s surprised expression. “You can’t stay here.”

“Exactly what I was saying-” Bronte starts, but I cut him off.

“ _What_ happened with Fintan, exactly?”

“She killed him,” Fitz says.

Uncle Grady and I turn towards him, then Sophie, then back towards Fitz, then finally Bronte. Behind Sophie, Elwin has stilled, both of his eyebrows raised.

Bronte nods. “But if I can explain, because I’m pretty sure that most of the people here don’t actually know what an elemental is. I’m honestly surprised that you know.” He nods towards Edaline. “Most don’t. An elemental is a specific kind of elf. They’re born in groups of four, with an aim. Something that needs to be done, something that is so serious that the moon has intervened.”

“Elementals can be born or granted, but from when the elves in question are born, no matter how they’re made into an elemental, they’re destined to be one. The elves almost always know each other before they even become elementals, as the way the universe grants it.

“Born elementals manifest normally. They generally think that they’re a hydrokinetic, pyrokinetic, foster, guster, any of those sorts, but they aren’t. They only generally find out that they’re born elementals when they truly use their power for the first time, and then they have to take the oath and then they start to _look_ like elementals. Granted elementals are much more complicated – they get their power from the past elementals. That’s what happened to Sophie.”

“Wait,” I say, interrupting Bronte. “Fintan was an elemental?”

“Yes. He was the Sun elemental. Sophie, consequently, is now the Sun elemental. And yes, the way a granted elemental becomes an elemental is by killing an elemental _with their consent_ and with their element.”

“How do you know all of this?” Sophie asks, her voice shaking.

“Because,” Bronte says, sad, “I was once an elemental too.”

Fitz gasps. “That’s why your eyes were green! Sophie’s are orange for fire, and yours are green.”

Bronte nods. “I’ve lost most of the physical characteristics of an elemental because it’s been so long since I’ve been one, but yes, that’s why. When you’re an elemental, you can choose to give it up. It’s complicated, and to be honest I don’t really understand it, but that is how it works. I was the elemental of the Earth.”

I nod slowly. “What are they? The four?”

“The Sun, which is fire, lava, and lightning; the Pearl, which is water, snow, and ice; the Earth, which is dirt, stone, and plant; and the Sky, which is air, the weather, and soul.”

The constant snip of Elwin’s scissors cuts through our silence. This length is lovely on Sophie – the blunt edge just below her jaw makes her look older and fiercer, but that might also be her orange eyes. They’re not honey brown anymore, much closer to pumpkin than any natural shade.

“Physical characteristics,” I echo. “Eye color is one, but what are the others?”

“Hair color and tattoos. They generally take a little while to come in after you become an elemental, and they depend on the person. For some it’s pretty inconspicuous, but for other’s its quite drastic. Some people might have an inky blue or brown, but I knew someone who’s hair went, literally, purple. Bright purple.” Bronte smiles fondly at the memory. “The tattoos – sometimes they glow, sometimes they move, sometimes they only show up when you use your powers. It depends on the elemental.”

“Speaking of hair,” Elwin says, “Sophie, you’re done.”

Sophie runs her fingers through her shortened locks, smiling at them. “It looks, and it _feels_ lovely. I like it. Thank you.”

Elwin nods. “Good. Well, I’m going to go. And if anyone asks, I’ve been at Oblivimyre all morning.” We nod, confused. Elwin winks at the group, then holds up a crystal to the light and glitters away.

“What was that?” Sophie asks.

“That was Elwin knowing that very soon the entire council is going to be knocking on this door and arresting Sophie for murder,” Forkle says, stepping out from the shadows. I would be more surprised if I wasn’t so exhausted.

Fitz jumps, but Sophie and I just wave vaguely at him. Bronte whips around, and in a vicious voice says, “ _WHO ARE YOU?_ ”

A wave of genuine pain crosses Forkle’s face, which makes me pause, but he presses on if it never happened. “I’m the leader of the Black Swan. I’m here to take Sophie and her group to our hideout. This wasn’t supposed to happen for a while, but it seems that Sophie has gotten herself into a bit of a pickle. We weren’t expecting you to manifest as a pyrokinetic. I didn’t see it in your DNA.”

“That’s because I didn’t,” Sophie says, standing. “Have you contacted the others or should I?”

“No, I’ve taken care of it. Your phones aren’t safe. We need to take off your registry pendants and light leaping cuffs, and then you should all be ready to go. Sophie, check your pockets for any trackers, then you should all gather by me. We need to go meet the others.”

“OH MY GOD SANDOR,” Sophie exclaims, making me jump. “I completely forgot!” She rifles through a couple of her pockets, pulls out a metal disk, and sets it on the table. She turns towards her parents and bites her lip guiltily. “You’ll tell him what happened, won’t you? I don’t want him to worry.”

Aunt Eda and Uncle Grady stand, enveloping Sophie in a hug. “Of course, Soph,” Uncle Grady whispers.

“I think this is my cue to meet up with the rest of the council,” Bronte says. With one last suspicious glance at Forkle, he glitters off too.

I watch him go for a second, then take the pair of clippers that Forkle is offering me. I reach for the hooks at the back of Fitz’s neck. With a few practiced snips from each of us, our pendants are discarded on the center table next to Sophie’s. Forkle nods approvingly, then gestures for us to come closer.

I take Fitz’s hand and pull him into the beam that Forkle is casting.

*

The four of us appear in the Wanderling Woods, under a dense thicket of branches. Biana and Keefe are already there, sitting on a stone bench together and talking quietly. They look up when we arrive, rushing over to greet us and hug Sophie and I – they must have heard about Oblivimyre.

“Is there going to be a planting for Fintan?” Sophie asks Forkle.

He nods, leading us between the trees. “He was a councilor. He’ll get planted somewhere near the entrance – that’s where all of the ‘important’ people go. These trees are from every day citizens who died. That’s why I put our entrance here. It’s important to remember the losses, and remember that no matter how insignificant someone seems, they are still someone. They are still important.”

He guides us over to a tree, the inscription at the bottom reading _Alana Astraea_.

“Wait,” I say, crouching down to the base and running my fingers over the carving. I glance up towards Forkle, who’s watching me with a small frown on his face. “Who was she? My mom’s maiden name is Astraea. _I’m an Astraea._ ”

Forkle kneels in front of the tree next to me with a grunt, producing a key from the inside of his cloak. He has an odd expression on his face. “The Astraea’s are an old and noble family, running a line longer than even the Vackers. I knew Alana personally – she worked on Project Moonlark with me. She was bright and witty, an incredible politician, and the elemental of the Pearl, with Bronte.”

My throat feels like its closing up, and I stand, brushing the edges of one of the leaves. “How did she die?”

Forkle melts the key into an invisible piece of marble, nodding as a shaft opens up in the roots of the tree. He turns to me, a wicked grin on his face, revealing a sort of mischievousness underneath his wrinkles. “She didn’t.”

I have _so many_ more questions, but Forkle has already disappeared down into the tunnel. Once we’re all inside, he inserts the key into what looks like a random part of the wall, closing the shaft once again. Without even acknowledging us, he turns and walks away.

We walk for a _long time_. I’m pretty sure Keefe is singing ‘99 bottles of beer on the wall’ under their breath (Sophie taught them), but I don’t ask, scared of breaking the heavy silence that we’ve created. Dex is just in front of me, tapping his fingers on his arms in some sort of pattern. (Probably a technopath thing). 

It gets steadily darker as we continue, Forkle eventually asking, “Sophie, if you don’t mind, a bit of light would be great.”

I hear her snap twice, and a pair of flames appear above each of her hands, sending twisting and curling shadows across the cavern.

“So, uh, Sophie,” Keefe says, their voice strained. “Since when did you manifest as a pyrokinetic?”

“ _Great question_ Keefe,” Biana says from behind them, sounding equally confused. “Sophie, kindly, what the fuck?”

“I’m not a pyrokinetic,” she mutters, “it’s more complicated than that.”

“Sophie-” Biana starts.

Sophie sighs, and whips around to look at them. The combination of the flickering fire and the newly short hair makes her pretty frightening, actually. “Please, _drop it_.” 

They don’t answer.

Pretty quickly afterwards, we reach a dead end. The sudden stop causes me to run full force into Dex. He instinctually wraps his arms around my waist to support me and I bounce backwards, leaning backwards into some sort of awkward dip. I can feel my face heating up as I make eye contact with Keefe, who winks. Biana starts laughing.

Dex laughs too, hoisting me up so we’re face to face. “Sorry,” I mutter, slipping out of his grasp and turning to Forkle and Sophie. Sophie is finally smiling, so at least that embarrassing experience had one upside.

“Anyway,” Forkle says, “we’re almost there. We have a quick trip across water, then we should be all good. I hope you can all swim well.” He licks a square on the side of the corridor, and the door slides open, revealing… the ocean. Like literally, the fucking ocean.

The whole group shies away from the wall, but I push forwards, touching the water with one hand. It’s warmer than I expected, and if I look up I can see the signature orange glow of the sunset above. I kick off of my shoes, socks, and go to unbutton my tunic, with my undershirt below it. I try to get a button off, then remember that I am, in fact, one armed.

“Could I have some help?” I ask the group, who are following similar procedures, stripping down to pants and t-shirts. Dex gives me a sad smile and stands, helping me take off my sling. He loops it over his elbow, and starts unbuttoning my tunic for me. After I slide my good arm out of its sleeve, helps me slowly (and painfully) pull my other arm out of the tunic.

“Thank you,” I whisper as he slips the sling back on. He taps my shoulder.

“Fitz,” Forkle says, “do you need any help swimming, as you only have one usable arm?”

“I can hold my breath for ten minutes,” Keefe supplies. “I can help carry you if you need.”

 _Oh right, they don’t know I can breathe underwater. Right. When am I going to mention that again?_ “No, it’s alright. I’m a strong swimmer.”

Forkle frowns at me for half a second, then shrugs. Probably sick of dealing with our antics. I take a deep breath (even though I don’t need to), and push myself into the ocean. It’s an odd feeling to be submerged into water in that direction. But I ignore it, moving with my legs and my good arm, squeezing the sling as close to my body as possible. The others quickly catch up to me, and Forkle shoots past, swimming surprisingly fast for someone of his size. He directs us towards a small island to our left.

The ground is marshy and muddy when we get out, and feels gross and uncomfortable underneath my bare feet. Forkle pulls a whistle out of nowhere and blows on it. The sound is piercing and _painful_ , and I groan and cover my ears, hissing in pain. The others glance over at me, frowning, and I give them a weak smile.

_Must be a hydrokinetic thing._

Forkle frowns at me _again._

The water parts before us, a trio of heads appearing above water. I rack my brains through my years of school to try to remember what they’re called, but Sophie beats me to it, gasping: “ _NESSIE_?”

Forkle laughs, approaching one of the creatures and bowing to it. “I suspect that these are the creatures that created that myth. Eckodons.” He turns back to the group. “Each of you need to pair up, bow at your steed, and then approach it. If it makes any sort of noises or moves that make you think it’s angry or upset, freeze and bow again.”

I walk towards the one on the end, shaded in a beautiful navy blue, like the night sky. Dex comes up from behind me slowly, and bows at the Eckodon with me. “Do you mind if I ride with you?”

“Not at all,” I whisper back with a smile.

We approach Navy Blue, and they sink lower in the water so we have easy access to slide on. Forkle instructs us to sit in the crook of their neck, then hands out small tubes, designed to help you breathe in the water. I set mine into my mouth, and wrap my arms around the Eckodon’s neck. Dex wraps his arms around my waist, and with another whistle blow from Forkle, we’re off.

The water turns into a swirl of colors as we fly through the oceans and seas. I keep my eyes wide open against the torrent, watching as we pass animals and reefs in the blink of an eye. I don’t know how fast we’re going or even where we’re going, but I don’t want it to end. I lean back against Dex and look _up_ towards the water, watching the world fly by.

I fall asleep somewhere in there, leaning against a warm body, the familiar sound of water the only thing I can hear. I blink open my eyes a little while later, my face turned into damp fabric. I look up to Dex, also asleep. His arms are wrapped around me, soft and comforting.

We’ve slowed down considerably, pale moonlight filtering through the water. Either we’ve crossed time zones, or we’ve been travelling for at least a couple of hours. Probably the first one, but from glancing at the others, I can tell that it’s been a while. Biana and Keefe ended up sharing, probably because Sophie’s the only one comfortable enough with Forkle to sit next to him. She is in fact asleep on Forkle’s back, and every once in a while, he glances back at her with a fond smile. Keefe is asleep against Biana, who is asleep on the Eckodon’s neck.

Forkle leans into his Eckodon and points up towards the surface, and I can feel us start to lift up towards the sky. It is smooth and quiet, and I almost want to drift off again, but I watch as we break towards the moonlight. I close my eyes as the surface approaches, almost dreading parting with the water.

The transition is cold and uncomfortable, but that must be just me, because everyone else stays asleep. I lightly unwrap Dex’s arms from my torso and slip off Navy’s neck, bowing to it once again. They let out a little trill, and I laugh, touching it lightly on the nose. With a final flick of their tail, they slip off towards their pack mates.

“Fitz,” Forkle says, walking over towards me. “I wasn’t aware that you were an elemental as well.”

I frown. “I’m not. Just a hydrokinetic.”

“Hydrokinetics cannot breathe underwater. Nor can they hear sea animal calls or whistles. I’m presuming that the Eckodon made a noise at you when you laughed, because I couldn’t hear anything.”

I blink and glance back at where Navy Blue is. A smattering of gnomes and trolls carry the others upstairs, but I am able to spot them on the shoreline. They trill at me and I wave, watching as they dive back into the water with their squad.

“I can’t-” I whisper, but I don’t know why I’m denying it. It almost… _makes sense._ Elementals generally know each other before they manifest. I’ve only been a hydrokinetic for a couple months, and even then I was _well_ outside the normal manifesting age. I was pretty sure a couple of months ago that my right eye changed colors. Most hydrokinetics can’t control snow, and I can.

“When did you figure out that Sophie was an elemental?”

“When I heard Fintan was dead. I knew he was one of the four and that the new generation was due soon, closer together than the older ones. Factor in the fact that Bronte warmed to Sophie even though she had killed his peer and broken the law _and_ that she said that she ‘wasn’t a pyrokinetic’, it wasn’t too hard to figure out.”

I nod. “There’s an oath, right? Bronte mentioned an oath.”

“There is. Would you like to do that now? We can wait.”

I think back to how good I felt in the water just a little while ago, and the ocean at my feet, reflecting the setting moon. It’s calm and quiet, and all I want to do right now is wade back in and sleep, floating on it.

“Yes, I’ll do it right now.”

“Repeat after me: I am Fitzroy Vacker of the Pearl, and I vow to only use the Pearl for the betterment of the Universe.”

“I am Fitz Vacker of the Pearl,” I say, staring at the moon. I lift my face to the sky and _feel_ the words, not just say them or remember them but let them course through me. “And I _vow_ to only use the Pearl for the betterment of the Universe.”

There’s a silence, and I turn back to Forkle. He smiles when he sees me, turning towards where the others were taken. “You know, Alana has teal and azure eyes too.” I blink, reaching up towards my eyes, then shrug, following Forkle upstairs.

“You’re very much like her. She’ll be proud of you.”

“Am I going to meet her?”

“Of course,” another voice calls from the top of the stairs. “She’s been waiting to see you.”

The woman standing at the top of the stairs looks startlingly like Mom, even though I know she’s older than Della. Her hair is inky black, reflecting blue in the moonlight, her skin a deep shade of warm brown. She’s wearing fitted maroon pants, black combat boots, and a cream sweater. And her eyes are azure and teal.

“Hello, Fitz,” Alana says with a warm smile.

*

When I open my eyes, I am suddenly hit with the feeling of being a Disney princess. How? I don’t know. I have seen exactly _two_ Disney movies. But there are birds whistling outside and the sound of a waterfall and it’s calm and quiet and I’m warm and comfortable. The room that I’m in is circular, with open-air windows and a door made of colored glass opening to a balcony.

My bed is huge and fluffy, trellises and vines twisting up the four-poster frame and along the wall. There are flowers blooming along them that smell like springtime. Did I say Disney princess? Disney princess. There are two bedside tables, one with a lamp, and the other with two beat up notebooks. _My_ notebooks. My _technopath notebooks._

Inside the dresser is an assortment of clothes: casual, fancy, and sporty, and… an Exillium Uniform. The heavy black material and the colorful pin on the lapel are hard to mistaken. I shudder, shoving past it. Fancy wear, shoes, undergarments… a fuzzy green pajama onesie.

_Okay then. This is just getting more and more unsettling as I go on._

I eventually pick out a pair of black jeans and green t-shirt with a motif of leaves, and grab a grey jacket at the last second, remembering the chilly morning air. The second door leads to an open-air staircase, revealing the layout of the whole place. 

On either side of a stone oval terrace are two large circular buildings. On my side, the building connects to sets of smaller elevated rooms, presumably a bedroom for each person and a few bathrooms. On the other side, there is a smattering of small houses barely distinguishable behind the building. I can see creatures of all kinds wandering around – a few elves, but mostly trolls and gnomes.

Our center room is huge. There are bookcases and open windows and flowing curtains and a carpet made out of tiny strands of bark. The center is a inset sofa, and there are tables and a fireplace and pretty much anything you could think of.

I want to snoop around so bad but I continue through the double doors out to the terrace. I can see the smaller houses on the other side better from here, but revealed as well is a small stone path, the blue of the ocean just peeking out from it. We’re settled in a small valley, a steep grey cliff face running all along to my left. A waterfall tumbles down into a river, which, I assume, goes to the ocean. Trees are everywhere – behind our rooms, in the opposite corner, dotting all over the cliff and off into the distance.

There are two figures at the center table – Forkle, and a literal person made of ice. The two of them are having a heated discussion, the froster flicking their hands around and sending random pattering’s of snowflakes everywhere. I stop short. _That reminds me of someone._

“He deserves to know! It’s not fair to keep the truth from him. He’s _here now,_ isn’t he? Shouldn’t he know?”

“Not _yet,_ ” Forkle hisses. His tone implies that this has been going on for a while.

“You can’t stop me from telling him.”

“Jules,” Forkle sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Jul- you know what? Fine. But after initiation. _Only_ then. Deal?”

Jules narrows their eyes at Forkle, then concedes. “Fine. But I’m heading home. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

They pick up a discarded crystal off of the table and hold it up to the light, glittering away. I watch them go, a memory still prickling in the back of my mind, but shrug it off, walking over to Forkle. He jumps, so I give him a half-hearted wave, glancing around for the source of the breakfast smell.

“Calla,” he calls. A gnome appears next to him, her hands on her hips. She’s shorter than the other gnomes I’ve seen, with a beautiful braid over one shoulder, flowers weaved expertly into it.

“Yeah?”

“Do you mind helping Dex find breakfast?”

She glances over at me, her judging look breaking into a smile. “Oh, of course. Come this way Dex, I’ll show you.”

The other big room does not in fact contain another sitting room, it’s actually a kitchen and dining room. There’s a buffet table along one wall, leaden down with various different kinds of fruits and breakfasts. A few other creatures are wandering around with plates.

“Alluveterre is not only the home of your friends, but many of the members of the Black Swan. Those who don’t have other places to go back to, or just scared creatures who need a place to stay for a little while.”

She taps me on the arm once as a light gesture, but halfway through freezes. When she turns to look at me again, all trace of her earlier smile is gone. I watch her, concerned, but eventually she shakes it off, swallowing. “You’re free to take any food you want, but only eat it here or on the terrace.”

She turns and leaves me there, her gait too fast, her shoulders too tense. I frown.

The food, at least, looks amazing. Armed with a bowl of oatmeal and blueberries, I return outside. To my surprise, Calla is still here, talking with Forkle. 

“Don’t you think you should tell him?”

“Only when he manifests.”

“But you told the other one.”

“Yes, but he was ready. This one is not yet.”

“Eurus, I don’t always understand your reasoning.”

“That’s why I keep you around. I need some people to contradict me.”

“I don’t know, E, Jules seemed pretty _contradictory_.”

Forkle laughs, shaking his head at Calla. “I guess you’re right.”

I choose a spot at the table and sit down to eat. The food is lovely, and tastes like the Earth. I try my hardest not to wolf it down, but I was left hungry and exhausted by the events of yesterday.

 _Ohhhh fuck. My parents._  
“Uh, Forkle?” 

Forkle has returned to his earlier seat and started writing on a stack of papers. He glances up, lips pursed. “Yes, Dex?”

“Do you parents know what’s happened to me? That I’m safe and everything?”

He lets out a soft breath of air. “Yes. We’ve informed everyone who needs to know that you are all safe and where you need to be. Your parents are just fine Dex. Don’t worry.”

I slouch back into my seat with a relieved smile, blowing all of the air out of my mouth.

Fitz appears out of the main building. He’s wearing blue jeans and a knitted black long sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. His classic pearl and shell bracelet is on his wrist, but his hair is… _what the fuck._

“Fitz?”

Fitz smiles when he sees me. “Yeah?”

I walk over to him, pulling his head down so I can see his crown better. “Why is your hair turning blue?”

“MY HAIR IS TURNING _WHAT?_ ”

I let him go so he can run his fingers through his hair. “Yep. You’ve got some lighter strips.”

“I thought you said that hair takes a while to change color,” Fitz grumbles at Forkle, flopping into the chair next to me.

“It really depends on the person. For some people, their hair is different the day after they manifest. For others, it takes months and their hair doesn’t really change at all.”

Fitz groans, leaning his head back. “I don’t _want_ my hair to be bright blue.”

“You don’t really have much of a choice.”

I glance between the two of them, frowning. “Why is your hair turning blue?”

He looks over at me, expression soft. “I’m an elemental too. Like Sophie. I never manifested as a hydrokinetic in the first place. I’m ‘Fitz Vacker of the Pearl’, or whatever. It all happened last night, _so fast_.” His eyebrows draw together. “ _I thought I was going to have more time before my hair starting fucking changing color._ ”

I look at him closer and notice that his left eye is no longer its usual teal, but a pale azure, much less green than before. “Your eyes too.”

Fitz rubs his face and groans louder. “Oh and great, let’s just finish the Pearl events trio. You want to meet my great-great-great-great-something aunt who’s supposed to be dead?”

I blink. “The one that we saw the grave for yesterday?”

“Yup. My aunt, the previous Pearl, who apparently looks a lot like me and keeps appearing out of nowhere like Forkle did.”

“It runs in the family,” a woman says from behind Fitz.

He screeches and starts to tip over his chair. I throw my hands out towards him, and so does the woman, but his chair rights itself before anyone can do anything. I burst out laughing, Fitz glaring at me, now sideways across the armrests.

“Thanks, Alana.”

“I bet Biana does it too. She’s a vanisher, isn’t she? Like your mom? That’s what really does it. It’s so much fun to sneak up on people when you can just,” she snaps her fingers, disappears, and reappears next to Forkle. He glares up at her, not the least bit surprised, and she pats him on the head.

“I would’ve told you last night,” Fitz says, leaning towards me, “but you were asleep and I wasn’t even sure which room was yours. I didn’t want to burst into Keefe’s room accidentally, because then they would ask and… it would be even more of a mess.”

“I’m the farthest to the left. Are… you scared about it?”

He shrugs. “I think so, but we’ll have to see. I guess it’s nice that Sophie is an elemental too and she manifested before I did and _killed someone,_ so I don’t really have to deal with being the only one.”

I nod slowly, frowning at my food. Alana walks back over and sits down next to Fitz, pushing her hair away from her face with one hand.

“Oh yeah,” I say, looking at the two of them. They both turn towards me with identical expressions of confusion. “I definitely see the resemblance now. The same color different color eyes are really creepy. And if you add Biana and Della to this lineup it would be even worse. I guess once Fitz’s hair goes completely blue it won’t be as much of an effect, but still.”

“Your hair is turning blue?” Alana exclaims, turning towards Fitz.

He nods, burying his face in his hands.

“OH MY GOD MOM?”

“Biana’s up,” Fitz grumbles from the table.

Alana reflexively turns towards the noise, and sees Biana, who’s sprinting out of the main room, flickering in and out of sight. She skids gracefully to a stop right next to the table, glaring at Alana, her teal eyes narrowed. “Who are you and why do you look like my mom?”

Alana opens her mouth to respond, but Fitz answers, sounding tired. “She’s our great-great-great-great-something aunt. On Mom’s side. Remember that weird grave we found yesterday? That was hers.”

“You didn’t have to steal my introduction,” Alana grumbles, sitting back down.

Biana glances at Fitz, then at Alana, then back at Fitz. “I’m not sure that I believe you.”

Alana shrugs.

“Did you see Fitz’s blue hair?” I ask, grinning at Biana.

“DEX!”

She looks at Fitz’s head and gasps. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE DYING YOUR HAIR?”

“Is it really that blue?”

“Only on the top.”

To complete the chaos, Sophie and Keefe walk out of the main building and on to the terrace, chatting.

“You might as well have this conversation with everyone at once,” I say to Fitz, who nods.

“WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR EYES?” Biana asks, standing and leaning towards Fitz, who shrinks backwards reflexively.

I reach out and push Biana backwards, laughing. “Okay, calm down. Let’s give Fitz a chance to talk.”

Sophie and Keefe sit down, confusion evident on their faces – the blue hair, random woman, Forkle on the end looking exasperated, and…

“Alright,” Fitz says, flopping backwards in his chair. “Let’s get this over with. Firstly, this is Biana and I’s aunt. Her name is Alana. Yes, like the grave yesterday. That Alana. Secondly, yes, my hair is turning blue on the top, and yes, one of my eyes, I can’t remember which one, is a different color,” he sighs, drawing his legs off of the floor into a cross-legged position.

“I manifested as a hydrokinetic three months ago. I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared. There are certain stereotypes that elves have around elemental abilities and people who manifest more than one ability. I knew that my dad would have some things to say, including words like, ‘being a telepath is better’ and ‘we better hide this, because you’re the heir to one of the most influential families in the world’.

“I had a lot of weird abilities that I just assumed went with hydrokinetics. Breathing under water and being able to work with snow and ice. I was never able to create them, which made it easy to dismiss. Yesterday, when all of you were asleep, Forkle came over to me. He had saw that I had been sort of communicating with the Eckodon, and my breather had fallen out, revealing that I could breathe in water. But instead of pointing these out, he said, ‘I wasn’t aware that you were an elemental as well’.”

There’s a short silence, where everyone just kind of stares at Fitz while Fitz stares at his hands. I want to interrupt – to break the awkwardness and fear he must be trapped in, but I don’t know how. Eventually I don’t need to, because Fitz continues.

“He figured out that Sophie was an elemental from various clues, and the fact that he knew one himself.” Fitz gestures towards Alana with a small smile. “When he said it, I was so quick to deny it, but it _made sense._ Because I had manifested way too late for it to be normal, because elementals generally know each other before they manifest, because I could do all of these weird things, because I could hear things like the animal whistle and the Eckodon’s speech.

“I said the magic words and apparently my eyes changed color and then I… went to bed. And I woke up and some of my hair was blue and I was _‘Fitz Vacker of the Pearl’._ So I just, went down to breakfast. Because what else do you do?”

Sophie flings herself at Fitz, hugging him tight, whispering, “I’m glad I’m not alone,” into his shoulder. Keefe says something about how Fitz could rock bright blue hair, and Biana wonders aloud who’s next – there’s going to be two more, and we probably know them already. But people are hungry, so I point them towards the buffet. We eat in silence, preoccupied by our food and the recent news.

Forkle stands at the head of the table, hands planted against the wood. “I’m glad to see that everyone has settled in. But now,” he grins, and suddenly it _does_ feel like we’re in a rebel organization. “It’s time to get to work.”

*

“Tomorrow you’ll meet the rest of the collective. Today, you’ll meet some of the creatures working and living here. Tonight, you’ll take the pledge. But first we must discuss something important.” Forkle walks over and picks up a stack of papers, placing them on the table. “School.”

“We’re going to school?” Keefe asks, frowning. “Foxfire?”

“No,” Dex says from across the table, crossing his arms over his chest. “Exillium.”

Forkle nods, ignoring the wave of gasps he’s met with. “Yes. The point of this entire organization, the Black Swan, and _you,_ Sophie, is to represent the people equally. The council only represents the elites of this world, not the general population. And that’s easy to ignore when you _are_ an elite,” he nods and Keefe, Biana, Sophie, and I, “but much more evident when you’re not.”

Dex looks away from the group. 

“Exillium represents all the council is ignoring: parts of its world that aren’t as perfect as they want to pretend. These are perfectly decent elves that have been cast away as ‘not good enough’. And they deserve to be seen properly. So I’m going to give you the opportunity to see them in person.”

“And,” Alana continues, “Exillium gives you a lot of skills that are incredibly useful to what we’re doing here. Practical skills that you need to survive, especially if you don’t live in the luxuries of the upper class _or_ …” She grins, “are fighting the Neverseen.”

“That starts tomorrow,” Forkle continues. “And here are your packets. I’ve filled them out, but if there’s anything incorrect than you need to tell me.”

I pick up my pack and scan it. As I flip through names and dates that I recognize, I wonder how he found most of this information. I guess that it’s just in a database somewhere, or even in our school files. I flip the packet closed and glance back up at the group. Biana is returning papers to Forkle, and Sophie is closing hers, hands shaking.

“Why does it list you as my father?”

There’s a silence, and Forkle sighs. It’s not exasperated, as usual, just so many shades of exhausted, like somehow he’s already had this conversation a thousand times. “I’m not your father. I know who your parents are, but… we’ve had this conversation before.”

Sophie nods, but that doesn’t stop her from asking, “Why?”

“I’ll tell you one day, I promise. But right now is too dangerous. I trust you not to spread the word around, but sometimes it just becomes out of our control. If people got tied to you, they could get arrested. Their minds could get broken.” He shakes his head. “You will find out their identities one day. Your birth is their story, so I will let them tell it.”

“But they’re both alive?”

“Alive and happy.”

Sophie sighs in relief, putting her head in her hands. “Do you tell them what’s going on with me?”

Forkle nods.

“Then will you tell them that I’m not angry at them for keeping their identities a secret? That it’s okay? They don’t have to feel any guilt for it. Being ‘the Moonlark’ is terrifying, constantly, but I am proud of what I represent, and I’m glad that they’re proud too. I don’t hate them.”

Forkle looks like he’s going to cry, and so does Alana. Forkle opens his mouth to reply but thinks better of it, nodding stiffly and turning to whisper in Alana’s ear. After a second she smiles softly, taps him on the shoulder, and vanishes.

Forkle clears his throat, collects the packets, and starts our day.

We meet what must be two hundred gnomes, dwarves, elves, trolls, and memorably, a few selkies. Hundreds of names and crafts, stories about the gardens and the kitchens and the forests and the river and the waterfall. We’re taken to all of these locations and a cave with mushrooms in it and… it’s a lot.

At one point, we’re listening to an ancient looking gnome talk about how this valley was formed and it’s _interesting,_ but the Pearl thing last night took a lot out of me and I feel like I’m falling asleep. 

“You alright?” Dex whispers, leaning towards me.

I go to nod, but I’m a bit sluggish. My head pulses slightly. I’m rubbing my temples when I feel the chill of glass against my arm. A small gnome has appeared, water in their hands. I thank them quietly and drink it. The moment it hits my throat, I start to relax.

“You need to stay hydrated,” Alana says, suddenly beside me. “Dehydration affects you more than others, just like how the cold will affect Sophie more. Even touching water will bring you some relief.” She nods at _Dex,_ then returns to Forkle.

Dex shrugs at my surprised gaze. “I asked for help.”

I smile, flushing slightly. “Thank you.”

The selkies are next, with Alana, teaching us about how they keep our water clean enough for drinking and swimming. The roar of the waterfall thrums in my bones, and I hum to match it, smiling.

We _finally_ take a lunch break, but the moment it’s over we’re taken in for a tour of the kitchens. Then the main room and all of its cupboards. And then where to find everything that we would ever need. By the end of it everyone is about to pass out from exhaustion and hunger. We flop down at the center table in the chill night air, hoping desperately that someone will just _bring_ food to us.

A wonderful smell fills the air as a gnome approaches us, carrying a giant pot of what looks like black stew. She places it on the table as a couple others hand out bowls and spoons.

“I’m Calla,” she says, nodding at each of us in turn. “This is Starkflower Stew. I’m quite famous for it here, I must admit. I’ve been making it almost my entire life, and it is a favorite among the people here. Eu- Forkle asked me to make it for you.”

We all thank her and pass our bowls over one by one so she can ladle in some of the substance. It looks quite gross, lumpy vegetables indistinguishable in the grainy black liquid, but I’m so hungry that I just shove the spoon into my mouth. And holy fuck I’m glad I did this is _so good._

We all start wolfing down the food and Calla laughs, making a bowl for herself too. “Don’t eat too fast, it’s not good for you. But while you do that, I am also here to explain your initiation tonight.

“When you return to your rooms, there will be a black box with a silver logo, and on top of it, a note. You must read the phrase on the note aloud with as much conviction as you can muster, and when the box decides that you believe the words that you are saying, then it will open for you.”

She smiles at our confusion. “I promise; it will make sense once you see it. But for now, eat. When you’re done, like earlier, take your plates into the kitchen. After dinner, unless given more permission, you are not allowed out of the building. You may wander between the main room and your room, but only there. And please, no midnight meetings.”

I laugh as Sophie whispers, “No promises,” under her breath. Calla shakes her head and ladles out more soup.

*

I stare at the black boxes in my hands with a frown. Two. I can tell which one Calla was referring to – it has the note and the silver swan logo. The other, however, is made of cool stone, and is completely blank. There’s a seam around the center, but no latch.

I nestle the boxes into my jacket pocket and open the stained glass balcony doors. It looks beautiful from here, the tumbling river and trees silvery in the moonlight. To my left is another balcony and another glass door. If I tried, I could probably climb onto their balcony – whether Keefe or Fitz’s, I’m not sure.

My question is answered when Fitz opens the door. He doesn’t notice me, just lifts his face to the night sky and takes a deep breath. Any words I was about to say die in my mouth as his eyes start to glow. He raises his hand, eyes trained on the river. I expect there to be a loud noise, but the water continues its same quiet rumble as it rises. Fitz only manages to notice me when he’s half over the balcony.

“Nice night for a lounge by the river?” He says sheepishly.

I laugh, and press myself against the rail of my balcony, leaning towards him. “Can I join?”

He stretches the water towards me, his eyes narrowed, and I climb on, uncomfortable on the moving surface. Fitz, on the other hand, is balanced perfectly, and he wraps an arm around my waist to support me as he lowers us down towards the river proper.

I stumble off onto land and flop down, laughing. “That is _so weird._ ”

Fitz steps off all gracefully, the water righting itself with a gentle _plop._ “Fair point.”

“And it made your hair bluer.”

“ _SHIT._ ”

He settles down next to me, the grass delightfully spongy. “Have you opened your box yet?”

“Box _es_ ,” I correct, pulling the two out of my pocket and setting them on my lap. “And I haven’t.”

Fitz pulls a black box out of his pants pocket and nods. “Me neither.”

“I will do anything in my power to help my world,” I say absent-mindedly, tracing the silver logo. “That’s both weird and… fitting.”

“It’s like in the elemental pledge. ‘I vow to only use the Pearl for the betterment of the Universe.’”

I glance over at Fitz, then turn towards him, scooping up the box. “Do you want to do it together?”

Fitz nods, picking up his box. I take a deep breath. _I will do anything in my power to help my world. I WILL DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO HELP MY WORLD._ “I will do anything in my power to help my world.”

In sync, both of our boxes click open.

Inside, on a cushion, is a pin. Similar to family crests, it is heavy and silver, a swirling swan across the shield-shaped surface. I run my thumb over it and the eye flashes. On the back, my name is engraved: just Dex. Nothing more.

Unable to put on the pin right now I abandon the first box for the second. Inside is a single slip of paper, expertly folded to slot into the container. The material is thick and dense; I can tell it’s homemade from its dappled surface. I run my fingers over it once, shivering, then slide it open.

_Dex,_

_While Eurus told me not to tell you this, I fear that it is what is best for our situation right now. He has very specific beliefs about elementals, and is much more qualified to have them than I am, but I understand the Earth much better than he does. He did say that some push back is good._

I can almost feel her laughter.

_You are the elemental of the Earth, Dexter Dizznee._

The paper slides out of my hands and into my lap silently, but I gasp loud enough for Fitz to glance up. He is still holding his black swan pin, examining the detailed engraving.

“ _Fuck,_ ” I whisper, picking up the paper again.

_I know this comes as a shock to you, and I understand that you have not manifested yet. However, the situation with the Neverseen and the council grows worse every day, and I fear that without the support of all of the elementals we can find, we may lose ourselves to them._

_And yes, I am certain._

_When you are ready, say these words: I am Dexter Dizznee of the Earth, and I vow to only use the Earth for the betterment of the Universe._

_Luck to you,_

_Calla_

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Fitz lightly touches one of my hands with his own, and I can almost _feel_ his worried expression and mismatched blue eyes. With shaking fingers, I fold up the paper and hand it to him. There are a few seconds of silence and then: “oh.” I reach out and take the paper from him, setting it on the grass, and take his hands, squeezing them tight, _tight,_ for support.

“You don’t have to do this now, Dex.”

“Do I?”

I glance up at Fitz’s face. He looks troubled, and sad. 

“Do you remember what you told me right before I left for the mind healing? About choosing something understanding what it means, not in a haze of obligation. I know that you, like I did, feel trapped, like you desperately have to do this now. But you don’t. We may not have weeks, but we do have hours. You can go to bed. You can do this in the morning. The world can wait a little longer.”

Fitz’s smile is slightly pained, and I look back at him. _I just want to hold you, here._

“No,” I say, shaking my head slowly. “I’m ready. I’m ready.”

Fitz nods, biting his lip. “Alright.”

“Dexter Dizznee of the Earth,” I murmur, looking down at the paper again. I take a deep breath and swallow.

Fitz squeezes my hand for reassurance. 

“I am Dexter Dizznee of the Earth, and I vow to only use the Earth for the betterment of the Universe.”

At some point there I have closed my eyes and I open them and… _everything is so alive._

I can feel the grass and the trees and the movements in the dirt. It’s peaceful and quiet and I laugh, standing up, pulling Fitz with me. I run over to a plant at the edge of the trees and stroke it lightly with one hand, giggling as a flower bud grows on it and opens, releasing a scented perfume into my face.

Fitz is staring at me, a small smile on his face, and he points silently to the ground. There are tiny white flowers growing at my feet and across the ground where I’ve walked, glowing in the moonlight. I bend down to one and trace my fingertips across the paper thin petals.

“Lilies of the valley,” I whisper, looking up at Fitz.

He bends down next to me, and with a light flick of his fingers brings the dew off of the grass around us to the base of the flowers to water them. “Alana said that the first few days after you manifest are intense. It’s the first time you’re so well connected with your element, and there’s an influx of sudden power. It also causes a sort of temporary dependency, which is part of why I had the headache. This will go away in a couple days, but it’ll come back with training.”

I nod slowly, leaning against Fitz so my head is on his shoulders. He wraps an arm around my waist and I hum, letting my eyes flutter closed.

“Maybe it’s time for bed, Earth boy.”

“You might be right, Snowfall,” I reply with a wide yawn, flopping more against him.

Fitz laughs, and I can feel the vibration in his chest. I smile in response and let him pull me to my feet.

“Do you want to create the ladder, or should I?”

My only response is another wide yawn, so Fitz just shakes his head, adjusts his grip on my waist, and lifts us up in the river. When we reach my balcony, Fitz gives up, carrying me into my room and depositing me on my bed. I grab my pillow and bury my face in it, and Fitz sits next to me, leaning against one of the back posts like Mom did so long ago. 

“Don’t worry, right after I said the dramatic words, saw Alana, she said like two sentences, and then I think I passed out. So don’t worry, this is probably normal. Sophie didn’t, but she also almost died like three times, so she has a pretty high tolerance.”

I roll over, and smile at Fitz. He leans over and pokes me on the forehead.

“Your eyes are getting greener.”

“Fuck.”

“Don’t worry, it looks nice.”

“Oh, god,” I sigh, sitting up to pull off my hoodie. “Do you think my hair is going to turn brown or green?”

“Nature comes in all colors, doesn’t it?”

“Are you implying rainbow hair?”

Fitz just laughs, sliding off of the bed. “Alright, I’m heading to bed, Earth boy.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I bury deeper into the blankets. “’Night.”

*

There’s a light chirping coming from somewhere, and I blink open my eyes to search for it. The sunlight is filtering through my balcony window, and the plants on the trellis are basking in it, opening their petals to welcome the morning air.

I slide out of bed and open the door and am greeted with a pink and orange sky behind the trees. I accidentally touch one of the flowers on my balcony and it twitches in response, growing and twisting around my finger. I smile at it, letting it return to the rest of its bunch.

_So that wasn’t a dream._

I glance at Fitz’s balcony for half a second, then decide to just head downstairs.

When I get to the plaza, freshly changed and everything, there are a group of people waiting there. Forkle, Alana, Jules, the ice woman from yesterday, Calla, a literal floating cape, a figure just _covered_ in literal fucking rock- _how weird can this place get?_ Along with them is a figure that is just blurred lines and shapes. I squint my eyes to try to pick out their frame, but as I’m watching they move and shift. It starts to hurt, so I give up.

As I grow closer, the seven of them look up from their conversation. Calla grins brightly at me, and Forkle, next to her, narrows his eyes. I can’t quite tell the other’s reaction through their increasingly odd disguises, but Jules immediately steps towards me. There’s an odd expression on their face – a sort of happiness and instinct and relief _and_ fear and I must be making these up on the fly but something about it is so familiar and-

“Dex,” they say, and I nod at them.

“Good morning, uh, J-” I’m pretty sure that I’m not supposed to know their name, so I just leave a sort of awkward pause.

They don’t answer, just shoot a _very_ pointed look back at the other six. Forkle sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I _did_ make a promise,” he mutters.

Jules grins brightly and that’s when I…

_Wait._

She turns back to me and her turquoise eyes flash and I’m suddenly reminded of when Bex is about to pull a prank on her brothers and I can almost see the glowing orange hair and ice and leaning against the bed post and-

I see the moment that she realizes that I know. I think I mouth ‘Mom’ and her eyes widen and I back up reflexively and I want to _get out get me out get me out_ and my eyes dart around and I see the cliff face so close and the trees and without looking back I sprint towards the tree in front of me.

I think someone calls out, but the tree scoops me up like an old friend and I push myself and the branches _up and up and up and up-_ when I stumble over onto the ledge I don’t even falter, I just keep _going._ At some point I collapse to the ground, panting. All I can see are tree roots and small white flowers.

_Lily of the valley._

I let my eyes flutter closed and feel the ground underneath me. It hums with life. It’s like I can hear the trees whispering and smell the flowers opening up to the sky. It’s so _silent_ here that I can’t process anything that happened to me, just feel the Earth.

A bright chirp sounds from next to me, and I open my eyes to see a trio of birds hopping along the ground, pecking it for seeds. They aren’t the least bit disturbed by me, just turn their heads slightly as I prop myself up into a sitting position. I lean forwards and hold out a hand towards them. They just watch me, heads tilted slightly. I laugh.

I stand and return.

It takes me about five minutes to arrive. It’s easy to see – a sudden break in the landscape – but I still have to trek through the forest and towards the edge. I don’t know how long I’ve been gone, but the sun is definitely higher in the sky now, no longer just touching the horizon.

There’s a tree nearby that just brushes the clifftop, so I bend down and place a hand on it. The leaves shift, opening up a path so I can climb down through the branches. I hit the ground at the very edge of Alluveterre silently, and peer into the center.

Sophie, Biana, Fitz, and Keefe are eating. Most of the collective is gone, but Calla and Forkle are arguing next to the kitchen door, obviously trying to distance themselves from the rest of the group. I, trying my hardest to seem like I was supposed to be here all along, walk straight from my position underneath the tree to the table, and take the seat next to Biana.

No one asks any questions, though I do get a few confused glances. Sophie passes me a plate of food that was sitting in the center of the table and returns to eating. I’m not sure if Forkle and Calla have noticed me yet. I start rapidly shoveling food in my face, worn out from my sprint and the amount of elemental work I did. Fitz shoots me a worried look. I don’t meet his eyes. 

A bell tolls somewhere, and everyone stands (I just do what they do), and walks towards the big building. I let them carry the motion, and follow Fitz and Keefe as they divide of towards their rooms. Before we break away, Fitz takes my arm.

“We’re starting our first day of Exillium today. You need to change into your uniform and then return to the center. No jewelry.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. His expression breaks into relief (I didn’t even realize how worried he seemed) and he squeezes my arm once.

The Exillium uniform, while looking dark, thick, and stuffy, is surprisingly light and moveable. A pair of black pants and ankle boots paired with a white t-shirt. There’s also a coat to go with it – a jacket with a low hood that extends down to the knees in a sort of cape. The mask slides on perfectly, aligning to my skin and feeling like it’s not even there.

Everyone returns at roughly the same time, and it startles me that we all look almost the same. It’s easy to pick out Keefe and Sophie, being the tallest and shortest respectively, but Biana and Fitz are hard to tell apart, with only a few inches’ difference between them. Any sex defining body parts are hidden, leaving us to a sort of anonymous existence.

Forkle nods appreciatively and clears his throat. “The purpose of Exillium, as I said before, is to both let you learn important skills and to let you be around people who have been cast out from Elvin society. However, we don’t want you to ever be in danger, so please do not reveal your identity in any way. That includes, Fitz, Sophie, and Dex, no using your powers in front of the others. Especially you, Dex. Sophie and Fitz, I understand that you can pass as a pyrokinetic and a hydrokinetic, but if someone realizes that Sophie is also a charger and Fitz is also a froster… it’s just safer to not.”

No one’s really paying attention anymore, because everyone but Fitz is staring at me very intently. I give them a thumbs up, and when they continue to look confused, I sigh. “Did no one see me use a tree to propel myself onto the clifftop?” I scan the group. “Really?”

The ground caves in, Calla using one hand to hold the hole open. “It’s time.”

So we descend.

*

Dex seems much more relaxed now that we’re underground, his eyes lighting up, sorta literally, and roots bending to let us pass. We walk for a while, until Calla throws up both of her hands and reveals the sky. She passes small beads to each of us, a crystal inlaid in them. 

“Is this _diamond?_ ” Sophie asks, holding it up to the light. A small beam appears and she squeals.

“Not yet, Sophie. Go together.”

We all take hands, and Sophie holds up her crystal to the light once again. Together, we step into Exillium.

I am uncomfortable. This is _uncomfortable._ We’re all hanging upside down, suspended by our ankles. Dex and Sophie have also woken up, and Dex, who’s just in arms reach of me, smiles and neatly sits up to grab the rope. He fiddles with the knot and I turn to Sophie, who’s still hanging there, looking annoyed. She’s just pouting upside down.

I turn back to my rope and sit up as well, thanking myself for having core strength. I hear Dex yelp from next to me, and when I turn he’s dangling from the end of the rope with one hand. He drops down to the ground, rolling with the impact.

I decide to instead go the opposite track, and pull myself farther and farther up the rope to grab the top pole. With the extra support I pull my foot out and slide it in the other direction, making the loop a boost and no longer a trap. I then follow Dex’s lead, shimmying down the rope and dropping to the floor.

Biana and Keefe have just woken up and look panicked. I give them a small wave and Biana relaxes, then before I can react does some sort of flip and the next thing I know she’s standing on the ground. She curtsies to me and comes to join Dex and I at the edge.

Sophie has grabbed ahold of the loop next to her foot, and is glaring at it. I don’t know what she’s doing but Dex starts to call out and suddenly she falls, hitting the ground on her side. The loop is charred away, leaving damaged and burnt ends. We rush towards her but are beaten there by Keefe, who copied Dex’s movements (I don’t think they were awake yet, however, so maybe just a similar thought process) and is crouched by her side. Sophie takes their offered hand and pulls herself to her feet and-

 _That’s_ when we notice the crowd of about fifty students watching us. And three instructors, I’m assuming. They each have a tub of paint underneath them, and one of the instructors dips their hands in it – a cool lavender – and walks over to us. Before anyone can react they slap their hands on either side of Sophie’s cape, leaving purple handprints on her shoulders. I watch with wide eyes as her black under-shirt also starts turning lavender, color bleeding through.

“You are ambi,” They say roughly, and turn, revealing a giant purple hand on the back of their cloak. Sophie gives us an odd look and joins the rest of the prodigies, who I can now see all have different colored shirts and hand prints on them.

The next coach steps forwards. Instead of sticking their hands in the paint, they carry the bucket with them, stopping in front of Biana and I. They stick their left hand in the molten blue and slap both of us on our left shoulder, nodding at each of us as they do it.

“You are left.”

The same thing happens with Dex and Keefe, but instead it’s red and ‘right’. When they’ve finished, the rest of the students amble back to the various tents. They each have the same black with a colored handprint design on them, so Biana and I go into the blue, left one, and wave a small goodbye to the others.

The day passes in a blur, with lecturing about the different territories in the morning, a quick break at lunch, and… night vision training? They stick us all in a cave and have this long talk about how the brain is more powerful than we know and we can control it and we’re supposed to figure out how to use the bands of light in the room to help our vision. It’s confusing and I’m exhausted and feel like I’m about to pass out.

I remember what Alana said about the water and lean backwards against the cool wall. Water is around me, I can _fee_ l it, but for fear of revealing my powers I trace the stone with my fingertips. There’s a small stream of going down the cave wall. The moment I make contact with it I relax, letting out a sigh of relief.

I close my eyes and attempt the exercise again, instead thinking about trying to see _through_ the darkness. Thinking that there’s not an absence of light, there’s just _more_ darkness and the light is underneath it all. I’m not sure if it’s worked or not, but when we’re led out of the cave the head of my group nods at me.

We’re given beads with a grey and black cave painted on them and a small yellow gemstone set in the center. Unlike the other prodigies, our group’s beads are on a cord. I pull the bead from this morning out of my pocket and loop it onto the necklace, tying it next to my pearl and letting it rest underneath my shirt.

We’ve agreed to meet up by the ambi tent, but… Sophie never shows. After about ten minutes of waiting, every other wayward has disappeared, and the tents have been whisked away by the coaches. There’s a long silence, then I stand, pulling out the leaping crystal that Calla gave us this morning.

“I think it’s time to go.”

No one disagrees, but no one _agrees,_ they just stand and walk towards me. We lead each other through the light into the woods, where Calla is perched on a branch. Her movements are smooth as she slides off of the tree and walks towards us, but anger radiates off of her.

“Where were you? And _where is Sophie?_ ”

There’s a couple seconds of silence, then Biana slowly steps forwards. “We don’t know. None of us are in the ambi tent with her, so we never saw her leave. We waited for a while, but she never showed. She has a crystal, so she can get back, but we don’t know where she is right now.”

Calla purses her lips and doesn’t say anything, just opens a hole in the ground for us to walk through. It’s quiet, and the air is heavy, and I realize that Calla is _scared._ They left the Moonlark and her friends out in the middle of nowhere and after only one day Sophie is missing.

Dex, very lightly, slides his hand into mine. I blink in surprise, face flushing, and glance over at him. He isn’t looking at me. We’re walking so close to each other I don’t think anyone notices, so I squeeze his hand once and let him comfort me. I watch as he trails his fingers along the side of the cavern, roots glowing a rich green under his fingers. I interlace our fingers. He smiles.

Calla stays in the tunnel to wait for Sophie, and deposits us on the terrace of Alluveterre with an icy look. We all stare at our feet as she disappears, and then turn to Forkle and Alana, who are leaning against the main table, watching us.

“I wouldn’t be so worried,” Forkle says, sounding… amused? “Sophie has a tendency to adopt any sad thing she comes in contact with. Chances are she saw some lonely prodigies and went off with them, to talk to them and then _probably_ bring them back here. It’s all right. I even built extra rooms for it.”

Alana laughs, punching him on the shoulder. “Eurus, _no._ ”

I’m reminded of Biana suddenly, and glance back at her. She’s leaning close to Keefe, listening to something that they’re saying with a small frown on her face.

“What do we do now?” Dex questions, taking off his mask and coat and depositing them on the table. “After ‘school’? There’s no homework, we’re not doing any sort of ‘missions’. Do we just sit in our rooms?”

“No. You work on your abilities,” Forkle says, gesturing towards a pile of books on the other end of the table. “These are both going to educate you on the history of your abilities, and give you exercises to practice them. Biana and Keefe, you will be working with one of our other leaders, who shares your abilities. Dex and Fitz, you will be working primarily on elemental training. Sophie will work with you, until we can track down the Wind elemental to work with her specifically.”

“ _Dex?_ ” Biana questions, narrowing her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I _cannot_ believe that no one saw me bend a tree in half and use it to catapult me into the air. _How did you miss that?_ ”

“You did _WHAT?_ ” Keefe questions, their grin frighteningly bright.

Dex sighs, and shoots them both an annoyed look. “My eyes are turning green. I was literally moving roots in the cave. Hello?”

“Oh,” they both say at the same time, staring at his eyes.

Keefe turns back to Forkle, placing a hand on their hip. “Are you certain that neither of us are the Wind elemental?”

“Certain.”

“How?”

Alana glances at Forkle and answers for him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Eurus doesn’t really do a good job of explaining this, but if you’re connected to the element, then it is very easy for you to identify the elemental. Not to mention the fact that all elementals have specific traits.

“Fitz was the weird hydrokinetics; Sophie was the murdering. Interestingly enough, we didn’t predict her at all. Dex though, was Calla. Gnomes can always identify the Earth elemental because they’re _made_ of Earth.”

“Okay, but neither of us are showing any symptoms, but neither was Dex. And unless you have a wind spirit laying around, how can you know?” Biana presses, matching Keefe’s suspicious stare.

Forkle sighs. “The previous elemental can always identify the next one. It’s how Fintan knew to let Sophie kill him. And… I know the previous Wind elemental, and they have confirmed that it isn’t either of you.”

Dex frowns, crossing his arms. “Then why didn’t Councilor Bronte identify me as the Earth elemental? You saw him, he was talking about elementals and everything.”

“You saw Bronte?” Alana exclaims, turning to Forkle. Her eyes are wide and her tone implies something else. Forkle doesn’t even register her presence, and mumbles something about him probably not having paid attention.

Alana frowns, but decides to leave it, walking over to the books on the table and passing them out. I expected Dex and I’s books to be thicker than the others, but Keefe lets out a loud _oof_ when they get theirs, so maybe not. Keefe and Biana are directed back to the main room to meet up with collective member, but Dex and I are kept behind.

“There’s something else we have to tell you,” Alana says, fiddling with the book still in her arms.

I glance over at Dex, who gives me a small frown of confusion.

“Now that you have pledged yourself to your element, you will no longer have your original ability.”

Silence.

_Oh! Fitz! I’m so proud! Manifesting as a telepath so young just like your father. How sweet. I bet you’re going to do amazing things, just like him!_

_That boy wonder. Of course he got the ‘fancy’ ability. That little shit is just guaranteed a spot in the elite levels, and in the nobility. Fuck him. He has it too easy. Him and his dad. They’re the same._

_Fitz, don’t make me read your mind. I’ll know if you’re lying. What? No, it isn’t against the law. You’re my son. The rules aren’t the same. Yes, your mentor will tell you about it later. DON’T LIE. Fine, you leave me no choice. When you have kids, you’ll understand. You’ll do the same._

_Just like a Vacker._

_Just like your father._

_Just like him._

Dex knows exactly what I’m thinking about right now. Dex who I confessed this fear to once late at night during a sleepover, buffered by darkness. His voice is soft and his presence is sure. “You were never going to be like him, Fitz. But I’m glad that you don’t have to be scared anymore.” I take in a shaky breath, close my eyes, and nod once. I don’t know what Forkle and Alana are thinking right now, and I honestly don’t care.

“What about Sophie?” Dex asks.

“I don’t know. We tweaked with every single one of her abilities. Some were natural, some weren’t. We’ll just have to see. I’ll talk her through it later, see if she’s been noticing anything.”

“Is it gradual or are they already gone? Sophie used her teleportation less than a minute after she became an elemental, but I don’t think she’s used anything else since.” I comment, opening my eyes slowly.

“It’s not exact,” Alana says, shrugging. “But, I think it’s pretty sudden. The ability comes back after you ‘let go’ of the element. It was so weird vanishing again for the first time after I hadn’t been able to for so long. I think I appreciated it more. Got an actual tutor. Learned some stuff. I don’t know how it will work for you guys. You’ll have to see.”

I adjust my grip on the training guide. “Okay. Okay. I guess that we’ll head over to the river to practice.”

Alana and Forkle give me an _identical_ small smile, slightly sad and surprisingly understanding. Something about it confuses me, but my brain is so overwhelmed and relieved and sad and-

Dex lightly places his hand on my back, intimate and warm, and steers me towards where we sat on the river last night. The sun is starting to go down, the days getting shorter as we veer deeper into fall. I think briefly of Foxfire, of the term starting only a month or two ago, of all of the people we left behind.

My brain is so… melancholy.

We stop in front of the river, and instead of making me move the water, Dex just sits us down on this side. I glance up at his eyes, getting steadily more green, and soft tug to his eyebrows and am reminded of _I love you_. He leans forwards and wraps his arms around me and lets me lean my face into his shoulder.

“Dex?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to need to change your name in my phone.”

Dex laughs. “Oh?”

“How about… the Delemental.”

“ _Fitz._ ”

I laugh too, but it ends up turning into a sob, and Dex holds me tighter, lightly rubbing my back. “It’s okay, Snowfall. It’s just you and me. Remember? Just you and me.”

*

After a nice long sob, in which Fitz cries a lot and I cry a bit (it’s contagious, and of course I’m sad about losing technopathy. I’m not _as_ tied to it, I was always a fan of building even before I manifested, but there is still a sense of loss there.) we start our work with the elementals. The book begins with a history, which Fitz reads aloud as I lay on the grass and add commentary. It’s pretty well written, but Fitz decides that he is going to enhance his already posh accent into something even _more_ posh, which makes me laugh.

It takes about ten minutes for us to read through the beginning, which is thankfully the same in both books, then we moved on to exercises. For Fitz, connecting hand flow to basic water movements. For me, moving the dirt. The book assumes that the Earth elemental is more practiced in _ground_ than _plant,_ so I’m having a frustratingly hard time doing it.

“Listen to this,” Fitz says from the riverbank. “’While in human literature, the moon is frequently associated with water from the tides and the moon’s reflection on oceans and seas, in elven literature it is the tie between _all four elements._ The moon is made of Earth, uses the light from the Sun, pulls the tides as Pearl, and is in the Sky. 

“There are even legends that say that the moon created the Elementals to protect the Earth and the Sun from harm. These depict the Moon as the child of the two, who sees that they are in danger from those living on the Earth and the Stars. Because of their age and power, the Earth and Sun are convinced that they are going to survive whatever happens and can fight back. However, the moon knows otherwise and protects them. This tale values the strength of youth, the power of a new perspective, and the relentlessness of change.’”

I roll over to look at Fitz, who is staring at the passage with an interested look on his face, completely ignoring the stream of water that is pouring down is face from his hair and somehow not soaking the fragile pages. “That sounds cool.”

“It _is,_ ” Fitz agrees, glancing up from the text to me. He sees my pitiful flop on the ground and laughs, walking over to join me. “How are those exercises coming, huh, Delemental?”

I groan loudly, flicking a nearby piece of grass. “I SUCK at ground bending. Why can’t I just use plants?”

“Aww, are poor _Dexter’s_ amazing magical powers not working properly?”

“While I would be insulted by that, you just tried to make a nickname out of my name and turned it back into my name.”

“What?”

“My full name is Dexter.”

“ _What?_ ”

“D-did you not know that?”

“ _NO?_ ”

I laugh brightly, sitting up to get a better look at Fitz’s shocked face. “Oh my god.”

He’s blushing. “Well, I guess it’s not _that_ terrible. My full name is Fitzroy.”

“ _FITZROY?_ ”

At this point we’re both laughing on the ground, both out of stupid full names and things that don’t really matter. This feels _good_ after everything that’s happened today – the painful heaviness of Exillium, Sophie going missing, losing our abilities – they don’t seem as scary when I’m here with Fitz, laughing about stupid things.

“Oh, that’s so bad,” Fitz says, his voice still high and shaky from laughter.

I go to respond, but Fitz’s eyes are glowing and I think mine are too and my hands are shaky and the grass is growing uncontrollably around my feet and I can hear this humming in the background, beautiful and haunting, like a soundtrack in a movie. I rise all the way to standing and look over at Fitz, who is staring off towards the plaza, looking very… magical.

And in sync, we walk towards it.

I can feel the pull to go forwards, but I’m afraid – my body is pulling me closer and _closer,_ but I want to stay back. I’m fighting against myself, scared, but Fitz takes my hand in his, warm and soft, and we walk towards the noise.

Sophie is there, her eyes glowing orange to match our blue and green, her eyes set in determination. But next to her is another girl, with long black and silver hair, wearing what is unmistakably the underneath of the Exillium uniform, eyes glowing white.

“I am Linh Song of the Sky,” she says, voice soft, the wind stirring around her and blowing her hair. “And I vow to only use the Sky for the betterment of the Universe.”

Something _clicks_ into place, and we all reach forwards and touch hands and we _explode_. Sophie catches on fire and the wind is whipping around Linh and water has come from _somewhere_ and I can feel plants twisting up my legs.

_It is complete. It is done. The seventeenth generation of elementals, together at last. I have been waiting for you four for thousands of years. It is time._

The voice comes from everywhere and nowhere, and I look up to the sky and suddenly it’s dark and the moon is above us, whole and shining and beautiful, and we’re all staring up as they speak, in a wondrous and haunting way.

_The danger I prophesized years ago has not come until now. Not in the form of a weapon or of a race, but in the form of a divide. Elementals have always represented balance, but they also represent change. Nothing ever stays the same. You are the voice and the beacon for everything of the future, whether that be peace and unity, or destruction and emptiness. You decide._

_Goodbye, my loves._

Everything is slowly winding down, the elements disappearing from our bodies, the moon no longer in the sky, and I look over at Alana and… whoever the fuck that is. His eyes match Biana’s, teal, and he has the same dark skin tone and beautiful black hair. But in contrast to Alana’s navy undertones, his are whitish grey streaks – not ones of age, but of _wind,_ his and Alana’s eyes are glowing faintly and-

“Oh _SHIT,_ ” Fitz says, his eyes wide. “HOLY FUCK.”

Linh and Sophie look _very_ confused but Eurus of the Wind just sighs, running one hand through his streaked hair. “You kids got yourselves into this mess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Rooting_ was supposed to be two parts, but I couldn't resist the cliffhanger so now it's three. Oops. I also feel it's important to note the fact that I actually _cut out_ Ditz romance from this chapter. God.


	3. Rooting (Part Three)

“You have a lot of explaining to do,” Sophie says to Forkle-Now-Eurus, who has sat down at the table with a sigh and put his head in his hands.

“I am well aware of that,” he says, his shoulders drooping. “I just wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon.”

Sophie’s features soften, and she takes the seat across from him at the table. “It’s okay if it takes a while. But… what’s your real name?”

“Eurus,” Eurus says quietly. “It’s Eurus Astraea. Alana and I are twins.”

We end up all sitting at the table as Eurus and Alana gathers their thoughts. A few gnomes bring us food, as it is near dinner time, and get Biana and Keefe. There’s also another boy – Tam – who must be Linh’s sister. He doesn’t say a word the entire time except to introduce himself, just sits down next to her and listens.

“There’s a lot to say. And I am not going to say everything right now, because that’s too much for one day. But since all four of you are here now, I guess it is only fitting that Alana and I tell you the story of when we first became elementals. But we should start with _you,_ ” he says to Sophie, who smiles at him.

“While I should not be surprised that Sophie became an elemental, with everything that happens to us, but here we are. I am still in shock how easy it was to find the four of you. The original idea was for the four elementals to be a team, and there to be a parallel team, headed by Sophie. Being an elemental… changes you. We wanted to make sure there was a counterpoint. We wanted to be balanced.”

Eurus nods, wringing his hands. Alana reaches over and rubs his back, vision stuck somewhere far away.

“We grew up with parents that hated that they had twins. They did all sorts of things, which I do not need to explore, but when I left the house for the elite levels, I decided that I wanted to be part of the council. You see, a young elf named Fintan Pyren had just been elected, only six or seven years older than me, and I wanted to help him bring about the change the younger generation was facing, help prevent twins and race and bad match bias.

“I did not manifest as young as you. When I noticed signs of being a guster my final year of the elites I ignored it: I was _so close_ to becoming an emissary. I got lucky in that my eyes only changed the slightest bit, and my hair and skin didn’t come until later. Little did I know, Alana was facing a similar problem – but in two schools, miles and miles apart from each other, we decided to keep it a secret.

“I graduated and was quickly picked up by the elites, and joined the team of emissaries. I was paired up with another elf, who had been on the team for a year to show me the ropes. his name was Bronte, and unbeknownst to me, was showing signs of manifesting with the Earth.

“We became fast friends, and Alana, him, and I, hanging out and working on cases. This lasted for a couple years, until Fintan showed up at Bronte’s house to announce a proposition. Fallon Vacker was retiring soon, and they needed a replacement. Bronte seemed promising, and with some work, would be on the list.

“Fintan ended up staying for a little while. After hours of talking and speculating and,” Eurus flushes, “some mulberry wine, Fintan decided to tell us a story – because see, Fintan was now unlocking lightning and lava in his pyrokinetics. Unlike the three of us that had just ignored our powers, he thought that he might be an elemental. Fintan was always a bit full of himself, it isn’t so surprising that he believed that he was part of something so ancient and sacred.

“But he was right. And as he talked more and more about it, the three of us started to realize what was going on. We started to realize that actually, these traits and descriptors fit _us_. And when Alana pulled me aside and admitted that she was manifesting water and ice powers, and I talked about the wind and weather, we, still charmed by him and his power, admitted the possibility to him. To my surprise, Bronte completed our puzzle. It was perfect.”

Eurus looked up, his eyes glassy. Alana, with a similar expression, takes a deep breath and nods at him. Encouraging him to continue.

“Fintan found the oaths in textbooks and the moon came to us and she told us of the next generation and the feud. I don’t remember it too very well, but I can imagine the look of anger on Fintan’s face – _he_ wanted to be the generation that brought about change, not the teacher. But Alana and I, we had been talking about the corruption in the council, and suddenly an idea of a rebel group and a safe haven for the next generation clicked together. The Black Swan. It was that night that we started our work. It took years.

“I was ready to present the idea to Fintan and Bronte, _so ready,_ in fact. But Alana stopped me. Back then her reason was that Bronte had just gotten elected, Fintan only eleven years ago, we couldn’t put them at risk for tarnishing their reputation. Now I wonder if it was something else.”

Eurus looks up at his sister, who gives him a sad smile. “I loved Bronte, like you, he was my best friend, but I didn’t trust Fintan. You were so caught up in… other things, but I would notice when he would frown about things that you wouldn’t find bad or suspicious, and… I stopped trusting him. And when you thought about telling him about the Black Swan all of my instincts were telling me _‘NO’._ And you listened. Thank _god_ you listened.”

She turns to us to continue her brother’s story.

“Eurus and I decided to start building the Black Swan alone, even without the support of Bronte and Fintan. We did a good job keeping it a secret – I did most of the handling, as Eurus was still an emissary, so no one would notice our little project. There was so much more to plan, but we were _itching_ to start _doing something._ When the Neverseen started attacking, we jumped to protect. The council got us confused – they couldn’t tell the difference between good and bad. So two groups were put on the council’s list, and they did not trust either of them.

“We kept going. Aided the other intelligent species in their quests, did small projects where we could, listened in on important meetings to discuss our team’s views on the matter. We would argue for hours and hours in a small office in a mountain, but always come out the other side with an option that _worked._ Or at least we thought so. And don’t worry – by then our team was diverse, with creatures across all genders and races and species.

“We grew, we built, we made ourselves known. But what happened next was Fintan’s Everblaze. The night that got pyrokinetics banned. We decided, the three of us, that it was time to surrender our powers to the next generation. This could not happen again. After that night, our relationship fizzled and died. I staged my death to truly show the end of our friendship, Eurus took on a lighter job, and created a second appearance to be the head of the Black Swan in meetings.

“Which brings us to today.”

We all process for a moment. Then:

“I keep forgetting that the pyrokinetic incident was so recent.”

“I have to say, Forky, you are much hotter than I thought.”

“This group sounds… complicated.”

“WAIT IS FORKLE RELATED TO US?”

“You guys are _twins_? Huh.”

“Does being an elemental really change you _that much_?”

“If I wasn’t an elemental, would these guys still be my team?”

“We can be the counter team, three is enough.”

“OKAY, okay,” Alana calls, still rubbing Eurus’ back. “One at a time.”

To everyone’s surprise, Linh pipes up, her soft and melodic voice oddly calming to the stressful situation. “Eurus means wind.”

Eurus looks up at Linh, his eyes creasing as he smiles. “It does. I picked it out for myself when I manifested. My parents picked out a very regal name for me, and I was happy to abandon it. Bronte and Fintan put in a few favors for me, and I was able to get it all approved.”

“What was it before?” Sophie asks.

“It was… actually… Fitzroy.”

There is a _really_ tense silence, and then all at once: Keefe and Dex burst out laughing, Sophie turns an _incredible_ shade of red, Biana falls off her chair, and Tam and Linh look _confused_. But Tam has a small smile on his face, and Linh turns to giggle at Sophie’s expression. I put my head in my hands, then glance up at the group, grinning slightly.

“Eurus, can you walk me through the process of changing my name?”

That gets _everyone_ laughing. Eurus leans back in his chair, getting a mischievous look on his face that I remember on Mom’s.

“It’s actually an interesting story. _Fitz_ is a sacred name in our family, one stemming from the very beginning of this line – part of the Astraea legend itself. But this wasn’t the name of our legend, but instead, Fitz _roy_ , meaning, of course, handsome. From my father’s side of posh and… stupidity. They were expecting me to be all bachelor and woo ladies and stuff.”

At that, Alana starts to hyperventilate with laughter. “ _Ba- bachelor? Woo-oing ladies_?”

I’m not sure if the joke is just that Eurus was a terrible flirt or that’s he’s gay, but I glance over at Dex with a crooked smile and he bumps me with his shoulder, still laughing with Keefe.

“How old _are_ you?” Sophie questions.

Eurus frowns. “Fifty-six.”

“And a half!” Alana adds. 

“Wait,” Biana wonders aloud. “If you guys aren’t super old, then what’s your relation to our Mom? She’s in her late fifties.”

Alana and Eurus look at each other, expressions taught, then mutter, “cousin?”

Biana and I groan loudly in discomfort.

There are a few moments where everyone continues eating, a pleasant hush over the table. Today’s meal is vegetable stir fry and rice, to the enjoyment of all of us. It’s actually _odd_ to see Forkle eat – whenever he was in his disguise he never did ‘normal’ things. It makes him feel much more… human.

Tam and Linh, are consuming their food at a rapid rate. Linh looks comfortable, at one point leaving her fork in her mouth to tie her hair into a bun, but Tam keeps shooting nervous glances around the room. At one point Sophie jumps and glares at him.

“Who are you?” I ask bluntly, my curiosity overtaking me.

Tam doesn’t answer, just looks at Sophie, then at Linh, then back down at his food. 

“Tam helped me with the exercise today,” Sophie says, frowning at Tam. “And I saw how he was helping Linh, and wanted to go over to him after class and thank him. I was able to catch them as they were leaving, but to my surprise, they were pitching up a tent.”

“I realized that they were living just… out in the middle of nowhere, and offered to give them dinner. Just to come back to the base for an hour or two and get some food. I didn’t really expect much to happen, and then Linh started glowing, and _I_ started glowing, and Eurus and Alana started glowing, and then you two showed up and _you_ were glowing, and… well, yeah.”

“We live wherever we can,” Linh says, ignoring Tam’s look of outrage. “We have a tent, we steal food from Exillium, and use all of the skills we learn in school to help us out. Every once in a while, we will run into some gnomes or trolls around, and if we are kind to them, they will help us get food and water. Gnomes are especially good at finding clean water sources. I can find water, _always_ , but not necessarily clean water.”

“How?” I ask.

“It’s just part of being a hydrokinetic.”

“Oh. I’ll need some pointers on that, then.”

Linh frowns. “Are you a hydrokinetic too?”

“Uh, no. I’m the elemental of the Pearl.”

“Wait, _you guys are elementals_?” Tam asks. His voice is different than I was expecting, his tone more curious and shocked than angry – not matching his previous facial expressions. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, I guess that isn’t explicitly stated in the oath. I’m the elemental of the Sun, Dex here is the elemental of the Earth, Fitz already mentioned the Pearl, and Linh here is the final of the four: the elemental of the Sky.”

“What does that even mean?” Linh asks. “Like I just _said some words,_ I don’t actually understand what ‘the Sky’ is. And why was the _moon talking_?”

Eurus smiles. “All four elementals are different, covering broad swaths of ability with random overlaps. Most have a preference in one area. The sky covers, in brief, weather, air, and soul. I was a fan of soul-like powers. You discover what you enjoy.”

Linh nods slowly. “What about my hydrokinetics?”

There is an awkward pause, in which both Eurus and Alana realize that they have not, in fact, told Linh _or Sophie_ about the power dilemma. Eurus looks at Alana for support, but she shakes her head in a sort of: _you’re on your own, mister._

“Well, Linh, the thing about elementals is… when you say the oath, you actually lose the ability to connect with your previous manifestation and can only work with your element.”

Linh sighs. “Oh _thank god._ ”

“What?”

“Oh my god being a hydrokinetic was _exhausting,_ and it was all people thought of me. I could feel the water _everywhere,_ like a never-ending itch I couldn’t scratch. You know I flooded Atlantis? I was the ‘girl of many floods’! But now I don’t have to do that anymore!”

“That was _YOU_?” Keefe exclaims.

“Yeah!”

“You could still flood places with rain,” Dex mutters.

“Dex!” I scold, but Linh laughs. 

“Maybe.”

Sophie, however, is silent. She brings one hand up to the row of ability pins on her cape, and touches each one lightly.

“And what about me, Forkle?” She says his name like an insult.

I feel like there is more going on there than what we know about, and I lightly slip my hand into Dex’s for comfort. Keefe and Biana scoot closer to Sophie to provide any contact she needs, but she doesn’t notice.

“What, four abilities? Inflictor, polyglot, telepathy, teleportation. There’s probably more in there, huh? So what’s going to happen to me? When will I be left with just _fire,_ just _destruction_?”

Eurus and Alana both look like they’ve been slapped, and Eurus’ eyes are shiny like he wants to cry.

“Sophie, I’m so sorry. I don’t know. When is the last time you’ve used those abilities? I don’t know. I don’t know at all. I wasn’t expecting this; I wasn’t planning for this. _I’m so sorry._ ”

Sophie is crying, and she stands, rips off her cape, and clenches it in both fists. Her hands and her eyes and the cape start to glow, and I’m not surprised when it catches on fire. But instead of normal fire, reds and oranges, it’s the bright, toxic, _acidic_ yellow of Everblaze. _Everblaze. Everblaze. Everblaze. Everblaze. Ever- Ever- Ever-_

“ _FITZ?_ ”

When I come to, Dex is crouched in front of me, an expression on his face I cannot quite name; Biana, Keefe, Tam, Linh, and Alana look different shades of worried, and Eurus and Sophie are gone. I feel very heavy, and when I sit back up realize that both Dex and I are completely soaked in water. The ground around us is torn up, the table flipped to the other end of the terrace, a couple chairs missing. Shards of ice are scattered across the ground.

“What… happened?” I question. My voice is slow. I try to sit up more, but my limbs are tired and achy, so I just resolve to stay put.

“How much do you remember?” Dex questions frantically, his eyes wide and desperate. He’s shaking all over, and his hands and eyes keep darting around, as if he wants to do something but can’t. In my tired haze, I take both his hands so they stop moving.

“All I remember is Sophie burning her cape. And then nothing.”

I can _feel_ Dex relax in relief, his entire body sinking. The rest of the group is silent, watching us, eyes wide in disbelief. And Dex… Dex scoops me up in his arms. I tense, surprised, glancing up at his face. He isn’t looking at me, instead focused on the rest of the group.

“I’m going to take Fitz back to the water. It’ll help.”

Alana just nods slowly, and Dex turns away, sure and steady.

When we arrive at the river, Dex steps in with no hesitation. It’s not surprising, as he’s already completely soaked, but the water must be _freezing_. He sets me down on the floor, kneeling next to me. I immediately dunk my head under the water, letting it refresh and reawaken me.

To my surprise, it starts to glow, and I realize that my legs have been stinging this whole time. They are covered in tiny cuts, and the water, giving off a warm hum and a comforting glow, is knitting them back together – slowly and painfully. I turn back to Dex, who is leaning against the side of the river, just staring blankly at the glow. He has similar cuts down his arm, the blood mixing with the water and running down his pale skin.

“You’re hurt.”

He glances down at his arms, and something in him _shatters._

He brings his hand up to his face and curls into himself and stars to sob. He looks _desperate,_ hair soaked and body soaked, small and tight. These aren’t tears, this is full body heaving, full panic.

“Dex?” I question softly, and reach a hand towards him.

He flinches away, turning his head so I can’t see his face.

My hand hangs. Something deep in my chest pangs, deep. My years of rejection and fear of it thrum through my body, but something new fights against it – my desperate want for Dex to feel alright. My hand falls to the water with a splash. A tiny cut on my knuckle knits back together.

Bands of blue ink around my wrist, simple waves. They slowly spin, rising and falling and crashing in an infinite circle around my wrist. They’re faint, just two bands. 

My first elemental tattoos. I imagine there will be more.

I hum softly. Dex’s sobs quiet, and he stills, turning to heavy breathing.

“ _Rows of houses, sound asleep. Only streetlights notice me._ ”

He glances up, surprised. I return to humming.

“ _I am desperate, if nothing else; in a holding pattern to find myself._ ”

His voice is clear and so, _so_ much better than mine. Lilting and holding in all the right places. My eyebrows shoot up. He smiles softly.

“You can sing?” I whisper, voice cracking. 

“ _I talk in circles, I talk circles, I watch for signals, for a clue. How to feel different, how to feel new. Like science fiction, bending truth._ ”

His smile gets more and more genuine as he watches my expression change from surprise to embarrassment. He reaches forwards this time, and lightly brushes next to my eye, flicking off a water droplet. It’s a bit needless, as we are both completely soaked, but I appreciate the sentiment. I reach up and touch his hand.

“What happened?”

His eyes drop. I curse internally. “You panicked. You saw the Everblaze and must have thought of Fintan and Sophie and _panicked._ And suddenly there was a vortex of water and ice and snow around you and your eyes were glowing and _you were glowing and the water was glowing_ and Sophie was staring at it, scared, and-”

Dex starts to cry again, but continues talking, his voice getting shakier and shakier. “I wasn’t sure what was going on and I could barely see you in the hurricane and I broke into it after you and it scratched me and it _hurt_ and-”

He pauses, one hand raised to his face, fingers tracing his cheek. “I hugged you. Called your name. Tried to calm you down. The others were helping too. It worked, and you stopped and collapsed. Sophie ran off, and Eurus followed her, and I was soaked and you were soaked and your hair was all blue and you looked so... _otherworldly_. And I understood what Eurus said about the elementals changing you.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“You shouldn’t be sorry for having a reaction to trauma. Shit, Fitz, with the amount of times I’ve reacted to trauma if I was an elemental then I would have wiped out entire cities!” He’s laughing, laughing like someone crazy and traumatized. I’m _scared,_ but I look at Dex’s still cut up arms and the glowing water and ask:

“Did I hurt anyone?”

“…No one else.”

It’s quiet. He won’t look at me. Neither of us say anything.

*

Nothing much else happens until the three-week mark. It’s now late fall, but for some reason this week has been warm and sunny. The seven of us are laying out on the grass next to the dining area. The elementals have been assigned a reading, Keefe is sketching, and Tam bouncing shadows off of Biana’s invisible form to see if anything happens.

Everything is calm, the only sounds of nature, the river, and Keefe’s humming. They’re alright at it. Footsteps approach us, but I refuse to open my eyes. An annoyed huff sounds, then Eurus mutters, “You kids are getting much too lazy.”

“You’re just _jealous,_ ” Sophie mocks from Keefe’s lap.

Eurus rolls his eyes (he’s doing that a lot more now), “you may be right, but it’s time to get up and do some work.”

“What kind?” I ask.

“Well…” he says quietly.

_This_ catches Sophie’s attention, and she sits up, hitting her head on Keefe’s sketchbook. 

“What do you mean, ‘well’?”

“We need to do some… battle training.”

Tam and Biana have wandered back over from the river at the commotion, and everyone is sitting up and paying attention now, the earlier sleepy bliss now gone. 

“ _Battle training,_ ” Keefe mutters, like they’re just rolling the words around on their tongue for the fun of it. Sophie elbows them and gestures towards where Eurus is still waiting for everyone to finish gathering. They scrunch up their nose at her in mock annoyance.

“The collective and I have discussed, and we understand that you guys may have more interactions with the Neverseen in the future. We want to make sure that you guys can defend yourself, elemental powers or no.”

Eurus purses his lips – he’s _embarrassed._ “We’ve excluded you for too long. It’s time for you guys to play a stronger part in the Black Swan, and you need to be properly equipped to do that.”

I glance over at Fitz, who has both his eyebrows raised. I notice, with a quiet chuckle, that they’re flecked through with blue.

“What kind of things will we be doing?” I ask, breaking into a yawn.

“Just simple training, nothing too complex. I just want you guys to know some basic hand-to-hand, weapons training… In whole, we just,” he rubs the back of his neck with one hand, reminiscent of Fitz’s nervous habits. “We want you guys to be safe.”

“When do we start?” Biana asks. She’s settled down next to Linh and Tam, and is staring at her hand, which is vanishing periodically.

“Tomorrow – we thought Saturdays would be good. If you guys get up early and eat a light breakfast, we can do some work in the morning and we’ll give you the afternoon off to do homework and relax.”

We all nod, and I pick up my reading assignment again – I was about half-way, something about how for each elements there are different ways of centering yourself, when Fitz crawls over towards me.

“Hey,” I whisper, leaning back.

He grins at me, settling down to my left with his book. “You want to go on a walk?”

“Did you finish reading?”

“Nope.”

“Sure.”

I stand, wave at Sophie to tell her we’re leaving, then walk with him towards the hole in the cliff that opens up to the outside. There’s a light breeze coming off the ocean, and I laugh as he runs towards the shore and splashes in the tide.

“Come on, let’s go higher up.”

He pouts, but follows me around the side. We climb one of the trees, (I move branches to help Fitz) and we end up on the top of the cliff, able to look over all of Alluveterre. The ground up here is slightly spongy, and it smells like rain. Fitz hums delightfully, turning his face up towards the sky. We walk along the outer cliff edge, just shy of the tree line, every once in a while, crouching down to examine plants or the spare flower.

“When do you think the first frost will be?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Not soon. I don’t think it gets very cold here.”

“Aww, no snow for you, Snowfall.” He blushes slightly, and I grin, elbowing him lightly. “I bet you and Linh could make some if you tried.”

“Would melt though.”

“Freeze the ground?”

“Maybe,” he relents, reaching down and lacing his fingers into mine.

These are the times in which I wonder if he remembers what happened with Sophie three weeks ago. What happened with me. It still runs in my thoughts all the time – the tornado, the scratches, the pain the noise the anger the- fell of Fitz’s soft lips, the feel of his nose brushing against mine, his mottled blue and brown hair in my fingers- My desperation, my first thought in that situation to kiss him to calm him down. The fact that it _worked_.

“What’s up?” Fitz asks, stopping, his brows furrowed. “What’s bothering you?” I glance up at him, broken out of my trance. I’m torn between his two-colored eyes. “Dex?”

“I-I’m…” 

I can’t get words out, for some reason, and all of this feels so surreal. We’re standing on a clifftop together, a light breeze blowing around us. Fitz’s warm hand is laced in mine and he _cares,_ staring into my eyes with so much worry. I can’t think past this moment, past where we are right now, past the certainty in my veins telling me-

_He loves you too._

I cough, trying to take myself out of the trance I’m in, ripping my hand out of Fitz’s to wrap around my chest. He places a light hand on my back. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” I whisper, my voice too tight. “You did everything right.”

I can hear confusion in his voice as he asks, “Dex?”

I _want_ to answer him, I _hate_ the pain in his voice, the confusion and the worry, but I’m so overwhelmed, so _scared,_ and I don’t quite know what to do. I slowly sink down on to my knees, looking out over the cliff edge towards the water. My hands are stiff and tingly, so I bury them in my jacket.

He sits down next to me, silent. I, so softly, reach out and pick up his hand in mine so we’re touching once again. “I’m scared,” I whisper.

“I know. Battle training, the Neverseen, elementals, it’s-”

“No,” I whisper, “not that. That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what are you scared of?”

I lift my head up and meet his eyes. “I’m scared of this.”

Fitz’s eyes are wide with confusion. Not breaking eye contact, I interlace our fingers, a quiet sign. He blinks once, then again, then: “oh.” He reaches over and cups my cheek with one hand. “ _Oh._ ”

I close my eyes and lean into his touch. “I am… not sure if I’m ready quite yet. I don’t know what to do.”

“Does it make you feel better if I tell you I don’t really know what I’m doing either?”

I open my eyes and scan his face, reaching up with one hand to cover the one that is resting on my cheek. “I really have no idea.”

He laughs slightly, dropping his hand to rest back on the ground. “Mhmm, sounds about right.”

I grin in response, letting him lean his head on my shoulder.

We sit there, watching the sun reflect over the water.

*

If I get up early enough, I can watch Alana and the selkies wade through the river. We keep it pretty clean in general, but they still check it up every day. It’s good, at least, for the amount of times that I’ve sat in it.

The workout clothes that Eurus prepared for us are easy to locate, and I pull on the jacket as I walk down to the main building. I pass Tam, who is similarly dressed up. He doesn’t say much, but does spare me a light smile as he passes. He’s getting more comfortable with us – that’s good.

Instead of following him to the terrace, I take the back door out to the river. The tattoos on my arms are getting brighter every day. I’m not quite sure what to think about it. I let my fingertips trace the surface of the water and close my eyes. I’ve found that this is the best way to get enough water magic for the day. I’m sure that soon I won’t need to do this at all, but it’s still a lovely morning ritual.

A door slides open. Dex is leaning over his balcony, watching me, head on his hands. I don’t think he notices that the plants in the boxes around him are twisting towards his arms, the strongest already looping around his fingers.

I wave at him with one hand, and use the other to flick a droplet of water onto his forehead. He squeaks and scowls at me, similarly flicking a pebble at my head and returning inside. I laugh brightly, and I can barely hear his soft chuckle in return.

I walk under the rooms and out to the terrace, where Tam, Sophie, and Keefe are already eating breakfast. Keefe is telling a story that has Sophie embarrassed and Tam laughing brightly. I’m glad, at least, that someone can make him laugh.

I plop down across from them and pick up the bowl of strawberries, starting to consume them at a rapid rate. I hear snippets of Keefe’s story, and guess from my broken context that it’s probably about some prank he played with Sophie during detention.

Speaking of Sophie, she’s staring at the apple in her hands with a faraway look, her bob of blonde hair (much brighter now, no longer sandy) sweeping in front of her face.

“You okay?” I ask, poking her in the arm.

She glances up, surprised, but smiles. “Yes. I’m just… thinking about home, you know?”

“No, not really,” I admit, leaning back in my chair. “The only person I miss is my mom. Nothing else. I’ve got all of you with me.”

Sophie nods, biting her lip. “I guess I have more to miss than you. Mom and Dad, and my _other_ Mom and Dad and _Amy,_ and of course the animals and Iggy. I used to eat breakfast with Grady and Edaline every morning, just like this. I miss it.”

I give Sophie a soft smile. “Yeah, I get it. Like, I don’t, but I do.”

She’s chuckles, which draws Keefe and Tam out of their conversation and into ours. We end up having some absent-minded discussion about our favorite foods, and Sophie talks about how the fruits are different in the cities and how whenever we go back everything tastes slightly… off. And then we’re talking about the forbidden cities we’ve been to and Sophie mentioned how she loved going to Paris. Keefe tells some odd story about something they heard ages ago and Sophie tells him that _no, Keefe, of course there aren’t live Gargoyles in Paris,_ and _no, you can’t go around to every Gargoyle in the city and poke them to see what happens._

It takes about an hour for everyone to join us, Biana coming down last and settling down between Tam and I. Dex and Linh got down a few moments ago, and Dex is brightly explaining his electric bracelets. He flips one onto his palm, and winces as it shocks him. She takes it from him and holds it straight on the contact point, the lightning not affecting her in the slightest.

“I might be able to make it stronger,” she mutters, poking the very tip.

“It might just be best if you have your _own_ lightning weapon. I made this long before I had the Earth to defend me.”

“But,” I comment, “Eurus did say that he wanted us to be able to fight without the elements to back us up.”

“Fair,” Linh replies, flicking the weapon so it turns back into a cuff and returning it to Dex. He pauses for a moment, but takes it anyway. The metal shocks him again. He looks down at it, mouth pulling into a frown.

“You good?” I whisper, reaching across towards him.

His eyes flick up. “I didn’t think I would miss technopathy. I didn’t realize how much it affected my ability to interact with simple things.”

We start training over on the other side of the river. The grass has been trimmed so it’s even and smooth. They run us through a quick warmup – stretching, pushups, plank, the like. We’re all used to this from Foxfire’s bi-weekly gym classes, but it’s been a few weeks so we’re all a bit out of shape. Exillium has a rigorous curriculum, but doesn’t provide much actual fitness. Eventually, they pronounce us warm, and split us into two groups – one to each twin. 

Biana, Linh, and I end up with Alana. She groups us together as she redoes her ponytail, changing it into a braid. “Today, we’re going to start with forward rolls and backward rolls. They might feel simple, but they’re the basis of every single complex move. If you cannot get your rolls down, you will not be able to progress. You must have these two moves down so perfectly that you can throw your body into one without a moment’s hesitation. If you do not trust yourself to execute the roll, you will hesitate, and you will get hurt.”

She rakes her two-colored eyes over the group. “My brother and I do not agree about what kind of fighting style is more effective – mine involves things like flips and jumps. We’ll show you both. You can decide. But we both agree that my preference is more dangerous. It is much too easy to hurt yourself doing this; if it isn’t for you and you cannot commit the time and energy it takes into learning it properly, go for something simpler and keep yourself safe. This is not for everyone, and it is up to _you_ to decide what category you fall into.”

She watches us for a moment, decides that she has gotten the message across, and steps back. “Alright. Line up, and demonstrate a forwards roll for me.”

I start, bending down to the ground and using her hands to support me as I roll. It is not the prettiest, but it is clean, and I’m able to rock back up onto my feet. Alana nods, then gestures for Biana to go next. 

She took some gymnastics as a kid and is more familiar with this than I am, so it’s easier for her to go into a roll. She doesn’t crouch as low as I did, but when she hits the ground she lets out a loud ‘oof’ – probably because the ground is much harder than gymnastics mats. She’s able to follow it through, and gets the same nod from Alana.

Linh, shockingly, is the best of the three of us, not even brushing the floor with her hands as she executes a smooth and quick roll. Alana seems surprised, and gives Linh a high-five after she comes up, causing Linh to blush lightly.

“Good. Alright – all three of you can rock back up to your feet, which is really important, and all of you have the basic form down. Here’s what I can tell you about these rolls: they have one aim: to dodge. Harder moves, like a back hand spring, can get you in a kick. But these are just to get away. That means that they must be more efficient than any step you can do. They must be fast and clean. And most importantly: your hands must be free the whole time. In some situations, you will be holding a weapon, and you can’t just drop it. Fitz and Linh, sometimes elemental powers stem from the person’s hands, and again, you need your hands free. It is not something I’m expecting you to get perfect, but you should keep it in mind as we progress.”

Alana has us continue to run through in lines, demonstrating the proper technique and helping us copy it. She shows me how to arch your back properly to not need to use your hands, and how to protect your neck. At the end, when we’re tired out and sore from hitting our backs against the ground, she demonstrates a dive roll – the kind that we will use in actual fights – and explains it briefly. We’re all much too out of it to actually think it through, so she dismisses us for lunch.

We collapse at the table. Linh and I take a moment to catch our breath, but Biana sees the food and immediately digs in. We make amused eye contact, and follow suit. The food is warm, and we are tired.

The others join us after a few minutes. They’re similarly exhausted, Dex to the degree that he collapses _next_ to his plate, without even registering the food in front of him. I poke him. 

“You’re just going to stay passed out if you don’t eat.”

He eventually grumbles loudly and picks up his fork. The moment the food touches his lips he’s wolfing it down, and I laugh, bumping our shoulders. “Don’t suffocate yourself.” He smiles at me, noodles and sliced vegetables dangling out of his mouth, and resumes eating.

Eurus and Alana eventually join us, not nearly as tired out as we are. They fall into a familiar banter that reminds me that they’re siblings, Alana shooting Eurus a look so exasperated that an image of a similar situation with Biana pops into my mind. They don’t engage the rest of us, and we’re content to sit in mostly silence, taking a break from our intense morning.

Eventually, we finish, and are separated back into our groups. Eurus gives us time at the beginning to relax on the grass and finish digesting (according to Sophie we digest like three times faster than humans? _What?_ ) Once we start to get too lazy we’re nosed back up for a warmup similar to the one from earlier, albeit shorter, and Eurus leads us into our actual training.

“Alana taught the three of you the basis of more complex moves, but you cannot administer them in a fight if you cannot _last_ in a fight. While the seven of you are not ready to learn actual fighting moves, we agreed it would be best if we started with the basics: stances, how to throw a punch, and, of course, balance.”

“Balance?” Biana questions, frowning slightly.

“Of course. Think of kicking someone’s legs out from under them. You need _balance_ to avoid that move _and_ to administer it – you’re picking up one of your legs. Even punching involves changing your weight.”

Biana nods, and the three of us line up to Eurus’ directions. He has us all drop into a fighting stance, and teaches us a few different kinds. One that is very sturdy and easy to get out of; one that is harder to get out of, but sets you up for jumps and flips; and a third that is not very balanced, but is good if you know you will be moving quickly or don’t have much time. 

It takes a lot of tweaking and holding our bodies in odd positions, but eventually Eurus seems satisfied, and gives us a minute to shake out our stiff muscles before we move on to the next part. I glance over at the others just in time to see Keefe pull off a perfect forward roll – they continued doing gymnastics even after Biana quit.

Punching is fairly uneventful and fast, as all Eurus can do is teach us the form – it takes strength and, of course, balance, to do that well – he told us it was just an introduction. 

Lastly, balancing. Equipped with the stances we’ve just learned, the three of us are placed on a beam over the river and told to stand there. It starts out as just standing, then Eurus shaking the log. We graduate to just our dominant foot, then non, then walking. We get to a point where it starts to become risky – the chances of us falling into the water increasing with every pass. This idea doesn’t bother me, but both Linh and Biana shudder at the idea.

“What? We need a shower anyway.”

“At least the shower is _warm,_ ” Biana hisses, wrapping her arms around herself.

Balancing is more exhausting than I expected, and I can tell that Eurus is getting tired too. After a long time, he gives us an exasperated sigh and lets us go take showers and have some rest time before dinner. The others still have a long way to go, but, to be fair, they _are_ a larger group.

When the water hits me I sigh in relief, closing my eyes and letting it trail down my face. I lean against the wall and blow out all the breath in my body, focusing only on the feel of the warm water and the cool wall. I don’t want to think about anything. 

But I do. I can’t tell if this quiet is coming from my long day or from my conversation with Dex yesterday. There was something so truly raw about it. An admittance, acceptance, acknowledgement of love there and nothing else. An intertwining of fingers and… silence. How are you supposed to keep going when you’re reached such a standby?

_‘I’m scared of this.’_

What do you do? 

Angry at the turmoil in my head, I pick up the shampoo, rubbing it over my scalp roughly, probably ripping out pieces of hair and not really caring. When it’s time to rinse it I stick my face right under the tap, turning my head up to meet the warmth. I sigh.

As I reach my arm up to apply conditioner, my eyes catch on my tattoos. In the presence of the shower water, they pulse with light. I reach up, entranced, to touch one, and they start to spin, beginning an endless arc of rising and crashing. I watch, entranced, troubles forgotten.

I snap out of it, shudder, and quickly shut off the water. I change and make my way downstairs. It’s gotten dark, it gets darker earlier now, and the gnomes are hanging lanterns along the terrace canopy, giving it an ethereal feel. Desperate to calm down and distract myself, I offer to help with dinner and am swept off into the chaos.

*

Dinner was quick and simple – everyone was worn and ready to go to bed after all of the training. Eurus and Alana tell us that we’ll be doing this training weekly now, and will go hiking tomorrow. Armed with the request to be ready tomorrow by 11:00, we’re dismissed for the evening.

In soft pajamas, I collapse onto my pillow. As my eyes drift closed, a hesitant tap sounds on my door. In the soft light of my vines is Fitz, looking as rumpled and tired as I feel. He slides the door open when I sit up, joining me on the bed. I let him lean on me, wrapping a heavy arm around his waist. He relaxes against my body. It’s so very quiet.

He’s tense. I turn to him.

He sighs, taking my hand. “I’m confused. And conflicted. And I want to work on this, and I want us to be good and together and happy, but I don’t know what to do. And according to what you said yesterday, you don’t know what to do either. Where do we go from here?”

I yawn. “We go to sleep.” He laughs, and I flop back down into the covers, letting him join me. “It’s much too late for these sort of things. Let’s just sleep.” 

He looks at me for a moment, with his bright, two-toned eyes, and smiles. “Goodnight, Earth Boy.”

I snort, and watch as he falls asleep. His eyelashes twitch slightly, and I realize, that like his eyebrows and his hair, have lightened to a clear blue in places. It looks a bit odd, but he pulls it off with charm. I am warm, with him beside me, and it carries me off into sleep.

When I stir the next morning, I find that I really enjoy sleeping with someone next to me. Fitz is drooling, his face still facing mine, and he’s got sleep on his cheek. In other words, he looks adorable. I try to be as quiet as possible when I slip out of bed, but Fitz is _out._ The only thing that reminds me that he’s even alive is his deep (and slightly noisy) breathing.

According to my watch, it’s roughly 8:45, which is later than I usually sleep. But Linh and Tam are the only ones who get up before me, most of the others coming downstairs around 9:00, with Sophie and Biana stretching it to 9:30 on some days.

I run into Keefe in the bathroom, who is fussing with their hair, trying to get it out of their face as they put on lotion. Everyone’s hair is getting too long. Mine was long to begin with, but Tam and Linh’s bangs are hanging over their eyes and Keefe and Fitz’s hair, which were already defying gravity, are starting to lose their oomph.

I nod at them once and quickly wash my face and scrub my teeth so they don’t feel as gross, then return to my room. Fitz, not shockingly at all, is still completely asleep. As I make my way over to the closet, I notice an odd wooden shape on the floor. When I pick it up I-

Sometimes it all gets to me and I sit in my room and make wood from thin air and shape it and it becomes a sword and a bow and a staff and it turns around is so _lethal,_ and I’m reminded of the fact that I have an entire planet under my fingers, that nothing about this is pleasant, that what happened with Fitz is only the beginning, that the fact that Sophie had to _murder_ someone to get her powers.

My breathing has become shaky and I shove the makeshift sword behind my mirror so I don’t have to look at it anymore. It took more work to make than I want to admit, drawing the wood out of the pollen and the seeds in the air, still _alive,_ twisting it into shapes and curling it adding edges, sharp and thin and-

I rest my hand on the edge of the closet and take a few steadying breaths. I pull it open silently. Sitting there, on the inside of the shelf, to my complete surprise, is a pile of clothes and a note. They weren’t there yesterday.

_DID SOMEONE SEE FITZ AND I-_ I flip open the note with shaky hands.

_Dex,_

_I know that it has been a while since we have talked, and I have noticed you avoiding me. I get it. I understand. And we do not have to confront this just yet, but I want you to know that I am sorry for any pain I have caused you. I made this decision many, many years ago, when the triplets were only babies. I love you very much, and if you’re ready to talk, then ask Calla. She’ll be able to find me._

_And yes, I saw you with the Vacker boy… Fitz. I know you make good decisions, love. I hope that he is one of them._

_Mom_

I glance back at Fitz.

_I hope that he is one of them._

I fold the letter back carefully and set it to the side, turning my attention to the clothes to calm my thoughts. It’s an outfit, for hiking today. I pick up the pair of thin sandy brown jeans with two sets of cargo pockets on the sides, and a tight black t-shirt. I very quickly switch into them behind the screen next to the closet, and find them surprisingly comfortable, fitting well.

I also find a forest green vest, with detachable striped sleeves and hood. The hood is lined with a soft material that gives off the impression of fur but twitches slightly when I touch it, like a plant. I frown at it, but it’s soft and comfortable and warm, so I don’t think about it too much.

Next is a pair of socks with vines on them, and finally, a beautiful black and green hiking boots. They look new and fresh and slip on perfectly, providing a bit of cushion and a bit of height. They’re fancy in a way that reminds me of Foxfire, and how they managed to make an ugly school uniform seem upper class.

I grab the letter and shove it into the vest pocket, discovering two more things – a pair of brown worn gloves, somewhere between gardening and winter gloves, and a knitted black beanie.

As I go to put in on, I stop to run my fingers through my hair quietly. I’ve been noticing it getting more varied in color – I guess it went the brown route instead of green. Unlike on Fitz, where I just find the color beautiful and endearing, on me it just… I’m not sure if this is who I want to be. I shove the beanie on my head to cover the sandy strands and shove the gloves back into their respective pockets.

I pick up one of my discarded technopath notebooks and rip out a page, scribbling out a quick note to Fitz. I set it on the bed next to him, and reach out to brush his cheek with the back of my hand before I realize what I’m doing.

Blushing furiously, I whip my hand back and head downstairs. Keefe hasn’t come down yet, so they must still be getting ready, but like I predicted earlier, Linh and Tam are already here. They both have hiking outfits – Linh in purples and pinks and Tam in various shades of blue – mostly navy, but a few pops of periwinkle, similar to his sister.

I snort as I realize that Alana and Eurus picked coordinating color schemes _based on our abilities and elements._

I hide my amusement from the twins, instead sitting across from them and starting a conversation on training yesterday and how sore we all are. They both enjoyed it quite a bit – I guess it is fun, if you’re good at it.

Keefe comes down next, (wearing yellow and orange), and I’ve finished eating by the time that Fitz finally joins us. He’s dressed in, shockingly, blue and teal and green, and looks dashing and well cut. He slides down in the chair next to me and lightly brushes our elbows together. Keefe shoots me a look, grinning. I ignore them.

By eleven, we’ve been joined by Sophie (red and orange), Biana (pink and orange), Eurus (grey), and Alana (white and black). When everyone is awake, hydrated, and coordinated, they send us off.

*

It’s beautiful up here.

We can look out the cliff face towards the ocean, which is sparkling in the morning sunlight, a continuous expanse. Fluffy clouds drift lazily across the sky; every once in a while, one of the sun’s rays will light them up from behind, giving them a lovely glow. We’ve gone farther than Dex and I walked last time, no longer next to a forest but instead through a field of tall grass and wildflowers.

The pollen makes Keefe sneeze and Dex laugh, the plants drifting towards him. Sophie and I start to, when he’s not paying attention, place tiny flowers in his hat and hair, and by the time we’ve exited the field he’s like his own little bouquet. When I start to laugh, Dex whips his head back, confused, and spreads petals all over Eurus and Biana. 

This gets Sophie and I laughing even harder, and Dex dumps his hat onto my head, covering me with pollen and flowers. At this point, Keefe and Sophie are in a sneezing fit, Dex, Linh, Tam, Alana, and I are laughing, and Eurus and Biana are looking different shades of annoyed and confused.

As we ascend the next hill in front of us, the air begins to cool off, Sophie quickly beginning to complain and shiver. Linh takes pity on her and gives her the grey scarf that’s been twined around her neck this whole time. The cold hasn’t really gotten to Linh or Dex at all, and while I’ve noticed the change in temperature, it doesn’t feel as bad as normal. It even feels… pleasant?

All of a sudden, we enter a forest. All around us are towering pine trees that block out the deep blue sky and leave us surrounded by needles and bark and _Earth._ And Dex is bright again, but instead of the laughing from earlier, he is soft and grounded and at peace, and when no one is watching, slips his hand into mine.

I lace our fingers together in response and point ahead of us with my free hand. Keefe and Sophie are having an animated conversation, but as we observe both glance away, blushing fiercely, Sophie tucking a strand of her electric hair behind her ear. Being here is so quiet and young and free and innocent, and for some reason I forget that I’m in danger and forget that I’m scared.

We joke around and remember old things we haven’t talked about in a while and tell stories. Tam and Linh look left out until they start to talk about their old experiences, and then it’s just one big happy family. I’d forgotten this. 

Keefe shoves me and I snap out of it, retaliating by ruffling their hair. We all start fighting, Sophie is on Keefe’s shoulders and Biana letting out a fearsome war cry and Alana and Eurus are not reminding us to keep up the pace or to continue moving, but instead letting us be a little crazy for a while, a little young for a while.

We’re out for hours, and by the time we return night is falling and the table has been set – for the whole collective, surprisingly. Calla and Dex’s Mom ( _wait what_ ) are lighting up the lanterns, and various people are carrying plates out towards the table. The sense of togetherness doesn’t die; it’s carried forwards – from an old friend group to a new community.

Dex’s Mom, Juline, reintroduces herself to the group, and Dex walks over to talk to her near the cliff edge, his movements nervous and animated. The rest of the collective – floating cape, literal blur, and rock man, also reveal/introduce themselves as…

Tiergan? Which quickly sends my head reeling, and the cape isn’t anyone we know, just a kind woman that looks much older than Eurus and Alana and has pure white hair and introduces herself as Weiss and then the blur dude is actually Jensi’s brother? We’re all confused and awkward until Weiss punches Jensi’s brother, Jonathan, on the shoulder and makes a joke about being over dramatic and breaks the ice.

Dex is blushing fiercely as he walks over towards me and I smile at him before leading the two of us to sit down. Juline doesn’t join us, instead choosing to sit with Alana and Weiss, who are now in an animated discussion about something that has Eurus _incredibly_ embarrassed.

“What are you thinking about?” Dex whispers to me, drawing my attention away from the collective.

“My family is so wrapped up in this. Alana and Eurus as my mom’s cousins, and now… Biana and I are sorta continuing the tradition, don’t you think?”

Dex chuckles, spinning his fork around with one hand. “Look, don’t ask me, my mom is on the collective too, and I bet my dad has been helping make elixirs for this group for years now, maybe even without realizing it. So, really, I have no idea.”

I smile, and let myself get drawn into the people around me.

*

“Run, run, run, ROLL!”

I dive forwards and execute a perfect forward roll, wincing as a stray pebble pushes up against my arm. With the speed and momentum, I go all the way through, able to continue jogging.

“Nice work.” Alana nods. “Keep going, running, running, running-”. We’re on our third week of training, and we’ve graduated from learning how to do rolls to now putting them in practice. We’ve just finished doing backwards rolls – similar to this, just you know, backwards, and now we’re jogging around and every once in a while, throwing ourselves at the ground in reckless abandon.

It’s exhausting and frustrating, but there’s been definite progress, and so far, no injuries. We’re getting pretty knocked around, and there are definitely periodical scratches, but mostly, we’re okay. I’ve got a bruise on my left shoulder from landing wrong last week, and Keefe has been complaining about a kink in their neck, but has assured Alana that it’s nothing too serious to worry about.

Biana, Linh, and Fitz are working with Eurus across the way. I catch Biana’s eye and wave. They’re balancing on a line, and she gives me a smile, too focused to dedicate any action to our exchange. 

We did those exercises this morning – balancing on progressively thinner items, Eurus checking that our stances are still good, and finally, _finally,_ starting actual punching. They got us some thick gloves (in our color schemes, of course), so we can punch stuff without hurting ourselves. But because they aren’t _completely_ sure that we’re ready to start sparring, we’re also doing a lot of muscle and endurance work, which is, of course, annoying as shit.

“ROLL!” Alana yells, and I throw myself forwards out of instinct, surprised to find that I have no difficulty doing it and that there was no hesitation. When I come back up, Alana nods. I flash her back a surprised smile, and continue jogging.

After another few minutes, Alana lets us go for the afternoon. It’s a bright day, but chilly as it descends deeper into winter. I’ve found that the temperature doesn’t affect me as much, but this morning it had dropped down to 40 degrees and both Fitz and Linh came down without coats on. They, apparently, still felt like it was 60 degrees. Must be an elemental thing.

At this point, however, we’ve all warmed up quite a bit from all the exercise, (except for Sophie, of course) and are drinking a gallon of water each. Keefe and Sophie are joking about something, so I turn to Tam. To my surprise, he’s staring at Keefe with an intense frown on his face. I hesitate, awkward.

I give up, instead leaning back to watch Fitz, Linh, and Biana finish up. Fitz is sitting in the river, completely drenched and laughing. Biana looks many shades of horrified, but Linh is sitting on the bank, her feet hanging in as she chats with Eurus, ignoring the siblings’ exchange.

I stand and make my way over, grinning at Fitz and settling myself next to Linh on the riverside. I kick off my shoes and lean back to let the weak sun shine on my face. Fitz is mirroring my pose, just _in_ the river, and is periodically flicking water onto me and my sweat-drenched clothes. In retaliation, I kick water at him, which creates a much bigger splash than intended and leaves him spluttering.

Biana and Eurus have walked back to sit with the others, leaving us with Linh. She is humming softly to herself, her voice beautiful and lofty.

“Whatcha singing?” I ask her, and she grins.

“Oh, when Sophie gets bored she barges into either Biana or I’s room, plays some music, and does something with us. Normally its napping or reading, but sometimes she’ll teach us a new board game. She has a pretty varied music taste, but I’m a pretty big fan of Guns N’ Roses and Ariana Grande.”

I nod, but Fitz just looks confused. She catches his expression and winces. “Sophie really needs to broaden your guys’ music education.”

I nod sagely, reaching out to pat Fitz on his head. “Yeah, I like a couple of Guns N’ Roses’ songs, but really only the stereotypical ones, so not seriously. I’m also a big fan of Sleeping at Last and Twenty-One Pilots. When I told Sophie this, she called me a ‘2010 stereotype’, but I don’t really know what that means, so jokes on her I guess.”

“Fitz, did you not hear a _single_ piece of music in all that time you spent looking for Sophie?”

He purses his lips. “When was that, 2012 until 2017? I heard quite a few, of course, but none that really stuck with me. I’ll have to ask Sophie to show me some good music.”

“Don’t ask Sophie, her music taste is shit. All she listens to is 2011 hits, all of which are cliché and are popular enough that you probably heard them when you were in the cities, Fitz. Like, genuinely terrible.”

“Okay, Dex, they’re not _that_ bad,” Linh mutters, rolling her eyes, but fixes Fitz with an intense look. “But _do not trust Sophie’s music taste or I will come for you._ ”

He looks genuinely worried, which is kinda funny considering the fact that Linh is a foot shorter than him and practically half his weight. To be fair, you can really see the power in her – Sophie and Linh radiate their elements _out._ Fitz described the day that Sophie killed Fintan to me once, and I can see that Sophie in the back of my mind, the fire lighting up her face, the sharp edges and powerful eyes.

But Linh is imposing in a different way. Sophie is _scary,_ but Linh is more unsettling. Like the ‘I could break your spine without even thinking about it’ kind of aura. I’m not sure if Linh is aware of it. The two of them would make quite a power couple.

Linh asks to try on my lightning bracelets again, and to my surprise they seem to suit her perfectly – not only fitting her hands and wrists, but also merging with her powers and enhancing the lighting effect.

Biana calls us over to dinner, and it’s time for family ‘stuffing our faces with shockingly good food’. I don’t know when this became a thing, but there’s a race between Sophie and Keefe to eat as fast as possible without making Eurus or Alana angry. It’s gotten close a couple times, but generally Sophie wins, mostly because that girl can _eat, and_ because the twins have lost their radar for Sophie being in mortal danger… they’re numb to it.

Sophie wins once again, and Keefe collapses on the table in defeat. She stands up on the chair and flexes her now-sorta-defined biceps, and Eurus looks at all of us, sighs, and leaves. Alana follows her brother’s lead and waves goodbye to us, and we start to trail off to bed too. Saturdays are exhausting.

*

I’m upstairs in my room, sitting on my bed with Sophie’s iPod on my lap, scrolling through a playlist. I’ve managed to hunt down one of the artists that Dex mentioned – Twenty-One Pilots. I’m nodding along to _Stressed Out_ when there is a tap on my window.

I stand up to let Dex in. After that night two weeks ago, whenever one of us is having trouble falling asleep or its too dark or cold we come visit each other. It’s so much easier falling asleep with someone warm next to you. 

_“Used to dream of outer space but now they’re laughing in our face saying ‘WAKE UP YOU NEED TO MAKE MONEY’”_

“Whatcha listening to?” He asks, and I hand him one of the earphones as we settle back on the bed.

_“When the mamas sang us to sleep but now we’re stressed out.”_

He hums along with me, nodding. I’m not very into music, but Dex and Linh started talking about it again at dinner and how calming and healing it is for them, so I guess I’ll try it out. Don’t know if this is quite the artist for it, though.

_“Wish we could turn back time, to the good old days-”_

Dex is bouncing his shoulders a little bit now, and it’s funny to me, how easily he can be adorable and charming. I don’t think he even realizes that he’s being so cute right now, he’s just here with me.

“Dex,” I say, and it comes out softer than more intense than expected, and he turns his green eyes on me. They’re still quite teal, not completely forest yet, but I can imagine it.

“Yeah?”

I lean forwards slightly, placing our foreheads against each other. Our faces are so close to each other, and I’m not going to pretend I’ve never thought about kissing the boy in front of me before, but god there is something so comfortable about just sitting here, with each other, sharing music.

Dex leans forward slightly, brushing our noses together. His eyes are closed, and we’re so wrapped up in the moment, and I sink into him a bit and-

_“I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath, I’m a goner, somebody catch my breath.”_

Dex breaks away from me, laughing hard. “Oh _god,_ god this is so cliché. Snow, I’m so sorry, but of _course_ the music changes right when and of _course,_ ” he’s giggling and finds this all cute and funny and that doesn’t completely get to me, I just quietly pause the music and take the earbud out of his ear.

He turns back to face me, more serious now, and reaches up to cup my face with one of his hands. He’s so soft. I lean into his touch, and I let my eyes flutter closed as I bring our faces together. I can feel his breath and his warmth, and in the back of my mind I think: _this is so different from what I ever expected._ We’re so close to each other, and I give myself a moment, before-

“FITZ _HOLY FUC-_ … oh.” 

We whip away at the exact same moment, somehow managing to put two feet of distance between us in an instant. Keefe is in the doorway, oddly disheveled, as if they’ve been messing with their clothes and hair in distress. Dex buries his head in his hands, and I glare at Keefe through a thick haze of embarrassment.

They tilt their face to the side slightly, leaning against the doorframe. “ _God,_ you guys are adorable.”

“What do you want?” I ask. They join us on the bed, shooting Dex an apologetic look.

“If I knew that you guys were smooching in here I wouldn’t have-” their voice cuts off with a pained expression. “Actually, maybe I would have.” Their head hangs, and they sound slightly panicked. “I need your help.”

I shoot Dex a look, and he matches my worried expression with a shrug.

“So, you all know about my thing with Sophie.”

I blink in surprise. It had taken Keefe a _shockingly_ long time to realize and admit what was going on with them and Sophie, and now they were just throwing it out there like it was that easy. 

“Uh, yeah?”

“Well, uh, there was an incident.”

“An incident?” Dex questions, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

They nod. “I’ve been flirting with her a bit more than normal recently… more friendly teasing than like, steamy flirting, and she’s been doing it back. That didn’t really mean much to me, because pretty often people just interpret that as banter and it’s something they do with their friends, you know? But then… she said something about how… she hopes that when this is all over we can still see each other just as much, and seeing me all the time makes her day. And I guess that it’s not that big of a deal, but…”

“She’s flirting back,” Dex mutters with a nod. “No, you’re right. Sophie is all around shit at relationships, sorry Sophie, but that is definitely flirting for her. I’ve only ever noticed that happen with two people.” He points to me, then to Keefe. “We all know that she used to have a crush on Fitz. There’s a correlation here. She never did it with me, and we used to be as close as you two are now. I think you’re right. That’s flirting.”

I nod at Keefe, who is torn between happiness and extreme worry. “What are you going to do?”

“I have no fucking idea. Do you really think a relationship is a good idea right now?” 

Dex and I make eye contact for half a second, and drop our gazes at the same time. The average person wouldn’t have even noticed it, but Keefe is an empath, and has never been average at all.

“Fuck guys, no, just like… you two grew together, right? With Sophie and I it would really be… a jump, you know?”

“All relationships are a jump,” I mutter, frustrated.

Dex reaches across and taps my foot. “You don’t want to get into a relationship during a time like this because there’s a high chance of your loved one getting hurt. But no matter if your relationship is official or not, you _will_ grow closer, and you already care about them. Honestly? Being in a relationship can be _helpful._ You’re more in tune with your teammate, as well as having someone to talk to when you’re scared.”

Keefe’s shoulders are no longer tensed, and they nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess you’re right. We may be in danger for the next ten years. Sophie is always going to be wrapped up in this stuff. Maybe I should just go for it.”

They stand, determined, and make their way towards the door. They falter just before leaving, and turn back towards us, biting their lip.

“Take her on a walk, and stop at the place next to the river by our buildings. Very romantic.” I supply, waving my hands to encourage them.

The door clicks shut.

“You take _me_ to the place next to the river,” Dex mutters, grumpy.

I laugh, walking towards the balcony. “Come on, let’s watch them be dorks.”

“Isn’t that rude?”

“Shh, if they get married we can tell the story at their wedding.”

He isn’t very impressed, but follows me outside. We lay down so we’re not very visible. I can hear voices over to the left. Dex mutters something about leaving his light on. I shove him back down, ignoring his eye roll. The two of them appear under Dex’s room, chatting. Keefe is nervous, but Sophie absent-mindedly plays with her hair (it’s getting more neon every day).

They stop at the edge of the river, staring down at the water.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” Sophie asks.

“Yes,” they say, agitated.

She looks them up and down, and frowns. She snaps, a tiny ball of light appearing above her finger, and leans closer. “Keefe. Are you alright?”

“I need to tell you something.”

“Yeah.”

“I- I love you.”

_Oh._ That’s a lot. I know that it was _my_ first reaction with Dex, but that wasn’t love – it was just a realization. But not even that, verbally admitting love as a first confession is a _lot._ To be fair, Keefe has been interested in Sophie for a pretty long time, so it’s had time to grow.

Sophie is so surprised that her fire winks out. She shakily reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I like you too.”

Dex and I sigh in relief. Keefe laughs brightly and hugs her, spinning the two of them around. Their smiles are bright enough to light up the clearing (or that’s just Sophie). Dex takes my hand, and I lace our fingers together. Yes, this was a good decision.

“Would you like to be my datefriend?” Sophie asks, taking their hands.

“Yes! I would love to.”

Sophie drags him towards the plaza. I can hear their laughter echoing out towards where we are. I look over at Dex, who has rolled over onto his back and is watching the sky. I mirror his movements, retaking his hand and letting him lean his head onto my shoulder.

“Do you think that was a good idea?” he whispers.

“I think so. They looked so happy, and at least they won’t be pining over each other all the time.”

Dex chuckles and nods. “I guess so. But it’s just… everything is messy and complicated. I don’t even know how we got here. It almost seems easier for them. Did you think it was easier? I guess it was natural for us, and for them maybe more forced, but-”

“Dex, it’s alright.”

“You think so?”

I trace a line of stars with my eyes. “Your worries are valid, and they make sense. But we’re okay. And everything is okay. So, I dunno. We can enjoy being here, right now, and then come back to that when it matters. Worrying is important, but sometimes it does more hurt than good.”

He nods, and I can feel him turn his face into my neck and close his eyes. “’Night, Snowfall.”

“Night, Dex.”

*

I’m really fucking cold. And stiff. And uncomfortable. I rub my face and sit up, stretching the tight muscles in my back. I’m still on Fitz’s balcony, fully dressed. My light is on. There’s a blanket thrown over my legs and torso.

I groan and slowly stand, shaking my body to get rid as much of the left over tension as possible. I’ve been in Fitz’s room before, though only when it’s dark. It’s almost identical to mine. Instead of a wall of vines and flowers over the bed, there are beads and a waterfall. The wood isn’t the same dark and rich mahogany, but a light and soothing birch. Everything is water themed.

Including the boy standing in front of the mirror, glaring into his reflection. I smile at his back. He’s already changed into his Exillium uniform, the jacket discarded on the bed. He’s running his hands through his hair.

“Morning, Fitz,” I say slowly, trying my hardest not to startle him. He jumps anyway, turning around and meeting my eyes with a smile. But it’s forced and uncomfortable, and his hands are shaking. I can tell that he’s trying his hardest to hide it from me, shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to get his eyes to light up like they do when he’s happy.

“Hey, Dex.”

I lean forwards and slowly wrap him in a hug. It’s funny to me that I haven’t hugged Fitz that much, it’s mostly lying next to each other. But he’s so nice to hug, warm and just the right height and shape to sit in my arms.

“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. But I see you.”

He nuzzles his face into my shoulder. “Not right now,” he whispers, bringing his hands up to wrap around my back.

After a few minutes I wish him goodbye, returning to my room to grab my uniform. I climb up on his banister and lightly leap onto my balcony, the railing flattening slightly at my touch to allow my feet to balance.

I step down and push into my room. I walk over to my bed-

…

…

…

…

…

_It is dark and shaky and I’m scared. I think I’m glowing? But not enough to light up the space. There’s wood collapsed around me and sounds outside but my ears are ringing and the world is spinning. The world is spinning. The world is spinning._

_The world is spinning._

I slowly rise to my feet, coughing into my hands as I move, my torso and legs feeling bruised and shaky. I can barely recognize my bed around me, the frame holding up pounds and pounds of wood. My coughing was thick. My hand is wet.

_It’s collapsed,_ I realize, pressing against the wall of wood around me. The building has collapsed. My room has _collapsed._

“Fitz?” I call out, my voice weak and shaky and not working right. Far away from my body and my mind, I wonder if I’m hurt. I wonder if something is wrong with my body. I wonder if that sticky liquid on my hands isn’t water.

I can feel tremors through the dome above me, and I think, all of a sudden, that it’s falling more. And I’m here, underneath it all. It’s going to collapse on me. It’s only a matter of time. It’s going to kill me.

This silence is so raw.

But.

_I am Dexter Dizznee of the Earth._

I take a deep breath in, placing both palms against the wood. I let my senses stretch around me, and push out, creating a hole at the top of the make-shift dome. I can’t tell if I’m climbing or using my powers or both, just concentrate on getting out.

Somehow, in the back of my mind, I realize we were ambushed and attacked. And somewhere people are battling, Sophie and Biana and Keefe and Tam and Linh and _Fitz_. 

I get tackled. I roll forwards, kicking out with a foot. I hit someone. I start running.

There are people _everywhere_ – I knew that tons of creatures lived here, but not this many. I pick a direction and dive into it, throwing anyone in a black cloak onto the floor. I stumble backwards, and hit a familiar form.

Sophie has flames licking up and down her hands and her neon hair has gone a step further and turned _into_ fire, twisting above her head and sending flakes of light into the sky. She notices me. Her eyes widen.

As if in slow motion, she turns towards me. The light goes out, and she reverts to normal. Not elemental normal – her eyes turn from orange back to their original brown, her hair no longer its acidic yellow but once again dirty blonde.

In this moment, that is too long to be real, the Sophie in front of me looks like the awkward girl I met at Foxfire years ago, stuttering and uncomfortable and my best friend. She isn’t the elemental of the Sun, she isn’t the Moonlark, she isn’t scary or powerful. Nothing has broken us. And she leans forward and with sad eyes, kisses me on the cheek.

The ground collapses beneath me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that's the end of Rooting! There are five parts to this series - rooting, growing, budding, flowering, and the epilogue, with each part cut into chapters. I believe that will come out to three chapters each part plus the epilogue, so thirteen. Stay tuned :)


	4. Growing (Part One)

I have no idea where I am. My head hurts.

“Your head hurts, Dex?” I whisper, standing on trembling legs. “You’re bleeding out.” It’s soaking my shirt and bubbling out though my fingers. Thick and dark and gloopy, but silent. What was it? Silent killer? I can’t feel much. I choke out a wheezing laugh, and take a step towards the building in front of me. I crumble towards the ground, eyes locking on a planet engraved into the stone arch.

It’s warm. Why is it warm? It’s winter. I try to remember if it was warm when I passed out, but my memory is a haze. My eyes snap open. _Bleeding out._ I was bleeding out. I feel oddly tied down so I try to move my head but all that comes out is a gasp. When I try again I am more successful, glancing down to see what’s holding me.

The shriek that comes out of my mouth doesn’t sound very human.

Masses of green plants, grotesquely swollen wrap around my body, pulsing and twisting and blooming and dying. They look like they’re erupting out of my torso, where the gash was. They spin and twist and pulse and bloom and die and grow and twist tighter and tighter and tighter-

“What’s wrong with me?” I gasp. “What’s wrong? What’s going on? Help me. _Help me._ ” There are tears falling now and I’m wriggling, and I hurt all over and my head’s dropped down back against the stone with a hollow thunk.

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? WHY AM I TIED DOWN I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS PLEASE HELP ME WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME? _WHATS WRONG WITH ME?_ ” I scream, my throat raw, my voice desperate, my breath gasping and pained, my side on fire, so reminiscent of the burn that I know is there.

I’m sobbing now, trying my best to convulse and curl in on myself, protect my body from view and harm. But I’m exposed and open and everyone can see me _everyone can see me and I have no protection-_

Cold hands cup my cheeks and I freeze, looking into the deep brown eyes of an old woman with huge white hair and deep, warm skin. “Calm, Earth. You’ll be alright.”

“What happened?” I whimper.

“You’ve been brought here. It took a lot out of your body, but you’ll be okay. The gash on your side is still healing; the damaged skin there isn’t helping.”

“W-why,” I cough, and she frowns, her grey eyebrows pulling together. “Why are there plants everywhere?”

“They can heal you much better than I ever can. The Earth takes care of its own. Mother Earth balances itself out.”

“Mother Earth…” I mutter, my eyes falling closed. I’m so tired. I’m not sure if I’m panicking anymore. I can’t think.

“Was once an Earth elemental herself, actually. Quite legendary.”

My eyes snap back open at her words, and I realize, in a rush, that she is speaking the enlightened language. “What’s going on?” I question again, agitated.

“The plants are healing you, Earth. You must stay calm. Would you like a something to help you sleep?”

I blink up at her. “Where are we? How much longer is this going to take?”

“You ask so many questions, take a breath. We’re in Indonesia, in the temple of the Earth. If you would like, you can get up now, but you’ll be achy and sore for a very long time. Another hour or two should do it.”

Exhaustion pulls at my core, so I nod. She smiles at me, laugh lines around her eyes, and I fall asleep with the feeling of her cold hands on my cheeks.

When I blink my eyes open once again, I’m no longer tied down. My side now contains a swirling tattoo, a cluster of white and red anemones littered over the burn, their stems and leaves branching down and around. I touch them with my fingers. The plants respond in kind, gaining more color and shuddering, snaking towards my finger like it’s the sunlight.

“Your first elemental tattoo?” A voice questions from somewhere in front of me. It’s different than the old woman’s – it has an accent on it, like the language doesn’t sit right on their tongue. 

The man leaning on the doorway looks to be about thirty, and has nice eyes. He looks like the woman too. I nod slowly, and he smiles. 

“Come upstairs, we’ve been waiting for you to wake up.” He disappears out the doorway. I stand, and collapse, my legs giving way underneath me. 

A lightning bolt spears through my spine, and I gasp, eyes flying open. The world is so big and energetic and bright and _whole;_ the Earth is everywhere. I can feel everything underneath me and around me. I’m connected – to everything.

The ground is grass, which is odd, because there’s no sunlight – just stone walls and a soft waterfall. Lilies spin on the water, fish flitting beneath it. There’s a box of food discarded to the left, as if it’s someone’s chore to come down and feed the fish in the morning. The center is the stone slab I was laying on. There are vines still wrapped around the base, no longer grotesque and pulsing. On the back wall, carved into the stone, is a globe – like the one I saw in the arch.

We’re in a temple of some sort, that I can tell. It’s old, mostly stone, but with more recent furnishings as well. I follow the sound of chatter and laughter, arriving in an open space out back. A terrace stretches out, similar to the one back at Alluveterre, (Alluveterre what happened at Alluveterre is everyone alright what’s going on is anyone dead Fitz is Fitz okay) where the woman, the man, and a toddler are sitting and eating food.

“Hello, Earth!” The woman calls, gesturing for me to sit next to them. An empty bowl is waiting for me, so she picks it up and dishes me some food. I can’t quite tell what it is, but after living with the gnome’s random ass cooking; I just pick it up and start shoveling it into my mouth.

“How are you feeling?” The man asks, setting down his bowl and helping the toddler, his daughter, I would expect, to eat her food.

“Alright,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Achy. Weird. You said that this was the temple of the Earth?”

The woman nods. “An entire temple, dedicated just to you. Isn’t that shocking? The elementals show up every once in a while, needing to be helped and trained. And we’re here for them. I have to admit, after seeing the previous one as a young adult, I expected there not to be another one in my lifetime. But here you are.” She looks me up and down, her smile falling into a concerned frown. “So young.”

“You knew Bronte?”

“ _Know_ is a better word. And yes, my parents and I trained him.”

I stand, (my legs trembling). “I have to get back. They need me. They were fighting and killing and-” I choke back a sob. “ _What if someone’s dead?_ ”

The man and woman give me matching expressions of pity. “Earth, you’re injured. You can barely walk properly. The only reason you made it up here is because the healing gave you energy. You need food and time to rest. And where even is the place you’re looking for?”

I blink at the three people sitting in front of me, and slowly sit down. “I have no idea.”

She shrugs. “Well then, I guess you’re stuck here with us, Earth.”

“Dex.”

“Yes?’”

“My name, it’s Dex. Dexter Dizznee.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Dexter. Welcome to Indonesia.”

They gave me a nice and simple dormitory off to one side, with open-air windows and white netted curtains. They end up being right about healing room giving me energy, as the next morning I’m so sore I can barely move. The old woman comes in to see me, clicks her tongue, and returns a bit later (I fell asleep again) with some of her son’s soup.

“Oh, and, my name is Dewi. My son is Zahn, and his daughter’s name is Wayan.”

Dewi had mostly accepted how sore I was, content to let me lay in bed for the day, but Zahn came by later with a few plants and set them next to my bed. He told me that they might help me feel more at home. I’m not sure if I agree, but I thanked him anyway.

The day after, though, I feel much better. I hobble my way outside, finding the family in the kitchen. I’m surprised to find that it, unlike the rest of the temple, is fairly modern, with a stainless steel oven and beautiful marble countertops.

I sit next to Wayan at the counter, my whole body sighing in relief. Zahn is cooking ferociously, and wordlessly pushes a plate of food at me. It’s good. He must have made the food last night as well.

“Where’s Dewi?” I question once he winds down, coming to sit by his daughter’s side with his own meal.

“Probably working outside in the gardens. You should go see her, she would like that.”

After finishing and putting my plate in the appropriate place, I wander out the back, trying to find where the gardens start. It isn’t hard – the moment I exit I’m practically inside of them, a fountain just in front of me and hedges and walls extending back into some sort of maze.

Dewi is in the second section, whistling as she tucks small buds into the ground. She grins when she sees me, shifting over and gesturing for me to kneel next to her. I let out a very loud groan as I crouch, but am able to make it down without falling into the beds.

“Selamat pagi, Dexter!” She calls brightly, slapping me on the back with a mud-covered glove. “That’s Indonesian for good morning, if you didn’t know. Zahn and I are going to have to teach you some while you’re here.”

“Why?” I question, still annoyed about her making me kneel while sore.

She shrugs. “Souvenir.”

I roll my eyes. 

“The gardens here are sacred, as they’re plants and this is, you know… the _Earth_ temple. Zahn and I do what we can to keep them looking in tip top shape, but there’s only so much we can do in comparison to you guys. You just glance at a plant, and boom! It’s happy. I have to tend to it, and weed it, and water it…”

“Yes,” I mutter, reaching out to brush the flower she’s tending to with my fingertips. “But the Earth treats all plants the same. No matter what kind, we encourage them to grow. So while I will grow flowers, I will also grow what you would refer to as weeds.”

She turns and nods once, smiling. “Very true, Earth.”

I shrug. “So, you gonna teach me how to use my powers?”

She laughs. “It’s never going to be that simple. The lovely thing about Earth is, it’s a lot of knowing your environment. So I’m going to teach you how to garden first.”

Armed with another painful slap on the back and my bare hands, I get to work.

I manage to feel two _completely_ different shades of sore the next morning – one from the healing itself, and one from the grueling work Dewi put me through. And let’s not forget the fucking three-year-old bouncing on me, with no regard for the recently-healed gash on my side.

“Bangun sekarang, makan sarapan! Nenek pengen ketemu kamu!”

I can’t understand her Indonesian, but she gets off the bed and waves for me to follow her out the door, so I do what she says. I’m sluggish and exhausted, and eventually she, with an overdramatic sigh, returns to me and grabs one of my hands in her tiny ones and pulls.

“Cepeten!”

I pick up the pace slightly, even though her pulling does absolutely nothing. I could probably throw her if I tried. Not that I would ever throw an actual fucking child. 

When we arrive in the kitchen, her dad starts speaking to her rapidly and Dewi turns her attention to me.

“How are you feeling?”

I sigh and sit down at the counter, quietly thanking Zahn when he passes me a bowl of food.

“No, it’s makasih. Thank you is makasih. Come, Dexter, put some work into it!”

My head hurts and my body feels weird and I give her a thin lipped smile, eat three bites of the food, and escape out towards the garden. I remember the way out the back from yesterday and return to the fountain, sitting on the ledge. With shaking hands, I reach up and trace the pearls set into the center.

The repetitive motion eventually helps me calm my racing heart and panicked state of mind, and I close my eyes, pressing both my palms to the side and breathing deeply. It feels centering, the rough stone and age underneath my fingers. It’s cool and still in contrast to the humidity all around me. I’m not used to this weather. I’m not used to _any_ of this.

“I’m sorry, Dex, I didn’t realize you weren’t feeling well.” Dewi sits down next to me at the fountain, watching the water pool into the basin. “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

At that moment, I think to myself, for the first time, how odd this all is. I trust this random family, an excitable old woman, a caring father, and a cheery toddler, that I’ve only know for a few days. I slowly lift my hand from the pearls and turn towards her.

“When I left, there was a fight going on. I’m part of a rebel group in my society, that was initially created by the previous elementals to protect us. They knew they had to train us one day, so they made a place to take care of us.”

“Bronte?”

“No, the elementals of the pearl and sky, two twins named Eurus and Alana.”

“Ah, Eurus. I know about him.”

“But the group expanded from the elementals to fighting corruption in the government. Our world is so posh and blind that something like that actually works. But of course, we’re not the only people with that idea. There’s another group with more… violent notions. We both want change, they’re just willing to burn the world to the ground and rebuild to get what they want.

“I was in my room, and it _collapsed_ on me. I was able to use my powers to push away the wood and climb into the fray. I ran to my friend and tried to help and then she… kissed me on the cheek. And the ground gave way underneath me. I came here.”

Dewi nods, giving me a moment of silence to process. I realize, after a second, that she’s allowing me to continue if I want to. So I do.

“I haven’t really thought about it since the first day here. I left at the very beginning. I didn’t see who was winning or losing. I don’t know if anyone is hurt or even dead! I don’t know what’s happening. And there’s no way for me to know. And I don’t know what to do. I’m so _scared_.”

Dewi turns towards the fountain and brushes the stone with the back of one hand. “You’re not going to want to hear this.”

“Probably not.”

“You need to be here. You’re _supposed_ to be here. All Earth elementals, and I mean _all of them,_ unless there are extenuating circumstances, come here to be trained.”

“Why just me? Why can’t I be trained another time?” Frustration leaks into my voice, and I rub my face with one hand. “What about the Earth is so _fucking_ special that I have to leave my friends and _family_ in danger?”

Dewi watches me, her eyes sad. “If I really believed that you needed to go back, then I would send you back. But don’t you deserve a little bit of time to yourself? Just _for_ yourself?”

I glance up at her and _glare._ And I run. My anger echoes through each footfall. I collapse next to one of the beds and stick my hands into the dirt. The plants grow with my frustration. She doesn’t follow me.

On the fifth day at the temple, it rains. It’s loud and cracking and penetrates every room of the house, overwhelming and unbearable. There’s nothing I can do to escape from the storm, even after shoving my head under pillows and blankets and singing to myself. Eventually, I relent, sitting in the front doorway and watching the water fall.

I don’t know how long I sit there before someone finds me. To my surprise, Zahn joins me on the step, bouncing Wayan on his lap.

“Is it Sky or Pearl?” He questions, not taking his eyes off of his daughter.

“What?”

“Who are you sitting here for, Sky or Pearl?”

I stare at him, eyes wide, and eventually he sighs. “My mother tells me stories about the time that Bronte was here when she was younger. It was a long time ago – she had not even met my father. She found him, the first time it rained, sitting and watching the water fall. He too was waiting for someone. So I’m asking, Sky or Pearl?”

I slowly curl my hands into fists. “Pearl.”

Zahn hums in response, speaking in quiet tones with his daughter. She babbles happily, and I open my eyes to watch him pull her back from running around in the puddles.

“It was Sky for Bronte, wasn’t it?” I ask, watching as Wayan starts to eat a lock of her father’s hair.

“Yes. Mom said that you knew him. Eurus.”

The sky must’ve decided that a day of rain was enough, because the next day is hot as death. Everything is cracked and dry, and Dewi enlists the whole family to help all of the plants not die from the sudden, and painful, shift in temperature.

It’s hours of hot work, and my skin feels stiff and peeling and _so_ uncomfortable. Dewi gives me one look and dumps her bucket of cold water all over my crouched form, the hydration and cool temperature makes me feel miles better. She pats my now soaked head and mutters, “Practically a plant yourself.”

We’re trapped inside the day after because of a lightning storm, so Zahn takes it on himself to teach me pottery. They have an entire room dedicated to it, and he promises that one day soon, when the weather permits, he’ll take me on a hike to get the clay from a river and prepare it myself.

The watery clay gets under my fingernails and feels disgusting, but Zahn’s practiced words guide me until I’ve managed to create _something_. I don’t like how it looks, but he just laughs and says that’s what the first pot is always like. Wayan tries to eat some of the clay. Tries is the key word – this must happen pretty often, because he scolds her in Indonesian when she even starts to _look_ at it funny.

I end up making a second pot. This time is, shockingly, even worse. I accidentally make one of the walls too thin and rip a hole in it with my fingernail. He clicks his tongue, and teaches me how to restart.

Two days later, a pair of clay pots appear in my room with flowers in them. I keep them alive.

After what must be two weeks of living here, packed with learning to cook and do pottery and helping in the gardens and going on walks and exploring, Dewi decides that it’s time for me to start some official training. 

“You’re doing well,” she tells me with a bright smile, like I’ve been working this whole time. “I think you may be ready for the deep stuff.” I’m not quite sure what the ‘deep’ stuff is, but she sends me to bed early and tells me to come see her in the morning.

The nights are different here. Before, the only noises I would ever hear at night (other than Fitz’s breathing) were the quiet sounds of people talking. But in Indonesia, there are the bugs and Wayan and Zahn scrambling around. Sometimes Dewi goes for a midnight walk, and makes no attempt to be quiet. If I listen hard enough, I can hear cars and busses in the distance, honking their horns and puttering along unforeseen roads. Something about it is calming, laying here with my plants and listening to the human world, not too far away.

Zahn greets me in the morning with two backpacks – Dewi and I are going on a long hike. When I ask for details, he only smiles lightly and tells me to put on the shoes next to the counter. It’s cryptic, but I don’t want to bother him too much, so I do as I’m told. Eventually, the woman in question appears, wearing her normal outfit but somehow more chipper than usual. “Ready to do some hiking, Earth?”

I nod, so she slaps me painfully on the back and we set off.

First, we hike up a mountain. It takes hours and hours, and is painful on my legs. When I complain, Dewi shoots me a look and slows her pace slightly, but we’re moving the whole time. As we walk, she points out landforms. Mountains and hills and valleys and interlocking spurs. It feels a bit like a topography lesson, but then it’s biology: species, but also cells. We stop every once in a while, and she quizzes me on the tree type, and I have to stand there and look confused long enough before she relents and tells me the answer. At least I’m learning.

After ages of intermittent long silences, we stop in the middle of a field of grass. We’re _so_ high up, on the crest of a hill, and the wind whips through my hair. The sun is hanging behind us, lazing down away from the peak of its arc, and I reach down to brush the top of the blades with my fingers.

“Listen, Dexter. Tell me what you hear.”

I shoot her _another_ confused look but close my eyes, letting my senses broaden to the world around me. The wind makes a light swooshing noise, rustling the grass and shaking the tree leaves. There are crickets and a few birds off towards where the forest ends, singing in the light of day. The sun is warm on my back. But underneath it all is a happy bubbling, the sound of a creek tumbling over rocks.

I walk towards the noise, and after a few minutes of searching, locate a tiny stream in the dirt. Dewi laughs when she sees it, crouching down to poke her finger in the tiny flow.

“This, here, Dexter, is the source of a river. This river continues for ages and ages, all the way down to the sea. But it begins here, in a random grassy field.”

My eyes trace the sparkling stream. “Why did you bring me here?”

“Look around you, Earth, what do you see? The sun, shining down on us. The wind whipping its way through grass and clouds and trees. A tiny river, spurting up in nature. These are the four elements. Sun, Sky, Pearl, and you: Earth.”

I follow her finger as she points out each element in turn, landing lastly on me.

She fixes me with a fierce gaze. “And where are we? The Earth. Of all of the elements, Earth is nurturer of all. Of all of the elements, Earth is required for the others to even _exist_. Earth is the _most important element._ ”

“No?”

“What is the sun, without anything to shine on? Without a place and people to use fire, without a place to create weather and temperature and light? What is water, without a place to rest, without people and plants and animals to nurture, without a purpose? What is weather, without hills to blow on and days to affect, without ground to rain on? It all relies on the Earth.”

I stare at Dewi, who is watching me with a thoughtful expression. “All of the elements are important. All of the _elementals_ are important. Without the other three, you wouldn’t be able to do anything. But if they lost just _you,_ then they would all fall apart. You matter, Dexter.”

“So I can ruin _everything_?”

Dewi’s eyebrows raise, and she stands. “The last four elementals – it took one elemental one hour to ruin everything. The bigger they are the harder they fall. But you,” she turns back to me, a smile on her face. “I believe in you. Not just that you can do it, but that you are ready. Don’t take my faith and the importance for daunting expectations, take them for potential. You are their core, their heart.”

She continues down the mountain. “We’re going to follow this river to where it meets the sea. I’ll show you how the other elements can affect the land. The four of you are caught in an interwoven spider web of each other. You all depend on each other.”

Everything she’s saying overlaps and contradicts and confuses me, but I trail after her. As we walk, she reminds me constantly to make sure that we never lose track of the river. The hike is not too hard – the water carves out an easy path to follow. As it starts to grow, we walk _in_ it, jumping down rocks and into pools. We’re both soaked after only an hour, but the sun is beaming overhead, so it’s pleasant.

After two hours, we reach a waterfall. I can hear it coming up from ahead, and Dewi starts lecturing me on how waterfalls form as we reach it. She leads us out of the river – falling off into the pool at the bottom would not be a good idea – and around the side, so we can see the sheet of water. It’s beautiful in the light. We’re a bit too late to see the sun shining directly on it, but the water still glitters as it tumbles into the open air.

“I’m biased, of course, you can guess what my favorite element is, but when all of the elements work together like this, it’s so beautiful.” 

Dewi bounces on the balls of her feet, staring at the falls, then continues downstream. I want to stare at the water some more, to examine and memorize the way the light reflects and refracts against the surface, the sound that the water makes when it splashes against the pool, but I tear my gaze away.

Dewi seems to have forgotten the fact that she just gave me a dramatic speech, because she immediately jumps right back into lessons about geography and plant types and biology. I listen quietly as we walk, trying to process and learn at the same time.

When the sun starts to set, Dewi picks us a spot next to the river and starts setting up camp. It’s much wider now, the land much flatter. She earlier instructed me on the way rivers change between the upper, middle, and lower course, pertaining to the slope of the land, but I can’t really remember it now.

“Stop staring at the river, Earth, and come eat something. I just heated it up.”

I take the warm bowl from her, and sigh in relief as I start to eat. I glance up at Dewi, who is staring at her bowl intently. I watch in surprise as the liquid on the top slowly starts to steam, and I glance down at my own meal, stirring it with the spoon she gave me.

“Dewi,” I ask, narrowing my eyes. “How did you warm these bowls?”

She jumps, just barely managing to not spill soup on herself. She sets the bowl into her lap and presses her palms into the ground. Something about it reminds me of Sophie. She always does that when she’s worried, because she doesn’t want her hands to catch on-

My jaw drops. “You’re a pyrokinetic.”

Dewi flinches. That’s all the answer I need.

“How? You’re human? How are you an elf too? How did you get an ability?”

She picks up her spoon and bowl and stares at it. “I’m half elf. I don’t have very good control of it, and I don’t like to talk about. So I just… pretend that it’s not there. It aids me when I need it, but most of the time I just don’t use it.”

“Does Zahn know? And one of your parents was an elf? Are they still alive? How did this even happen?”

She looks up at me, her gaze intense. “You are not the first elf to not like the way the lost cities are. Some chose to, instead, go back to the olden ways. Integrate themselves in the human community, not worry or think about what was happening in the other half of their world. They just lived normal lives, selling part of their inheritance and buying a house somewhere. Falling in love. Simple stuff. Simple lives.

“My father… he tried to do that, but by falling in love with the temple owner, he just reintroduced himself to the elven culture. I don’t know if Bronte ever realized that my father was an elf, but if he did he didn’t ever comment on it. When my mother became sick, he chose to… depart the Earth with her.”

My eyes widen. “ _Oh_.”

“I used to be very angry at him for choosing that path. I was scared and alone, and when the fire started appearing he told me to suppress it and hide it. Not all half elves manifest. It sickened me to find that the ability had recently been banned in even the elven world. And then he left me all alone.

“And of _course_ Zahn doesn’t know. God, why would I put him through that? The boy isn’t showing any signs of being elven himself, so it’s fine. He doesn’t need to know unless it becomes a problem.”

“You say you _used_ to be angry, yet you treat this whole thing like a curse.” 

I know the moment I’ve said it that it was too far, too personal, that it’s not really my business. Dewi drops her bowl on the ground with a loud clatter and walks away upstream, retracing our previous steps.

I watch her go quietly, and move to sit by the river. I finish my meal and settle down to wait. She’ll come back, she just needs some time. I stick my hand in the water, and think, somewhere far away, about the time that Fitz and I sat in the river so long ago.

_Rows of houses, sound asleep…_

_Only streetlights, notice me…_

_I am desperate, if nothing else…_

_In a holding pattern, to find myself…_

When Dewi and I get back to the house the next day, Zahn doesn’t comment on her uncharacteristically quiet behavior. During the walk itself she didn’t avoid her job, continuing to point out the local flora and fauna, but her earlier energy and excitement was gone.

It was late, and I was tired, so I just went to bed.

When I get up the next morning, Dewi is nowhere to be found. Zahn isn’t telling me anything, so I give up and wander into the garden to take care of some of the plants. I take each section in turn, brightening the flowers and strengthening the trees. Encouraging the ivy on the benches and giving stems strength.

This part is easy. I know that I’m supposed to be able to manipulate things – draw plants out of the air, create trees and vines in seconds, grow an entire field of flowers without breaking a sweat. Move the Earth, break rocks with my mind, everything. This part is easy. The plants take the energy from me themselves, I just have to let them. If I try too hard I overload and kill them. But just a tap and a smile and a thought and they’re so much happier.

If only I could do that with people.

As I descend deeper into the garden – the first, second, third section, then the row of three, then another two and back to the sixth row – I push through an ivy-covered side door into a small walled garden. I am reminded, vaguely, of a human book I read when I was a child.

A giant tree arches over two gravestones. It’s is dying, and I don’t need to be the elemental of the Earth to tell. And Dewi is kneeling there, in the center, in front of the stones. She has a bouquet of flowers in her hands, and is staring down at the left stone.

I know she heard me come in, but she doesn’t react. I’m not sure what to do, where to go, but as I’m desperately deciding what to do, the tree shifts, leaves falling in a rush. I step around her and towards it, carefully avoiding the graves as I come to stand near the warped stump. I place both my palms on the bark and close my eyes.

I know that this is a stereotypical pose, but it works. Because I can think of nothing but the bark under my fingertips and the hot energy running through my body. It’s been depleted from the rest of the work I did this morning, but as I start to pour it into the tree I realize that it’s deeper than I thought it was. That I’m more powerful than I thought I was.

_Earth is the nurturer of all… Earth is the most important of all of the elements._

This tree can take what I’m giving it. It’s not young, it’s not fragile. Underneath my palms I can feel other energy, something darker and thicker than mine. I realize that I am not the first person to give energy to this tree, to heal it and help it and grow it. I can feel elementals much older than me here, standing where I am now, giving life to this towering giant of bark and leaves.

When I step back and open my eyes, there are tendrils of light snaking around the area, green and gold and brown and glowing and _lovely._ The tree is alive once again, covered with rich green leaves and pale flowers reaching _up and up and up_ towards the sky. Behind me, Dewi stands, watching the light dissipate into the sky.

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen this tree so alive.”

“I- I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. It wasn’t my place.”

“Ah, but you still believe it was correct?” She chuckles, alleviating my worry with a shake of her head. “Don’t worry, you were right. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about my father, and it’s not necessarily something I enjoy. But nor is being half elf. You are right that I treat it like a curse, but I do not _want_ to enjoy it. I would much rather live here with my son and granddaughter and pretend to be fully human. I can live in denial. I am alright with that.”

She lightly lays her hand on my shoulder. “We can still like to start your training tomorrow, if you want.”

I nod, and smile. “Alright.” She returns her attention to the tree, smiling brightly at it. “Uh, Dewi, can I ask you a question?”

She glances back towards me, one eyebrow raised. “Yes, Dexter?”

“You said something, yesterday, about going back to the way it was. Elves going to the human world to go back to the way it was.”

She nods slowly. “And?”

“What were you talking about?”

Dewi smiles, slapping me painfully on the back. “We are one.”

I watch her leave with a confused frown.

Over the next few days, Dewi teaches me what our training regime is going to be. While there will be time for us to work directly on my power, we’ll spend much of the time doing other stuff that will supplement. She did say that Earth is about knowing your environment.

First is exercise and self-defense – a lot of what we were doing with Eurus and Alana before. When I wake up, somewhere around 8:30, I go on an hour long run around the property. We spend a morning mapping out the route – by the river, down the gardens, around the temple. We do self-defense in the evenings. She starts with different things than them. When I mention it, she says that I can just intertwine the three to my advantage.

After running and breakfast in the morning, we garden for a few hours. What we do exactly varies from day to day, but she manages to keep up a steady stream of chatter as we weed beds, fill in old spaces, and clean off and scrub the fountains. After about an hour, we move to the back. There’s one section we discovered with a stone floor, and a couple areas with broken fountains. The combination of my improving stone powers and her engineering expertise allows us to, painstakingly, fix it all.

Then: an hour of free time before lunch, and quick meal with Zahn and Wayan. Dewi will join us sometimes, but most often she takes a nap in her room.

After lunch is teaching. Biology, geography, flora and fauna. Either Dewi or Zahn will lead, depending on the day, but every once and a while they’ll just hand me a book and leave me alone. It’s nice to curl up on the couch after working outside all morning.

Finally, _finally_ , after all that, is working with powers. The first time that Dewi told me I shouted in excitement, slapping her on the back the same way she does to me. The stuff we do is difficult and time consuming and practice, practice, _practice_.

“Alright. There are two main parts to Earth, as you know: ground and plants. I can tell what your preference is, and because you have a preference you are always going to work better in that field than the other, but you must _at least_ understand the other half and be able to do some basic work in it. Even if it’s not comfortable for you, the better that you are at one side, the quicker and farther you will be able to move in the other.”

She gestures to the row of pebbles in front of us. “Lift them.”

Something about this is so easy. I don’t have to feel out with my magic, I don’t have to imagine little hands carrying them, they just raise, the same way that your legs just step forwards when you want to walk.

“There are two parts to magic training: strength and precision. This is precision. If I asked you to lift a boulder, that would be strength. The two together make power.”

What we start with is just raw energy. Lifting, moving, throwing. But then she asks me to slice the boulder in half, and seam it back together. When I struggle, unable to even process what she means, she gives me a stick. A fucking stick that she picked up from the ground.

“There is a reason that magicians use wands, that healers use staves, that people use their hands. This is something tactile. Try it with this.”

I make a slashing motion, and watch, eyes wide, as it crumbles into dust. It takes a couple more tries before it breaks without falling apart, and a long time before it’s a clean slice. And _then_ we have to work with just my bare hands.

“While I want you to have as many tools at your disposal as possible for you to succeed, you must understand that in a fight people will take things away from you. You must always be able to function with just your hands and the Earth underneath you and nothing else.”

Sometimes the lessons are like lifting weights, carrying stones with my mind and throwing pebbles at a target. Sometimes Zahn sits me in front of a pottery wheel and has me shape the clay with only my mind and the feeling of the dirt in front of me. One time, he takes me to the riverbank and has me separate the stones and plants from the raw clay, purifying it with only the feel of it under my fingers and the difference between rock and plant matter and water.

It all sounds so easy, but doing this over and over and over again with no improvement… it’s just… I came into this business with a lot under my fingers, with a lot of skill and talent already, but no. I have to break the boundaries and build and every time that I think I’ve gotten far enough I have to go _farther_ , and _farther_ , and _farther_.

I sit there for five minutes, carrying a 10-pound stone above my head. And then it’s longer. And then it’s a 25, 50, 70, 100-pound stone. Dewi makes me dodge things while I’m carrying it. I have to tend to the garden while it hangs over my head like a threat. It’s strength training, I know. It’s important, I know. But sometimes I feel like I’m going to cry into the flower beds with the pain and the push this is putting me through. 

And we haven’t even started training with plants yet.

“Dexter, bangun tidur.” _Dexter, wake up._

I groan and sit up, rolling my aching shoulders. “Lya, Iya, apa ini?” _Yes, yes, what is it?_

Zahn is watching me from just inside the door. “Come on, there’s something we want to show you.”

I, still in my pajamas, follow Zahn to the living room. Dewi and Wayan are standing there, conversing animatedly in Indonesian. I can pick out a few words, but most of it is gibberish, especially to my tired brain.

Dewi is wearing a yellow and orange striped bikini, with a white cloth tied around her waist and a bag over her shoulder. Her long and coarse white hair is not in a braid as usual, but piled on her head in a massive bun. Wayan is wearing a huge shirt over what I’m assuming is another swimsuit, and has a pout on her face.

I glance back at Zahn, who I realize is also wearing a suit – trunks and a t-shirt. He reveals a pair of swim trunks from behind his back and hands them to me with a smile. “Would you like a day off?”

When Zahn carried a surfboard to the beach, I expected him to get on it and go off. But to my surprise, which really shouldn’t be, Dewi takes it from him right away and abandons him with his daughter in the sand. I leave them too, diving into the ocean and letting my tired and achy body enjoy the water around me.

_Fitz, I’m here. I’m so sorry I’m gone. I don’t know what’s happening with you, and I’m sorry I left. But god I needed this and I’m learning so much and if I could change one thing it would be to have you here with me. There’s a fountain in the back in the garden with pearls on it and I like to go sit by it when I’m upset and lean my head against it and pretend I’m leaning my head against you._

_I miss you so much. I wish you were here. There’s so much I could say and yet I’m just here, with Dewi, this badass old woman who likes to slap me on the back which is so painful, and her son, Zahn, who doesn’t talk a lot but he’s an amazing chef and potter and he’s really good at board games. And his daughter, Wayan, who has so much energy and is kind of annoying but so sweet, and I think she’s still suspicious of me but that’s okay._

I break the surface for air and turn to watch Dewi come down off a wave, somehow looking even more majestic on the water than she is normally. The wave starts to get too much and she artfully dives off, leaving the board for Zahn to retrieve at the shore.

I dunk my head back under the water.

_Did you know that the first day I was here, I was hurt? Somewhere between the building collapsing on me and coming through the Earth tunnel caused me to get this wound in my side, right over the burn. I got an elemental tattoo over it – a group of anemones and vines. They grow and die and whenever I touch them they turn towards my fingers like I’m the sun. I know that you have a few tattoos, but this is my first one. I haven’t checked in a while, but with all of this training I’m sure I have a few more._

I rub the backs of my arms, suddenly cold. I decide to return to the sand and help Wayan with her messy castle.

_I miss you, Snowfall. Be safe._

The fridge breaks. It’s electrical, we can all tell that much. I offer to fix it – even if I’m no longer a technopath, I’m sure I remember _something._ I manage to locate some paneling, but the wires are just a mush of unrecognizable plastic. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to rely on instinct. They shock me.

They _shock_ me. I didn’t even realize that technopathy made me resistant to electricity until it started to happen to me again. I clutch my hand to my chest and back up, eyes tearing up. (Why am I sad? _Why am I sad?_ ) Dewi calls a repairperson the next day. I sit in my room, knees to my chest, curled in a ball. A plant tickles my cheek, and I come face-to-face with one of my potted plants.

I reach out and brush it.

 _I am Dexter Dizznee of the Earth, and I vow to only use the Earth for the betterment of the universe._ I close my eyes, dropping my head to rest on the wood door behind me.

“What the fuck was I getting myself into?”

The fourteen rocks are in a circle around me. I raise them and spin them around my head until I can barely decipher one from the other. In even beats, I ricochet one off of the loop and towards the tree that Dewi has directed me to, slamming right into the center. The last one embeds itself in the bark, and I wince.

Dewi clicks her tongue. “A little too much force on the last one, but you’re doing well. You’ll have to decide whether you want this attack to hurt, knock out, or… do more damage.”

I pick up the group of stones and deposit them by the edge of the garden for us to work with later as Dewi leads us to our spot in the gardens. While we work on the stone floor and fountains in the mornings, after a lot of training Dewi and I have realized that my weakest spot with stonework is reunifying – remerging broken pieces of stone. Fixing ancient cracked flooring is good practice of that.

I crouch down at the area she’s directed me to and run my fingers along the breach. It’s in tiles, so I don’t have to work with giant swaths of stone. I can feel the inch-thick layer, and shift the tiles around under my fingers until they return to their previous alignment. There are a few chips missing at the edges, so I grab a pile of excess stone that Dewi brought in and get to work.

Fusing stone is an odd process. The easiest way for me to do it is a combination of thinking about it like a supple material, and thinking about the structure on its atomic layer. This stone is all one material (ignoring impurities), so I just need to rebind the areas where it’s missing. However, I cannot create the atoms from scratch, so I have spare stone to mould into the cracks and fill in the gaps. It’s frustrating and painstaking, figuring out how much stone to add and putting in the energy to warp it, but I’m much better at it than I was before.

This crack in particular is fairly seamless, so I push tendrils of my magic into it to reform bonds where it can. Then, I take one of the stones that I grabbed earlier and shatter it into powder, shoving as much of it as I can into the crack while feeding my magic in. It takes some trial and error, and I have to overfill and shave off the cracked corners, but overall it goes well.

“All finished!” I call out to Dewi, sweeping up the excess stone and returning it to the pile in the corner. She wanders over to inspect my work, nodding thoughtfully at the now unified slab. The first time I did this, she stepped on it and it cracked again – that was before I understood what I was doing. 

I cried. I was tired and stressed and angry and I cried. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing myself, kept trying, and then I did it, finally, finally was able to unify stone. I took me days, and I did it. But it cracked, right in front of me. It all fell apart. 

I only had once piece to work with for hours. Starting again from scratch is always painful, but something about ripping open a wound you just healed aches at your soul. Exhaustion and anger churned inside of me until it came time to break it again and I slammed my flat palm against it, crumbling into dust. The expression that Dewi had on her face when she saw it haunted me.

But now, everything blends together smoothly, whole once again.

Dewi pulls out a tiny notebook from her back pocket. “Alright – strength, pebble precision, throwing pebbles, cutting stone, separating different kinds of stones, smashing stone, reunifying stone, warping stone…” She nods her way down the list, clicking her tongue. “Alright, Dexter, I think we’re ready to move onto plant. Would you like to start tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” I mutter, taking a deep breath. “Tomorrow.”

She smiles at me, slaps me on the back, and leaves me in the garden.

There aren’t many places to find raw stone around here that don’t belong specifically to Dewi, Zahn, and Wayan, but there _is_ one place – a ruin nearby. I had spotted it on my walk with Dewi, but she hadn’t said anything, so it must’ve been there for a while. But it had still scratched at my curiosity – ruins, so close to the Earth temple? And the fact that they’re so old?

My endurance is now actually really good, so I jog in the approximate direction. I don’t know exactly where they are, but I remember the path that Dewi and I took, and they’re visible from there. We were pretty close to the temple when she pointed them out, so it should be fine. It’s only four, so I have a few hours before I’m expected back. It’s more than enough time for me to go wander around for a little while.

It takes time, but I eventually locate the ruins. They’re larger than I thought, and destroyed – most of the original structure is gone. Something must have come by and crushed it before the weathering even started. A chunk of the wall lays away from the entrance, and I use my flat palm to split it. Without a baton of some sort, my work is messy and destructive, but it gets the desired effect, cracking the boulder in two.

The left half of the building is still visible, so I’m able to duck through the front doorway. Most of this room’s roof is still stable, but there are a few cracks where vines have broken through. Oh, and the entire right wall is gone.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and slam my foot into the stone.

The crack that’s formed is much like when glass shatters, the stone so weak underneath my powerful and practiced skin. It feathers out in all directions, destroying the floor underneath me. I realize, as the building starts to shake, that I am not scared of this falling on me, of burying me inside the same way that my room did long ago.

I can carry it now.

I sense all of the stone around me, my magic no longer in a tank in my core by running all through my fingers and arms and legs and feet, like a secondary blood stream, and _push_. Push the same way that I did before, push the same way I pushed the flimsy wood away, _push_.

The ancient, falling rubble explodes away from me. When I open my eyes, the stone is laid in a circle around me, the floor underneath my feet broken and destroyed. I poke a piece of rubble with my toe, and it shudders and drops into nothingness.

_There’s a basement._

I sprint onto the grass and brace my feet. This is where the heavy lifting comes in – I have to get all of this floor- no: _ceiling_ off so it doesn’t collapse on the preserved room below, but if I try to move it piece by piece, it’ll collapse into the room and destroy it.

I have to do it all at once.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and feel each piece of stone in front of me, one by one. I have to touch every single one with my mind so I know they’re there, or else I’ll miss them. Until the whole floor in front of me is mapped out in my brain. Mental and magical muscles straining, I lift my arms carry it above my head. I don’t have the energy to get it very far, nor to explode it like I did with the earlier rubble, so I just deposit it next to the chasm.

I lean over the edge and peer in. From what I can see, there are two rooms. What looks like a library, and a stone room with a stone rectangle in the middle of it, sitting abandoned. There’s a small hallway in the center with the remains of a wood ladder descending into it. I skirt around the edge and leap down the ladder, entering the library.

It must have been dark before I ripped the roof off, but the idea still lingers: dust coating the bookshelves, cobwebs littered in corners and between books, dead bugs on the floor. There’s a desk in the center of the room, a gas lamp set carefully to one side. The chair is still pulled back, as if someone had just stood from it only a moment ago.

The memory is so thick it makes me shudder.

Atop the table is an open book. The layer of grime is thick enough to obscure the pages but not adhered: I’m able to wipe it off with the back of my hand in one careful motion. The words are faded and odd – Indonesian, I think. But I recognize the black and white picture – it’s of four elves, standing in front of Foxfire. They look only a few years older than me, with bright smiles on their faces. They look so… hopeful. There are symbols underneath each of them – Earth, pearl, sky, and sun. The Earth symbol has a line underneath it, a brief stroke of emphasis.

“This is the temple of the Earth,” I whisper to no one at all, reaching out to brush the picture with the tip of my finger.

I suddenly remember the other room and cross quickly to it, and the shape is familiar: the Earth room, the healing room, where I woke up. I can see the same crevices in the wall and floor where the water would fall from and into, and the slight impressions in the stone to make it more comfortable to lay in. My hand comes up to brush my side.

“I should take these back to Dewi,” I mutter, quickly running my fingers through my hair. It smacks against my cheek, and I realize, surprised, that it almost brushes my shoulders now. It has been slightly too long for a while, but I didn’t realize that it had broken ‘short’ and come into ‘bob’.

I stand there, confused, but spur myself back into movement. I set my way back to the temple – we need to take these books with us. This time is much faster – I know where I’m going, and I have a set goal and know what to do. Wayan immediately spots me coming through, and I scoop her up on my way to the kitchen, not even interrupting my movement, and use my hip to push the door open.

“I found the ruins of the past Earth temple.”

The silence that follows would have been more prominent if Wayan hadn’t laughed and started playing with my hair. Dewi immediately stands, grabbing her jacket from the back of the chair. “Let’s go. Right now.”

Zahn nods, and not even three minutes later, the four of us are packed in Zahn’s old car and are barreling along the fields per my directions. It’s shaky, and Wayan laughs every time that we rock, but Dewi and Zahn are tense and nervous in a way that I don’t quite understand.

“Okay,” I say when we’re in range. I’m worried about the structural soundness of the ground and stone piles close by, so it’s better to keep the shaking to a minimum.

“How much farther?” Zahn asks, flexing his hands on the steering wheel.

I frown at him, opening the door and getting out, transferring Wayan to my back. “What do you mean? It’s right here.”

Zahn and Dewi follow me, dumbfounded, towards the ruin. Dewi keeps squinting and rubbing her eyes, and Zahn just looks… _really_ confused.

“Can you… not see it?” I question, glancing between the two of them.

“Just… vaguely,” Dewi mutters, tilting her head to the side.

“Why is it invisible to humans?” I ask aloud, biting my lip. “The photo was of four elves, so it must’ve been a refuge run by elves, so it was protected from humans, but why was it suddenly transferred to human care?”

Wayan yawns loudly, pressing her face against the back of my neck. 

“ _Because it wasn’t_ ,” I whisper, eyes widening. “Dewi… your dad… He didn’t get the temple from your mom, it was the other way around. He broke the tradition, and it just continued with you, Zahn, and Wayan.”

Dewi tugs on the end of her braid. “It seems so.”

I set Wayan down and start to descend the stairs. “I’ll grab the books and bring them back up. You guys can load them into the car.”

Dewi nods, still confused and discombobulated. Zahn turns to her, setting his hand on her shoulder. “What did he mean about your father?”

I tune out their conversation, grabbing a stack of books off of the first shelf and carrying them to the top of the stairs. During my third trip, I hear Zahn yell what sounds a lot like ‘WHAT THE FUCK MOM’ in Indonesian, and wince. After my fifth trip, Dewi comes back over, dejected, and grabs the first pile of books, taking them to the car. 

It takes an hour to unload the entire room, going up and down the stairs the whole time. My legs and arms are screaming, but I’ve gotten used to this pain after all my time with Dewi. Finally, ages later, I come to the last book – the one sitting on the desk. It’s so painful to disturb such a well preserved scene, but I take it anyway, joining the trio by the car.

“What was there?” Dewi asks, closing the trunk of the car and joining me in the front.

“In the basement were the library and a version of the Earth room – a stone slab on the ground and some dips in the floor. It was almost a carbon copy of the one back at home. Just… without all of the alive things.”

She doesn’t say anything else, just turns back to the road in front.

The tension between Dewi and Zahn permeates the house for the next few days. Dewi and I continue training as normal, nice and simple work. She’s distracted, so I give her space most of the time, using my spare time to go through the books that we brought back. There are over 200 of them, and it’s a hodgepodge.

From what I’ve determined, the book on the desk is one of the only ones in Indonesian – it was a journal. A lot of the books are research journals or textbooks, most likely for learning about the environment, like I’ve been with Dewi. However, there are some more journals, normal novels, and… even more I haven’t sorted yet. 

Eight days after we get back, it rains again. Not a storm, no lightning or thunder, just a lovely, constant pour. Just water upon water upon water. I go outside and sit on the bench, tilting my head up to the sky.

I sing to myself for a little while, trying to remember the words to Sophie’s favorite songs and ones that Linh mentioned. I end up circling back to the song that Fitz and I sang in the river. My voice dies halfway through. I groan, tilting my face up to the rain. “Fuck. What the _fuck_ do I do?”

“Snowfall. I keep forgetting what real world is. I keep forgetting the fact that we left in such a painful place, that I don’t know what happened to you and Sophie and Linh and Keefe and Tam and Biana. I’m just here, and I’m just living, and I haven’t thought about any of it in so long.”

I take a deep breath, rubbing water out of my eyes. “I know that you would say some bullshit about taking care of myself and that it’s not a bad thing to not think about painful experiences, but I’ve adapted _so fast_. This is just home now. This is just life now. I don’t even know what’s happened to my parents!”

Overwhelmed, I return to the house, grabbing the towel I discarded by the door and using it to rub the water out of my hair. My throat is burning and my eyes are stinging but my hands are sure as I pick up the next book to sort.

This always calms me. This will calm me. It’s fine. It’s okay. _Okay? Okay._

I take a deep breath, looking down at the book in front of me, careful not to drip rain on it. When I recognize the title, I can’t stop the tears from coming. I throw the book back onto the ground and curl up inside my towel, trying my hardest to protect myself from the world around me. To make it quiet and safe and alone and-

My parent’s voices are lilting as they read, hands moving animatedly to punctuate the speech. The triplets are mostly asleep, bright eyes drooping, collapsed against each other. I’m sitting on Dad’s lap, gripping his finger in tiny fists as he traces it across the page.

There’s a warm hand rubbing my back, and I pretend that it’s Dad’s rough palms, or Mom’s chilly hands, or Fitz’s sure and comforting touch, I pretend that I’m home and safe and not the elemental of the Earth with this family that I’ve only known for however the fuck long I’ve been here.

“Earth, _Dex_ , what’s wrong?”

Dewi’s voice breaks the useless illusion, and I cough to dislodge the tears from my throat. “I just-”

I suck in a breath. “God,” I whisper. “God damnit this is so _weird_ , I adapted so fast and it’s like this is all that exists, my world right in front of me, nothing else and nothing in the future or past, just us and this temple. And sometimes I remember and I feel so bad and guilty because I’ve forgotten everything so important and _why the heck does it all go away so fast_?”

Dewi just continues to rub my back and doesn’t say anything.

I look over to her, my eyes wide, my voice pained. “ _What do I do_?”

She blinks once, slowly, and sighs. “You’re ready to go back.”

I can’t quite tell if it’s a question or a statement, but I nod anyway, and she smiles.

“Come on, I have one last thing I need to teach you.”

That how I find the two of us standing in the only covered part of the garden, Dewi looking determined and I still very much damp.

“Pollen and seeds are ever-present in the air around you. Fractions of tree bark and leaves and plants and fruits. You can take any of it and manipulate it if you wish. Draw the seed out of the air, and grow the plant from it. Take the life in the tree bark fragments and develop the wood from it.”

I close my eyes, reaching into the air around me. I can feel seeds everywhere, but I focus on the large one in front of me. I reach up to touch it, pushing some of my energy into it. It takes the pulse and grows, twisting up into a plant and leaves and a vine and suddenly into a branch. I clasp its glowing form in my palm, dispelling the light around it and holding it my hand. Dewi nods, clicking her tongue.

“Alright, you’re done!”

I blink at her, dropping the branch on the ground. “What do you mean?”

“That’s it, that’s the training. You’re done.”

I gape at her, waiting for her to say something else. She slowly smiles, and then finally starts to laugh as I continue to be completely taken aback.

“B-but what about all of the other stuff? We’ve only done plant for a few days, I haven’t even grown an entire tree, made a whole field of flowers, what about all of the strength and work and-”

“Dex-”

“With Earth it took so long and there were so many things to over why is this over so quick we have to have some other things to go over. What about the books I’m only halfway done-”

“ _Dexter_.”

“What?”

She laughs. “ _I’ll_ take care of the books. Plant is simple. It’s just growing and awareness. I can’t teach much of it to you. It’s instinct, it’s _life_. I will _never_ understand life as much as you will. You are the elemental of the Earth, after all. And you _are_ strong. You’ve thrown yourself into every one of these trainings and challenges. You’re done. You’re ready. Everything else you must learn yourself.”

“But-”

“You’re powerful, Dexter. You’re a _good_ elemental. You’re ready.”

I gasp, tears tracing down my face. Behind me, I hear Zahn come out the door. He’s holding a change of clothes, a small smile on his face.

A few minutes later, I’m standing there, finally dry, with a home crystal in my hand. The one that I never take off. The one that has been missing for the last ages. (The one that I forgot about. Or _did_ I forget about it?)

“It came with you when you arrived,” Zahn says, bouncing Wayan on his hip. “I didn’t know what it was, and we kept it. When you mentioned crystals a while ago I figured it out, but… we kept it from you.” He smiles. “We wanted you to stay.”

I thank him, in Indonesian, with a shaking voice, and turn to Dewi. Her eyes are slightly glossy, and she reaches out towards me. I expect her to slap my back, but instead she just grabs my shoulder and nods at me once.

“I’ll visit,” I whisper, clutching the crystal tighter. 

Zahn nods, discreetly wiping away a tear, and pulls Wayan closer to his chest. Dewi smiles at me, joining her family. and I hold the crystal up to the light. With the familiar glittering sensation, it’s all gone.

For now.

“I’ll visit,” I whisper again, mostly to myself.

*

It’s late. All of the lights are turned off, blinds closed. The stars are shining above me – I didn’t realize that I couldn’t see as many of them in Indonesia. I walk up the path, feet tingling. The sensation of being here is so unconscious and normal to me, but I’m so aware of it all. I reach forwards and lay my fingers on the door handle, absorbing the chill on it, and click the door open.

I am not surprised when no one greets me, but I am hit with a wave of… pure sensation. It looks like home and smells like home and feels like home and when I close the door behind me I slide down it to the floor, breathing in the life around me, _here_ again.

Suddenly skittish, I stand and cross into the kitchen. The clock, still ticking quietly above the counter, reads 11:37. Underneath it, the calendar is open to early April. I brush it, my breath catching. I was in Indonesia for a little over three months. It’s been away from home for just under eight.

Itching for something to do, I grab the milk from the fridge and start to prepare cocoa. It’s slightly out of season for it now that it’s spring, but the chill of my nerves and the late night air makes it appropriate.

Mom always told me that I was the best at making coca, after aunt Edaline.

When I hear creaking on the stairs, I turn very slowly. Mom is standing in the doorway, looking tired and lovely and soft and _Mom_. Her red hair is pulled back in a messy bun, strands falling out around her face, her bright eyes dulled with sleep. When she sees me, she takes in a pained breath, and I think that if she was holding something she would have dropped it.

I realize that I feel much the same she does.

I abandon the cocoa on the counter and cross to her, wrapping my arms around her small form, sinking into her familiar touch. She grips my shirt tightly in both hands and I bury my face in her neck. It must’ve been such an odd scene to walk in on – her son, who has been missing for the last three months, making cocoa in the kitchen, like an old memory.

“Oh Dex,” she whispers, brushing my hair and laughing when she realizes how long it’s gotten.

Dad appears in the doorway behind us, and with a choking sound (he hasn’t seen me in even longer, Mom was at Alluveterre but _Dad-_ ) and comes over to cradle us both in his arms, pressing a rough kiss to my temple.

I missed them _so fucking much_. 

When both my parents start to cry, I realize that this is not the first time that I have gone missing. This is not the first time that I might have been dead.

Dad pushes away from us, looking me up and down. “Where have you been?”

I open my mouth to start to explain, then- _he doesn’t even know that I was a technopath. Or an elemental. Or anything-_

“Maybe you should sit down,” I whisper. My voice breaks.

He nods, dazed, and I return to the cocoa to dish some out. It takes a minute, but eventually we’re all situated at the table, my parents’ hands interlaced between them.

“I manifested as a technopath about a year ago.”

Mom frowns, but Dad’s eyebrows raise. “You did?”

“I was scared to tell you because I knew that you would be excited and have this big reaction and I was worried that I would end up upset and pressured and boxed in.”

“Oh, honey,” Dad says, reaching across to me, “thank you for telling me.”

I shake my head. “You shouldn’t say that yet.”

He blinks in confusion.

“The Black Swan was originally planning for Sophie and us to come to the base at _some point_ , but it had to happen sooner because _she_ is the one that killed Fintan.”

“ _WHAT_?” 

Mom shushes him. 

He turns towards her, voice shaking. “You knew?” She nods once, sad, and gestures back towards me.

“How much do you know about the elementals?”

Dad frowns. “They’re a fairy tale. Created by the moon to protect the Earth and sun or something along those lines. A grouping of four elves, mysterious powers, all that stuff. I’m not really sure. My parents read it to me growing up to make me feel safer. ‘The elementals can protect us’.”

I nod, biting my lip. “Sophie killed Fintan with his consent. And that night, she became the elemental of the Sun. She could now control fire, lightning, and lava. So E- Forkle, the leader, came and took us away. Sophie could’ve been arrested, or even wiped. He had to protect her. But then, it continued. We were taken to this secret base, we were training and attending Exillium. And then Fitz manifested as the elemental of the Pearl – water and ice and snow. And I-”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm my shaking voice and racing heart. “I manifested as the elemental of the Earth.” I laugh, like it’s funny. “I’m not even a technopath anymore! That was my big secret, and it’s not even true anymore! Now I’m the fucking protector of the Earth!”

“Dex,” Dad says, more worried than upset. “Dex, it’s alright. We’re here for you.”

“I was away for three months because I got sent to a temple in Indonesia to train my powers. Because apparently Earth is the most important element and I have to make sure that I’m ready and trained and can support my team.”

Dad stands and comes to stand next to me, hugging me tightly. I cry into his shirt. I hadn’t even realized that this was such a big deal to me. I hadn’t even realized that I was upset and hurt. But Mom comes over to rub my back, and here, safe, I know I can feel true to myself in peace. They’re _here._

I think that I’m okay.

*

_Zero Days Since Dex Disappeared_

Something crashes. Something big. The sound lasts for a solid few seconds, as if multiple layers are hitting each other. I backtrack onto my balcony, calling out to Dex. My voice dies in my throat when I look straight through his room to Biana’s across the way. I refuse to look down.

 _He was in there,_ my mind whispers. I start to shake. _He was in there he was in there he was in there-_

A hand erupts from the wood, scratched and bloody. Dex slowly emerges, standing on top of the pile, breathing heavily. His eyes are glowing. I watch, horrified, as his shirt slowly darkens, blood dripping down. He turns his gaze out, eyes narrowing. He runs.

I throw open my front door and sprint down the stairs. I don’t even bother going inside, I leap over one side of the railing and sprint towards the fray.

There are people everywhere. I didn’t even know that this many people _lived_ here. Neverseen members are everywhere, running and piling like little black ants. Gnomes and trolls and goblins and dwarfs that I vaguely recognize are around. Some are fighting, but others are running – Eurus and Calla are guiding waves and waves of people out the front. I’m darting around, frantically, trying to locate people.

Before I can make a decision, a member runs at me. They throw themselves at my chest and I drop into a backwards roll. I frantically try to remember my training, kicking out. I roll back to my feet, dropping on instinct into a fighting stance and punching their neck. They stumble back, trip, and collapse onto the ground. I watch them, eyes blown wide. I clip their temple with my foot, knocking them out.

Running forwards, I finally locate someone – Linh. She’s has three people on her, and is fighting with Dex’s electricity gauntlets, shocking each member in turn. A tiny gust of wind blows by, blowing a strand of her hair out of her face. She kicks a member in the shins and slaps them across the cheek. They twitch.

Someone is advancing behind her – a guster, hovering just above the ground. I sprint forwards and tackle them, slamming them into the ground. They groan, and Linh drops next to me, shocking them too. I spin backwards to punch the person still behind her.

I make eye contact with Sophie across the way. Her hair drifts above her, afire with the acidic color of Everblaze. I expect to be afraid of it, to go off like I did the last time, but Sophie looks up to meet me with her pumpkin color eyes, and I smile. She traps a group of four Neverseen members in a wall of fire, and the rest of their fight is shrouded in smoke.

A troll is advancing on a group of the kitchen gnomes over to my left so I approach them, calling up water from the ground. I harden it into ice, feeling the heaviness the use of the powers brings to me, and slam it into the back of their head. They drop like a stone, literally, and the three gnomes run to where Alana and Eurus are trying to evacuate.

I just keep diving left and right, picking people that look harmful and taking them down. I scoop up a few hurt gnomes and carry them over to where Eurus is. I put out a fire in the kitchen. I don’t remember half of what I do, I just follow to where I’m called and punch someone every once in a while.

A cry calls out from somewhere. It sounds like words, but I can’t understand what they say. All at once, things start to dissipate. The field lights up with the flashes of people beaming away. I catch sight with Tam across the way, the once dust covered and people strewn area completely empty. His eyes are wide and his hair is sticking up and there’s shade all up and down his arms and on his face.

He comes towards me. Stumbling. I catch his arm and hold him to my side. People start to gather around us, faces similarly flushed, eyes wide and blank. We’re all in shock. Keefe and Sophie both have passed out Neverseen members slung over their shoulders, and Alana picks up one that’s collapsed behind Tam and I. Linh and Biana stumble over together. Biana is slumped to one side, her right arm dripping blood. I open my mouth and she shakes her head. Linh tightens her grip around her waist. Eurus is across the way and Dex- 

I look around the group, relieved smile falling from my face. “Where’s Dex?”

Sophie looks guilty. All blank and slightly confused faces and Sophie looks _guilty_. Her hair finally turns off, and she drops the member on the ground, wrapping her arms around herself. “He’s gone. Into the ground. Somewhere.”

“ _What do you mean_?” My voice is like venom and Sophie’s liquid fire, and it slashes at her, causing her to sink in on herself. Keefe shoots me an angry glace, something that says _too far_. They wrap their free arm around their girlfriend, rubbing up and down her side.

“He came running over to me, to help, I guess, and- something came over me. I kissed him on the cheek and he just… disappeared into the ground. It swallowed him up, like they were becoming one. It just took him.”

I’m staring at her trying desperately to process the situation. Dex was bleeding when he ran out of my sight, cut up across his face and arms. I have no clue how bad the wound on his abdomen is. If he’s in the ground too long, he could die. We have no idea what happened to him. He could _be dead_. My breath is coming out in pants, and Tam shifts his grip on my back. Eurus returns and Sophie repeats the story to him, and he just nods. Like he expected it. Like this is _okay_.

“Is that all you have to offer?” I spit at Eurus. His eyes widen in surprise. “Dex is _gone_ , and you’re just fine?”

Eurus shakes his head. “This happened with Bronte. Dex is fine. He just-” He waves his hands, like that explains anything. “He never told me exactly what happened. He went away for a while, disappeared and then came back. Something to do with being an elemental. I’m sure it’s fine.”

I want to say something else. I want to yell, to call Eurus stupid, to find Dex to not just let him _disappear_ and _leave me alone here_. To hold him. But we just continue on.

_One Day Since Dex Disappeared_

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN?” Biana yells, up in Eurus’s face. She points her unbroken hand up in his face, a threat. She was always bold and brave, my Biana. “We are _not_ going back there. No. _Never_.”

“Everglen is the only place you have left to go. Your parents are already expecting you. It’s going to be alright.”

I think that Biana is about to attack him and I would stop her, fighting can’t do anything, but I feel heavy and cold and shaky. I take a step forwards and wrap my arm around Biana’s waist, to support me or her, I don’t know, and she relaxes slightly. She cradles her broken arm closer to her chest and her hand drops slightly.

“We can’t go back,” she whispers, her voice cracked and shaky.

That’s how we find the two of us, standing on the pavement in front of Everglen, holding hands to anchor ourselves. We’ve been gone for four months now, and I know that it’s not the same. Because my hair is blue and we’re both cracked and things are wrong and messed up and this household is _broken_ , and we can’t go back. Not after all of the love we were in.

The door is opened by Mom, _thank god_ , and she wraps both of us in a hug. She’s warm and comfortable and perfectly avoids Biana’s broken hand. She brushes my cheek with her thumb, places kisses to both of our foreheads, and leads us back inside.

Fern is there too, one of the gnomes. She starts tearing up when she sees us, taking our hands in hers and giving us a light smile. The quiet and softness that everyone is giving feels perfect on my weary heart, and I feel like I’m about to cry.

“Go with him,” Biana whispers to Mom, pulling her bag higher up on her shoulder. “I’ll be alright.”

I want to thank Biana, but I’m scared that I’m going to start sobbing. Mom places her hand on the small of my back and pushes the two of us towards my room, our footsteps echoing on the crystal floors. I shake at every noise, at the perfect carpets, at this place. 

I didn’t realize I hated it so much until I was gone.

I’m sore all over, even though I wasn’t even fighting that much. Even the thought of the battle gets me crying, and Mom, shorter than me now, I realize, takes me fully in her arms, dropping my bag on the ground. I don’t know what else to do than to let her cradle me.

Mom, who always supported me, Mom who paid attention, Mom who was kind and careful and soft and not hurtful like he always was, who knew that I like to have my back scratched and my head rubbed while I fall asleep. Once I’ve calmed a bit, she has me take off my shoes and sit on my bed, and returns with tea, a sedative, she says, and some water.

“Sedatives aren’t the best, I know, but…” she trails off and I just nod, taking it from her with shaking fingers and downing it in one go. I finish it with the water, waiting and waiting until I finally feel tired. 

When she goes to leave, I reach out towards her. She takes my hand and kisses it, but goes anyway, closing the door behind her. The moment the latch clicks closed it’s cold and scary and painful and upsetting and _I don’t like this._

Biana doesn’t seem surprised to see me with my pillow. She skootches over, and I thank her quietly. Biana and Mom, they’re so warm, so soft, they make everything feel nicer and warmer. I think that they need me too.

_Three Days Since Dex Disappeared_

The third day back home, Dad returns from whatever mission he was on. It takes him a minute to notice that we’re home, and neither Biana nor I even look at him. He tries to talk to us, but I haven’t said anything since I thanked Biana for letting me stay with her and Biana has always been much bolder than me. Even the sling doesn’t stop her, she meets Dad’s eyes and turns away back to me, returning to where we were reading together.

Mom is already upset and tense, and she brings him a glass of water, taking his jacket and putting it away. Everything itches when I see her do that, I know that it’s bad and wrong and I don’t know how to help and every time that I want to my brain starts to go foggy and fall asleep.

Dad goes back to his office, and Mom joins us, looking more tired than she has the last few days. I take her hand and smile at her. The amount of relief on her face surprises me. Biana and Mom have been so scared. I know that I’ve been worrying them. _I’m trying,_ I want to say. _I’m trying, for you. I am._

_Five Days Since Dex Disappeared_

Sophie comes over. She’s nervous. I realize that this replays the same moment that happened with Dad so long ago. My loved one, gone. Her fault. But this time, I just lean forwards and hug her. She cries.

Everyone is crying. So much crying. We’re all worn and scared and upset and wrung out. I don’t blame any of us. I just wish that this wasn’t happening. I wish that we’re were all okay.

_Two Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

We’re given the okay to return to Foxfire. I don’t know what Eurus has arranged with the council, and I don’t particularly care. The only crime that any of us have committed is running away from our families, except for Sophie, who killed a man. Eurus mentioned something about making a deal with Bronte and the council. At the end of the day, they don’t know she’s an elemental, and she’s off the hook.

Normally, when I go to school, everyone crowds and asks questions. But my scratchy voice and haunted eyes and our tight pack wards people away. Sophie and I sit in our telepathy sessions with Tiergan, and eventually we end up playing human board games. It’s not like either of us even have our abilities anymore anyway. He asks us if we want to consider being cognates after this is all over. Even if we don’t have telepathy, the sacred bond will still serve us well. 

Our silence answers that question for him.

Tam and Linh don’t adapt too well to Foxfire life, but honestly? None of us do. We’re all shaky and scared and I jump every time the bell goes. We used to be so calm, so happy. Lying next to the river, sparring together, laughing. But there’s a gaping hole in our group and people are damaged.

Keefe winces every time that someone uses male pronouns for them. Sophie holds their hand as much as she can, trying to help them feel better, to make sure that they feel seen and represented, but there’s only so much we can do.

There’s only so much we can do.

_Two Weeks and Three Days Since Dex Disappeared_

I don’t really have much to do in the afternoons. My hardest class was telepathy, and now I don’t take it anymore. I know that Sophie and Linh are training after school, but they keep avoiding talking to me about it. I don’t really blame them for that. I’m not really open to talking about what happened. They know that I’m angry, they know that I feel like we should go searching for him. They _know_ what I think.

The moment I got my voice back, the moment I woke back up from my half-dead half-asleep state, I yelled. At everyone. I told them that we had left Dex and that they never appreciated him. If any of them doubted whether or not that we… had something going on, they don’t any more. I told them he was important, I told them that we can’t go on without him, I told them that this wasn’t okay.

Dex said to Keefe, “Sophie and I used to be that close.” They _used_ to be best friends, they _used_ to be close, but not anymore. This lovely, precious, beautiful boy was discarded and left alone. And it’s happening again. And they’re _letting it_.

Keefe placed their hands on my arms, their expression sad. They were in tune with my emotions, of course. 

“I know you’re scared. I know that you’re upset. But there’s nothing we can do – we don’t even know where he is.”

I shook my head, upset, trying to stop my tears.

“He’ll come back. He’ll come home to us one day.”

“Yeah,” I whispered back, sinking into myself. “One day.”

But now I’m left with nothing to do after school, very little homework, very little classwork. School was never really hard, and now it’s even less stimulating. I take notes in class. I pay attention. I don’t care very much.

I start, in the evenings, going on long walks. Sometimes jogs. I make my way around the property, listening to Dex’s music on Sophie’s iPod. It’s good. Calming, distracting. I listen to the music in my ears and take deep breaths and run away from my family.

_Three Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

Dad is being a shit. He’s doing it again – locking himself in his office, not talking to anyone or caring about any of his relationships, and then complaining when people are unhappy with him. He moans about it taking up a lot of time, about it being a big deal and important.

I used to care. I used to believe him, to understand his pain, to be glad that he was expressing his emotions and talking with us outside of work. Now I know it’s just fucking manipulative. Mom still goes along with it – I don’t think she falls for it anymore, but she just lets it happen, lets it continue.

At the end of the day, after a long day at school when a group of kids started asking us poking questions and being overall annoying and rude and we’re all exhausted, Biana snaps. He starts complaining and she _breaks_.

“My fucking god,” she mutters, looking up at me from across our homework. “No one gives a single fucking shit in the entire goddamn universe. No one! Not a single fucking person. Not even the saddest person gives a shit about the fact that your fucking legs hurt from sitting at a desk all day. Standing desks fucking exist! No one cares! Shut the fuck up!”

I laugh slightly, which was a mistake, because in a flash Dad crosses the room and takes Biana from the chin, looking into her eyes. “What did you say?”

If I was a kid, I would have been scared – for her and for me. Dad never hit us, but he had violent gestures and would get too rough on our shoulders and arms and chins. Never enough to bruise. But we could always feel it.

But now, neither of us even flinch. Biana shoots him a look and vanishes out from under his fingers, reappearing on the other side of the room next to Mom a few seconds later, starting to help her with dinner with no comment. I look away from the scene, listing to Dad start to fume. That used to get such a reaction from us, and now his children are braver than him. 

I smile.

_Three Weeks and Five Days Since Dex Disappeared_

Dear Dex,

I’ve been doing this journal for about a week now and I have to admit that it never gets weirder pretending to write to you even though I know that you can’t see this. Sometimes I’m even tempted to bury it in the ground so you can feel it and find it and read it. Would that work? Maybe I’m being dramatic.

I believe that wherever you are, you’re doing something important, or else you would come back to us. I do think that. But I also wish that you were here, with us. I miss you every day. It sucks here. I told you about what happened with Biana and Dad a few days ago – it’s happening more. Either he’s getting worse or I’m more aware. But it’s okay. It’ll be okay. We’re getting stronger.

It feels more painful when he’s like this, and when I can’t pretend that he’s a good father even sometimes like I want to. But the little victories feel so good too. Today he asked me a question, completely sarcastic: “what, do you think you’re important?” and I said, “yes, I do.” I think that you gave me that confidence.

You matter, Dex. Earth boy. I need a nickname for you too. I love Snowfall. When I’m tired and upset I imagine you here, lying next to me like we used to in Alluveterre. That simple domesticity, just the two of us there. No stress, nothing big or impactful going on, just you next to me.

God, I miss you so much. More than I express. It aches all over. I hope wherever you are is really fucking important, because every day I wait for you to get back and every day it is both more painful and more numb. You can’t be gone. I believe that in my soul. You’re here, somewhere. I know that.

God, love, please come back.

_Four Weeks and One Day Since Dex Disappeared_

“We’re doing training,” Linh says. It’s a statement. A fact. She gestures outside to where Sophie is waiting. Sophie gives me a double peace sign. I glare at them both. Linh shrugs. “Come outside in a few minutes and we’ll start.”

I’m about to protest, but Linh flashes me a lovely smile and slams the door in my face. So I find myself, a few minutes later, swapping into some sports gear and joining them outside. Sophie is dressed in a dark red crop top, with ‘red hot chili peppers’ emblazed across the front and a pair of black sports shorts. Linh has on a white bra top and purple and grey leggings.

“So,” I say. “What are we doing?”

Linh turns to look me up and down, nodding once. “Since I was a hydrokinetic, I’ll be helping train you, and Sophie over here will be doing some endurance.”

Sophie boos loudly from where she’s collapsed on the ground.

Linh glares at her, then flashes me a thumbs up. “Good?”

I nod. “Sure. Where do we start?”

“Well, first, I’m going to assess your power level.”

“What?”

“Part of the sky power is soul. I haven’t got it completely figured it out, but one of them is sensing power. I’ve read mine and Sophie’s. I hadn’t gotten the chance to read Dex’s, but I can do it when he gets back. So just close your eyes and relax – this’ll just take a sec.” 

Linh is blunt and simple in a way I appreciate. She has no hesitation when she says Dex’s name, she doesn’t skip over saying that he’s going to come back. She knows. She is confident, and-

“Linh?”

She blows out a breath of air. “You can’t interrupt me, but I guess it’s fine. What is it?”

“Can you sense that Dex is alive?”

She blinks at me in surprise. “Can’t you?” She stops, her expression flattening. “Of course you can’t. Soul powers.”

I want to collapse in relief. “Thank you.”

Linh smiles at me, and rubs my shoulder awkwardly before she starts to read me again. Her skin takes on a slightly lavender glow as she does it, like moonlight. I don’t know anything about tattoos for Linh yet, but her hair has definitely changed. Where it used to be an inky black (she cut off the silver tips with Tam), it now fades from black to purple to white.

The white comes up for almost the entire head – it’s a striking look, a direct contrast with her warm skin and the rest of her dark hair and eyebrows. She has it pulled up in a ponytail right now to keep it out of her face. Linh pushes out a long breath, opening her eyes and smiling at me. Her eyes have lightened considerably, a grey close to white. She’s beautiful and soft and untouchable. If I wasn’t gay, I would probably be in love with her.

“So, background: Sophie is incredibly powerful. She’s got a big store. But the sun, fire and lightning, they’re not precise. _I_ make big destructive storms, I let all of my power up in one big push. That’s it. I’m better at the soul part, honestly.

“You,” she purses her lips. “You don’t have a lot of power. But you do have precision and technique. Smaller moves over a longer period of time will serve you super well. You can do bigger moves like me, but it will sap you completely for a long time. It’s your choice.”

I nod slowly. I was expecting that to hit harder than it did, but it isn’t very surprising to me. I sense well with water, having it cushion and aid me in my daily life, but molding it doesn’t work super well for me. Even just switching from water to ice noticeably drains me. 

“I want to do precision. Maybe even things like ice bullets, small things that will assist me with other more physical moves. And when in doubt, the two of us can work together and make a really big hail or rainstorm.”

Linh nods, grinning brightly. “Ready for some grinding?”

_Four Weeks and Six Days Since Dex Disappeared_

Linh is pushing Sophie and I _hard_. We’re sweating the whole time, endurance and muscles and training. It’s not like she’s not doing it with us, because she is, and she’s suffering just as much as we are, but she’s really driving this whole regime. We all work to motivate each other, but Linh has taken charge in a way I didn’t really expect. When I mention it to Tam, he just nods, laughing.

“She’s not as passive as you might assume.”

I’ve worked on mainly switching between different water forms – water to ice to snow and back and forth. I can’t really do vapor, that’s Linh’s region. It’s exhausting, and leaves me sapped to my very core. After switching it for a while, I flop backwards on the ground next to Sophie, who is spinning her fire around in circles for fun. Linh is still working off to the side, doing physical strength training.

I skootch closer to Sophie, desperate for some contact, and she responds in kind. Her skin is burning hot, and her hair singes my fingers. “You are _so_ hot,” I moan in frustration, inching away. She looks at me weird, and I look back at her weird.

“Thank you?” 

I laugh, feeling my face flush red. “No, I literally mean that your skin feels like it’s a thousand degrees. I burned myself on your hair. You are practically on fire. What the fuck. Why can’t a poor guy cuddle without getting singed.” I flop over dramatically, making eye contact with Linh across the room, who is giving us an amused look as she pedals her feet in plank.

_Five Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

Dear Dex,

My dad has noticed that my hair is now blue, and that I take elixirs to make it look black again for school, but has not commented on anything else about it. Until today. He has taken offense to the fact that I ‘decided to’ dye it ‘without him’. 

I don’t know what the jurisdictions are for telling people about being an elemental, but I know I’m not telling my father unless I have to. I might have to soon though, because my tattoos are getting more prominent with the more training I do, and my eyes are even less similar in color to each other and to how they used to be. It might take months, but eventually he’ll notice, and then I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Anyway, he yelled at me for a while about dyeing it, and then told me to dye it back. I tried when we went back to school, and it worked… but it faded really fast and my roots grew back and were super visible, so I gave up. Cut it short. He’ll probably forget about it anyway.

Speaking of tattoos though – do you remember the day that we sat in the river? That was the first day that they appeared, these bands of waves around my wrists. They’re just simple lines with their arcs, rising up and falling over and over. They’re all up and down my forearms, in a light blue, and there are more on my ankles. A few more, too, on my upper arms, but they’re much darker – more grey and stormy.

When I was in the shower yesterday I checked for more, but since the ones appeared on my upper arms, it’s been pretty quiet. I think that the ones I have right now are just going to get brighter, more plentiful, and have more shading. Remember how Linh told me I wasn’t very powerful? I think the tattoos translate that. Sophie would have a couple big ones, because she’s super powerful and they wouldn’t be small or thin because she doesn’t do precision. Linh would have one super big one, because she just does one giant detailed storm and then is done. You? I don’t know. What are your powers like?

I miss you.

Snowfall

_Five Weeks and One Day Since Dex Disappeared_

“You love,” Biana’s eyes flick to the door, “ _them,_ don’t you?”

She’s lingering just inside my room, her hand still resting on the door handle. She’s biting her cheek and not meeting my eyes, nervous. I frown, and move so she’ll have space to sit on the bed next to me.

“Are you talking about… Earth?”

Biana nods, crossing her legs underneath her, leaning back on her hands.

“Yeah.”

She doesn’t look surprised, just nervous. About something else.

“What’s bothering you? And why did you ask, if you were so sure about what I was going to say?”

“What does love feel like? Romantic love. Or sexual. I don’t know the difference anymore.”

I take a deep breath, twining my blanket in my fingers. “I can’t answer your second question – we’ve… never really gone there, never even considered it. Sophie and Keefe, they have some of that. Not yet, I don’t think, but I think it interests them, at least, and they want it. I just… don’t. I think that’s even one of the reasons that I was so uncomfortable about the idea of ‘continuing the Vacker line’. I don’t want to be with a girl _or_ have sex.”

Biana nods, fiddling with her hands in her lap.

“Romantic love… it’s not ‘friendship but more’, because romance isn’t worth more than friendship. I always think of it as an idea, or a promise. A choice. You find this one person that you believe can fulfill your needs for the rest of your life. They can grow and adapt with you. Friends, they’re lovely, but they can’t always be exactly what you need – that’s why you have multiple, because none of them suit you enough, and if you were stuck alone with them all of the time they would eventually drive you nuts.

“I need someone that will be my one person, who will balance me out and complete me. Like a best friend, but devoted in a different way. Or maybe a best friend is a lot like romantic love. I hear that a lot of people fall in love with their best friends, so maybe they just… go together.” 

I trail off, watching Biana’s reaction. She doesn’t have much to say to that, just keeps staring at her hands and steadying her breathing. I lean forwards slightly, placing a hand on her leg. “Why did you ask?”

She looks up at me, finally, her eyes slightly glossy. “I think I’m aromantic, and ace, like you. I don’t think I can fall in love like that. I don’t think I can ever choose one person. Or even if I was poly and I chose more than one I just don’t think… I want all of you.”

I nod, giving her a smile. “That’s lovely, Bi. I’m proud of you.”

She breaks into happy tears, and collapses into me, hugging me tightly. I tenderly wrap my arms around her too, wincing as she pulls too tight and starts to crush my chest. I rub her back absent mindedly, staring at my far wall. She’s small and safe under my arms.

_Five Weeks and Two Days Since Dex Disappeared_

It’s not the first time that we’ve hung out in a group, but we haven’t been doing it too often. Besides school, I only ever really see Biana, Sophie, and Linh. I felt bad about the fact that I hadn’t talked to Keefe or Tam in ages, so I invited everyone over for lunch. It doesn’t get very cold over at Everglen, so we set out a giant picnic blanket and eat lunch outside. Tam, Linh, and I are playing cards, and Biana has fallen asleep. I’m pretty sure Keefe and Sophie are flirting, and I don’t want to watch.

Look, I know this is judgy (especially coming from Dex and I’s blatant affection), but they are _so annoying_ about it. It’s funny and close friends and shoving food in each other’s faces, but then they start bickering and suddenly it goes from friendly back and forth to being about their relationship, and we’re just sitting there, waiting for them to shut up about it. Waiting.

The giggling dissolves into frustration again, and Sophie announces that she is going to go grab a glass of water and leaves. After a few moments, Keefe trails after her, and no one even glances up to watch them go.

“Look,” Tam says with a sigh, playing an eight of clubs, “I don’t want to sound rude and I’m happy for them and everything, but is it just me or is their relationship a mess? It’s fine, they’re joking around like friends, and suddenly they’re arguing about something about dating.”

Biana, who was apparently _not_ asleep, groans and rolls over. “No, you’re not the only one. Why did they start dating again?”

“A combination of ‘being in love’ and poor advice,” I mutter.

Biana scoffs, flopping back down.

“Whose advice?” Linh questions, neatly drawing a card and playing down a set.

“Mine,” I sigh into my hand, watching Linh silently destroy Tam and I. “And Dex’s, technically.” Biana’s eyes flick up to me, and I shrug. “Look, at the time it was very sound advice. A lot of stuff about not waiting until ‘everything is over’ to be ‘true to yourself’ and all of that stuff. It’s not like we knew that it was going to fall apart this fast.”

“It doesn’t make sense,” Tam says, frowning. “Keefe seems like they would be great at dating.”

“How would you know that?” I look over at Tam, who starts collecting and reshuffling the cards with a loose ‘humph’, a light blush on his face. Linh sends over a soft puff of wind, scattering cards over the grass. He glares at her.

“I don’t know. Likeable, understands what other people are going through, all of that stuff. Being an empath definitely helps. You would think the two would fit so well together – they like each other, they click well, they have good banter. And yet.”

“And yet,” Linh echoes, taking the deck from Tam and dealing the cards again.

We play through another game, and this time I win, Tam tapping out early and Linh getting knocked out at the last second. They groan good-naturedly, and Linh starts expertly shuffling the cards, doing slight flourishes as we go. Tam tries to knock the cards out of Linh’s hands but fails miserably. I watch with a smile, tired and slightly out of it.

“Is it just me, or has it been way too long?” Biana asks.

“Probably making out,” Tam comments dryly.

I snort.

_Six Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

Every once in a while, it gets like this. My entire body aches all over and I curl in on myself and nothing helps. I lock my door and hope the walls are soundproof and I cry, I cry for ages, because everything is still scary and I have to let myself forget sometimes or else I would be falling apart at this point. I don’t know if I’m the only one who’s like this, because we all pretend to be so put together as a group.

Dex never pretended. Dex would tell me the truth, he would wrap his arm around my waist and lay his head on my shoulder and sigh, telling me that he was tired or scared and _I_ , I would feel safe enough to say it back, that I was burning from the inside out, that I was worried about my elemental powers or someone in the group or just life in general.

He used to talk to me about how the moon’s words would echo through his head at night, and how he’s so desperate to solve everything so he can just sleep for once. Some nights, we’re both just lying there, holding hands, staring at the ceiling. He always falls asleep first, his power draining him until it knocks him out, and I would just watch him. I didn’t get much sleep growing up either.

But I don’t know who to talk to; every time I see Keefe they’re talking about Sophie, and Sophie is either talking about Keefe or political stuff that makes my head spin and hurt. Biana and I have never had too many words in our relationship, we were each other’s silent defenders. Tam and I aren’t that close, and I have no idea what Linh would say.

It’s like a told Biana – romance is a promise, it’s a belief that this person can take care of you, fully. And why isn’t my person here? I try so hard to not spend all of my free time crying and aching, but sometimes I just lay there and wish that I had a hand to hold.

_Seven Weeks and Three Days Since Dex Disappeared_

“Happy birthday, to you,” we finish, and Sophie swoops down to plant and soft kiss of Keefe’s mouth. Eighteenth birthdays aren’t really a big deal in the elven world, but they are in the human, so we decided to do something to make Sophie happy.

Keefe told me earlier that they don’t really like their birthday that much – we always bonded on that fact. Growing up with a cold and distant father that didn’t support your interests in anything ruins a lot of stuff for you. Thing is, us being away for over four months actually knocked some sense into Keefe’s dad, and did nothing for mine. They had gone out to lunch and talked for a long time, and when they got back Keefe was so happy, so excited, calling the whole group to talk about the experience and how amazing it was.

That also, however, spurred an argument between the lovers, Sophie believing that Cassius didn’t deserve such a quick forgiveness after all of those years of hurting Keefe. A point that makes sense, but a) Keefe showed no signs of completely forgetting all of the hurt his dad caused him, and b) she really didn’t need to bring it up then. But I’m not going to let myself get drawn into their spats.

He’s here now, lingering in the doorway, watching the scene with a small and soft smile on his face. I have a lot of sympathy for Cassius. Some don’t see the amount that he’s changed since we’ve gotten back. I have, Biana has, but most importantly, Keefe has.

“Uh, Keefe,” Cassius says, taking a hesitant step into the room. “I would like to give you something before you and your friends run off.”

Keefe glances up, a bright smile on their face, and nods.

Cassius produces a small box from behind his back, black and trimmed with silver. It has a candle inscribed on the top of it. It looks old, the black edges worn down to uncover a grey underneath.

Keefe takes it from him with practiced fingers, and slides the box open. He starts with surprise when he sees what’s inside: the Sencen crest, a pair of hands holding an emerald candle. It looks different than the one sitting on Cassius’ chest: the silver is darker, and the emeralds in the candle are deeper and richer. The entire thing looks better crafted and of better quality.

“I know that you have had doubts about the crest, and so have I. After the incident with your mother and the tracker, and the fact that I was so cold about it when you were a child… it was unfair and not how I _ever_ should have treated you. This is long overdue, and my own father gave it to me when I was only sixteen.”

Cassius takes in a deep breath, running his fingers through his gelled hair. “You were ready this whole time to receive it, Keefe, _I_ was not ready to give it. _I_ was immature. So it is now time for this to pass into your care.

“I am sorry for invalidating your interests and ideas. I have to admit; I did not know what I was doing. You are a strong and brave, and creative, and… you do not have to take the elite levels. While that _will_ bother me, just as a disclaimer, I will support you. I may need some explanation, but I had an iron clad grip on your life when you were younger, and now you deserve your space to grow.”

Keefe is tearing up, and they slowly take the crest and pin it onto the lapel of their jacket. Cassius’ smile widens, and he bounces on the balls of his feet slightly.

“What is it?” Sophie whispers, reaching down to brush the tip of it.

Cassius flicks his gaze to Sophie, and then back to his child. “It is _the_ Sencen crest. It was made a very long ago, and is our family heirloom. I expect that Keefe, you never expected to receive it. And that was my fault. It is given to the children as they come of age, whenever the parents decide that to be. There are about fifteen currently in existence, for all of the children of the family. I take care of them when they don’t have an owner. This one, however, was mine. And now it is yours.”

Keefe covers their hand with their mouth and nods twice, reaching forward with their free hand to grab their father’s arm and squeeze it. I’ve known Keefe for a long time, and I can tell that this is important – to both them and Cassius. Cassius looks like he’s about to cry too, so he places a light hand on Keefe’s shoulder then excuses himself.

But just before he leaves, he turns back to us, with a grin on his face shockingly similar to Keefe’s. “You have a wonderful person as your friend there. Take good care of _them_.” And with that, Cassius swooshes away. A bit manipulative there at the end, but otherwise a solid 9/10.

Keefe starts to full-on cry now, a mixture of relief and happiness and shock. We cluster them with a group hug, each wishing our own congratulations and excitement. Keefe reaches forwards for their glass, and holds it up. “A toast,” they say, their eyes still shining. “To my father, who is a much fucking better person than I ever thought, and gets a little better every day.”

“To the previous dick,” I call, making Keefe laugh.

“To you guys, who have been amazing to me since I’ve met you. Obviously I’ve known Fitz the longest, and Tam and Linh the shortest, but I love you all so much. You guys have taken such good care of me as I’ve grown up, and honestly I couldn’t have asked for better.”

“To us!” Sophie calls, placing her chin on Keefe’s head.

“And finally,” Keefe says, “to Dex.”

“May that little shit come back to us soon. No excuses for missing my eighteenth and the first time that my dad was ever not a complete bitch at once.”

“To Dex,” I murmur.

_Two Months Since Dex Disappeared_

“It’s time we start doing something.”

Eurus fixes me with a look that is both concerned but also vaguely annoyed. He’s gotten less intimidating now that I can pin almost all of his expressions to Mom or Biana, so this is his ‘little sister bitch face’. It’s wonderful.

“Look, I told you that this was a completely normal thing for the Earth elemental to go through-”

“Okay, stop talking about Dex like he’s going through puberty, not missing, wasn’t hurt when he disappeared, and that you were totally not freaking out when Bronte went missing? This isn’t simple _or_ easy.”

Eurus sighs, and Alana laughs from the living room. “Oof, he’s got you pinned there.”

“Alana, I am _trying_ to work!”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize, all it sounds like is little Fitzy there burning you to a crisp.”

“I will burn _you_ to a crisp.”

“You can fucking try, Mr. Windy.”

Eurus buries his face in his hands, then after a moment lifts his head to make eye contact with me. 

I pick tiny water droplets out of Eurus’ glass and flick them off the table. “Linh confirmed that Dex is not dead. However, we also don’t know if he’s safe or what state he’s in. What if he’s in a coma and the Earth is barely keeping him alive? It’s been _two months_. I think that is long enough for an intervention.”

“Fitz…” Eurus says. “I need to tell you something important about Dex. And I would prefer if you didn’t repeat it to your friends, or to him. Well, tell him what you want, I’m sure that Dewi has told him by now. And I don’t think that I could get between you two.”

“Dewi?”

“The four elementals are made to balance each other, but they are not equal in their importance. Or, simply put, there is an element that is the most important. Earth. It has always been Earth, and it will always be. Think of it this way: water has to go somewhere. The sky has to be rooted to somewhere. The sun has to have something to shine on. The Earth can exist on its own as whatever it wants to be. However, you cannot exist without the Earth. Dexter is incredibly powerful, and incredibly skilled, as he should be. He needs this time to train.”

“But why so long?”

Eurus’ eyes are suddenly sad. “One day, the person you love will surpass you. And all you can do is watch and support them. Dex is going to go farther than you. For some people, that is all they need. They can be the person that the other comes home to, they do not need to be the one out front. You have to decide who you’re going to be. Believe me,” Eurus whispers, “I know.”

I sit there and stare at him as he pulls the hair away from his face with his hands. He doesn’t say anything else, but Alana walks over to lay a hand on Eurus’ shoulder. He stands, quickly taps Alana’s arm, and leaves the room.

“What was that about?”

Alana sighs, sitting down in the now vacant chair. “Eurus has… _we_ have more going on in our past then you guys think. It wasn’t easy building the Black Swan, being an elemental, and Eurus had a pretty big… event during that time. I think that he sees some of himself in you.”

“Ironic that his name used to be Fitzroy.”

Alana laughs, but it’s strained. “Yeah, I guess so.”

I let the conversation fall silent between us for a moment, and watch Alana stare off into the distance.

“So is there… no chance that we’re going to look for Dex?”

Alana glances back over at me, startled, and leans forwards on her hands. “Eurus is the hopeless romantic between the two of us. I’m more of the serial romantic kind of gal. If he’s so set on not looking for him, then I have to go with him. We are _co_ -leaders.”

“I just-” I’m suddenly desperate, tears pricking at my eyes. “It’s been _two months. What do I do_?”

Alana blinks. “Fitz, I don’t understand-”

I’m definitely crying now, and I feel pathetic and worn and I’m exerting all of this pent up fear and frustration and exhaustion. “He was _there for me_ when no one else was and it’s dramatic and cliché and terrible but god damnit-”

I bury my head in my arms and try to calm my tears, but I’ve already completely embarrassed myself so why would five minutes of stupid sobbing do anything at all? Alana is at a complete loss for words, so I drag myself to my feet and pull my home crystal off my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter, running my fingers through my hair. “I shouldn’t have bothered you with this.”

“It’s okay, Fitz. We all have a mental break down or two in our teens.”

I laugh, but it comes out watery. “Just… keep me updated.”

Alana’s face falls. “I’m sorry.”

“I know that you can’t do anything about it.”

“Fitz?”

“Yes?”

“He’ll come back.”

“I really hope so.”

_Two Months and Four Days Since Dex Disappeared_

I’ve been pretty alone for the last few days, and some combination of that and Tam also being fairly antisocial caused us to end up hanging out. It’s awkward, we aren’t that close, but we’re both pretty open to getting to know each other, so it’s okay. We make it work.

“Linh was getting on me to be more social. She says that she gets points for doing training with you and Sophie, but I’m just sitting inside most of the time and only seeing people at school.”

I laugh. “But, honestly, why me?”

“Hmmm. I don’t want to talk about Keefe with Sophie, I’m awkward around Biana, she makes me nervous. Linh doesn’t count, of course, and you’re cool.”

“What about Keefe?”

Tam stiffens up slightly, then reaches up to fiddle with his bangs, realizing halfway that they’re gone. “I dunno,” he mutters, a soft blush on his face.

When Linh’s hair started changing color, Tam cut all of the silver off of his hair with her. They didn’t need to rebel against their parents anymore anyway, and he said that he only wanted to do it if it was with Linh. It does mean that his hair is now really short. To be honest, it looks nicer.

“Where are you and Linh living right now?”

“Oh,” he says, chuckling. “We’re actually staying with Eurus and Alana? They have a spare room so Linh and I are sharing it. It’s great, actually, they rag on each other all the time. It’s a weird dynamic with the fact that they’re a mixture between cool aunt and uncle and parents, and that they’re siblings. But it’s been fun, and Alana likes my playing.”

“Playing? Like an instrument?”

He nods. “I play the piano, the harp, and the flute. I can also sing, of course, that’s part of the whole ‘Song’ family heritage, but I like playing more than singing. Alana knows some stuff on the piano, but she’s not amazing.”

“You play the harp?”

Tam grins. “It’s more similar to the piano then you would think, and I like the sort of haunting-mystical aspect of it. I used to piss my parents off and learn bad human country music on it. It was hilarious, and would help with my hand speed. Win-win, you know?” 

I snort. “Can Linh play anything?”

He shrugs. “Singing, same thing. But she was always not very interested in music. It played a lot into what our parents wanted, and the fact that they were all like ‘sing to the water, play to the water’ etc. Some of the most famous musicians in our family were hydrokinetics… and yet my parents still managed to hate all elemental abilities. Also she’s pretty hopeless at most of the stuff I’ve showed her.”

“Yeah, nor was I. I was the _preppy Bramble Boy™_ most of my childhood, and my dad forced me into telepathy classes which took up way too much of my free time. And looking for Sophie, of course. Kinda ironic now that I can’t even use it.”

“ _Rebellion_.”

I shake my head with a light laugh. “Maybe.”

“Wow, I’ve never actually played bramble. I was- well, still am, a figure skater. Totally dorky, honestly, but it’s really fun. Linh did ballet though. She was super into it, and spent most of her free time doing it. She hasn’t been doing lessons recently, but I’m sure when she gets the chance she’ll start up again.”

“Biana and Keefe did gymnastics for a few years, and they would do it as a pair sometimes. I have some really fun photos that I should show the group of them in matching pink glitter and gold costumes. They were really good, actually, but Biana eventually stopped for kickboxing. Keefe was betrayed, but they got too good to do partner work anyway.”

We continue in silence, and I frown. “Talking about it now, it sounds like we had a pretty normal upbringing.”

“Even though we didn’t?”

“Even though we didn’t.”

Tam shrugs. “You know, one of the things I really loved about figure skating is that people would get cocky about it and then just fall flat on their face. I used to guess who would be the best on it. It was hilarious to watch – people didn’t know I was a figure skater, and then we would go out on the ice and they would face plant and I would just _glide_ away.”

“Let’s do that! Come on. Let’s see, Sophie would be shit.”

Tam laughs and nods. “Complete. Girl has zero center of gravity, and the leg movement would probably cause her to trip up on her own feet.”

“I feel like Biana and Keefe would be decent, just because of all of the balancing and flexibility practice they did.”

“Same goes for Linh, though she actually came out on the ice with me a few times – she has some practice. What about Dex?”

I laugh. “You know that he can’t walk on surfaces that aren’t Earth? Carpet that doesn’t have vines or flowers weaved into it, concrete – he just trips. It’s hilarious. He would be even worse than Sophie.”

Tam grins. “What about you?”

I smile at him. “I _am_ the elemental of the Pearl, after all.”

“What, is that a challenge?”

I shove Tam. “You want to try?”

“What?”

And that’s how we find ourselves in Atlantis, shopping for ice skates. Tam’s boots are at his parent’s house. His spare pair is in a locker at his old rink, and he’s worried that if he accesses the locker it’ll get back to them. I don’t know anything about ice skates, but Tam is able to direct us around the store and get everything sorted in under ten minutes.

“Wait,” The clerk asks as we go up to pay. “Are you Tam Song?”

Tam stiffens, setting the boots on the counter with a loud _clank_. “Uh, yeah?”

“Oh my god!” They exclaim, starting to bag our shoes. “I _loved_ your jumps a few years ago. Everyone was doing the same routine, and yours was really unique! And the use of your ability to add interest and flare? _Perfect_.”

Tam is blushing, and accepts the clerk’s fist bump. When we exit the store, I grin at him. “I didn’t know that you were _famous_.”

He shrugs, an embarrassed smile on his face. “I may have done some pretty big competitions.”

“ _WHAT_.”  
We return to Eurus and Alana’s, as they have a big pond out back that we can use. Tam is really impressed with my Elsa-esque freezing of the surface, which takes less out of me than I expect, probably from all of the training with Linh. Tam slips on his skates and starts _zooming_ around the pond, launching himself into a few spins. I can only watch him, still halfway through slipping on my skates.

“Holy shit,” I mutter, and he blushes.

“I’ve been doing this a long time.”

Once my skates are fully on, I inch onto the ice. I immediately fall over, and Tam bursts out into laughter, sliding over to help me up. I clutch onto his shoulder, trying (and failing) to find my center of gravity.

“Ah, I see how it is,” he says, trying to choke back another laugh.

“Fuck off, I can’t even feel the ice underneath me.”

Tam very slowly lets me go, but has to intervene again when I almost fall.

“God, Fitz, you’re even worse than a normal beginner… Sorry.”

I hiss in annoyance, and sit back down on the edge, unlacing my boots.

“What are you doing?” Tam asks, frowning down at me.

I shake my head, discarding the boots on the side, and peeling off my socks. It’s not like I can feel the temperature anyway. I step onto the ice, bend down, and wrap my hands around one of my feet. After a few moments, I place my foot back down, now incased in a boot with a blade on the bottom, purely made of my ice. I quickly do the other one, and flash and thumbs-up to Tam. He’s staring at me with his eyes wide, and then shrugs, and gestures to the center. I whoosh past him, using the feel of the ice underneath me to propel my speed. He laughs and quickly catches up, following me as I loop around the edge.

“This is actually pretty great!” I call out to him, and he grins.

“You can see why I stick with it for so long.”

“Teach me a jump!”

Tam laughs. After ages of work, I can land a few simple jumps, and Linh eventually picks up my other boots and joins us on the ice. She’s smoother than I was but still not great, and Tam has to lead her around for the first little while.

“How are you so fast?” She calls out to me.

“He’s cheating!” Tam responds, and I grin, whipping around the two of them.

Eventually I run out of energy keeping the ice frozen, and we go inside to shower and eat something warm. Eurus and Alana aren’t there, but Linh explains that they rarely are – there’s so much work to do that we aren’t seeing. They’re trying to give us a break from anything stressful, to go back to being ‘normal’. Well, as normal as it can get for a group of elementals, banished kids, queer kids, kids with family issues, and kids with some form of PTSD.

“What you did with the ice was really cool,” Tam comments, stirring his soup. “It would be fun to be able to do that any time. Like what if you could throw something at water and it would freeze the surface like you did?”

I frown.

_Two Months and One Week Since Dex Disappeared_

“Lady Verda, I don’t know if you remember me-”

The woman in front of me, with black hair braided down to her back and a bright smile on her face, nods. “Of course I remember you, Fitz, I taught you Elementalism for two years. You were especially skilled at bottling pond ripples. I still use that as an example for younger years.”

I blush lightly. “Well, I was told by Magnate Leto that you were the best Elementalism teacher in the school, and you had the most experience with more… violent elements.”

A small frown forms on her face. “Yes?”

“I was wondering if you could help me with a project.”

I didn’t explain my plan to Eurus and Alana, but I did ask them if I could tell Lady Verda that I’m an elemental. Alana had laughed and told me that she was a pretty bad Elementalism teacher if she couldn’t see an elemental right in front of her, and Eurus told me that he had worked with her for many years and even gotten her help on a few Black Swan projects, so: yes.

“Well, I want to create a bomb of sorts, but with elements. For example, if I threw something at water, it would break, and freeze the surface of the water. The same could happen with plant growth, snow, and other kinds of elements.”

She frowns. “It’s definitely possible, but you would need a _lot_ of power to get that to work. Power that we do not have access to.”

I scratch the back of my neck. “Well, actually, we do.”

I meet her eyes and let my sleeve slide down to reveal the water tattoos on my wrist. She glances between the waves, my hair, and my two-colored eyes, then: “I see.”

“I don’t want these to be dangerous, not at all. More to… aid the surroundings, or for escape. Or for fun, of course.”

“No, I understand,” she mutters, still staring at the tattoos on my wrist. “But… do you mind demonstrating your power for me? I’ve been studying elementals my whole life, and the last generation disappeared when I was still so young-”

“Of course. How would this work?”

It turns out that bottling and containing elements is actually _very_ complicated, and students use glass that is _very_ protected. However, to get the best results, professionals use diamonds cut in certain directions (always diamonds, apparently the fact that it’s made of only Carbon makes it… especially pure or something). The angles and shapes give it strength. However, if I want the bottles to shatter, then the layers will need to be thin, and therefore the bottling will be more dangerous.

The idea is to capture the start, the product, and the essence of whatever change happens. For freezing, I’ll need water, ice, and the essence of freezing. Which sounds really weird, but apparently the fact that I’m an Elemental makes it _super_ easy.

“You are pretty much an essence source in yourself. All you need to do is pour some of your freezing magic in, and it should work. I have to admit, this is more complicated than I really understand, so it will take some trial and error. Make sure you’re wearing eye protection.”

I take the glasses she’s offering me, both the vials and the ones for my eyes, and examine the shape. It’s a trio of loops in one tight coil, but the ends are linked, and one end has a small bung in the center. The bung is tiny, but as long as you’re doing the technique correctly, you don’t need very much space.

“Do you have the diagrams for this? The angles and stuff?”

She nods, pointing to the desk that has been pushed to the edge of the room. I take a deep breath, and look down at the bucket in front of me, full of water. I lift a strand of the liquid and pour in into the vial carefully. Each material should take up one of the three coils, with some air space left over. Next is ice. I freeze the top layer of water in the bucket and crush it with one hand, easily dumping the powdered flakes inside.

Last is the magic. This is the confusing part. How am I supposed to use freezing magic if I have nothing to freeze? But I think about what it was like with Tam – I placed my palm, bare skin, onto the water, and took a deep breath. Energy flowed through my chest and out my hand.

I slowly wrap my hands around the vial, plugging the hole with my thumb. I take a deep breath, like I’m about to blow on the water, and push magic through my thumb and into the vial. I know it’s worked when I feel the vial grow cold underneath my touch, and a quiet cracking sound fills the room. I quickly bung it, and Lady Verda comes to check my work.

“Almost perfect, Fitz. You put in a little too much of each material, but that won’t be too much of a problem if the material amounts are balanced and you don’t cross a certain line – if there is too little air, the vial could break at any time. The crushed ice is closer to snow, but it has the same aura, so it works.”

I nod slowly, a little drained. She glances over at me, with an elated smile. “I’ll give you the diagrams and some extra vials. This should work perfectly, but you can try if you would like.”

I nod, taking the vial back from her. I throw it onto the side of the bucket of water and it shatters, the water immediately starting to freeze. I crouch down to examine it, and choke back a laugh.

“Uh, Lady Verda?”

She returns, carrying a bag with the vials and diagrams. “Yes?”

I tip over the bucket, sliding out a mass of completely frozen water. 

She laughs. “That might have been a bit much for such a small bucket, but it should work on bigger areas. You can always modify the diagram to work for smaller sizes. It depends on your needs.”

I take the bag from her, and bow once. She laughs, patting me on the shoulder. “Good work, Fitz. If you ever need more help, then you can always come back.”

“Of course!”

_Two Months and Two Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

“When did you make these?” Eurus asks, turning one of the vials around in his hands.

“Over the last week. Tam gave me the idea actually, and it’s why I asked about Lady Verda. She taught me how to bottle things, and now… we have these. Elemental bombs.”

“And you only have freezing so far?”

“Yeah. It took a while to perfect, but now I can get the ratios down completely. The size of the vial affects the amount of water that it freezes, and the width of the coils affects how quickly the ice spreads – pressure and stuff. I want to try it with other elements, but to do growing we need Dex, I’m kinda unsure about fire and tornadoes. I’m not even sure whether or not we could break a vial and start a storm. I’d have to talk to Linh.”

Eurus is still spinning the vial around. “Can we try it?”

I shrug. “Alright.”

I grab one of the large vials with medium pressure and we head outside to the pond. “You need to throw it at the center of the water. I’ve actually found that something about the water magic being so close to its source actually shatters the vial itself – you don’t need too much force.”

Eurus nods, and lightly tosses the vial into the center of the pond. It shatters upon contact and ice quickly starts to spread along the pond. It’s enchanting to watch, the blue and white and silver and pink magic swirling over the surface, tightly encasing the water.

“Wow,” he breathes, walking forwards to investigate. “Amazing work, Fitz. This is perfect. We could use it in so many situations. It’s like a bomb, but not as destructive.”

“Unless it had Everblaze in it.”

Eurus sighs, returning to stand with me on the shore. “We’ll discuss everything that we put in the vials, and make sure that it’s all safe. No accidents.”

I nod.

Tam comes out of the front door, carrying his skates and wearing a pair of gloves. He flashes me a bright grin and starts to tie them on, preparing himself to stand on the icy surface of the pond.

“You forgot to do the dishes last night,” Eurus mutters at Tam.

“Linh dragged me out of the house for some ‘socialization’ with Biana, and wouldn’t let me refuse. I assumed that you would have some pity for that, because you never leave the house for anything other than work.”

Eurus splutters, then sighs. “Just make sure that you do them before five. Alana’s making eggplant lasagna, and you know how she gets about a messy kitchen when she’s cooking.”

“Yeah, I know. God, that was a mess.” Tam slides out onto the ice, making light loops. “You gonna join, Fitz?”

I shake my head, baffled by their easy back-and-forth. “Nah, I’ve got some work to do.”

“Alright, see ya.”

I wave goodbye to the two of them, still unnerved, and light leap away.

_Two Months, Two Weeks, and Two Days Since Dex Disappeared_

Dear Dex,

Nothing much has been happening on this end. Honestly, we’ve been having a down period. I know about jinxing that, but there’s been no Neverseen attacks or notes, and no big reveals. They’re probably still scrambling from when we took some of their members during the fight.

That’s why I was thinking about it – the council finally ruled for it today. They, after fucking _ages_ of work, have identified the three people, talked with their families, and decided on a ruling. The older two are getting their minds broken, and the younger one is getting wiped and sent away. I don’t know where.

It’s vile, you know? Before we didn’t know what the council were really doing, so we could ignore what was going on behind the scenes. But now I know and it’s scary and disgusting. These two people are now effectively _dead_. I’m not going to pretend that the Neverseen hasn’t done some absolutely terrible things because I think they have but… what the fuck. And we don’t even know if Sophie can still heal them.

God. Fuck.

Well, I had a meeting with Eurus and Alana today, and we made a list of every possible thing that we could stick in the vials. Some of them are really dangerous, but at least they know. I have to brainstorm what three things go with each elemental affect. For freezing, it’s ice, water, and magic, but what about growing plants? Dirt and leaves? Dirt and seeds? Seeds and stems? Seeds and leaves? We’ll have to experiment.

I hope you’re doing well. I had a dream about you last night.

Love,

Snowfall

_Two Months and Three Weeks Since Dex Disappeared_

“You’re getting better,” Linh says, watching as I shift the water in my palms to a rod, then to ice, then back to water, then throw it in the pond.

“It’s still draining, but it’s much better. And it’s definitely better when I do little things. I feel more in control; the water makes more sense.”

Linh nods. “Would you believe me if I told you it was the opposite for me?”

I shrug.

“When are we going to try bottling?” Sophie calls from next to the bag of empty vials. “You told me that we were going to try lightning today, and I am READY!”

I turn to Linh, who’s just finishing an eye roll. “Yeah, let’s go.”

We join Sophie next to the bag and I pick out a small but thick vial (minimal pressure), and push the bag away, trying to prevent the fragile diamond that Lady Verda spent so long making from shattering.

“Alright, so, Sophie: charge this piece of metal, and then stick it inside. It should be thin enough to pile at the bottom. _Make sure you don’t melt it._ We’re also going to add water.”

I call a precise amount from the pond (I got used to measuring the right amounts, for a small thick vial, this is it) and pour it in. I make sure that Sophie is the only one touching the vial, because it could probably shock me if I’m not careful.

“You ready to try this?” I ask her, and she grins. “Are you sure you don’t need me to explain it again?”

“I _get it_ , Fitzy. Focus on what it feels like to call down lightning, especially the movements that your body and breath make during the process, then channel that energy into the vial, making sure that you don’t actually create a fucking lightning strike. We’re good.”

I sigh, then step back, and gesture for her to start.

I don’t know what I looked like when I was channeling my magic, but Sophie’s hair starts to glow. It glows every time she uses magic. Bands of light twist up her arms, streaks of red and orange and yellow, like paint smears. Her tattoos. She kind of looks like a light up toy.

After a moment, the glowing dies down, and she quickly corks the bottle. I examine it, making sure to keep my distance. The metal is still intact, and so is the water. It looks like we should’ve put in a smidgen more metal, but I can fix that next time. There’s a bit of condensation on the sides, so there was too much heat applied, and I can assume that the vial is warm. There are little sparks darting around, yellow and electric. Lightning magic.

“FUCKING SHIT!” I yell, tossing the vial back at Sophie. “THAT SHOCKED ME! _OW_! FUCK! _OW_!” Sophie giggles, and I glare at her. “You also heated up the vial too much, you shit.”

“I’m not the one who designed it.”

“But _I’m_ not the one who got electricity on the outside when I poured my magic in.”

She sticks her tongue out at me, and I do the same in retaliation. Linh just sighs.

“Look, give me the vial, I’ll try to get rid of the rest of the excess charge and then we can call this a success.” Sophie hands the vial to Linh, and she lightly brushes her fingers up and down it, sparks flying off of the surface and on to the grass underfoot. It’s shocking nothing catches fire.

“It’s not _my_ fault-”

Linh throws the vial in her face. “SHUT _UP_ , Sophie!” 

Lightning erupts. 

(She’s fine.)

_Three Months Since Dex Disappeared_

Dear Dex, 

It’s happening again. I should’ve expected it, at this mark. Three months. Three months. Three fucking months _where are you_.

I believe in you. I will do everything in my power to support you but _how much fucking training do you need?_ I broke yesterday and asked Linh if you were still alive again and of course it was a yes, she would have told me otherwise, but when it gets to me too much I lie in bed and wonder if tomorrow is the morning that she calls me and tells me that something has gone wrong. Because it’s been _three months_ , Dex, _three_.

You’ve missed Christmas and New Year’s and Keefe’s birthday. And now you’re missing the rest of winter and now the beginning of spring. I want to spend your first spring as an elemental with you. Because I know that you’ll be all excited and giggly and pointing out the flowers. Can’t I just hold your hand and walk through the fields? Why are we still apart?

I asked myself a few days ago whether or not this was healthy, the fact that I’m falling apart the moment you’re missing. But this is cold turkey. This is not fair. You were hurt and I wasn’t okay. I knew that you knew something was up, that morning, and I never got to tell you what it was.

I’m scared of not being enough. And of course that’s not shocking after what my father has done over the years and hating telepathy and all of that stuff. But I think I _knew_ , that morning, that I wasn’t powerful, that I wasn’t a ‘good’ elemental. I wasn’t angry, when Linh told me so, but now it hurts. And it hurt then.

Eurus recommended therapy to the group yesterday, when we met up for one of our weekly meetings. I think that he’s right. God, I hate when I get all worked up and mopey like this because it’s not all the time only now, right before bed, when I think of you being here and how much happier I was only a little bit ago.

Well I guess that three months isn’t really a ‘little bit’.

 _Dex_. Where are you?

_Three Months and Five Days Since Dex Disappeared_

I-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this? A whole chapter where Dex and Fitz don't even get to look at each other? Cut off right before they get to see each other again?
> 
> Oops.


	5. Growing (Part Two)

This is _not_ what I was expecting to see when I go outside on a Saturday morning to get the mail. It takes me a few seconds to process, squinting my eyes against the morning sun, hoping that somehow this isn’t an illusion. 

He looks like an angel, the sun highlighting him from the back, the wind flicking a tiny ponytail at the back of his head. He’s stopped walking to watch me, a small smile on his face, head tilted slightly to one side. His hands are jammed into a worn pair of blue shorts, and I can see vines snaking up around his ankles from the shoes he used to wear to school every day.

_Dex_. 

*

Of _course_ the first thing I did the next morning was go see him. Yes, I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and so fucking jetlagged. But it’s been three months and _I miss him_.

_Fitz. Where are you? Because I’m here. I’m here. I’m back._

He’s different now, that I can tell. His face looks drawn and exhausted, shoulders tight and stiff. His hair is darker blue than it was before, shorter, back to its perfectly gelled state. The bands around his wrists are visible, even from a distance. His eyes are wide and so _blue_.

_Fitz_.

*

He’s running towards me and I stumble towards him, and when we collide I spin him around. I’m stronger than I used to be, and he feels so sure underneath my arms. I don’t want to ever let him go. “Hey, Snowfall,” I whisper, and he pulls back, meeting my eyes.

Before I can react, he kisses me, right there. I smile and lean into him, pulling him tighter, leaning my head forwards. He responds in kind and he’s so _warm_ and _soft_ and I love this boy, I love him so much, and I’m so glad I’m here. I’m here. I break the kiss and he’s crying and I think I’m crying and I laugh, letting him go from the bone-crushing grip I had him in.

“ _Dex_ ,” he says, “you came back. You’re finally back.”

I lean forwards, resting our foreheads against each other. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

“But you’re here now. _You’re here_.”

I kiss him again, relishing the feel of being here with him again. This boy I love so much. And I laugh, big and happy and full. Because here I am, with Fitz. I was working so hard in Indonesia, and this is like a break, a breath of fresh air. And he looks so pretty, with his bright blue hair and shining eyes and glowing skin. I want to kiss him again. So I do.

“I missed you every day,” Fitz says, taking both my hands and interlacing our fingers. 

“I missed you too. But now we’re here.”

“We’re here,” he says, leaning up to kiss me again.

Biana sees us immediately when we come inside, and she squeals, pushing away Fitz to wrap her arms around me. 

“Hey, Bi,” I say, letting go of Fitz’s hand to hug her back.

She lets go to examine me properly, and flicks my arm. “When did you get so buff?”

“My trainer cut me no slack.”

She laughs, but my attention is drawn away from them when Alden appears at the top of the stairs. He’s frightening, above all of us, glare intense and practiced. His eyes flick to where Fitz and I’s hand is back to being intertwined, and he takes another step down the stairs.

“What’s going on, Fitzroy? What are you doing with this boy?”

Fitz’s hand goes slack.

“Boy?” Della calls from the other room, voice soft. She leans her head in and grins when she sees me. “ _Dexter_! You’re back. How are you?”

Her face immediately falls at the terror evident in Fitz’s expression, and she turns to look at her husband. And to my surprise, Della’s normally pretty and manicured face falls into an expression of complete and utter _disgust_.

“ _Really_ ,” She says, her voice dripping with venom. “Really. You couldn’t just be a dick; you have to be a homophobic dick. And now, instead of us discussing divorce in a private and civilized manner, you’re going to make me yell.”

Alden blinks.

And yell she does. Alden cowers more and more, Della stomping up the stairs to get directly in his face. I’ve never seen Della mad, and I don’t think any of us have, especially Alden. He looks like he’s about to wet his pants. She lists a whole bunch of crap he’s done, some of which Fitz and Biana never even mentioned, and tears him down over and over again, managing to be eloquent and articulate the whole time.

“SO EITHER YOU SHUT THE _FUCK_ -” she stops, taking in a delicate breath. “Actually? No. No tolerance. No either or. Get the fuck out. Right now.” 

“What?”

“You heard me right. Get the fuck out of this house.”

“This is _my_ house.”

Della takes a step towards him, and he presses back even further. “Do you want to say that again? GET THE FUCK OUT OF _MY_ HOUSE, ALDEN VACKER. AND _DO NOT_ COME BACK.”

He stumbles as he walks down the stairs, barely managing to pull a jacket off the rack before he leaves. He tries to slam the door, but I kick my foot out to stop it, and latch it quietly closed behind us.

Della immediately relaxes, bringing up a soft and genuine smile. “I’m sorry about that, I know how much you guys hate yelling. And Dex! Welcome back. How are you feeling?”

I’m still reeling from what just happened, but Fitz steps forwards, pulling me with him. “Mom, this is my boyfriend.”

She nods, a soft smile on her face, and reaches forwards to wrap me in a one-armed hug. “Well then, welcome to the family, Dex. We’re happy to have you.”

“Oh,” I say, my throat scratchy. “Thank you.”

*

After Biana and I get a moment to calm down (she’s right – yelling really does a number on us, no matter who or to who), we call everyone over. Dex is immediately surrounded, being hugged by Tam and Linh and Keefe at once. They’re crying. Everyone is crying. _I’m_ crying.

“You _shit_ ,” Keefe says. “You missed my birthday. My dad wasn’t a bitch for the first time in his life! And you missed it!”

“Yeah,” Dex says, hugging Keefe tight. “Yeah, I know.”

Sophie is the last to say hello to him again, and she clutches him tight, whispering something into his neck. He nods, and says, “no, it’s alright. It wasn’t your fault. No, not at all. It’s alright, Soph. You’re good.”

Dex comes back and takes my hand again, giving it a light squeeze, and I remember what Eurus said to me so long ago: _Dex is going to go farther than you… you need to be willing to be the person that the other comes home to._ I look over at the boy next to me, with his bright green eyes and beautiful hair, and winding tattoos. _I will always be there for you to come home to, love. I will always be there, waiting for you. I choose you._

Keefe, Biana, and Mom make sandwiches and we drink tons of water and all crash on the couch, content to finally relax as a group again. Eurus and Alana arrive a few minutes later. They’re oddly hesitant, crowded together in the doorway, refusing to fully enter the living room. I don’t understand why until I hear a crash behind me – Mom has dropped the not empty sandwich tray, and is staring at Eurus and Alana, her mouth wide open.

“Hey Del,” Alana says uneasily.

Mom cracks her knuckles, eyes narrowing. “Oh, I already chewed out my bitch-ass husband today and I am _not_ afraid to do it again.”

“Oooh,” Keefe whispers, leaning forwards. I shush him, pushing him away from my face.

“YOU,” Mom says, turning to Alana. “Not going to tell me that you’re alive? I do your fucking laundry for _two years straight_ so you can go out with your boyfriend, and _nah_ , let’s _not_ tell Della that you’re FUCKING ALIVE! HERE! ALIVE!”

Eurus is shrinking away, trying to avoid my mother’s wrath, but she quickly turns on him, vicious. “ _I NAME MY SON AFTER YOU-_ ”

“THAT WAS ON _PURPOSE_?”

“AND YOU THINK IT’S FINE TO NOT TALK TO ME FOR FIVE YEARS, HUH? IT’S BEEN FIVE FUCKING YEARS, EURUS! I GAVE YOU RELATIONSHIP ADVICE, I MADE YOU TEA, I SAT HERE AND LISTENED TO YOU WALLOW, AND ALL I FUCKING GET IS… OH WAIT? FUCKING _NOTHING_.”

Eurus and Alana wince, but she only buries herself in both of them. “God, I’m _so_ glad you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry, Del,” Eurus whispers, petting her hair.

“You can say that again, you fucker,” she mutters into Alana’s shirt.

Dex leans forwards, resting his chin on his hand. “They aren’t cousins, are they?”

“Mom, I thought that you guys were just cousins,” Biana asks, echoing Dex’s thoughts.

“Biana, don’t-” Eurus says, but it’s too late.

“MY OWN FUCKING SIBLINGS-”

I turn to Tam, who is sitting on my other side. “Hey, this makes us fake cousins.”

He fist-bumps me. “Hell yeah.”

Mom is still sniffling, so Eurus trails after her to help her clean up and dole out the remaining sandwiches. Alana settles in the only free chair, leaning forwards to ruffle Dex’s hair. “Fitz was pretty worried about you,” she says to him, her eyes soft.

He snakes an arm around my waist. “I was worried about him too.”

“You shit,” I whisper to him, and he laughs.

“God,” Biana mutters. “ _PDA!_ If you guys are worse than Sophie and Keefe, one of you has to go. I can’t take two overly sappy relationships at once.”

I kiss Dex on the cheek just to piss her off, and he pushes me away, so I flick him. It’s wonderful, but Dex is flopping against me more and more, and he lets out a wide yawn. “You good?” I ask him, and he nods slowly.

“Dex, did you hear what Fitz made while you were gone?” Alana asks, watching us.

“Alana, I don’t think this is the best time to tell him, he’s practically asleep.”

“Look, Indonesia is like eight hours behind here. I’m _supposed_ to be asleep.”

I frown. “You were in _Indonesia_?”

He nods. “Ya, saya.”

I just shrug at Alana, who sighs, a soft smile on her face. She moves over in the chair to let Mom sit on the armrest, leaning on her older sister slightly.

“It seems that my son has taken after you,” Mom says, smiling at me.

Alana laughs. “You know, it’s a Pearl elemental thing.”

Mom frowns, her eyebrows scrunching together. “What do you mean?”

Alana’s eyes widen, and she fixes a glare at me. “ _You didn’t tell her?_ ”

“You didn’t tell her you were alive,” I retort back, brushing Dex’s hair with my fingers as he falls asleep.

Alana swears under her breath, and turns to Mom. “Do you know what the elementals are?”

She takes in a deep breath, pinching the bridge of her nose, and hollers, “EURUS, DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE ONE TOO.”

Eurus turns from washing the dishes, a guilty expression on his face. “Well, technically I _was_ -”

“EURUS!” 

I shush Mom, gesturing at Dex, and she shoots me an apologetic look.

“Del, I was the elemental of the pearl, and Eurus was the elemental of the sky.”

“And who completes your little posse? Bronte, I’m guessing, but who else?”

Alana shrinks lower in her seat. “Fintan.”

“ _What._ ”

“I killed him!” Sophie comments brightly, flashing my _very_ worried mother a cheerful smile. “So now _I’m_ the elemental of the sun, Fitz is the elemental of the pearl, Dex is the elemental of the Earth, and Linh is the elemental of the sky!”

Mom flicks her gaze between the four people in question: an overly eager murderer, a passed out boyfriend, her nervous son, and a wispy girl that she’s met once, looking surprised and slightly out of place.

“Linh is your fake-niece,” I whisper at Mom, which only furthers her breakdown.

“Honey, _what_ do you mean.”

“Tam and Linh have been living with Eurus and Alana for the last three months.”

I swear that Mom is about to slap Alana, who shrugs. “We haven’t _adopted_ them.”

“Come on,” Tam mutters. “This may be a cool aunt relationship, but there is a mother figure there, and you can’t deny it.”

Alana’s expression turns soft. “You think of me as a mother figure?”

I turn slightly, and Dex shifts on my shoulder, falling deeper into my neck. I watch his eyelids twitch, a small smile on his face. I keep forgetting and then remembering he’s here. I lean my head on his, and watch my mother desperately try to understand our group dynamic.

Dex sighs under me, taking my hand and interlacing our fingers.

This, _this_ is perfect.

*

I don’t see the group again until a few days later. I was many shades of exhausted, both from time zones, the sudden shift in weather and climate, and the fact that I was just… tired. _So_ tired.

I hadn’t gotten the chance to see my siblings again before I went to see Fitz, so there was an understandable rush when I returned. It really hit me, then, how scared they were. I hadn’t every really appreciated the fact that they though that I was dead for a week years ago, and this was like a painful flashback. I can see them now. They’re not children anymore.

“Are you going to leave again?” Bex had asked me, with her piercing gaze, so much like Mom.

The tears were building up in my throat, and I lightly rubbed her arm. “I don’t know, Bex. I’m sorry.”

She hugged me again. “It’s okay, Dex.”

After that I fell asleep for the rest of that day and then woke up again the next morning. (Really hungry. _Super_ hungry). But now, I’m back with the group at Eurus and Alana’s house for a meeting. We’re all here, sitting at their kitchen table, waiting for the two of them to come downstairs.

“They’re talking about something important,” Linh said, leaning forwards to rest her elbow on the table. “They rarely hang out in Eurus’ old office unless they _really_ don’t want us to disturb them. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m pretty sure that Alana is yelling at Eurus about something.”

We wait in silence for another few minutes, but what interrupts us next isn’t one of them, but a knock on the door. Before one of can stand to get it, Alana comes downstairs to open it, Eurus trailing behind her. Neither of them notice us.

Revealed, behind the door, is Bronte. He looks nervous, hands fiddling with the lapel of his coat. His expression softens when he sees Alana, and then morphs into confusion. Before he can ask the question, probably ‘how the _fuck_ are you alive’, his gaze lands on the person behind her. Both of them look young and shocked, with wide eyes and open expressions.

“Eurus.”

“Hello, Bronte,” Eurus says, voice shaking.

They still haven’t noticed us.

“How about you guys talk,” Alana says, sweeping the two of them out the door. “Take a walk.”

Bronte flashes Alana a look that makes me think that they definitely used to be best friends. He hugs her, quickly, and says. “I’m glad you’re alive, ‘Lana. And _we_ need to talk too.”

She grins. “I don’t think I take priority.”

The moment the door clicks shut we rush over to crowd around the window. Alana lets out a noise of surprise. “How long have you guys been here?”

“The whole time,” Keefe responds.

The path branches away from the house, perfectly visible from this window, before wrapping behind it. Eurus and Bronte are in plain view. Eurus is explaining something, hands whipping around rapidly. Bronte is just watching him, silent, eyebrows drawn together. After a moment, Bronte reaches out and stops Eurus, placing a hand on his arm, and asks a question.

Eurus responds, raking his hands through his hair. Bronte steps back and rubs his face, then asks Eurus something again. His expression changes – he’s terrified. And desperate, it seems like. Eurus’ lips barely move when he finally responds, but Bronte’s reaction says everything.

His eyes widen, huge, and he just stands there, one hand partially raised, staring at Eurus. Eurus eventually makes eye contact with Bronte, body slumped. Bronte reaches down and takes Eurus’ hand in his own, smiling softly, and murmurs a few words.

“ _Oh_ ,” Fitz gasps.

“Took you long enough,” I retort back.

“What, you can read lips?”

“Your lovingly desperate expressions are nearly identical.”

“ _What._ ”

I lean into Fitz slightly, looking back out the window. Eurus and Bronte are walking again, holding hands.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough to see here,” Alana says, waving us away from the window.

Keefe groans. “Can’t we hear more of Fork Man’s sappy backstory?”

Alana glares at them. “No. It’s Eurus’ story to tell, anyway.”

“ _Please_ don’t tell me that he’s going to start coming over for dinner,” Tam groans, and Alana laughs, reaching over to ruffle his hair.

“Maybe.”

We return to our seats, Alana grabbing one of the two chairs at the head of the table. Or at least what we’ve dubbed the head of the table – it’s _round_ , after all. She whips out a list and a pen, tapping the paper periodically as she reads down it.

“So I guess we’re going to have our first official team elemental meeting without Eurus, but that’s fine. We have a couple things to cover. First, updates on Fitz’s vials. So far we’ve gotten freezing and lightning to work, but this week I want plants. I know that you haven’t gotten the logistics worked out, so experiment. I’m happy with increasing the height of plants already in front of you or growing specific plants. Dex, if you have any ideas, tell Fitz.” 

Fitz nods. “I was also thinking of talking to Kesler and Juline Dizznee, as they know quite a bit about bottling and alchemy. I would love to get some of their general advice, as well as some of their ideas. Juline _is_ part of the collective, after all.”

“You can do that in your own time, and report back next week. So, second. Fitz, Linh, and Sophie have been doing some elemental training in their own time, and Tam, Keefe, and Biana have been doing ability classes at school. Dex, I expect you to join them. But we also want to make sure that everyone is getting the proper amount of exercise and preparation they need. Any ideas?”

“The weekend trainings were nice, and they allowed us to hang out with each other.”

“I’ve been getting some training for endurance and stuff in my after school sport classes, so that definitely helps. But it’s no punching and balance training.”

“It would be cool to do a once or twice a week training as a group, for bonding and activities more specific to y’know, fighting the Neverseen.”

Alana holds up her hand. “Alright. We’re already doing these meetings on Saturday mornings, so how about we do training twice a week – Sunday, and one day during the week. When do you guys have activities?”

After a quick tally, we end up with only one free day: Wednesday. Which is kinda perfect, actually. Alana nods and writes that down, and we all schedule to meet here starting Wednesday (and Sundays after that), from four until six.

“Okay,” Alana says, nodding slowly. “Okay. This is going _much_ smoother than I expected. There’s one last thing that we need to talk about,” she takes a deep breath, setting down her pen. “We’re all back here again. So it’s time to deal with the rift.”

There’s a heavy silence, and I squeeze my hands together to hide their shaking. It’s much easier being an elemental when you pretend that you don’t have a big destiny to complete in the end.

“It is complete. It is done. The seventeenth generation of elementals, together at last. I have been waiting for you for thousands of years. It is time.” Linh’s voice is soft and silted, like she’s parroting the words from somewhere deep inside her. “The danger I prophesized years ago has not come until now. Not in the form of a weapon or of a race, but in the form of a divide. Elementals have always represented balance, but they also represent change. Nothing ever stays the same. You are the voice and the beacon for everything of the future, whether that be peace and unity, or destruction and emptiness. You decide,” Linh is shaking slightly. “Goodbye, my loves.”

“When I was an elemental, when we first came together as a group, the moon told us that we were waiting for you. That our job was always to take care of and train you, because one group of four alone would never be able to take down this divide alone. That’s why we created two teams, that’s why we created the Black Swan. For this.”

I nod, remembering when Eurus told us the same thing so long ago. “So what do we do?”

“The divide is between the Black Swan and Neverseen, right?” Keefe asks, frowning. “The big divide in the elven world – two rebel groups fighting against each other, and the people caught in the crossfire. So we just have to take down the Neverseen.”

Sophie snorts. “Well, it’s not like we’ve been spending the last few years trying to do _just that._ ”

“But wouldn’t that mean that we would have to get rid of the Black Swan too?” The entire group turns to look at me, and I lightly rub the back of my neck, uncomfortable with all the attention. “The only way to fully close a divide is to get rid of the problem completely, from _both_ sides. If we didn’t dissolve the Black Swan, then there would just be another rift between the Black Swan and the council.”

Alana nods. “That’s a fair point. However, the entire point of the Black Swan was to, at some point, work _with_ the council as a checks-and-balances system. They wouldn’t be against each other; they would be a team.”

We fall silent, and eventually Alana sighs, pushing her hair away from her face. “So I guess that we just continue forwards with our plans against the Neverseen. Eurus and I’ll meet with the collective later, and we’ll keep you guys updated. Great work everyone, see you on Wednesday.”

*

“God, spring is so _nice_ ,” Dex murmurs, letting go of my hand to flopping into field. I watch him with a small smile on my face, and start to laugh as the grass around him slowly starts to grow.

“You’re leaking power.”

“Shit,” he mutters, rejoining me on the path.

We missed having alone time together, and the open space from our hikes at Alluveterre, so we decided to take one of the back paths at Havenfield as far as it’ll go. They’re really nice – they start to hit the base of some mountains, so we get lots variation.

After about an hour of walking, we left the forest and came into this field. I was correct in my prediction that the blooming flowers and budding trees would make Dex giddy, as he promptly decides that he’s going to transition from telling me the name every single tree that he could spot in the forest to pointing out all of the flower types.

“Dewi loved to drill me on these. I got so annoyed about it that one night I stole the book she was referencing and learned every single one just to piss her off. It worked, but then she told me that I also did exactly what she asked. But her expression when I listed all of them… so worth it. Plant names stick in my head anyway.”

“Dewi,” I mutter, frowning. “Dewi. Eurus mentioned a Dewi.”

“Bronte still visits the temple, and I’m sure that Eurus went with him once and met her. I guess he assumed that she’s now in charge of the temple, which is true.” He glances over at me. “Why were you talking about the temple with Eurus?”

I glance down at the ground in front of us. “I wanted to go after you.”

“Oh,” he murmurs quietly, and I can feel the sore spot between us. The months that I was in pain, wishing and wishing and wishing for Dex to get back, and him returning, suddenly, all glowed up and happy with no problems. That’s not fair, but the point still stands.

“Fitz,” Dex mutters, stopping and facing me. His eyes are so green, I realize, looking straight into them. “I’m _sorry_. I want you to hear me when I say that I _am sorry_ that I was causing you so much pain. I don’t want to pretend, either, that it wasn’t important for me to be gone and that being in the temple wasn’t a difficult time but it really… it helped me a lot. I needed it. But if I could have changed _anything_ it would have been to be able to see _you_. Every day, to talk to you and hold your hand and-” his voice cracks slightly, and it sounds like he’s going to cry. “I am sorry that you were hurting, because I _never_ want you to be hurting.”

“I know,” I say, taking Dex’s other hand.

“You do?”

I nod, trying to stop myself from tearing up too. “Every night- I wrote to you; you know? Every night. And I always knew that if you could visit that you would, that you would have hated to see us missing you and seeing me being upset. I _knew_ that. But I also-” I take in a deep breath, and look back up to meet Dex’s eyes.

“I was back at home with my father, who was being terrible and abusive and homophobic. And being with you was so healing and I was raw and hurt. And for _so long_ I thought that you might be dead. So not matter how many times I told myself that I knew that this was important that that you missed me too and that you would come back, it didn’t erase that.”

Dex leans in slightly and presses our foreheads together for a second, a silent ‘I hear you’. “Is there anything that I can do?”

“Just, don’t do that again. Don’t go away without telling me and mortally wounded and for _three fucking months_. And,” I laugh wetly, “ _please_ come to therapy with the rest of the group. This will be better if we’re all a little happier and a little healthier.”

Dex nods, giving me a soft and sappy smile. I lean in slowly and kiss him, and he hums against my mouth, squeezing both of my hands. When we break away, I grin. 

“God, it’s so nice that we had our first kiss, because being able to kiss you whenever I want is the _best_.” Dex looks like he’s about to smile or laugh or say something, and then his face falls into concern. I frown, my eyes scanning his expression. “Hey, is something wrong?”

“It’s… something else,” he says, looking down. “Something we need to talk about. But not right now.” He grins. “Right now I’m going to enjoy kissing you.”

So we do.

*

As I pace in front of the Dizznee’s door, I think, for the fiftieth time, that this was a stupid idea. But before I can leap away or turn back, two of the triplets open the door. The boys – Rex and Lex. I grin awkwardly at them, and they look me up and down. Three years younger than Dex, they’re judgy in a way that only fourteen year olds can be.

“Is that the boy that’s close to Sophie? Wondershit or something?” One of them whispers to the other.

“Sophie, as in the girlfriend? Super famous?” The other whispers back, snickering.

“Sophie is _not_ Dex’s girlfriend,” I mutter, stung.

“What, are _you_ Dex’s girlfriend?”

_How do I respond to that?_

“Okay shits, clear off,” Dex calls, waving them away. They both stick their tongues out at him, and I turn my attention back to Dex, who looks worried.

“Fitz, what are you doing here?” Dex mutters, reaching forwards to take my hand.

“YOU SAY THAT HES NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND, DEXTER, BUT THAT WAS PRETTY GAY,” one of them calls, and Dex spins around, glaring at the hallway where they must have disappeared off to. “FUCK _OFF_ , LEX!”

“FUCK YOU!”

Dex waits for a second, then decides they’re gone and drags me inside.

“By the way,” I mutter to him, “when are we going to tell your parents about us?”

“Do you think we could make out in front of my siblings and freak them out?”

I laugh, following Dex upstairs to his room. When we eventually sit down on his bed, he glances over at me, nervous. 

“I’m assuming that you’re here to talk about what I mentioned this morning.”

I nod, examining his worried expression.

He sighs, biting his lip. “When I got back – that wasn’t our first kiss.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you remember the day with Sophie and the Everblaze?”

“When we sat in the river?”

He nods. “More happened then than I told you. It seemed like too much at the time. And of course, I didn’t want to admit to you that my first reaction when I saw that you had lost control was to kiss you to calm you down.” He grins weakly at me. “And that it worked.”

I take Dex’s hand. “I’m assuming that the kiss and not the hug is not what’s bothering you. What is it?”

He sighs. “You saw the Everblaze, and you started glowing. It was like I told you – a trauma reaction fueled by your elemental powers. Not to mention the fact that you were still juiced from just becoming an elemental, so you had all of that excess power.

“It was a hurricane, water and ice and snow whipping around, pushing people away and destroying furniture and ripping up the ground. I could barely see you anymore, but you were so… do you remember what Eurus said about elementals not exactly being fully elven anymore? It was like that. You looked so powerful and alien and far away and inhuman.

“It was frightening. God, so frightening. Not only because you were traumatized and upset, but also the vision of this future where we were all so powerful that we weren’t quite human anymore, disconnected and apathetic and just-” he shakes his head, curling in on himself slightly. “ _I don’t want to lose my humanity. I don’t want to lose who I am._ ”

“Dex-” I whisper, leaning in to cup his face with my hand.

“And _then,_ ” he continues, voice vicious. “I looked around and realized that Sophie and Linh and I were glowing. We were all reacting to your burst in power, our own energy rearing up to fight back. And then I thought: we aren’t fully in control of our own energy, are we? We’re talking about the most primal sources of energy in the world. How are we ever supposed to heal the rift if the elements try and take over us?”

Dex isn’t looking at me, he’s just staring at his bedspread, his entire posture speaking of fear and exhaustion. “Being an elemental is just _so much_ more than I ever thought. And we can ignore that, and pretend that it’s okay and it’s fun, but then I see how it’s taking over our bodies – changing our hair and skin and eyes, altering our very biology. And then I _remember._ ” He shakes. “When Dewi told me that the Earth was the most important element. And that I am _so_ powerful and _so_ precise and that-”

He finally looks up and meets my eyes, and suddenly their beautiful green is no longer lovely, now haunting. “That if any one of us is going to be overwhelmed by their element, it’s going to be _me._ ”

A shiver goes up my spine, and I watch Dex, at a loss for what to do.

“But you know,” he says, his voice shaking. “It’s _fine_.”

“Maybe we should organize that therapy thing earlier than I thought,” I mutter, and Dex laughs. But it’s not his laugh, it’s desperate and haunted and _scared._

I reach out to him, but he’s so scared and far away, and I don’t know what to do. “What do you need?” I ask him, desperate, as he curls farther in on himself. I give into my instincts and pull him tight to my chest, burying my face into the back of his neck, letting him lean into me as he cries. I rub up and down his back, the repetitive movements calming both him and me, and he takes my other hand and kisses it softly in between tears.

“ _You_ make things better,” he whispers.

We sit there for a while, and I watch the sun go down through one of his windows. Dinner may be over, but I’ll be expected back home soon for bed. We _do_ have school tomorrow. But I care more about this boy than I care for a few hours of Mom’s emotions, a few hours of my exhaustion tomorrow, a night of an aching back from sitting in this position for too long.

Dex slowly changes our position so he’s laying against my shoulder. He closes his eyes, reaching up blindly to brush my face with the tips of his fingers. I place my hand over his and close my eyes too.

“God, I’m so twitchy,” Dex eventually says, relenting and standing to stretch his legs. He smiles up at me, his eyes still a little red. I smile back at him, already missing warmth against me. I skootch forwards on the bed and he walks up to the edge so we can hug, me sitting and him standing. He bends down slightly to kiss me on the mouth, and I smile into him-

“DEEEEEX! Oh fuck-”

The sister, Bex, is standing in the doorway, one of the other two standing behind her. He echoes her sentiments the moment that he realizes what’s going on, and I turn to Dex, who looks more annoyed that frightened.

“I know that you were joking earlier when you said make out to scare them, but-”

“If you keep your traps shut for five fucking minutes,” he hisses at his siblings, “I’ll tell Mom and Dad myself. Otherwise I _will_ deck both of you _and_ Rex.” They’re too shocked to reply, just nod slowly. Dex uses the wood of the door to slam it closed in their faces, and turns back to me. I realize that he’s blushing, and smile, pushing him away slightly to stand next to him.

“Ah, are parent-boyfriend meetings today? If I had known I would have worn my nicer shirt.”

He plays along with the jokes to hide both our nerves, lightly brushing off my shirt as a response. “Don’t worry, they prefer a bit of sloppiness. It works with our aesthetic.”

“Hey!”

Dex laughs, and quickly kisses me again before crossing to the door. I trail after him, and let him open the door for me. I can feel the gaze of the triplets from another doorway, and don’t miss Dex whipping around to glare at all three of them at once. It works, because they close their door.

“Where _are_ your parents?” 

Dex worries at his lip. “Probably up in my mom’s art room, stargazing on the balcony. It’s clear tonight, and it’s not as cold anymore. And of course Mom is a froster, so she can take the temperature.”

I nod as we trail upstairs to the third floor and into a renovated attic. I can hear voices from inside, and Dex’s hand is light and hesitant as he knocks.

“Dex, honey, is that you?” His dad, I’m assuming, calls. “You can come in.”

Kelser and Juline smile at Dex as he enters, but confusion draws into their brows as they see me. It might be the bright blue hair – you get used to it pretty fast, but first glance it is _bright_. At least it’s gotten darker.

“Fitz,” Juline says, voice lilting with surprise.

“Hello,” I say back, resisting the urge to hide myself behind Dex.

We all stand there for a moment, silent, and eventually Dex sighs. “Can we sit with you?”

They nod, and Dex pulls me over so we can sit in some of the free space on the balcony. I watch as he quickly kisses both his parents on their cheeks, an unconscious and intimate greeting. “I wanted to talk to you,” Dex starts, “ _mostly_ because the triplets have _zero_ boundaries, but also because… I want to.”

They’re looking between the two of us very quickly, and Dex looks to be at a _complete_ loss for words. He glances back at me, and I smile at him softly.

“We’re dating,” I say quietly, taking Dex’s hand.

Kesler and Juline exchange a glance. “For how long?”

“Officially, since the morning after I got back. Unofficially, mostly during Alluveterre, when we were all away together. It wasn’t spoken, but… the sentiment was there.”

“Thank you for telling us,” Kesler says.

“Good score, bud!” Juline calls, and Dex groans loudly. “A,” she wiggles her eyebrows, “ _Vacker_.”

“I prefer Astraea,” I say, grinning awkwardly at Dex’s parents. “I take any chance I can get to disown my father. I will use literally any other title.”

“I didn’t know that Della was an Astraea,” Juline says, frowning.

“Did you know that Eurus and Alana are her siblings?” Dex asks, and she lets out a quiet ‘oh’.

“I knew that they were both Astraea’s, but I never actually made the connection. Oh, that’s going to get weird.”

“ _So_ fast,” I mutter, and Juline laughs.

“Is there something you need to catch me up on?” Kesler asks, lost.

“Ah, Dad! Well, Fitz is also an elemental, like me, of the Pearl, if you didn’t get that from the bright blue hair and the tattoos on his arms. Eurus and Alana are the leaders of the Black Swan.”

“Ah, the rebel organization that your mother has been working for since what, twelve years ago?”

“Fourteen,” Juline grumbles.

“That’s the one!” Kesler says brightly, and Dex sighs. “But, actually,” he continues, “congratulations, you two. You seem very happy, and that’s all I want for you.”

“You don’t mind that I’m…”

“Gay?” Kesler asks, reaching forwards to rub his son’s shoulder. “No, not at all.”

“Actually, hon,” Juline says, “I’m gay too.”

Dex blinks. “What?”

“I’m bi.”

I start laughing at Dex’s expression. He looks between his dad and mom, both who are trying to seem serious for his benefit. Eventually Juline breaks and starts laughing too, which makes Dex shake his head, leaning backwards slightly so we’re touching.

“I actually wanted to talk to the two of you anyway,” I tell Kesler and Juline. “I’m working on these capturing vials that I’ve repurposed to-”

“Fitz,” Dex says, leaning on me. “I’m going to leave you to bore my parents about something that I’ve heard before. I want hot chocolate.”

“What,” I say, and he grins, giving me a cheeky wave as he slips out the door.

“Don’t worry,” Juline says, smiling. “He makes the _best_ hot chocolate. After my sister Edaline, of course.”

At least they enjoy the vials.

*

Biana and Fitz pick me up on their way to school. Moral support and stuff. My teachers have been told that the group of us was gone on ‘alternative education’, or an exchange program, as Sophie likes to call it, and that mine went on longer than the others. Something sorta flaky like that.

Biana and Fitz were at school just a few days ago, judging by Biana’s universe test and Fitz’s senior studies essay, but I haven’t been to Foxfire in over seven months. Last night, the terrifying thought crept into my mind that I might have to repeat this year. That I might not be able to graduate next year with Sophie, Biana, Tam, and Linh.

But according to Eurus and my parents, that won’t be a problem at all. I’m dropping my technopath class, which means that I’ll have tons of free time during the week for some tutoring. Eurus also thinks that he can get me out of the level seven agriculture class, since they can’t teach me anything about gardening that Dewi hasn’t already taught me.

“Are you nervous?” Fitz whispers to me as Biana holds up her school crystal.

“Overwhelmingly,” I mutter back.

We meet the others on the lawn – they’ve all already arrived. I accept a tight hug from Keefe and a shoulder bump from Linh. “I’ll be tutoring with you,” she tells me, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I don’t have an ability class either.”

“Cool,” I return, and turn to Sophie and Fitz. “But what about you guys?”

Sophie shrugs. “We’ve had a few months to catch up, so now we just hang out with Tiergan in our old telepathy room and play board games. Unless he’s tired, then we get to go home early.”

I grumble, and Fitz laughs.

“By the way,” I continue, looking up at Keefe and Sophie. “How much does the school know about… you guys?”

Tam snorts. “It was supposed to be a secret, and then they made out in one of the closets on the third floor and a level two found them. Now the _entire_ school knows. There were tears in the hallways. I thought that that was an exaggeration, but it really wasn’t.”

Sophie blushes fiercely, and reaches over to intertwine her and Keefe’s hands.

The five-minute bell tolls from somewhere inside the school, and I feel a swoop go through my stomach. You would think that after months of working with mystical destructive powers and going to a school for banished people, I wouldn’t get nervous about little things anymore. But here I am.

“What do you guys have first?” Linh asks.

Keefe groans. “ _Senior studies_.”

Fitz sighs. “I don’t know why we have to take this class.” 

“Well,” Linh says with a smile. “Sophie, Biana, and I have alchemy. Tam, Dex, have fun in agriculture!”

Tam rolls his eyes, and we walk around the school towards the greenhouses. “ _You_ may have fun in this class, but I’m pretty sure the teacher hates me. I tripped the first day and accidentally soaked one of her plants in shade and killed it. Now whenever she does rounds on the class, she ‘forgets’ me.”

I grin, bumping shoulders with Tam. “How long do you think it’s going to take me to test out of this class?”

Eight minutes. Eight fucking minutes. The teacher, doing some show of everything that we would have to memorize for senior exams, showed us a wall of flowers and asked us to name every one. I did. She just stared at me, looking confused and vaguely pissed, and then Tam started laughing.

“Excuse me, it’s Dex, right?”

I nod. “Yeah, I was gone on an… exchange program for a while, but I got very comprehensive learning on agriculture and different plant kinds.”

“Well, _Dex_ , this class isn’t only about memorizing names.”

“And biology.”

She sighs. “Alright, class, wait here. Dex, come with me.”

She leads me to her office in the back of the greenhouse, and digs through one of the drawers, producing a pack of paper and dropping it in front of me. She wipes a layer of dust off of it and presents it to me with a halfhearted flourish with one of her hands.

“This is a test on every single thing that you have to learn on the Foxfire basic syllabus. This is no means like the exams you will get, the questions are pure knowledge, with no problem solving. However, if you can get over 85 percent on this test, you can test out of my class. You can cheat if you would like, but that’s _your_ exam grade, not mine.”

I nod with a bright smile, and take the chair in front of the package. “Thank you. I’ll be back soon with the paper.”

“No need,” she says loftily. “Just leave it on the desk when you’re done, and rejoin the class. If you can’t test out, then you’ll need the class time. If you can, then, well, take a few minutes of ease before you start your harder classes.”

I nod once, and she turns to leave the room. “Thank you, again.”

She doesn’t respond.

I have to admit, the way that Foxfire teaches agriculture kinda fucking sucks. The classes are too big, and the exam is over two thirds a case study. My parents told me, that back in their day, a lot of kids just wouldn’t study it at all and lose, trying instead to get full marks on every other section. The elite levels don’t give a shit anyway, and colleges normally average all of your marks.

About half of the syllabus is just route memorization, of flower, tree, and plant types. Both specific plants, and larger families and their characteristics. I zoom through that section pretty fast, the plants that I learned from Dewi and read over and over again well cemented in the back of my mind. It only takes me about ten minutes to finish that section, and I feel confident in all of my answers.

Next is biology. This is the more specific stuff – plant cells, adaptations, and the like. The good news is that I had classes on this, so while I haven’t _studied_ , I remember and recognize most of it. It’s definitely challenging, and there is a fuck ton to remember, but Dewi was a good teacher, and I like plants.

Lastly is the gardening section – the case studies, the answering what to do in certain situations. The main question. If you have something in front of you, a dying field, a dead plant, something of that like, what can you do to save it? I… actually know my stuff for this. Dewi taught me tons, and I watched Dad learn how to take care of a vegetable garden. Not mention I _did_ pay attention in year three, four, five, and six agriculture class.

_You are presented with a plant in front of you – it has crimson and white flowers, with frilled edges and five black stamens. The flowers are an inch wide, and half an inch tall. However, all of the flowers are rotted and dying, and the plant itself is drooped. The leaves have holes in them, and the roots are visible. What plant is this, and what do you do to help it?_

Twenty marks. Let’s fucking go.

Identifying the plant is easy, and choosing to deadhead the flowers back to the first leaf with no rot on it is easy too. And, of course, cut all of the deadheads at an angle. A drooping plant shows lack of water, and this plant specifically should be in only half light. If it’s been left in full sunlight or minimal light in a damp environment, it would encourage rot. The visible roots imply not enough dirt-

Before I know it, I’ve written a one-page essay on how to save a random fucking plant. As I read over it, it reminds me of the lectures Dewi would give me, her brash tone, harsh words, and the soft care that she would use on the plant. She may have been loud and rough with me, but she was always kind to the Earth.

My hand is aching, so I lightly set down the pen and flip back to the beginning. I’m confident in my answers in the first section, but my parents spent my whole childhood telling me over and over to check my work, so I do what they say. I correct a few grammar errors, and rewrite a few of my labels on the basic plant cell. But just like that, it’s done. 

There are still fifteen minutes left in the two-hour long class, so I write my name on the front, set the packet on the teacher’s desk, and rejoin the group.

The gnomes have come in to give their yearly lecture about starting the huge outdoor vegetable and fruit garden that they do every spring. Your first year doing agriculture – year three – you actually help them work, and probably do more harm than good. Now, we just listen to the ins and outs, and can still volunteer to help if we want.

Tam actually seems vaguely interested in this, but I guess it’s not his fifth year hearing it in a row. I sit down on the ground next to him and watch as the head of the gnome’s gardening team lists all of the vegetables they grow in the garden outside, and all of the vegetables they have to grow in these fancy greenhouses.

The bell goes with a lovely chime, and Tam and I file out of the class. Tam has Multispeciesial Studies with Biana and Sophie, but I have universe. I actually chose to keep taking universe, and dropped physical education. Not a very popular choice, but the upper years’ syllabus is really interesting.

I am _very_ behind in this class, but I take notes on everything my mentor says, and hope desperately that the tutoring tomorrow will help with this. Because I am confused. The good news is, at least, that we’re starting a new topic on Wednesday, so I can start from scratch. Bad news, however, is that we have a test. I linger by the teacher’s desk at the end of class, clutching my universe textbook to my chest. “Um, excuse me, sir?”

My mentor looks up with a bright smile. “Hello, Dex. Welcome back. Do you have a question?”

“About the test…”

“Oh, yes! No, you don’t have to take it in a week. I was told by your parents that you are going to be taking tutoring, so just tell me when you’ve finished learning that topic, and then you can sit the test. Does that sound alright?”

I sigh in relief. “Yes, perfect. Thank you so much.”

He gives me a cheery wave, and I escape to find the rest of the group at lunch. Fitz is waiting for me outside of my class, looking tired. He lights up when he sees me, and leads me towards where the rest of the group has been eating lunch. 

“There are picnic tables in the back greenhouse. We started eating there just after we got back, when people started to get annoying and whispery. It’s warm, and always smells good.”

Lunch is happy, like usual, but Keefe and Fitz are _exhausted_ from senior studies, and after inhaling their food flop down in the middle of the dirt paths and nap. It’s both adorable and kinda sad.

Senior studies is a class that every senior has to take, hence the name. It’s apparently similar to philosophy, where you debate _constantly_ , are given lectures by important people, and have to memorize all sorts of crazy facts. It sounds, all around, pretty terrible. They have it once a week for _four hours straight_ on Monday morning.

I stand, and lightly kick the top of both of their feet. “What do you have after this?”

“Multispeciesial studies, _thank god_ ,” Keefe mutters, shifting their foot away from my kicking.

“I’ve got alchemy,” Fitz replies, throwing an arm over his face. “It’s a great class but _I’m so tired_.”

Sophie comes over to join her partner on the ground, laying her head on their chest with a sigh. I consider doing the same, a droplet of fear settles in the back of my mind, fear that involves people like Alden and my future. I sit back down at the picnic bench, and take another bite of my apple. “I can’t believe I forgot how exhausting actual school is.”

“Foxfire is fun when the only thing you have to worry about is detention and pissing off your mentors,” Keefe murmurs, running a hand through Sophie’s hair. She hums in agreement.

Elementalism passes in a blur, the three-on-one teaching style making it easy for me to ask questions and catch back up quickly. The mentor is strict but fair and organized, and tells me what chapters of the textbook we’ve covered and to talk to them on Wednesday’s class if I have any questions.

When I get home, I flop down on the couch to nap. And then I remember that I promised Linh, Sophie, and Fitz that I would start meeting with them after school to do training. _Ugh_. I flip over my phone, but find instead a message from Fitz.

**Snowfall** : You seemed pretty tired today. Take a nap, we don’t have to meet until tomorrow. I’ve got to talk with Keefe about something anyway.

I sigh in relief, and type out a reply.

**Delemental** : God, you’re the absolute best. What is it about?

**Snowfall** : Fucking college.

*

“So my dad gave me his blessing to not do the elite levels, and I don’t want to do the elite levels. But _then_ what the fuck am I going to do? He told me that he really wants me to do higher education.”

“How does college even work here?” Sophie asks, looking up from her homework.

I sigh, sitting down on the lawn with Sophie and Keefe, abandoning my frustrated pacing. “Well, there are different forms of higher education that you can get after high school, that allow you to specialize in a certain craft. This allows you to learn more about the thing you love and get a job in that field later.

“Foxfire, however, created the elite levels – a two-year intensive course, that is pretty much high school but harder – a bit of everything. But it’s _really_ hard to get a job with the council unless you’ve completed the levels. It’s pretty dumb and pretentious, but everyone who goes to Foxfire is expected to take them.”

Keefe nods. “But in more recent years, different forms of higher education have become popular, and now people are more accepting of that kind of education. They take much longer though – between three and five years, depending on what you do and how much you cram your schedule.”

Sophie nods. “Oh. In the human world, higher education is a lot like those different forms – you pick a college, there are _thousands_ , and then you pick a major, which is what you study specifically.”

I nod, and Keefe groans. “ _What am I going to do_?”

I pat them lightly on the back. “Come on, what were you always interested in? Besides art.”

They shrug. “I dunno. I actually really enjoy Multispeciesial studies. And once Elvin history was less about wars and more about culture – do you remember that class we had on how perspective changed in the way they painted paintings over the centuries? That was _so cool!_ ”

“You? Liking history?” Sophie puts a hand over her mouth in dramatic surprise. “And you once told me that you would do _anything_ to get out of that class!”

Keefe looks down, embarrassed, and I glare lightly at Sophie. “No, history sounds great. Art history and culture, that sounds like you, yeah?”

They frown. “I dunno… it just feels so rash, to suddenly pick that out of the blue.”

“Talk to your dad about it, see what he says. And it’s not rash if you’ve liked it for ages, you’ve just only had the realization now. And maybe you can take side classes to experiment with other things.”

They nod, then again, more sure. “Y’know, Fitz, for someone who is so good at giving advice, you literally have no idea what you’re doing.”

“No idea!” I exclaim, throwing my hands up and flopping onto my back. “Zero!”

Sophie reaches over to pat me on the shoulder. “Just do the same thing you did with Keefe – what were you best at, and what do you like the most?”

I sigh. “I was really good at telepathy, only because I took hours and hours of classes per week. History was never that interested, and universe never stuck in my mind. Don’t tell Dex, but I find plants boring as fuck. Alchemy-” I frown, sitting up onto my elbows. “Wow, I actually haven’t thought about that. Yeah, I like alchemy. And I liked Elementalism too. And this project I’ve been doing, with the vials? Bottling elements?”

“Wow,” Keefe says, looking over at Sophie. “We’ve been doing this for months. I can’t believe that worked.”

She shrugs.

“But where am I going to find a place where I can try alchemy and Elementalism work at the same time that will take me?”

“Fitz,” Keefe says, voice flat. “Fitz, you absolute fucking moron. You complete dumbass. Where the fuck are you going to find a place that you could try Elementalism an alchemy, let’s say a store, where you could intern, with people that you know that could take you? People you know _really well_? Exceedingly well, even? Maybe a pharmacy, place where they make elixirs-”

“ _Ah_ ,” I say, blushing slightly.

“You fucking moron,” Keefe says affectionately, ruffling my hair.

*

Mom shoots me an irritated glance as the table continues to shake. “Dex, honey, can you stop bouncing your feet?”

“Yeah, Mom, sorry,” I murmur, holding my leg still. I start to tap my fingers.

After another minute, she lets out another irritated breath. “Dexter, I love sitting with you, but you are making _so much noise._ ”

“I’m just _so antsy_ ,” I complain, flopping backwards. “I have all of this excess energy. I was _so_ tired when I got home from school and I napped for like half an hour and now I have _so much energy_.”

“Then go sprint around the house like the triplets used to! Don’t interrupt my work.”

I sigh, looking up at Mom fondly. She’s glaring at the piles and piles of papers in front of her, and keeps pulling them towards her and writing a few notes before picking up another one. I stand and kiss her lightly on the head, and take her offer of running around a bit.

The loop around our house isn’t _giant_ , but I still manage to get around it twice before even _starting_ to feel the effects of it. I pick up the pace, but after another two laps am just… bored. I stop in front of the door and flop onto the porch swing with an annoyed grunt, closing my eyes.

The feeling of plant leaves on my finger brings me back into the present, and I look over at a _huge_ house plant. It’s a kind of fern, and I can tell from its mirror on my other side that it is about twice the size that it was before. Ah, that’s the problem. Excess magic.

“I guess that makes sense,” I murmur to myself. Three months of using buckets of my magic every single day, going cold turkey is going to cause some imbalance. Whelp, time to go grow some shit.

I start with the other fern so it matches, and then I start looping around on all of the plants in the garden. The neglected flowers in the front get some love, and they burst back into full color. We have some bushes too, and I have them grow in certain places to fill out the holes. Dad also has a vegetable garden, the plants that can take slightly colder weather just starting to bud. I can’t give them much energy, because they’re so small and young, but I brush the tips of each of them with my fingers, giving them a bit more life. They take it willingly, stretching up higher towards the sun.

“If Dad sees that you’re messing with his garden, he’s going to be _pissed_ ,” Rex says from behind me, eyebrows raised in a poor imitation of sass.

I chuckle. “I promise; I’m not going to hurt anything here. Not at all.”

“What are you even doing?” He asks, actually sounding interested. He walks up one of the paths and around me so he can see my hands, carefully avoiding any of the fresh dirt. “How is brushing the tips of the plants going to do anything?”

I do, in fact, have to tell my siblings that I am an elemental. I don’t particularly want to, but at some point they’re going to need to know. We need to be able to work here. But I also want them to stay their stubborn, naïve, fourteen-year-old selves. I want them to feel like they can care about themselves primarily, not have to worry about any of the shit going on in the world.

“They like it,” I murmur, brushing the bud again, and watching it gain a quarter inch of height. Rex gasps, his eyes widening.

“That’s cool. How did you do it?”

I stand, brushing off my pants. “The plants just like me.”

He fixes me an annoyed glare, sensing my deflection. “What, do all plants just randomly grow an inch or two when you touch them?”

I grin at him. “Exactly.”

I leave him there, returning into the house. When I enter Mom’s art room, she’s standing there, glaring at a painting. She’s been glaring a lot today. She barely notices me coming in, just tilts her head slightly and applies an invisible stroke to the entirely green canvas.

My parents have an entire indoor alchemy garden, fitting with every herb and plant they could ever need. It’s more useful than you might think, except, somehow, my parents take _terrible_ care of it. Honestly, it’s mostly that it’s Mom’s responsibility, and she forgets. Constantly. But hey, fifty plants that need help and magic? I’ve got it.

These are a bit fiddlier – I’m pretty sure that plants can’t hurt me anymore, and we definitely have some poison ivy and oak in here. But some of these plants have vines growing up them that need to be removed, or are extremely delicate, even to my practiced hands.

The first ten are easy, I just give the plants some energy, water, and take out a few weeds. It’s easy and mindless, and just what I needed to make me feel better. Next, however, is our wall of ivy. Five kinds, two of which cause pretty painful rashes. They’re tangled into each other, and it takes me a few minutes of work to even figure out where each plant ends. But I’m careful and patient and chock full of Dewi’s knowledge and patience, so I get it done.

“Those are looking better than I’ve ever seen them,” Mom comments from the doorway, her hands coated in white and green paint. “Did you figure out what was bothering you?”

I shrug. “Just an excess of elemental energy. I’m growing some plants, doing some stuff. If I have too much energy later, I’ll grow a tree or two.”

She laughs. “Please don’t grow a tree.”

“And by the way, our ferns on the front porch are about two feet taller.”

“Dexter!”

I return to my work with a smile, moving on to our next row of plants. This is the beginning of our _massive_ flower section, as the buds, pollen, and petals all have different and useful properties. The problem with flowers is that they die and I can’t bring them back – I’m not yet fiddly enough to figure out how to weasel through the flower’s system and grow only the flowers. That means that I have to do some deadheading, and then rejuvenate the rest of the plant so it’s in a better position to make more flowers later.

I don’t like that I leave the plants with so few flowers, but judging by their color and size, they’re pretty happy, so hopefully by the end of the week they’ll be back to their normal colorful blooms. I guess I _could_ try to figure out how to grow more, but I’ve already messed with the plant so much that it’s probably best to let it do that part itself.

The next twenty plants are more and more and _more_ flowers. After I’ve finished all of them, I’m finally getting actually tired. Not magic wise, just from standing up straight and walking around and my hands are cramping. It’s good practice, but it’s exhausting. But finally, _finally_ , I’m down to the last five plants.

Four ferns and a Venus fly trap. The trap looks great – the triplets come up and feed it constantly, but the ferns look tired. They’re getting too big, taking up each other’s space. I have to cut off a few of their fronds, which pains me, but I know at the end of the day it will help them. After a bit of trimming and shaping, they’re back to their normal size. I poke the fly trap once and leave it. The triplets can have fun with it.

Mom sees me leaving, and beams. “Thank you for your help, Dex. That was amazing.”

“Of course, Mom,” I murmur back, yawning.

“Oh, honey, are you going to go take a nap? That probably took a lot out of you.”

“Nah,” I say, starting down the stairs. “My powers are a _vat_. I’m going to go grow a tree.”

“ _DEXTER-_ ”

It’s a very nice tree.

*

When I arrived here, I did not expect to see my boyfriend, standing on the edge of the property line, growing a literal tree. I can tell from his posture that he’s _very_ proud of his work, and when it’s done, spins around. Like literally does a little cartoon spin. My heart, it’s melting. I’m dying. I’m dead. This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Snowfall?” Dex calls across the field, jogging over to where I am.

I collapse slowly to the ground, reaching a pitiful arm up towards him. “Babe, I’m dying.”

“What?”

“That was the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. It’s killed me. I’m dead.”

Dex glares down at me, pouting.

“Never mind, your pouting, it’s killing me, the cutest-”

Dex just sighs, abandoning me on the ground to go inside. I lightly spring up after him, and tackle him into a hug, hooking my chin on his shoulder. He leans his head back, a soft smile on his face, and kisses me on the nose. I let out a squeak of surprise and he laughs, holding the door open so I can trail inside after him.

“So, why are you here?” He asks as I click the door closed.

“I’m actually here for your parents.”

“ _What_?”

“Ha-HA!” Kesler calls from the top of the stairs. “We’ve won!”

I wave up at Kesler as Juline appears in the doorway, concerned.

“Hey, I was wondering if I could talk with you guys?”

“You aren’t asking for our permission to propose marriage, are you? Because you can,” Juline calls, descending the steps.

Dex lets out a noise of protest that is _so_ embarrassed, and I pretend that I’m not blushing as well. “Actually, it’s about your store.”

“Oh!” Juline says, not the least bit bothered. “What about it?”

“Well, I’m a senior now, and I’m graduating in a couple months. I was talking with Keefe, one of our friends, about what we want to do in college, and I realized that I really enjoyed alchemy and Elementalism. I was thinking about maybe trying to do an internship here? So I can try it out? To see if I like it enough for higher school?”

Juline is nodding, but Kesler frowns. “Are you not taking the elite levels?”

“I… don’t know. Keefe isn’t, they’re going to try some alternate education – they’ve never been big on Foxfire and that education system. I don’t actually know if I want to go. But I’m interested in getting a more specific education, even potentially _after_ the elite levels.”

“Well, Fitz, that sounds wonderful,” Juline says brightly, coming to stand by her husband. “We’ll have to test how well you work, and of course no extra leniencies, but it sounds like a good idea.”

I sigh in relief. “When should we do that?”

Juline shrugs. “When are you free?”

I frown. “Honestly, right now. I have some time later in the week, but this is the best time.”

“Why not?” Kesler says, coming downstairs. “Come on, I’ll show you to the shop.”

I turn to Dex, who has been watching this exchange with his eyebrows raised. “I need you not to be there, or else I’m going to get nervous.”

He nods, and pecks me on the cheek. “Good luck.”

“Thank you.”

The leap master is connected to the back of the house, and I notice, painfully, that it’s only a 500, compared to my family’s 5,000. Kesler doesn’t notice, he just calls out ‘Slurps and Burps’ and we’re off. Kesler is in the middle of pulling out his keys when he says. “So, Fitz. If I had a mixture in front of me, and wanted to make it explode, what would you do?”

I blink in surprise. “Well, I guess I would add some explosive powder.”

He nods slowly, fitting a brass key perfectly into the lock and turning the door. “People here are more used to DNA strips, so using a key is actually _better_ protection. We have DNA if needed, but I prefer this anyway. Less gross.”

I nod, still waiting for confirmation on what I said. He lets me into the store, the bell chiming above us, and closes the door with a light _click._

“And what about if I wanted to make a bomb?”

I blush. “I don’t know how to. I know that bombs are just incredibly fast chemical reactions that let out a lot of heat and force, so I guess that I would measure out the most efficient ingredients, and then build them into the correct structure.”

Kelser glances over at me, a smile on his face. “All four of my kids, love them to the ends of the Earth, make crappy alchemists. Well, Dex is decent, getting better, but the triplets are just getting worse. They want things to be dramatic and showy and fun. 

“You can have fun in alchemy,” he gestures around to the colorful store and crazily named vials. “however, there are places where safety and materialistic purposes come first. Your answers were just that: if I need to do this, I’m going to use the materials that are made for it and do it correctly. Now, we could be making a pink glitter bomb for fun, but we have to do it correctly. That precision and mindset will make you a good alchemist.”

I blink. “Oh. Thank you.”

He grins, a perfect mirror of Dex, and leads us through the shop into the back room. “You’re welcome! Now, let’s test you.” He gestures to the set up in front of us – a lab bench, with a Bunsen burner, a double window behind it, and closed cupboards around it. “Alright, Fitz, make me copper sulphate.”

“What?”

“You have all the materials you need, here, to make copper sulphate. I would like you to make some for me. If you have any questions about where things are, just ask.”

I nod slowly, and glance around the room. The cupboards to my left are labelled, and have mostly harmless things – solid pure elements that are fairly unreactive, like gold, iron, and copper. There’s a lab coat and goggles hanging on a hook by the door, so I take them and put them on, cuffing the sleeves once so they hit my wrists right. 

Behind us is a whiteboard, and I take a deep breath and pick up a pen. _I’m going to react copper oxide with sulphuric acid, which will give me copper sulphate and water. Copper oxide is insoluble, which means I can add excess and filter._ I quickly write out and balance the equation out of habit, and turn towards the bench.

It takes me a few minutes, but eventually I’m able to locate a glass beaker, the sulphuric acid, copper oxide, and a stirring stick. I decide to prep for filtration now, and grab some filter paper, a conical flask, and a filter funnel. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I remember that you need to heat copper oxide to make it react.

“Uh, Kesler?” I ask, turning slowly.

“Yeah?

“Can I ask a question?”

He nods. “Of course.”

“Does copper oxide need to be heated gently when it reacts with sulphuric acid, or can I do it directly over a Bunsen burner?”

“You can do it directly.”

I sigh in relief, and return to the bench, grabbing a tripod and a gauze. After a few minutes of measuring and setting everything up, I’m stirring the mixture over a gentle flame. Kesler comes to stand beside me, nodding. “You need to move the burner a bit farther from the edge, and roll your sleeves up farther – they’re hanging down. If you work here and make any chemicals, we’ll get one tailored for you.”

I nod. “I can’t move it right now, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

Kesler doesn’t comment, just returns to his post by the door.

After some tweaking, the copper oxide stops dissolving, telling me that the mixture is ready to be filtered. I pour it through the funnel that I set up earlier (moving it farther away from the edge beforehand) and watch as the clear liquid drips through.

“And what would you do now?” Kesler questions, standing.

“Well, I could put it in an industrial oven, I could heat it with the Bunsen burner and then put it in an evaporating dish, or I could just stick it in a dish.”

“And what are the differences between those methods?”

“The oven will take out the most water the fastest. The Bunsen burner combination is much faster than the dish – it takes off water quickly until it gets too sensitive to boil off. It leaves much less to evaporate off.”

Kelser nods. “Great work! You’re hired.”

I stop short, and turn to Kesler. “What?”

He grins. “You’re hired. You obviously know your stuff, and were careful both when you were measuring, and with yourself. You followed basic safety rules, and were able to infer the equation from me asking you to make me something. When I nitpicked you for things that didn’t really matter – your stuff wasn’t actually that close, and why does your sleeve matter when we fix it later – you took it well, and applied it to your later work. You also showed a lot of patience, which is something you’ll need when working with customers. You did a good job, Fitz.”

I’m stunned, and he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Can you give me your phone so my wife and I can contact you? We can discuss what days you want to work.”

“Sure!” I say, my voice slightly shaky. “Sounds perfect.”

*

_Monday, April 6th, 5:15pm_

**Pearl:** guess who just got a fucking jobbbbb

**Earth:** you got it? no way congrats

**Sun:** where

**Earth:** at my parent’s shop

**They:** I cannot believe that you did that so fucking fast Fitz you absolute shit I cannot believe this we had that conversation literally a few hours ago

**Pearl:** ha

**Sky:** wait what shop

**Shade:** what shop

**Pearl:** Dex’s parents own it, it’s called slurps and burps, it does alchemy and elixirs and stuff

**Earth:** and some raw materials

**Shade:** cool

**Vanish:** WHAT

**Pearl:** guess who is going to be RICH

**Vanish:** but why?

**Pearl:** so I can see if I want to study alchemy in school

**Vanish:** WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THIS

**They:** is this a bad time to mention that I’m considering going into art history and culture

**Vanish:** KEEFE YOU BITCH

**They:** rude

**Sun:** what days are you working

**Pearl:** I literally got the job five minutes ago I have no idea Kesler said he would text me

**Earth:** my dad is shit at texting

**Pearl:** oh and your mom too

**Earth:** oh then you’re fine

**They:** btw do they know about you guys

**Pearl:** …

**Earth:** …

**Pearl:** the triplets found us so we had to

**Sun:** were you guys making out in Dex’s bedroom

**Pearl:** no we literally kissed once

**Earth:** we kissed once

**Vanish:** why am I missing all of the good gossip

**Pearl:** Biana this is literally the ONLY gossip

**Shade:** wait you’re telling me that you kissed once and your sibling just happened to walk in right then

**Earth:** yeah it was really weird

**Earth:** the triplets are cryptids

**They:** fucking mood

**Sun:** mood

**Vanish:** mood

**Pearl:** yeah

**Vanish:** but wait Keefe are you getting a job too

**They:** I haven’t even talked to my dad abt going into art history yet I have to see what he says he can probably get me a reco

**They:** not all of us have the store we want to volunteer at right fucking there

**Pearl:** to be fair it took me live five minutes to even realize

**They:** yeah, fucking moron

**Pearl:** you don’t need to say that for the fifth time

**Sun:** fucking moron

**Vanish:** fucking moron

**Sky:** fucking moron

**Shade:** this is great

_Monday, April 6th, 5:38pm_

**Earth:** oh I also tested out of agriculture

**Shade:** it took him literally eight minutes I timed it the teacher showed us every single flower we would need to be able to identify for the syllabus and she asked who could name them and then he named every single one

**Shade:** it was a fucking power move

**Earth:** I felt kinda snobbish

**Earth:** but it was a power move

**They:** I aspire to be you in that moment

**Vanish:** I cannot believe you guys

**Sky:** what are you replacing it with

**Earth:** I don’t think I have to

**Earth:** there are only two months left in term

**They:** fuck

**Pearl:** fuck

**Sun:** oof

**Shade:** what

**They:** fucking graduation and college

**Pearl:** fuck high school but also fuck college

**Sun:** mood

**Earth:** it sounds fun at least you get to drop all of the classes you hate

**Pearl:** maybe

**They:** he just doesn’t want to be away from you

**Pearl:** I DON’T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM ANYONE

**Earth:** thanks babe

**Shade:** Keefe do you not care about us either

**They:** FUCK OFF

**Sun:** aww they care

_Monday, April 6th, 6:03pm_

**Sun:** are you guys going to the therapy thing tomorrow

**Sky:** yeah, and I’m bringing tam he can’t stop me

**Shade:** yes, apparently

**Earth:** yeah

**Pearl:** yes

**They:** yep

**Vanish:** yeah

**Sun:** oh ok that’s everyone

**Earth:** how do they have enough therapists for everyone I’m assuming that they won’t meet us together and they have to get cleared so we can talk to them abt the black swan

**Pearl:** what time is everyone’s?

**Sun:** 1:00

**Pearl:** oh I thought that I was going to be the only one missing board games mines at 1:00 too

**Sun:** oh yeah that makes sense, I guess there are two

**They:** I’m at 4:00

**Earth:** 5:00

**Vanish:** 4:00

**Shade:** Linh and I both have it at 6:00

**Earth:** oof I’m alone

**Pearl:** I can walk you if you want

**They:** so cute

**Earth:** please do

**Pearl:** fuck off Keefe

*

Sophie and I arrive at the white brick building at 12:50, and stare up at it in silence. She’s the first to move, and holds the door open for me, spurring me into movement. There’s a small sitting room in the front, and then a few hallways and doors, probably leading into closed-off rooms. We sit in silence, and just as the clock hits 1:00, Sophie takes my hand in hers. Her palms are rough and warm. It’s what I would expect from all of the fire she works with.

“Nervous?”

“I’ve been to therapy before,” Sophie whispers, tightening her grip. “It didn’t go well. But I think this will be better.”

I sigh out a quiet: “Me too.”

Across the room, a door clicks open, and a random elf walks out, a small smile on their face. They nod at us when they notice us sitting here, but otherwise just push straight out the door to the street outside. A young woman leans out, a strand of light grey hair falling into her face. She smiles at the two of us, and stands up straight, leaning against the doorframe.

“So you’re Eurus’ kids,” she says brightly. “I’m Lyra. I’m meeting with Fitz, I believe. Fitzroy?”

I nod slowly, and stand.

“Perfect. Uh, Sophie, I assume, you’ll be meeting with Livvy in a few minutes. I think she’s with someone right now.”

I shoot Sophie a look that is half fear and half ‘good luck’ and she returns the gesture with a double thumbs-up. Lyra turns so I can enter, and quietly closes the door behind us. “So, Fitz,” Lyra says, settling in one of the chairs. “Is this your first time going to therapy?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought so. Would you like me to explain it to you?”

“Therapy?”

“Yes, and how this will work.”

I shrug, and she smiles.

“The idea for me being here is so I can be a confidant, so you can tell me things that scare you or that you’re not ready to talk about with other people. I’ve been trained, so I’m equipped with things like models and certain explanations to help you talk through some of your feelings and difficulties.”

“Alright.”

The conversation lulls into silence, so Lyra starts again. “That girl that was in the foyer with you, Sophie. You were holding hands. Is she your girlfriend, or are you just close?”

“Sophie is not my girlfriend.”

“Ah, do you have a datefriend?”

I blink at Lyra, and nod. “Yeah. I do. His name is Dex.”

She smiles. “What is he like?”

“He’s great. He’s really kind and lovely, and he’s a good listener. He loves being around me, and I love being around him, and I just got a job in his parent’s shop, so I’m hoping that we can hang out a bit while I work. I’m pretty busy, since I’m graduating, so seeing him is really nice. We get lunch at school together too, but that’s only half an hour or so.”

“Fitz, that’s lovely. I’m glad that you have someone who you care about that much.”

“Me too.”

“How did you meet him?”

I frown. “I met him through Sophie. Sophie was the ‘elf from a human world’, and I’m actually the one that brought her back – my dad had me search for her. So I knew Sophie, and Sophie made friends with Dex. And that’s how we met. I was really shitty to him in the beginning, I couldn’t even remember his name. I could tell that he hated me, and had no desire to be close to him if he hated me.

“We were forced to be around each other because we suddenly had this whole friend group, and one day he yelled at me. I asked him why he hated me so much because I was exhausted and I wanted to have more friends, and he told me that he hated that I thought that I was better than him because his parents were a bad match and I was so rich.”

“Oh. What did you tell him?”

“That I thought he was better than me. The truth. And then we became friends, and then it just spiraled from there.”

“How long ago did you start dating?”

I laugh slightly. “Well, officially, like four days ago. But when we were away as a group in the hideout for three months, we were practically dating. Like holding hands and walking together and we even admitted that we liked each other and that we were too scared to actually date. We shared beds a few times.” I sigh. “Not a few times. A lot. Whenever we were scared or cold or tired we would jump balconies, just to have someone warm and soft next to us. It was scary every night. And it was the middle of winter. There was nothing that made me feel better than lying next to him. I was so _safe_. All I wanted.”

“That’s how I realized that I was in love with my fiancé,” Lyra says, leaning back in her chair. “I realized that if I could go to anyone in the world, if I was scared and unsafe and unhappy and cold and hurt and could be with anyone in the world, I would pick him. Over any perfect imaginary best friend or lover, I would pick him. He was all I wanted.”

“That’s… lovely. Congratulations.”

She smiles. “Thank you. I proposed to him a month or so ago. His expression… he was so taken aback. I set up this whole night, with candles and dinner and all of that good stuff and made this whole speech, and when I produced the ring he was _shocked_. Even after I finished the speech. I was like, ‘babe that was an _entire_ production right there, the height of romance’ and he was like, ‘we do this literally every week’.” She laughs. “We’re even sappier than I thought. But he said yes.”

I can feel myself smiling through the story. “That’s great.”

Lyra seems more relaxed now, and she leans forwards, an elbow on her knee. “Do you want to tell me anything else about yourself?”

I’m timid again, staring down at my hands, clenched together. “My name is Fitz Vacker, but that’s my father’s last name and he’s a terrible person, so I’m trying to go by my mother’s name: Astraea. I’m the elemental of the Pearl, which you probably know, and I’m eighteen, graduating this year.”

“You’re the elemental of the Pearl?”

I look up in surprise, finally meeting Lyra’s eyes. “Eurus didn’t tell you?”

“The only thing that Eurus told me was that you needed to meet with me, and that we needed to talk about your home life if you were up to it. Otherwise, nothing.”

“Oh,” I say, leaning back in the chair. “Yeah, I’m the elemental of the pearl – that’s water, snow, and ice. It’s lovely.”

She nods slowly, a small smile on her face. “My sister is a hydrokinetic, and she loves it. Really lights up whenever she works with water.”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding slowly, a smile coming to my face. “What’s your ability?”

“Conjurer. Fairly common, I have to admit. But it’s useful.”

I nod. “I used to be a telepath.”

“That I did know. I got your file.”

“I wasn’t aware that I had a file.”

“Everyone does! It’s a birth certificate, and it has really basic information. Your ability is one of them.”

“That’s cool. I’m not one anymore though.”

Lyra’s eyebrows crease together, both at my tone and the words. “You aren’t? How? Why not?”

I shrug. “When you become an elemental, your connection to your ability is overridden so you can connect with the element instead. It comes back once you renounce your element. So no. Not anymore.”

Her expression is sad and pitying as she says: “I’m so sorry. You must miss it.”

“Oh god,” I say, a hysterical laugh escaping my mouth. “Not at fucking all.”

Lyra blinks in surprise at the venom in my tone.

“I _hated_ being a telepath. I could bore into people’s minds and take over their thoughts and put things in their head. I was always scared, growing up, of people knowing what I was thinking. And then suddenly I have the power to do the very thing that I was scared of others doing to _me_.

“And my dad… my _father_ , he was terrible about it. He put me in training before I even manifested, and he would tell me all of this terrible manipulative stuff. ‘Fitz, we’re blessed with this power, we’re allowed to do these things’, like just because we had the ability we should be allowed to use it. And he would tell me how amazing I would be, and the good things I would do.”

I wrap my arms around myself. “He used to tell me that I would be such a good asset to the council, and that I would save so many lives and do everything for the council, helping to get rid of criminals and keep innocents alive. But now… I know what the council actually does to these people. And I _never_ want a part of that.”

Lyra reaches forward, and so lightly, places her fingers on my knee. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that. That’s terrible.”

I nod, tears welling in my eyes. “It is. It really is. And I am _so_ glad that I am not a telepath anymore. And if I ever have to renounce my powers, I’ll make sure that I never abuse my powers like my father did. I will never teach people what he taught me.”

“It’s alright, Fitz. What he did is not your fault.”

“I would _do the things he told me._ ”

“Fitz, you are _not_ your father. And it’s not your responsibility to fix the mistakes that he’s made.”

I don’t reply, just look back down at my legs. I’m still in my Foxfire uniform, and I can see my legs shaking. I take a few deep breaths, and wait for Lyra to speak again. But she waits, and I finally look up and into her kind eyes.

“I’m ready to continue.”

She nods. “Sounds good. You said earlier that you’re graduating.”

“Yeah, in a few months. Beginning of June. It’s… scary. _Really_ scary. I didn’t even know what I was considering going into until yesterday! That’s why I’m working at Dex’s family’s shop – it’s all alchemy and Elementalism, and that’s what I’m considering going into.”

Lyra nods. “That’s a really interesting subject – I remember, in school, having a hard time differentiating between the chemistry side and the magical side.”

“Yeah. I’ve always thought of it, even more so now that I know more about the elementals, like this: it’s chemistry, but then we use our connection with the four elemental sources; pearl, sky, sun, and Earth; to enhance it and go farther.”

“That… actually makes a lot of sense.”

I grin. “I’m really excited to see how I can use my powers to enhance the things I make, and maybe Dex can help me.”

Lyra nods, and we continue. I realize that I’m not as uncomfortable anymore – my shoulders are relaxed and my hands have fallen into my lap and lay there lightly.

_This is better than I thought. This is okay._

*

“You said that it went well for you?”

Fitz smiles, opening the door for me. “Yes, Lyra is very nice. And Sophie told me that Livvy was also nice. So you’re in great hands.”

“Do you have any advice? I’ve just… never done this before, and I’m scared.”

Fitz takes my hand and squeezes it. “You’ll do great. Just… be honest. Tell her the truth.”

I nod, taking a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Okay.”

He smiles, and kisses my cheek quickly. “Good luck. Do you want me to wait here for you?”

“No, go do your essay and remind my parents to tell you what days you’re working.”

“Alright.”

He squeezes my hand again before he lets go, pushing out of the door and outside. I can just see, through the frosted glass, him holding up his home crystal and glittering away.

“Dex?”

I spin around, and am greeted by a short woman. She has a lovely smile and long, wavy, grey hair, cut into fluffy bangs. I nod once, and her smile widens.

“I’ve heard a bit about you from your blue-haired friend. He had good things to say.”

I laugh nervously. “I hope so.”

She chuckles, leading me inside her room. “Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“It’s alright if you’re not. We can work through things slow.”

I nod slowly, sinking down into the chair she shows me to. It’s soft and comfortable, but I don’t lean back, perching on the edge.

“Tell me a bit about yourself.”

“My name is Dexter Dizznee. I’m seventeen, and I have three siblings. They’re monsters, and all fourteen, which is terrible. I’m also the elemental of the Earth.”

“Well, I’m Lyra. I’m also a therapist, which you might have noticed. I’m a conjurer too, but I don’t use it very much because it doesn’t really help me with anything.”

“Oh. I used to be a technopath.”

“But you’re the elemental of the Earth now. What does that encompass?”

I frown. “In brief, ground and plant.”

“Can you show me?”

I nod, taking a deep breath. She has a plant in the corner, so I draw some of its pollen and seeds out of the air and form a small leaf out of it. She gasps, but I pour more magic in it, letting it grow until it’s long. It forms more knobs and leaves furl out, into a full frond. I let it drop into my hand, and wave it in her direction with a grin.

“Wow,” she breathes.

“Plants are lovely,” I murmur, setting the frond down onto the ground. “They want to be alive, they’ll draw my magic out of my fingers when I touch them, desperate for my energy. It’s not like I don’t have extra, but they love it so much, gaining color and getting taller. Like some sort of miracle drug.”

“It’s wonderful.”

“Thank you. I much prefer plants over ground, but they’re both lovely.”

Lyra nods. “Is there anything specifically that you wanted to talk about?”

I bite my lip. “I think that I have a lot of stuff that I _need_ to talk through – did you know I was kidnapped a few years ago?” I lift up my shirt to show her the burn, and the flowers resting on top of it. “From a rogue pyrokinetic, and then another scar from a fight with the same group, healed over with the elemental powers. That’s all trauma, and I guess I need to work through it. But I don’t exactly want to list every single time that it’s affected me, because that will take _ages_.”

She nods. “We can work through small things, if you would like. Simple things. I find, a lot, that if something is really pressing, it’ll eventually come to the surface.”

“But, there was… it’s about Fitz.” I sigh, my shoulders drooping. “I was gone, for three months. For elemental training, for my Earth powers. It was sudden, and I didn’t have any control over being gone and no way to contact anyone back home. And I was injured when I left – the second scar on my side. It was terrible, for both of us. And I _know_ that he was in so much pain. And not all of it had to do with me, but a lot of it _was_ because I was gone. And I feel really guilty.”

I glance up to meet Lyra’s eyes. “He was in so much pain, and I? I _embraced_ being gone. I let myself forget about everything – about getting kidnapped, about the rebel group, about my responsibilities. There was something so unbearably nice about not being around anyone and none of them expecting anything from me. It wasn’t easy, but _god_ did I need that.

“See, I did miss him. I did want to see him. But a part of me didn’t want to come home. I wanted to remain in my bubble in Indonesia, where all that was important were rebuilding a garden and pottery and our little family.”

Lyra is quiet. “You feel guilty because he was in a lot of pain, and you were happy. And he wanted you home, so he could be happy, but you wanted to stay.”

I nod.

She frowns. “So you wanted one thing, that hurts him, and he wants something else, that hurts you.”

“But it wouldn’t really _hurt_ me…”

She fixes me with an intense gaze. “Would it?”

I frown. “Well…” I stop for a moment, and sigh. “No. You’re right. I _really_ fucking needed that. My earth powers were starting to get overwhelming, the whole moon’s promise was starting to get overwhelming, Alluveterre was overwhelming. And I told you: all Indonesia was, was training and growing and restoring. My work was simple and tactile. The environment around me was simple and tactile. I had a schedule and a purpose. I was _so close_ to breaking – some nights, I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep. I would eventually _pass out_ from power exhaustion. And Indonesia gave me a reset. Gave me a chance to put down my burden and take a look at it, to outpace what was going on around me so I could sit down and take a break.”

I lean back in my chair, running my fingers through my hair. “I’m glad I got that. I’m glad that I was able to have time to take care of myself.”

Lyra nods and smiles. “You can balance both – you can respect that the time was difficult for Fitz and essential for you, and respect how both of you have come out of the other side with different perspectives on the last three months. You can try talking about it too.”

“Yes, but,” I laugh, “it’s been less than a week. I’m still a bit jetlagged! We haven’t had a lot of time.”

“Fitz told me that you’ve only been officially together for a few days.”

“Yes! We haven’t even worked out how this is going to go with school, and about the prejudices and biases of the elven world. My parents and his mom and our friends are accepting, but what about going out on dates?”

My voice quiets. “We have a pair of friends – Sophie and Keefe, they had their meetings earlier. They’ve been officially dating for much longer than us, but we’ve been half dating much longer than them. We worked up to our relationship slowly, together, and they had their big confession.

“Keefe is non-binary, so they have their own set of prejudices. But they pass as male, so when people see them in public, everything is fine for the two of them. But I’ve also noticed that they fight _all the time_. They’re constantly arguing, then making out, then fighting again. It’s all fun and jokey and then _someone_ hits a nerve and they’re arguing again. I’m both jealous of them, and scared that our relationship will become like that. It’s like its own little narrative foil to us.”

Lyra nods. “Are you worried about them?”

“A bit. It also gets frustrating for us. We hang out as a group and then there they go again, arguing. I’ve only seen a bit first hand – like I said, I’ve been gone, but Fitz has told me _so many stories_. It sounds exhausting.”

Lyra leans back in her chair and smiles. “It does. But – you’re good at working through things, Dex. You don’t need to be too worried.”

I purse my lips, rolling my eyes slightly. “ _Oooh_ yeah. I don’t need to be worried when I’m _totally_ not carrying my entire elemental team on my back and we’ve got a war to win and a giant rift to seal.”

“You’re carrying the team? Why?”

“That’s an exaggeration. It’s not very fair. But Sophie has all of these other responsibilities, so she’s not always completely _with_ the team. And Fitz and Linh are great, but they aren’t super powerful. Linh can only use her powers in big bursts, and Fitz just doesn’t have very much power. I, on the other hand, have pretty much an infinite supply of power, and I’m connected to one of the broadest and most versatile elements. 

“Not to mention the whole ‘Earth is the most important element’ and ‘what are the other elementals without an Earth and people to serve and work with’. It’s _exhausting_ and so fucking scary. And there’s _nothing_ I can do about it. Like it helps to talk, and sometimes to just not think about the big destiny in the end, but it’s still _there_.”

“That’s the most frustrating this, isn’t it? That at the end of the day, we can’t control everything.”

I shake my head and sigh, flopping back fully into the chair.

Lyra laughs at my dramatic display. “You mentioned something else, before. A kidnapping?” My entire body stiffens up in response, and her cheerful expression falters. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll have to talk about it eventually.”

“Dex, listen to me: _you don’t have to_.”

“But I _do_.”

“But not today.”

I droop, and take in a deep breath, stopping for a moment to consider her suggestion. Do I really want to talk about this now? But is it really fair, to myself, to just stop thinking about it, to smooth over every time I tense up and stop and shake slightly. The anniversary is coming up, in only a few days. It’ll have been two years. I look up and meet Lyra’s eyes. 

“No. Let’s talk about it.”

She nods, once, and leans back.

“Sophie is crap at alchemy – she never asks the teacher for help when she’s confused, and she is pretty clumsy, so it’s not uncommon for her to drop things in the middle of class and cause explosions or reactions. But my parents own an alchemy shop, so I know _tons_. I was tutoring her. There was a small rocky cove nearby that we would work in, almost a cave, that allowed her to explode things without blowing anything important up.

“But then…” I reach up and pull my hair out of its ponytail, letting it fall around my face. “We were taken. It was suddenly dark and confusing and we were gone. I woke up again, in this room that smelled of metal and smoke and grime. There was water dripping somewhere and I was bound to a chair, I could already feel blood on my wrists. Everything was foggy and blurry and I could see Sophie there, her head lolled to the side, similarly bound. She looked so small. Fragile. We were best friends. I would do anything to keep her safe. I was taken because I fought to stop them taking her. They would have left me, otherwise.

“I coughed and they yelled, and this man brought a flame next to my face, close enough that I could feel the heat, feel the fire brush against my face. It hurt but I was silent, terrified out of my mind. They were about to leave me alone when Sophie woke up. She started yelling and struggling and this man grabbed her face and made her look at me. And the one with the fire, he lifted up my shirt and burned me to punish her.”

My hand comes up to my side, and I can feel the oddly warm skin through my shirt. “They knocked her out again, but every time she woke up and made noise they would burn me to punish _her_. I can’t even think about that part, about how it felt or the times between, when I was just sitting there, trying desperately not to lay on it weird and put myself in more pain. It’s just a haze: of fear and pain and sickness and _fire_. Sometimes my brain centers on it. The footsteps in the halls nearby, which sounded like they would echo forever. The water dripping somewhere in the room. And the unbearable silence between it all.

“Eventually, we got out, and Sophie saved us. She almost died leaping us back. And I might be cruel for thinking it, but it was always frustrating to me. That she was revered as the hero. That she was the brave one and the fearless one and the strong one. Even though _I_ was the one that was scarred permanently. Even though she just made a _stupid decision_ to leap us back with _no_ protection, without even trying to get us food or water, and almost killed herself. 

“No one cared about little Dex, who was awake the whole time, who had to listen to Sophie scream for five minutes and then get knocked out again, who had to listen to the water drip and drip and drip around me through the haze of pain. Little Dex, who was awake for three days straight, who passed out in the end from fear and sleep deprivation. Little Dex, who has a permanent scar all across his side.

“No one cared but Fitz.”

I stop, taking in a breath. To my surprise, my voice doesn’t shake.

“I think that was the day when Sophie and I stopped being best friends. Because in that room, she only cared about herself. And that might not be fair. But she never even _looked_ at me, just kept screaming for someone to come save _her_. Even when we were recovering, she never asked for me. Only for my fucking _notes_.”

I push a lock of hair out of my face and sigh, two years of frustration leaking out of me. “We never really got that back, and we never talked about it. So much crap has happened to her since that I don’t even think she cares about the kidnapping anymore, or even remembers it happened to me too. I had to deal with _months_ of flashbacks and triggers and constant fear, and she… just didn’t care. At all. And maybe it was hard for her too, but honestly? I stopped caring about Sophie and what happened to Sophie and whether Sophie was okay. Because she wasn’t scared to get into the ocean, or go near shores, or of fire or light or dripping water.”

Lyra is silent, watching me.

“I think that I’m a bit disgusting, saying all of this. It’s not fair. But she also wasn’t fair to me. And I think that I deserve a bit of selfishness, for this.”

Lyra fiddles with a lock of her hair for a moment, then leans forwards, meeting my eyes. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

I look down, exhausted. “Me too.”

*

I glance up as Dex comes out of the room, looking like he hasn’t slept in ten days and just cried for twenty. When he sees me, he smiles, walking forwards and burying his face into my chest. “Thank you for coming to pick me up,” he says into my chest.

I rub his back absent mindedly. “Of course.”

He leans back, meeting my eyes. “Come on, let’s go.”

We can’t hold hands, not out here, but once we appear on his property he takes my hand, interlacing our fingers.

“Didn’t go well?”

He shrugs. “I just dredged up some old memories. Exhausting and upsetting memories.”

“Dex-”

“You were the only one that saw me, after the kidnapping.” He turns to me, his face serious. “That was everything I needed, then. You were the only one there for me. I can _never_ thank you enough for that.”

“You talked about the kidnapping?” I whisper, stepping closer to him.

He sighs, not meeting my eyes. “I’ll be two years in a few weeks.”

“It was the scariest thing that ever happened to me,” I admit, looping my arm around Dex’s shoulders. “When my dad told me, I almost passed out. Biana, Keefe, and I, we just laid there for days and days and waited for you guys to get back. I should’ve known then, that I cared about you, because I didn’t even go to see Sophie, just you. They told me: ‘Sophie is in the guest room’ and I said ‘where’s Dex’.”

Dex laughs weakly in my arms. “I had you hooked, even then.”

“You’ve always had me hooked, you beautiful boy.”

He leans back, grinning. “Sappy dork.” His face falls. “It was a lot, and I just pushed it down. And I don’t know if Lyra was ready to hear all of it, the _extent_ of it, because she didn’t have a lot to say. I was scared she would hate me. Be disgusted. But eventually we just kept talking, and it _did_ feel a bit better. But also really fucking terrible.”

“It’s not pleasant when you realize that you have a lot more shit going on than you think.”

Dex nods, and leans forwards to kiss me. I kiss him back with a smile.

“YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING,” one of the triplets yells from across the property, and Dex laughs, leaning in to kiss me again.

“We should talk about this more,” I whisper to him before he can.

He pouts, then frowns. “But not today.”

“Not today,” I say back brightly.

*

“You’ve got _nothing_?” Biana exclaims, throwing her hands up.

“At least they’re being honest with us,” Sophie grumbles.

“Nothing,” Alana confirms, looking _really_ tired. “No ideas, no plans. Somehow, we have _zero_ ideas for taking down the Neverseen. I don’t even know how this happened. The collective is a bit divided – Tiergan is focused on Prentice and Wylie right now, and Johnathan is about to graduate higher education, so he’s really busy. Eurus and I are with you guys all the time, and Juline and Weiss can’t carry everything on their own.”

Eurus sinks lower down in his chair, looking equally tired. “We have zero good news.”

“None?” Tam asks, eyebrows raised. “You say that like Bronte hasn’t come over for dinner _twice_ in the past four days.”

Eurus blushes. “That’s… not important right now.”

“No, seriously,” Alana says, “I’m completely for making fun of my brother about his love life, and I’m sure all of you are on board with that. But we have _nothing_ and that is NOT good.”

“I have something,” Keefe says, their voice quiet. “But you’re not going to like it.”

“Shoot,” Eurus says, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“I could go and infiltrate the Neverseen from the inside as a double agent.”

It’s silent for a beat, then all chaos erupts.

“NO FUCKING WAY,” Sophie yells over the noise, standing up. “I AM NOT LETTING YOU DO THAT!”

“You aren’t in charge of me, though,” they say quietly.

“KEEFE!” I exclaim.

“They’re right,” Tam says quietly. The entire room, everyone talking and yelling and moving around stops to look at Tam. “And I’m going with them.”

“What?” Keefe breathes, and Tam looks over at them.

“If we’re going to heal a rift, we have to understand both sides so we can seam them back together. Which means that we need to infiltrate the Neverseen. You’re the perfect candidate for it, because of your mom. You can play the whole ‘bad boy joining my mother’s evil side’ role. But you can’t go alone. Fitz, Dex, Sophie, and Linh can’t go, because they’re elementals. That leaves me and Biana. 

“Biana could play the rebelling against my prejudiced family role, but since Alden is no longer living with any of you, that doesn’t completely work. But I could play the outcast role, wanting to reform the society that hurt me and my twin, and the discrimination that comes with being a shade. Not to mention, shade is a much rarer manifestation than vanishing, so I could present myself as an asset to them.”

I glance over at Dex for help, to argue them out of this idea but he’s just frowning, lost in thought. “Don’t tell me that you’re okay with this,” I ask him, and he jumps.

“I dunno,” he mutters. “We would need to be able to communicate with both of you, but this would pose a whole host of benefits for us. We would know plans, so less people would get hurt. We would be able to fix the moon’s warning, and we would also be able to figure out the remaining identities of the Neverseen members.”

“But that doesn’t make it less dangerous.”

He nods. “But nothing about this was ever safe.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!”

“I’m going no matter what,” Keefe says, crossing their arms. “I want to help, I want to do all of those things that Dex said, but I also want some closure. If I’m being honest, this idea has been in the back of my mind since we left for Alluveterre.”

Tam looks desperate. “ _Please_ let me go with you.”

Keefe meets Tam’s eyes for a second, then nods once.

I look to Eurus and Alana for help, but the guilt evident on their faces shows that they have no rebuttal.

“Does no one else think this is a terrible idea?”

“Do you have a better one?” Sophie asks weakly, sinking down into her chair. “Honestly, this was inevitable. We need to get to know the other side, and this is the best way to do it. It’s not pleasant, but we’re more powerful than they are. And Fitz, your vials are _perfect_. We just need to do communication, and then… that’s it.”

I sigh, giving into the rest of the group. “So then, how do we do communication?”

“We don’t have either of our telepaths anymore,” Eurus says with a chuckle.

Linh frowns. “Eurus, why can’t _you_ do the telepathy?”

“I…” Eurus blushes. “I guess I didn’t consider it. I think I have the power for it. I never felt like I was close enough to you guys to be in your minds. I always expected I was going to leave the telepathy to Sophie, and potentially Fitz.”

“We really fucked up that plan for you, didn’t we?” Sophie says, the corner of her mouth tilting up.

“Yeah. But I can do the telepathy if you would like. We should still have some sort of secondary communication method, and Sophie is correct: the vials are perfect. We are no means ready to launch this plan, we have _so much_ work to do, and Keefe needs to graduate, but… we can try.”

“Aww, fuck graduation,” Keefe says. “Who finishes school anyway?”

I say “us, dumbass” just as Sophie says “please do”.

They roll their eyes. “I was _joking_. Fitz and I have been talking about graduating together since we’ve met. I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

“Aww, bro,” I say, placing my hand to my chest.

“Bro,” Keefe says back, taking my hand and interlacing our fingers.

Eurus sighs.

*

“Are you sure you have everything?” Linh asks for the seventh time, a rare show of panic.

Tam just sighs and hugs her tighter. Keefe is already with Eurus and Alana outside, but Tam is the last to go out with them. None of us really wanted to watch them glitter away to Alluveterre, didn’t really want that goodbye on our conscious. But hugs still needed to happen, and this was the last one: between twins.

Linh sniffles quietly, and Tam pushes her away with a soft smile. He and Keefe are both done up in simple black clothes, practical and hardy, similar to our Exillium uniforms. He ruffles his sister’s hair, then with a glance back at the rest of us, goes outside.

“I can’t believe that Keefe and I aren’t graduating together,” Fitz mutters, and I reach back for his hand. “I didn’t expect them to go to Foxfire and ask to graduate early and get a _yes_.”

We’ve spent the last week preparing. Eurus tested his telepathic abilities with the group over long distances, Fitz perfected some vials and gave them out, Keefe took their senior exams. It was quick and short and fast and now they’re gone, off to fight the Neverseen.

They’re on their own now, and there’s nothing we can do about it.

My throat is suddenly thick and scratchy and when I take in a breath for stability it’s shaky and uneven. Why am _I_ the one crying, when the girlfriend and the sister are just standing there? I turn away and into Fitz, resting my head on his shoulder and pretending that I’m okay. His only response is to reach up to rub my back.

I close my eyes.

“Fucking _SHIT_!” Linh yells, slamming her fist into the wall. She sounds more broken then angry, and when I look up at her, her eyes are glowing a misty grey. She opens the door and bursts outside, collapsing to her hands and knees on the grass. She bows her head, her beautiful hair falling around her, and the wind starts to pick up.

Sophie is silent, and she goes outside with her, kneeling at her side, and bows her head too.

“Should we go with them?” I whisper. Fitz doesn’t respond, and when I look up at him I… “Oh, love,” I whisper, the tears pooling in his eyes starting to stream down his face.

“When did it take over our lives?” Fitz asks, shaking in my arms. “When did it cross the line? Suddenly we’re living in a different place and we’re being taken across the world without our own consent and our very _DNA_ is being changed. And now… I don’t get to graduate with my oldest friend, something I’ve been waiting for over the last _seven years_. And now they’re gone,” his voice breaks. “Gone.”

It starts to rain outside, Linh’s desperation and anger fueling the weather. I wrap my arms tighter around Fitz, and listen to the water hit the crystal roof. Listen to Linh pour all of her anger and fear and frustration into one giant storm, something that will exhaust and knock her out so she doesn’t have to be awake, thinking about her twin leaving.

*

“So, what are you going to replace agriculture with?” Fitz asks, turning to watch me. He’s wearing one of the slurps and burps aprons, his hands shoved into the pockets like they’re western overalls. It’s one of the older ones, from a few years ago. It has a few stains on it from various dyes, and it has the old logo embroidered on it, the weirder uglier one.

My parents gave him shift on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school. I’ll normally come and sit with him, just so we can have some time together. We only ever really see each other at lunch and Black Swan meetings, but then we’re with the whole group.

Abandoning the essay that I’m trying to write, I stand and come sit next to him on the tiny sofa behind the counter. “I dunno, I was hoping they’d let me leave it blank. The less classes, the better.”

Fitz is just about to reach over, to play with my hair, rub my back, hug me, when the bell on the door rings. His arm stills, frightened, and he stands, walking to the front of the counter. “Oh, hey Stina.”

Stina Heks is standing there, a signature frown on her face. Her dark purple-blue eyes have been lined expertly with gold, and her posture gives a sense of maturity that I wasn’t expecting. She sweeps a giant lock of her huge brown hair behind her shoulder and smiles. “Hey, Fitz.” She drops an empty vial onto the counter and murmurs, “Same as always, directions in the Heks file.”

Fitz nods and disappears into the other room, and Stina catches sight of me.

“Hi Dex.”

“Hey Stina,” I call back, wary. “I haven’t seen you around school a lot.”

“Well, you were gone on that exchange things for a more than half the year.” I stiffen, and she sighs, resting her elbows on the counter. “Nah, I just moved up a year.”

My eyebrows raise. “Woah, really?”

“Yup.” She pops the ‘p’ loudly.

“Well, uh, Stina, how’s it been going for you?”

She raises one eyebrow at me. “You know my name isn’t _actually_ Stina, right?”

I blink in confusion. “What?”

She laughs. “Oh, god no. It’s Stinara. Stina was a stupid nickname that my friend group thought was funny because it sounded like Stink and we were in second year. And I thought that Stinara was stupid and posh, which it is. Lucky you got Dex, huh?”

“Yeah right,” Fitz says, returning with a full bottle of medicine in his hand. “His full name is Dexter.”

“Fuck you, Fitzroy.”

Stinara gasps, grinning wickedly. “ _FITZROY_?”

Fitz sighs. “Yeah. That’ll be fifty.”

She nods. “I need a new nickname. Something decent like you guys.” Her eyes flick up from her purse. “Wait, is Biana short for something?”

“What would it even be short for?”

Stinara grins. “Bianana.”

I actually laugh at that one, making her grin wider.

“You could do Tara,” Fitz suggests, handing Stinara her change.

She frowns. “You know what? I like it. Thanks, Fitz.”

“Bye, Tara. See you at graduation.”

She pushes away from the counter, then hesitates. “I’m sorry I was shitty to you guys when we were growing up. I was insecure and stupid and you didn’t deserve it. I’m glad that we all found our places and paths.”

I get up and join Fitz at the edge of the counter. “I’m sorry too. You messed up once and I decided that that and your status made it okay for me to be terrible to you. We were all jerks as kids. It’s okay.”

Tara smiles. “Good luck out there, guys.”

“You too, Tara.”

The bell rings again, and I take Fitz’s hand under the counter.

I’m sitting on the tiny couch, watching Fitz close up the store. It’s still light outside, barely, but the inside of the store is dark. We’re both silent, tired from the day of working.

“Come,” Fitz murmurs, holding open the door to the back, a crate under his arm. I follow him, leaning against the wall a he unpacks into one of the wall cabinets.

I pull out my phone and flip to where I downloaded all of Sophie’s music onto it, back when I was a technopath. Normally you can only text and call on phones, but I was bored so I set this up one afternoon. I turn up the volume and click onto one of the songs, setting down the phone and approaching Fitz.

“ _Now, the night, is coming to an end…_ ”

“Dance?” I ask, holding a hand out to him. He smiles, setting down what he’s holding, and takes my hand. I wrap my another arm around his waist and he leans his head on my shoulder, content.

“ _The sun, will rise, and we will try again._ ”

Fitz spins us slightly, and I tighten my grip on his back.

“ _Stay alive, stay alive, for me. You will die, but now your life is free, take pride in what is sure, to, die._ ”

We’re both silent, purely enjoying the fact of just being here, close to each other. We don’t get as much time like this as we would like.

“ _I, will fear, the night again. Do-do-do, dah-dah-dah, dum-di-dah. I hope, I’m not, my only friend…_ ”

As the song starts to draw to a close, Fitz pulls back to kiss me softly. I smile and sigh, closing my eyes to listen to the music fade out.

“What did you pick next?”

“Oh no.”

The loud beat of the next song cuts through the softness, and Fitz laughs, spinning me.

“Fitz-”

“ _I can't take them on my own, my own. Oh, I'm not the one you know, you know. I have killed a man and all I know. Is I am on the run and go._ ”

He sings, jigging his feet. I laugh and join him, taking his hand and spinning around with him. Nothing’s organized and slow about this anymore, we’re just laughing and singing and being dorks.

“ _Don't wanna call you in the night time, don't wanna give you all my pieces. Don't wanna hand you all my trouble, don't wanna give you all my demons. You'll have to watch me struggle, From several rooms away. But tonight I'll need you to stay._ ” I sing, and when I finish, Fitz grins.

“Very nice.”

“Thank you.”

As it dissolves into a series of do’s, I shuffle my feet back and forth, making him laugh. 

“ _Don’t wanna call you in the night time,_ ” I start.

“ _Don’t wanna give you all my pieces._ ”

We flip the song back and forth, purely together in the moment. He tries to mimic my weird foot movement and fails miserably, and I catch him when he trips.

“ _Cold nights under siege from accusations. Cerebral, thunder, in one-way conversations. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh._ ” I hold the notes for as long as I can, making Fitz laugh.

“Show off,” he says, and I kiss him in response.

*

“How is this going to work?” I ask, watching as Eurus sets up a typing contraption on the table and sits down in front of it.

“Back when I was in school, telepathy was the main form of communication. All telepaths were taught to type as quickly as a message could be relayed into their minds, so they could record letters back to people and have them on record. I, thankfully, still have my typing thing, and I also, even more thankfully, was really good at it.”

Alana sits down next to him, watching her brother roll his shoulders and prepare to start typing. “Frustratingly good at it. Even won awards.”

Eurus chuckles, but it’s nervous and tight. I glance back at the group: Linh, Sophie, Biana, and Dex, hovering around the living room, drifting and fidgeting. I abandon the twins to their own panicking and return to my boyfriend and co. I watch Dex pace and Sophie sit down on the couch and stand up again and Biana vanishing in and out of view and Linh going through… ballet?

I stop Dex’s pacing by lightly placing my hands on each of his upper arms. He looks up, his breathing panicked, and flops into my grip, his head hitting my chest. I hiss in pain and he tenses slightly, but we’re all so confused and wired and upset-

“Come,” Alana whispers, and in a flash we’re all crowded around the table, watching Eurus. His eyes are closed and he’s nodding, slowly. Alana wraps an arm around Linh, and Sophie is standing behind Eurus, her hands flicking around, like she wants to place a hand on him for comfort. Biana has taken the chair across the table, her head in her hands, and I cling to Dex and he clings to me and we watch.

“I’ll be speaking out loud and recording this conversation through text so everyone can hear you, alright?”

“Sounds, good, Forky,” Sophie reads from where Eurus is typing. Her voice is watery, but she breathes in deep.

“How are you settling in? Do you get there safe? Is everyone okay?”

“Tam and I are both at an in-between base – it’s small and gross, and there’s only one other member here – a man. He’s, uh… Yeah, we’re as safe as we can be, at least in this situation, and we’re both intact. When we uh, went to Alluveterre, we camped out for a few hours, built one of those super smoky fires Tam learned about at Exillium. It took an hour or so, but they… they showed up.”

“He sounds shaky,” Eurus mutters, typing rapidly.

“Ask him… ask him if they’ve seen anything yet,” Sophie says, glancing quickly between the writer and Eurus.

Eurus nods, closing his eyes. “It’s difficult.”

Sophie places her hand on Eurus, and her eyes snap open. “I think that I can help,” she whispers, her gaze far away. She starts to glow slightly, lines of blue and red and orange appearing on her arms, shimmering. “I think I can help.”

Eurus’s brow relaxes, and Linh takes over reading the monitor. “We’ve only been to this place, so far. They’ve been keeping us out here, Tam think that they’re testing us or something, waiting to see if we’re holding out for something or… something. I guess. This man picked us up. This man…”

There’s a silence, and I frown. “What man?”

Linh looks up at Dex and I. “Who the fuck is Alvar?”

“Linh,” I croak, “Biana.”

Linh breaks away from Alana and catches Biana’s head before she slams it onto the table as she faints, all of the breath leaving her in a gasp. My hands are shaking and my legs are shaking and my body is shaking and-

“Dex?” I ask, helpless.

He takes me by the shoulders and sits us both down on the couch. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but everything is so far away and everything is numb and hurts at the same time and I can’t think and I-

“Fitz,” Dex murmurs, taking both my hands. “Love, breathe with me.”

It takes all of my concentration to inhale, and I cough when I try to exhale on time. But Dex is rubbing up and down my back and he’s _here_ and if there’s anyone in the world that I can be in tune with, it’s him. I match his breaths, my eyes closing, and in the back of my world people are still talking on the other side of the room, but my face is pressed into Dex’s chest and all I can hear is him.

Dex pushes me slightly so we’re laying down, and he holds me, my back pressed against the back of the couch, my head cradled into Dex’s shoulder. It’s been so long since we’ve laid together like this, not since Alluveterre. I time Dex’s inhale with mine, and take one of his hands, interlacing our fingers.

Dex doesn’t say anything, he just holds me. I can’t think, not at all, not safe and warm here, the only thing around me the feel of safety. I close my eyes.

*

“What the hell was that?” I whisper to Sophie as she comes over to us. Fitz is asleep, thank god, his breath tickling my neck.

“What?”

“What the fuck happened with Eurus? Why were you glowing?”

Eurus walks over to stand next to Sophie behind the couch, and sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Back before we knew that Sophie was an elemental, we… tweaked with her genes so she would have certain abilities. She’s manifested the first four – telepathy, inflicting, teleporting, and being a polyglot, but there was one more.”

“Enhancing,” Sophie says, leaning onto the top of the couch.

“As in, enhancing abilities so they’re stronger?”

Eurus nods. “I guess that at least one of her powers bled through the elemental connection.”

“Well,” Sophie mutters. “We haven’t tested teleportation.”

“And we are _not_ testing your theory that you have to be in the same situation as you were the first time you manifested to re-trigger it.”

She purses her lips and rolls her eyes. “ _Anyway_ , that’s what that was.”

“Does it only enhance abilities?” Linh drifts in from the other side of the room, perching on the far arm rest of the couch. “What about elemental powers?”

“Huh,” Sophie says, reaching for _my_ hand. “Let’s see.”

“ _NO_!” 

Eurus, Sophie, and Linh are staring at me, their eyes wide. “Sorry,” Sophie mutters, looking away from me.

A cold hand touches my shoulder, and Linh makes a noise of surprise, jolting backwards. “That is… holy _fuck_ , Dex.”

“What?” Eurus asks, his eyebrows creasing together.

“His powers, they…”

“They just go on forever,” I whisper, tightening my grip around Fitz. “When I joked about them being a bottomless pit… I wasn’t wrong. I leak power _all the time_. I’ve tried to use some of it to stop, but all that does is make me less itchy. It doesn’t deplete it at all.”

It’s silent, and Eurus reaches up to rub his face again.

“Tattoos,” Sophie says quietly. She’s staring out across the room, her eyes unfocused. “They reflect your power ability. Like Linh has one giant complex tattoo, but only one. I have two big main ones, but traces on other parts of my body. Fitz has lots of little ones.

“Linh has one big one because she can really only use her power in one big burst. It’s huge and impactful and detailed – just like her tattoo. Fitz has lots of little ones because he does small and specific work. I have quite a bit of power, so larger tattoos, and there’s more than one of them and they cover more area because I can do more kinds of stuff.”

I glance up at Linh. “I didn’t know your tattoo came in.”

She nods, turns around, and pulls of her shirt. O-kay. Streaked across her back, like an ancient ink painting, is a watercolor landscape. Swirling clouds and sharp peaks span across. As I watch, the clouds drift in an invisible breeze, and a petal falls from a flower. The sky is a clear cobalt blue, and a geometric sun shines across the picture.

“It reflects the weather outside,” Linh says, putting her shirt back on. “It showed up when Tam left, right after I made that storm. It was the first time I really let all of my power out at once.”

I nod slowly. “It’s beautiful.” Linh dips her head in response, and I turn to Sophie. “And you?”

She pushes up the sleeves of her shirt so her arms are visible up to her shoulders. She cups both of her hands together in front of her and summons fire. It’s not Everblaze – not acidic or yellow enough.

I watch in surprise as her arms start to glow. Lines on her arms, like paint strokes, start to appear, fitting perfectly in with each other. They come in every color of fire – orange and yellow and red, with highlights of white and blue.

“There are more, on my chest. If I use Everblaze, extra appear. Not as big as this, but there.”

I nod, looking down at Fitz. I absent-mindedly reach up to brush his hair away from his face with my fingers. He sighs quietly, and I smile.

“What about you?” Linh asks, her voice very quiet.

Before I can think of a response to steer the conversation away from me and my elemental tattoos, Fitz’s eyes flutter open.

“Dex?” He asks, his voice heavy and thick with sleep.

“Hey,” I whisper back, moving so he can have more space. “You’re up.”

“Mhmm,” he hums, turning so we’re both sitting. He smiles at Eurus and Sophie’s worried expressions, confusion evident on his features. “You guys okay?”

It takes them too long to recover – Eurus blinking rapidly, Sophie’s mouth hanging open as she searches for a response. Fitz’s eyebrows crease and he turns towards me, a question on his lips and then I watch, desperate, as he _remembers_. He slowly sits up, crossing his legs. All of the warmth is sucked out of the room. 

“How’s Biana?”

“Still out, I believe,” Eurus says, rubbing his face. “Alana is with her in the other room.”

Fitz nods, disconnected and jarred.

“Fitz-”

“Can you give us a moment?” he asks, looking up at Eurus and Sophie. They glance at each other, then nod, and Linh follows them out.

“Fitz, _Snow-_ ”

“I have nothing to say about it,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I would feel better or worse if he seemed bad growing up, that I should have guessed, or if I was fooled by him being supportive and close. But he wasn’t anything. He was just Alvar. Way older than Biana and I, always in important school or on missions for the council. He wasn’t particularly loving or kind, but he wasn’t mean. He used to read Biana to sleep, when we were really little, I liked to sit just outside so that he wouldn’t know I was listening, but so I could hear. I liked his reading voice.

“He was very opinionated, very passionate, but also withdrawn. So much like my dad. I guess it isn’t surprising that his behavior never bothered me back then, because my dad’s didn’t either. And once he got promoted again, he moved somewhere and we really stopped talking. Dad would mention something every once in a while, but that was it.”

I inch forwards so both of our crossed legs are touching. 

Fitz shakes his head. “I _hate him_ for this. I _hate_ that he’s helping them, I _hate_ that he’s made such a messed up decision, I hate that I can think of all of these situations that it could have been him there, helping. But…”

He finally looks up to meet my eyes. “But he’s not my brother anymore. He will always be Alvar Vacker. And I will always be Fitz Astraea. There are things that hurt about this, but honestly? He’s barely even there anymore. He barely even matters anymore. The last time I saw him was the mind break – when my dad was sick. And he didn’t even _talk_ to me, he just sat there and stared at the wall. I don’t know.”

“It makes sense,” I say back, rubbing his hand with my thumbs.

“I feel like I should want to do something. That I should suddenly want to find the Neverseen more, that I should want to get justice or something. But he’s just another terrible man in my family. And I care about _you_ and Sophie and Linh and Tam and Keefe and Biana so much more than I care about him. I want to defeat the Neverseen to save all of you so much more than I could ever want to do it get justice or something. Do I want to punch him? Yeah. Am I scared about what’s going to happen to Mom? Yeah. But… I don’t care about him anymore. He’s not my brother. Once he went to the elite levels… he’s not my brother.”

Fitz is nodding, so I whisper. “Okay. Okay, love. Okay.”

*

When Biana woke up, Fitz took her home. I don’t know if they’re going to tell Della yet, but I know that they need some time. To process, and to be together. It’s getting late now, and I know I was out much later than I was supposed to be. I was able to send a text out to my parents after Fitz and I talked, but not since then. I grab my jacket from its spot on the hooks, pull it on, call out a quick goodbye to Linh, and step outside.

My home crystal is tangled up in my pocket, so I pull it out, fiddling with the chord-

My head snaps up, the sound of someone crying nearby filling my senses. It’s around to the left, and just there, underneath a winding river birch, is Sophie. Her knees are curled up to her chest, and she’s looking out, away from me. Her face is red and puffy, and her forearms are glowing slightly, like she was just using fire. She shudders and groans, burying her head in her arms.

I’m aware, painfully, of how personal this moment is to her. She’s obviously exhausted and has something going on, and I wonder if I’m really the person to comfort her now. But I can’t leave her here like this, so I take a loud step forwards, grabbing her attention.

“Hey, Soph,” I say quietly. She just watches me, and I realize her eyes are glowing slightly too.

“Is this about Keefe? Because I’m sure that Tam and them are doing fine – they’re both smart and resourceful-”

“I broke up with Keefe.”

“What?”

She nods. “The day that they said that they were going to go infiltrate the Neverseen.”

I wordlessly come and sit next to her, a quiet encouragement to continue.

She doesn’t, instead she turns to me, her eyes shining. “Did you know?”

“What?”

“That we wouldn’t work?”

“What?”

“Well you’re sitting over there with your perfect relationship, so you must just be so good at this. Did you know that this wasn’t going to work?”

“No. I had no idea.”

She turns away from me, looking back over the yard. “It became such a burden. I realized, so suddenly, that I just wanted to be friends with them. Like having someone to make out with was nice, but the fact that we were dating started to just become a barrier. Things that weren’t a problem before suddenly were when we were ‘together’.

“That’s what I realized, when they said that they would leave. That I believed that because we were dating that they had to save themselves, to take perfect care of themselves for me. And they didn’t. At all. They thought that this was just our friendship, plus a few less secrets and some kissing. I wanted them to change for me, to be less reckless and impulsive.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “But that’s what makes Keefe so _fun_. That they’ll go for the crazy ideas and try new things. They’ve gotten so much better, safer – it’s obvious, _they asked before they tried to run away to the evil group_. But I couldn’t see it past my want for them to be safe and conservative. They stopped being my friend, and just became my date. And that’s wrong. Keefe should _always_ be my friend. And if we can’t be friends and date, then we shouldn’t date.”

She turns to me, smiling. “That feels good to say.”

I nod, returning her smile. “I’m glad.”

“How do you and Fitz do it? You guys are just so _happy_.”

“I wouldn’t call it happy, honestly. When we were in Alluveterre… we weren’t sharing a bed at night because snuggling is _amazing_ , we were doing it because we were _scared_. And we have all of this shit to work through and talk through, and all sorts of triggers that we have to avoid.”

“Triggers? What do you mean? From what?”

I glance over at Sophie, brow furrowing. “Well, we’ve been through a lot. And… the kidnapping, of course. Fire still gets to me sometimes.”

She blinks, then laughs. “Oh, god, the kidnapping! I haven’t thought about that in _years_!”

She talks about it like it’s an old bonding moment, like a childhood game. She’s still smiling brightly, completely unbothered. Something evil and disgusting coils up in my stomach, rotten and _angry_. A Dex that was forgotten and left, that was pushed aside for the shinier, brighter ‘girl who was taken’. Never Dex. Always Sophie. A young boy and an _old_ burden.

“Oh?” I ask, trying hard to be casual, but something leaks into my voice and she glances over, her eyebrows raised.

“You good?”

“Good?” I question, sounding snotty and mean and _terrible_. “Of course I’m not _good_. I’m so glad to hear that the incident that has scarred me _permanently_ isn’t even a passing through for you!”

“Scarred?” She whispers, eyes blown wide. She’s never heard me like this. She’s never seen my anger.

I pull up my shirt so she can see the burn and the tattoo over it, covering most of my side. It hasn’t faded at all since that day. It’s the same angry bright red. “I’m _so fucking glad to hear_ , Sophie, that you’re fine! That you got talked about for _months and months and months_ , that you were the _big show_ the _big news_ , and I was IGNORED. THAT I GOT PUSHED ASIDE. DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING, SOPHIE? DO YOU REMEMBER THE DRIPPING WATER AND THE ECHOING FOOTSTEPS? DO YOU REMEMBER?”

“No,” she whispers.

“No. _No you fucking don’t_. Because you were _asleep_. And I? I was awake. I WAS AWAKE FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS, SOPHIE! THREE! AND _YOU’RE_ THE BIG DEAL. YOU GOT TALKED ABOUT. YOU WERE ASKED ABOUT AND SENT PRESENTS AND _YOU DON’T EVEN REMEMBER IT_.”

“I remember some.”

I scoff. “ _Some_? The last ten-fucking-minutes aren’t _some_. The fact that you didn’t even think to get us food and water- Sophie I passed out from _exhaustion_. And you made a dumb-ass decision and almost died so you were important.” I take a deep breath. “You want to know why Fitz and I’s relationship works? Because he was the only one that cared about me after the accident. _HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO CARED._ ”

Sophie blinks, tears running down her cheeks. I think I’m crying too, but it’s not like it matters. “ _Dex-_ ”

“Why didn’t you stop screaming?”

The question is so raw and deep, slips out of my mouth before I can stop it. But I guess that’s the whole reason. The fact that I sacrificed myself for someone that didn’t even give me a thought in return.

“What?”

“When you woke up, when the sedatives wore off, and they told you to stop screaming or they were going to burn me again. Why didn’t you stop screaming?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking-” her sentence trails off, and her shoulders drop. “Oh.”

“Oh. That’s fucking right. This isn’t _one_ burn, Sophie.”

“ _Oh_ ,” she says again, this stabbing realization dripping into her voice, holding a hand up to cover her mouth.

“Why?”

“Because I cared more about myself than you in that room,” she whispers, looking straight at me. It’s the truth, we can both tell. It’s raw and open and so much more mature than we were two years ago.

I expect to feel more upset, but I guess that I already knew it, because I just turn away, looking out over the yard, just like Sophie was a few minutes ago. She does it too, silent. I still have tears dripping off my chin, but they’re just excess emotion – I’m done now. I think I feel better, a release, but I’m not sure.

“Our friendship ended so fast. I don’t even know if I noticed.”

I look over at her, and she gives me a sad smile.

“I should have.”

*

I’m standing on my room’s balcony, holding a lighter in one hand and a picture book in the other. It’s odd to me that I’m choosing fire for this, but somehow it made the most sense. I guess it’s a bit cliché, but water… I don’t want to bring something I love so much into this mess.

“This was the picture book that you used to read to Biana and I when we were kids. This is the only reason that I hesitated when I was about to say that you were never my brother. Because I remember this – you sitting on Biana’s bed, in your pajamas, rumpled and warm. You let me come in and sit with her, and you read this to us. You never judged me for still wanting to be read to, even when I was older.”

I flick on the lighter, and hold it under the corner of the book. It takes a moment for it to catch, and I watch as the flame starts to burn the delicate paper.

“Fuck you, Alvar. Fuck you. You’ve hurt people I love, and you’re going to break Mom for a while. But you don’t deserve my energy, and you don’t deserve my emotions. I am not going to waste months of my life being angry over you.”

The book has caught fully now, getting close to burning my hand. I set it down on the crystal banister, dropping the lighter next to it. There are tears running down my face, but they’re just sad, not angry. Just sad.

“Goodbye, brother.”

*

It’s quiet throughout the entire house. It’s an odd experience after growing up with three incredibly loud siblings. But here I am, in the silence. I turn on the shower water and sit on the floor, sighing as the hot liquid hits my shoulders.

I’m so _tired_. So fucking _tired_. Between Fitz and Alvar and powers and Sophie and the Neverseen, I can’t even think about Sunday training tomorrow. But the great news is: it’s still Saturday, and I don’t have to.

But there’s something else that’s been itching on the back of my mind. Because I haven’t seen my body in a mirror in ages, and I can do a pretty fucking good job of blocking things out. So I don’t actually know what tattoos I have. And I don’t want to fucking check.

But here I am, sitting in the shower, and I know that I really have to face this one thing. I already know what my powers are. I already know what any patterns of tattoos would be. And maybe I’ve been avoiding embracing my powers fully. But with Linh’s tattoo appearing, we’re all fully transitioned. And we’re a team – I can’t repress this anymore.

There are two lotus flowers on my heels. Stemming from them are vines, wrapping up my legs and calves, leaves and tiny blushing buds scattered around. They’re blooming in the water, spinning, little droplets shining on the petals.

Of course, there’s the flowers all across one side of my abdomen. A spring of lily of the valley on my left inner elbow, and two tulips in my right. But if I turn slightly, I think there’s something on my back. I can’t quite see it, but it spans right across the top in a straight line.

I wipe the steam off the mirror with one hand and turn slowly. Instead of the leaves I’m expecting, it’s a scene of mountains and trees and wind and… a tiny creek, bubbling in the grass. It’s where Dewi took me when she taught me about the elements. It’s _the_ river.

I can feel tears pooling in the corner of my eyes, and I lightly wipe them away, smiling.

*

“You want us to try _what_?” Sophie asks, staring at Eurus and Alana like they’re stupid. Maybe a few weeks off of group training allowed them to forget how quippy we all are.

“Partner moves are going to get you the best results, and like I told you, elven bodies are lighter and stronger than humans, so we can pull off moves like this. The extra height and speed will allow you to both get up to high places and to take people down quickly. Doing more complex moves will allow you to practice the simpler moves in other contexts. And it’s fun.”

“So you’re out of other ideas,” Biana huffs.

Alana rolls her eyes. “Like this.” They demonstrate the move again: Eurus crouches, his hands cupped in a boost, and Alana runs forwards and in a combination of the Eurus pushing and the Alana jumping, she’s able to get pretty high into the air and execute a perfect back flip. Eurus stands from his crouch just as Alana lands.

“Who wants to go first?”

We’re silent, so Dex shrugs. “I can be base; I’ve gotten pretty strong. Don’t know if I can do a back flip.”

“You don’t have to flip; you can just jump up. The purpose is just to get height right now.”

“Fine,” Sophie says, walking forwards. She walks a few yards away from Dex, facing him. They watch each other for a moment, then Sophie starts running. In a flash, she’s in the air, and hits the ground, choosing to roll with the impact. 

“Good… job,” Alana says, her eyes wide. “That was very good.”

Dex doesn’t say anything in response, he just leaves the field to come back to where Biana and I are watching. Linh goes out to be a flyer, Sophie squaring up to boost her. They count down instead, and Linh goes rocketing into the air, much higher than Alana went. She tucks herself into a back flip, then into a back roll on the ground.

“Wow,” I say, and Linh grins.

Biana and Sophie run through it a few times, Biana trying a couple different kinds of flips to see if she can land in different positions relative to Sophie, and even if she could flip and end up behind her.

“Are you alright?” I ask Dex, leaning into him.

He sighs, his shoulders dropping. “I yelled at Sophie yesterday.”

My eyebrows shoot up. “When?”

“After you left. I found her crying outside, and we were talking. She… forgot about the kidnapping. Told me she hadn’t thought about it in years. Said it like it was an old childhood game or place that just slipped her mind, not a scarring event. So I yelled.”

I look over at him. He is staring at Biana, who has just executed a shaky aerial off of Sophie’s hand. His gaze is hard and sheltered.

“Is that why you trust her more now?”

He looks over at me, his eyebrows creased. “What do you mean?”

“Well you’re obviously upset with each other; you didn’t say a single thing to her. But Sophie and Linh obviously trust each other, and they still had to count down. Sophie and Biana have done three or four jumps now, and still have to communicate beforehand. You guys just went.”

“So we were reckless.”

“No, you knew what you were doing. You had perfect form and timing. You were in tune.”

Dex sighs. “When Sophie and I were in the room, she would wake up and start screaming. They must have wanted to interrogate her for information or something, and so they told her that if she didn’t shut up, they were going to burn me.” I reach up to place a hand on his back. “And she never stopped screaming.”

“Oh, babe.”

“I asked her why. And she told me the truth. For the first time. And then she said that she hadn’t noticed our friendship ending, and that she should have.” He looks at me again, his gaze soft. “I guess that gave me some closure or something.”

I kiss him.

“PAY ATTENTION, LOVEBIRDS, OR YOU’RE GOING NEXT!” Alana yells across the yard, so we turn back to watch Biana flip again. We do end up going next – I start as base, and Dex is able to spin but not flip. Once we switch, though, we get a lot more height and I can do a backflip. I shoot a bit under, so my finishing roll is a bit wobbly, but it’s okay.

After working one this partner jump, they drill us on flips and kicks and punches. I definitely wasn’t out of shape, but I _did_ forget how fucking exhausting these were. The moment the clock strikes twelve Biana sprints away into the house, Sophie on her heels. Eurus just sighs and lets us go eat.

Mom’s come over to make us lunch, and leads us to a picnic table of fruit and sandwiches outside. I inhale three, much to the group’s amusement, but to be fair, Biana demolishes an entire half of a watermelon.

I can tell that Mom is still shaky – Biana and I broke the news to her late last night. She could tell that something had been bothering us, and we couldn’t bear to keep it from her. She had gotten this look on her face, haunted and upset, so we had quickly let her be. It made me wonder whether or not _she_ suspected something. I guess it might make her feel better, watching her children train to help out the ‘good guys’. But I guess we’re training to take down the group that _he’s_ in.

Eurus, Alana, and Mom leave – apparently there’s something that they wanted to show her. We’re all still completely worn out, Dex and Biana lying on the grass, Sophie lying on the bench. I, flopped on the table, look over at them and sigh.

“Have you started thinking about exams yet?” Linh asks me, watching Sophie try to reach a chip on the table from her position.

I groan loudly. “Don’t remind me. But yeah. What about you?”

She blinks. “We have exams? I thought it was just the year eights?”

I stare at Linh for a few seconds, hoping that she’s joking, and when her expression doesn’t change, I turn towards the other three. “You guys know about exams, right?”

Dex and Biana both affirm, but Sophie yells ‘ _WHAT?_ ’, rocketing into a sitting position.

“Oh god,” I moan. “How much group studying do we need to do?”

Biana rubs her face. “They’re not as important as senior exams – more of a marker of our progress than anything else. They cover much less material, obviously. They’re the same day as Fitz’s exams. And… you shits will have way less than me because there’s one per class and you all don’t have abilities.”

Linh nods sagely while Sophie groans. 

*

“Hey Fitz, do you have a minute to talk? I can come back later.”

I roll away from my desk, piled high with study notes, and turn towards my mother, who’s standing in the doorway, a large box in her arms. She’s smiling, but fidgety and nervous. I can’t decide whether or not that’s because of what we told her about Alvar a couple days ago, or if it’s about the box. Or both.

“No, it’s alright. I’m pretty confident in my Alchemy notes anyway.”

She smiles, and closes the door behind her with her foot. “Well, there’s something I want to discuss with you.” Her expression falls. “Well, a lot.”

I blink in confusion. “Do you want to talk here?”

“Biana isn’t home, so maybe downstairs?”

I trail after her, my footfalls echoing through the house. “What is this about?”

She sets the box on the coffee table, settling on the couch. “I owe you an explanation. For a lot of things.”

“You don’t have to justify anything.”

She shakes her head. “No, I do.”

I sit down slowly, watching her.

“I married your father when I was twenty – _young_. Eurus and Alana were both smart and going into the council, and my parents were strict and expectant. If I wasn’t smart enough to get a high-class job, emphasis on _high_ , then I needed to get married. Fast.

“My parents were strict and pretty terrible, unlike like _our_ family. So when I got my match lists and Alden Vacker was on them, they thought he was perfect. A long family line, a powerful telepath, attractive, well known with the councilors. I don’t know how they didn’t process the fact that he was eighty years older than me. And I… I was _twenty_. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted in life, and I was already scared about the fact that I had just spent the last year of my life doing pretty much nothing.

“Alden was charming and nice and everything I was supposed to have and do. So I just went along with it. I got married too fast and immediately started having kids and listened to all of his shit. I was terrified of him leaving me, because the only job I had every had was Alden’s trophy wife, and I didn’t know who I was outside of that.”

She smiles at me, sad. “I know you noticed that we were unhappy, Fitz, and I am _so sorry_. I am sorry that you had to suffer for so many years with a terrible father who was manipulative and toxic. I’m sorry you had to watch _me_ be miserable and weepy. I’m sorry that I never stood up for you and helped you, and I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to get rid of him.”

I blink in surprise. “Oh. Thank you for telling me.”

“I understand that none of this can fix the past, and I can go on for hours and hours about how I was young and naïve and scared, but that isn’t important. Because I’m not young anymore, and I all I can do now is be good going forwards.” She stands and comes over to sit next to me, taking my hands and looking me in the eyes. “I will be your mother now, Fitz. I will do everything I can to be a parent to you. I know that it is much too late, but we’re here now, and I’m going to do everything I can going forwards.”

My throat is thick, and I nod. Mom smiles, and wraps me in a tight hug. “I’m so proud of you. You’ve done so much, and you’ve really grown into yourself, Fitz. Life has given you so much shit and you’ve taken it all. I’m _proud_ of you.”

I wipe at both of my eyes. “Okay. Okay. Thank you.”

She nods, watching me with soft eyes. “When I was growing up, I could never talk to my parents. But I had Eurus and Lana. I know that you and Biana weren’t as close growing up, and that I wasn’t always present enough. I’ve seen your friends, I’ve seen how much you trust them, so I know that you have people to go to now. But I am going to try to be someone you can go to too. If you need me.” She brushes my hair out of my face. “I’m still your mother, always.”

“What, even when I’m a mythical legend and a soldier and a murderer?”

“Especially then.”

I hug her again, and she rubs my back for a few minutes.

“And Fitz?”

“Yeah?”

“Bring your boy over for dinner one night. I want to meet him.” I blush, but nod into her shoulder. She laughs, squeezing me. “You ready to see what’s in the huge box?”

I push back from her. “ _Yes_.”

“When we were at Eurus and ‘Lana’s yesterday, they found a few things in their house they wanted to give to me, and this is some of it. I thought that one of the first things that I could do for you is teach you a bit about your heritage. Like I said, my parents were not good reflections of the Astraea line, but maybe…” she draws the box onto her lap, and smiles absent-mindedly. “Maybe I’ll take you and Biana to meet my grandmother. I think you’ll love her.”

She looks up at me. “Do you know about the graduation capes tradition?”

I frown. “That people wear fancy capes at graduation?”

“I learned a lot of weird political crap from being with Alden, but have some pretty funny stories. One of them was about these capes. Graduating Foxfire is a sign of coming of age, so students wear these capes to represent that. There was this big fight about whether the kid should spend time laboring over making the cape themselves or it should just be passed down through the family. But this, this was _my_ graduating cape.”

She pulls a thick piece of fabric out of the box, standing so that I can see it in full view. It’s _huge_ , full body length and more to drag on the ground. The inside, which is what’s facing me right now, is a galaxy, dye and embroidery and diamonds and pearls. Mom turns it so that the outside faces me, and…

“Wow,” I whisper.

“It’s Virgo, the goddess of the Astraea legend. She was the goddess of justice and innocence, but ended up leaving the Earth to become a constellation instead. Hence the scales.”

Virgo is laying across the bottom of the cape, her expression sad. She’s wearing a white dress that looks like it’s made of stars, pooling around her curled up body. She looks like Mom, her black hair drifting upwards, her dark skin speckled with stars. Her eyes are a clear azure, contrasting the dark tones across the rest of the cape. In one of her hands is a shaky set of scales, unbalanced. In her other hand, hidden in the folds of her dress, is the hilt of a bejeweled sword. The constellation glows behind her, the light casting harsh shadows on her face.

“Wow,” I breathe again, and Mom laughs.

“Grandma made it for her graduation. My parents made their own, but she gave it to me. Eurus wore it too, but Alana sewed a cape made of straight pearls into her graduation suit. I thought that you might want it.”

I take the heavy fabric from her with shaky hands. “She looks like us.”

Mom’s eyes are glittering mischievously. “They say that some legends are true.”

I hug her again, the cape smushed between us. “I would be honored to wear it. Can I disown Dad? Can I become Fitz Astraea?”

Mom ruffles my hair. “What, no Fitzroy?”

I scrunch up my nose. “Who wants a name meaning handsome?”

She laughs. “And what’s so great about Fitz?”

“Well, you said that you picked it after Eurus, and he also mentioned that it was part of the original legend. I wouldn’t mind being named after an ancient goddess legend, not ‘handsome’.”

“But what if he was very handsome in the legend?”

“Aren’t all gods and goddesses handsome?”

She snorts. “Alright, Fitz.”

*

“How was senior studies?”

“Boring,” Fitz mutters, sitting down next to me. He takes my hand and interlaces our fingers quickly, picking up his sandwich with a sigh.

I frown. We rarely make actual physical contact during school – we’re scared. _I’m_ scared. But I get that this was his first class without Keefe, and he’s tired and upset. So I don’t say anything, just lean slightly against him and continue eating.

It’s very quiet with the group so diminished, the only sound of people chewing and Biana’s flashcards sliding past each other one by one. My eyes flick up to watch the group, then back down towards my lunch. I sigh.

“We still on to study tonight?” I ask into the silence.

Fitz just nods, and Linh and Sophie both murmur quiet yesses. Biana glances up at me, her lips pinching into a frown, and lets her cards fall into her lap. “Yeah, we’ll be there. Dex, you wanna do Universe today?”

“Sounds good. I’ve made flashcards for my half of the course; are you done with yours?”

She nods. As the room falls back into silence, she rubs her face. “Come _on_ guys, please try.”

“Try?” Linh asks, looking up at Biana. Her expression is hard and drawn in a way that makes her not look like herself. 

“Yes, _try_! I _get_ that this fucking sucks and I _know_ that Keefe and Tam aren’t here right now but they wouldn’t want us to just sit here and be mopey about it! We’re all stressed and upset about exams so it would be nice if we could at least have our usually fun and upbeat time of the day _stay fucking fun_!”

Linh drops her lunch and whips towards Biana, shaking slightly. “You’re really asking me to _make you feel fucking better, huh_?” Her voice is painful, soft and cutting. “MY _BROTHER_ IS GONE. MY BROTHER IS MISSING, AND HONESTLY? _He could be dead. We don’t know_.” Linh stands, leaning towards Biana. “Don’t you _dare_ tell me to be okay. _Don’t you dare_. You do _NOT_ know what I am going through because your brother is sitting right there, absolutely fine.”

“YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT!” Biana yells, standing too. “YOUR BROTHER IS IN DANGER BUT SO IS MINE. _SO IS MINE_. AND NOT ONLY IS MY BROTHER OVER THERE, HE’S _HELPING THEM_!” Biana collapses back onto the bench, putting her head in her hands. “I understand that you’re hurting. And I get that I barely even know Alvar, and I get that Tam is your _twin_ and you have gone through fire and ice for him, but you can’t tell me that I don’t get it.”

Linh is still staring at Biana, but her expression is no longer angry. She steps over the bench and approaches Biana, placing her delicate hand on Biana’s shoulder. Biana collapses into Linh’s chest, and they stand there in silence. I feel Fitz lean onto my shoulder, and I lean back onto him, letting my eyes close.

The quiet just stays.

*

“I think that I’m going to take the elite levels.” 

I stop and turn towards Fitz. He’s lower down than me on the path, his hand resting against an elm tree. A leaf crunches underneath my foot as I take a step towards him, then stop. “Really?” I ask, blinking.

“Yeah.” He looks up at me, his expression open. “I think so.”

“But what about your dad?”

“What do you mean?”

“Aren’t you scared of becoming like him? Isn’t this just following his path?”

Fitz frowns. “So what? The moment I do something slightly similar to Alden I’m suddenly like him?”

“This is two years of your life!”

“And? Eurus and Alana _both_ took the levels! It’s _great_ to know that you think that I have zero self-control and that I’ll just slide straight down the manipulative path the moment that I even _look_ in its direction.”

Fitz brushes past me, upwards. I walk after him, my eyebrows furrowing together. “This is just playing straight into what’s expected of you!”

“What’s so wrong with that?”

“You need to be your own person!”

Fitz whips around. “You don’t think I’m being my own person?”

“Come _on_ , what are the levels going to give you? Politics? _Please_ tell me you’re not going into politics.”

Fitz’s eyes narrow. “ _And what would be so wrong with that_?”

“You can’t do all of this work and then just discard it!”

“What the _hell_ do you mean?”

I run my hands through my hair. “THIS IS _EXACTLY_ WHAT YOUR FATHER DID! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT CASSIUS DID! YOU’VE BEEN TOLD TO DO THE ELITE LEVELS YOUR WHOLE LIFE! DON’T YOU THINK THAT MAYBE YOU COULD _BE YOUR OWN PERSON_!”

“I WORK AT YOUR FUCKING PARENT’S SHOP! I’M DATING _YOU_! I AM _NOTHING_ LIKE ALDEN OR CASSIUS!”

“So this is about _me_ , huh? IS MY FAMILY _SO_ WEIRD, _SO_ OUT OF THE ORDINARY THAT _I’M_ WHAT MAKE’S YOU SO UNIQUE? HUH? WHAT? EVEN _ASSOCIATING_ WITH _THIS_ FREAKSHOW FAMILY IS JUST SO OUT OF THE ORDINARY THAT IT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT FROM EVERY OTHER PERSON?”

“IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP THEN?”

“YOU’RE MAKING A STUPID FUCKING DECISION!”

Fitz looks like he might cry. “So the first decision that I have _ever_ made _solely_ for me, about _my_ future is _stupid_? _That’s_ what you think of it? YOU THINK THE ONLY FUCKING DECISION I HAVE MADE WITHOUT MY MOTHER OR FATHER OR ANYONE, THAT WAS WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY _MINE_ , IS UNDENIABLY _STUPID_?”

Fitz scoffs again, but it’s weak and pained. “Glad to know you have faith in me.” He’s definitely crying now, and I see him clutch his chest. “Glad to know that you have no faith in my decisions _or_ my self-control. Great to be in a fucking _relationship_ with someone who doesn’t trust me enough not to become like the man _who MANIPULATED ME FOR EIGHTEEN FUCKING YEARS!_ ”

Fitz holds his home crystal up to the light, the beams making the tear tracks on his face shimmer. When I don’t say anything, to shocked to speak, he shakes his head and steps into the light.

*

Even though this is my eighth year in a row taking Foxfire exams, my hands are still shaking as I walk towards the school. All of our exams – six or seven of them, depending on the person – are packed into one day. _One_ day. Each exam is two hours, starting at 7:00am, with half an hour at 1:00 for lunch, then going until 9:30. It’s a really long day, and honestly, really dumb, but here I am, about to start it. For the last time.

I have senior studies first, and while I know this class like the back of my hand and could probably do pretty well on the exam without studying and am probably guaranteed a spot in the elite levels no matter what based on my last name, sparks of nerves are shooting through my body.

Dex and I haven’t been talking. I don’t blame him, I’ve been _contributing_ to it, but it’s _really_ poor timing. All I could use right now is some comfort, and the only person I want to comfort me right now isn’t here.

A bell tolls from inside the building, warning of ten minutes until the first exam. I somehow spur my legs to move, pushing open the cold glass door. The main entry hall is packed with first-years, all chatting and quivering with nerves. Even though my body is mirroring their actions, something about them is so energetic and hopeful in comparison. They’re so _small_.

The eighth years are also on the first floor, through the other end of this room. I weave through desks and chairs, watching the first years sit down, giggling and whispering. The other eighth years are easy to spot, miles taller than the first years and much more nervous. I hold the door open for one of my peers, nodding at them. Their expression is queasy. Yeah, sounds about right.

It only takes me a few minutes to find my seat, and I sit down just as the five-minute bell goes. I set up my desk – pencil case, water bottle, ruler, calculator. I press my palms against the wood and take a deep breath.

Senior studies is, as expected, a _huge_ philosophy essay. I know which professor grades this, and I know their style, so I pack as much shit as possible into the essay then spend fifteen minutes checking the spelling and grammar for mistakes. I fly through my next exam – alchemy – then finish early. Most people have abilities third, and well, I don’t have a fucking ability. A couple people give me jealous looks when I stand up after the second exam, but I just ignore them, grabbing my water bottle and heading towards the lunch room.

Shockingly (aka: not shockingly at all) there are only three other people in the cafeteria; the only three other people at Foxfire who don’t have an ability anymore. Well, Sophie technically still has one, but it’s only been like two weeks and she doesn’t have a mentor so she still gets to miss her exam.

Sophie waves at me, and I see Dex stiffen. I wave back at her, then turn around and sit down at the table across the room. She pouts, but I ignore her, leaning my head on the table and trying to calm my breathing. There’s no chance that I’ll be able to study with how riled up I am, but I’m hoping that I might be able to get in an hour long nap.

I hear the click of shoes on the floor behind me, and Linh sits down next to me. “How did your morning go?”

I groan, and she laughs. “That’s an exaggeration, it went well. Glad I got my senior studies essay over with.”

She nods. “Wanna take a walk? Get out of here?”

“Please.”

*

I arrive home at 10:00, exhausted, worn, and every shade of tired on the planet. I open the door as quietly as possible, knowing that my siblings are probably asleep – their exams end much earlier in the day. They only get tested on three subjects, compared to our six or seven.

I ended up having four hours of free time during the day – two before lunch, for the abilities class, and one from 3:30 to 5:30, where agriculture would have been. You would expect that to be calming, but sitting for hours with nothing to do but stress is _not_ pleasant.

Not to mention the fact that the person that I would have liked to nap on for two of those hours left the room the moment he saw me. I don’t blame him, I _don’t_ , but he’s still my best friend. I still want to be next to him.

I drop my backpack next to the door with a quiet _thunk_ , kick off my shoes, and pad into the kitchen. Instead of an empty and silent house, Dad is sitting at the table, taking notes in the light of one of his glowing plants. He glances up at me with a small smile and gestures for me to come sit next to him. I grab a glass of water and flop down, looking over his notes.

“Doing some inventory for the store. I like to get it done by the first of the month, and well,” he chuckles, rubbing his eyes.

I reach towards his plant and press my fingers lightly to it. It grows two more flowers and opens one of the bulbs, brightening the room significantly. “Need help?” I ask, reaching for one of the papers.

“No, no, you _just_ had exams. I bet you’re exhausted.”

“Yes, but this is calming.”

Dad sets down his pen and takes off his glasses. “No, Dex, tell me about your day. You don’t have to help me because I have poor planning skills.”

I give Dad a look, but relent, because yeah, I’m really fucking tired. “Well, Universe went fine, it’s not my best but I was able to answer all of the questions. Elementalism was wonderful, it’s been super easy ever since… yeah.” I tally off on my fingers, nodding along the way. “Species studies was the same as universe, and alchemy was perfect, as usual.”

“Good,” Dad says, smiling. “Good. I’m proud of you, Dex.”

I smile at him. “Thank you.”

“You’ve worked hard for this; you’ve really grown into yourself this last year. You have a really lovely community.”

“Yeah…” I murmur, frowning. _I have a really lovely community…grown into myself…sense of self…_ “Oh.”

“What is it?”

I groan loudly. “I know why I got so pissed at Fitz.”

“Why?”

I stand, pushing in my chair. “It’s complicated.”

“Dex, you can’t go see him right now.”

I glance up at Dad, halfway to going to put on my shoes, and register the time. I laugh lightly and slowly sink back down into my chair. “Something about sense of self and projecting, something Lyra said about your own difficulties and the people close to you.”

“What?”

I smile softly. “I’m going to go to bed.”

*

“No!” Someone says, their arm knocking against the wood. “I’m not letting you in!

I jump out of my chair, yanked out of my post-exam exhaustion cloud.

“ _Please_ , I need to see him!”

There’s a scoff, more rustling, and then my door creaks open. Biana slips inside and clicks it closed behind her. She leans against the frame and gives me a look – bothered, exhausted, annoyed. “Your boyfriend is here to see you. You need me to beat him up?”

I immediately snap into focus, standing from my desk chair. “Dex is here?”

Biana nods, watching me. “What do you want me to do?”

I open my mouth, close it, run a hand through my hair, then sigh. “Just… tell him to meet me at the pond.”

Biana blinks. “We have a pond?”

“Just tell him!”

She rolls her eyes once, her hand resting on the knob. “He really hurt you, Fitz. You can’t ignore that. I know that you guys are good for each other, but don’t let him off the hook to easily.”

I shake my head. “I know. But I’ve got this. I let Dad off the hook too many times when we were growing up, but this is only once, and I know Dex and– I’ll talk to him. We can work through this.”

Biana smiles, then just like that, she’s gone.

I walk out onto my balcony and climb over the side, dropping the ten feet into the waterfall below. I pull the water out of my clothes in one fluid motion and sprint towards the forest, desperate to get out of sight before Dex leaves the house. Biana will stall him, I’m sure. She’ll have my back like that.

Once I’m in tree cover, I slow my pace to a jog, weaving quickly between the trunks. I know this path like the back of my hand. I don’t need a secret place to practice hydrokinetics anymore – there’s no one to keep that secret from, but it’s calm, and comforting. I’ve needed some peace and quiet the last few days. To study. To cry.

I sit down on one of the rocks, watching the fish shimmer. The water’s sound is soothing, and I relax, dipping my fingers into its cool surface. This place used to be mine, but now it’s _ours_. He grew the plants so that they provide the perfect amount of shade, he morphed the trunks so that you can sit on them. He made the water lilies bloom, even in the winter, just to make me smile.

I don’t hear him enter the clearing – he’s always silent when he walks through the forest, unless he’s really shocked. He can’t snap any twigs – he just makes them grow longer, stronger. He knows how much I hate getting shocked from behind, so he lingers in the entrance, waiting for me to look up at him. He looks tired, and dragged out, but I guess we all are. When we make eye contact he sighs in relief, sinking onto the forest floor. I can tell that he’s giving me space, and I’m grateful.

Before he can speak I start, watching him. “I’m pissed at you. You said and accused me of some pretty shitty things. But I also know that I chose to interpret some of your comments in a negative way. I could have chosen ‘worried boyfriend’, but instead I went for ‘accusatory’. That wasn’t fair of me. We’re in a relationship, I need to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Dex blinks. “There’s nothing wrong with you going to the elite levels.”

I glance up at him, surprised.

“That is _not_ what I should have started with. No, first: I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Thank you.”

Dex pulls his hair out of its mini bun and starts to fiddle with the ends, not meeting my eyes. “I just realized – talking with my dad – about something completely different, but I still got it.” His eyes flick up to mine. “It wasn’t about you. It had nothing to do with you. When you said you were going to the elite levels-” He shakes his head. “It was about _me_. _I’m_ scared of going to the elite levels, _I’m_ scared of falling into the same things that have been expected of me my whole life. I feel like I don’t know who I am and don’t have any sense of self and will just follow other’s paths. I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

I lean towards him slightly, eyes wide. “You really don’t mind me going to the elite levels?”

“Fitz, I’ve always trusted you. I don’t think that you’re _anything_ like your father and I don’t think you’re ever going to be anything like your father. I’m proud of you for choosing this on my own, and it was really fucking stupid of me to tear apart the first thing you chose for your future. I’m sorry.”

I smile at him, relieved. “ _You_ were the first choice I made for my future.”

“What?”

“I chose _you_.”

He laughs slightly, burying his face in his hands. “You piece of shit.”

I walk towards him, and when I rest my hand on his shoulder, all of the tension leaks out of his body. “We need to talk about this more. We can’t just let this go. But I forgive you. We can talk about it more when it’s not the day after exams and we’re both exhausted.”

He looks up at me, a small smile on his face, and takes the hand I’m holding out to him. “Alright.”

He stands and hugs me tight, and I wrap my arms around him. After a few moments, I let him go and flop on the ground, laying on my back in the grass. He laughs and joins me, tucking his hands underneath is head and closing his eyes. The sun warms my body, and I watch as a few birds fly past. This feels good. This feels right.

“Is it just me, or was being in a relationship easier at Alluveterre?”

I blink in surprise, glancing over at Dex. “Yeah.” I shake my head. “Definitely. We were scared, and desperate. For some people, that would just amplify what was wrong with them. But for us… for _me_ , I was so scared of saying anything and then losing you. I needed someone with me at night, I needed someone to go to and hold hands with. I needed that. And of course my fucking dad messed me up and made me scared of rejection.”

Dex blows air out of his nose, a half-hearted laugh. “You come back and heal and learn and you have to make decisions that aren’t about the fate of the fucking universe, they’re about _college_ and _jobs_ and being happy, not just surviving. And I know that we’re still surviving, but there was an underlying fear over all of Alluveterre. All of the things that were stable were directly tied to the Neverseen, or at least scary stuff. Exillium, fighting training, learning about the elements.”

I watch as he lifts up one of his hands, growing a flower out of the air. He smiles at it for a moment, then his face falls, and it drifts to the ground. “Is this going to happen again? Now that we’re back?”

“My mom talked to me about rupture and repair in relationships. Every time that you fight, if you make up, it just makes you trust the other person more. It lets us both know that we can fight again and come back from it. This is the first time we’ve _really_ fought. But it reminds us… it reminded me that we’re just people, you know? We’re not the one best relationship, or perfect, we’re just two people trying to take care of each other. So we fight, and then we make up, and we keep going.”

Dex turns to look at me, a lock of his streaky hair falling into his face. “But what happens if we fight and can’t make up?”

I reach forwards to tuck the lock behind his ear. “Do you really think that’s going to happen?”

He groans loudly. “No. I’m just fucking paranoid.”

I laugh, and skootch forwards slightly so our shoulders are touching. “Just promise you’ll try. That whenever we fight, we’ll just try to make sure we fix it again.”

He smiles. “I promise. I’ll fight for us. I promise.”

“I promise too.”

It’s silent for a while, as we lay and watch the sky. There’s a lot to think about later – exam grades and graduation ( _FUCK, FUCK, FUCK GRADUATION_ ) and long-term goals and Keefe and Tam being okay. But right now, I feel safe, so I left myself relax, my eyes drifting closed, my body sinking into the ground.

“I love you,” Dex murmurs.

I sit up suddenly, shocked, breaking our hand hold to look down at him. His eyes are closed, and he’s smiling, sunning his face.

“Dex!” I exclaim.

He cracks his eyes open, grinning wider. “I love you.”

“You shit,” I say back, tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. “You absolute piece of shit.”

He sits up too, meeting my eyes. “ _Fitz_.”

I kiss him softly, wrapping my arms around his waist. “I love you too. I love you.”

He giggles. “I love you!”

“I love _you_.”

*

“I got them!” Sophie exclaims, bursting in the door. I jump, sliding off the couch onto the floor. She blinks twice, confused. “Am I the first one here?”

I nod twice, rubbing my back as I sit up. “Yeah. Hello! Knock next time.”

She snorts, plopping down in one of the chairs. “I thought that they said they would release them all at eleven. It’s eleven. Where is everyone?”

“Well-”

A light chime at the doorbell interrupts my conversation, and I stand. I hear Biana start to come down the stairs, shrieking for me to wait for her, and I open the door.

“Hello, Fitzroy.”

I don’t think I make a noise, but I hear Biana’s quick intake of breath, and Sophie’s growl under her breath. I don’t know quite what to say, but Alden just watches me, waiting for me to say something. There’s a soft _pop_ as Biana and I’s exam results appear at his feet. I consider, for a moment, taking them and closing the door in his face. Before I can make another decision, I hear the soft click of Mom’s flats on our floor.

“Fitz, was there someone at the-” I can _hear_ her fall into silence, and somehow this has already gotten worse.

Mom recovers first, pushing past me and towards him. She angles her body slightly so she’s blocking Biana and I, glaring up at him. “Do you need something? Did you forget something? I’m pretty sure I sent it all over.”

“I wanted to wish Fitz congratulations, for exams. Biana too.”

Mom purses her lips, crossing her arms. “I thought I made it _very_ clear when you left: you may _only_ see Fitz and Biana when _they_ want to see _you_. Not the other way around.”

“What about Alvar?”

Mom scoffs. “That boy takes after you. Now are you going to leave, or do I need to show you out?”

Biana places a light hand on my arm, her voice soft. “Does he know about Alvar?”

I lean in, still watching Mom and Alden stare off. “The way our family is going, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s part of that group too.”

“Look, he’s a homophobic piece of shit, but I don’t think he’s the type to sit in nasty underground hideouts and deal with leader’s crap. Should we tell him?”

I glance over at Biana, her desperate expression. “What do you think?”

She sighs. “I’m still too torn about all of this to think straight. I don’t think I can make a good decision.”

I pat her hand lightly, frowning.

Alden opens his mouth to speak again, but Mom’s pose and glare take the words from his mouth. He makes eye contact with me, nods once, then disappears in a beam of light.

Mom whips around, her eyes wide. “Are you okay?”

I reach forwards and wrap her in a tight hug. “We’re okay.”

Sophie grabs the results, and the three of us return to the sitting area, waiting for Dex and Linh. It takes them another ten minutes to arrive – complications with where Linh’s is getting delivered. Dex sits down next to me on the couch, and once Linh is sitting down too, I pick up my scroll.

“All at once?” Biana asks, fingering the seal on her scroll.

“I guess so,” Linh murmurs.

“Three,” Sophie says. “Two.”

“One,” I whisper with her.

The seal breaks with a satisfying crack, and I roll open the results. It doesn’t take me long to skim something I spent two months preparing for, but the moment it’s done, I let out a heavy breath I didn’t know I was holding. I close my eyes, smiling softly.

“I passed. Everything.” Sophie chuckles. “Barely, in some, nothing above an 85. But I passed everything.”

“Same,” Biana says, swapping papers with Sophie. “But I did get a 92.”

Dex is still staring at his list, so I bump shoulders with him. He glances up at smiles at me, soft. “Good. Passed. Aced alchemy.”

I look back down at my paper. “Passed, of course. Aced alchemy and Elementalism, got pretty much 85s to 90s in everything else. To be fair, these mattered a lot more for me than you.” I turn to Dex, grinning widely. “I’m going to the elite levels!”

He laughs, hugging me tight. “You’re going to the elite levels!”

We all look up at Linh, who is staring at her paper, her eyes blown wide. She looks up at us, slightly in shock. “I… did well.”

“What does that mean?” Biana asks, glancing at Linh’s paper.

Linh blushes. “I aced my classes.”

“WHAT?” Sophie exclaims, crawling towards Linh’s paper. She nods as she reads down it, and hands it to me, four golden 100s and two 97s shining up at me. I pass it to Dex, grinning at Linh.

“Congratulations. That’s amazing.”

She nods, a tear tracing down her face. “Oh god. Oh god.” She laughs. “I was so scared of not fitting in at Foxfire and not making it through this year, of failing one of my exams and not passing and ending up a year behind everyone. I was _so scared_. Eurus said that Tam and I were smart and I believed him but nothing like _this_.” She shakes her head. “I lied, you know. The exam papers went to the right place, Alana called in yesterday to confirm so I wouldn’t have to confront my parents. It took a while, because an Emissary came to drop it off.”

She digs around in her pocket, producing something shiny. “They gave me this, told me that they would watch for me once I graduated – if I wanted to, I could get a place as a pretty high up councilperson. Or, I could show this to anyone and they would immediately give me a job, as long as I had at least _graduated_ any form of higher education.”

She turns it towards us, revealing a medal. It’s embossed with Foxfire’s symbol on one side, and the other: ‘excellence, perfection, perseverance, awarded to: Linh Song’. She shakes her head, stuffing it back in her pocket. “All this for a good exam score.”

“Not a _good_ exam score,” Biana says, taking Linh’s hand. “An _amazing_ exam score. The _best_ exam score. Top of the class! We’re so proud of you, Linh. You did amazing.” Linh dives into Biana’s chest, hugging her tight. Sophie laughs brightly, and Dex rubs my back, chuckling. 

*

Graduation at Foxfire is dramatic, over the top, way to posh, and a happy occasion. But as I smooth the creases of Fitz’s cape over his shoulders, he isn’t smiling, he’s just staring at the floor.

“Why should I even be happy about this? I’m about to spend two more years in the elite levels anyway, it’s not like I’m leaving Foxfire.”

But I can tell from his drawn and exhausted expression that this isn’t about the fact that he’s about to spend two more years at Foxfire, and this definitely isn’t nerves about the elite levels.

“We’ll have everything on film. We can show it to them. They’ll make fun of the stupid outfits. And you guys can go to college together, graduate then. They’re coming back. Both of them.” Fitz sniffles, and I brush his cheek. “Come on, love. Biana spent like twenty minutes on that eyeliner.” He laughs, surprised, and grins, _finally_.

“Alright. Let’s go.”

When I said dramatic, I wasn’t lying. Fitz is not only dressed in an especially crisp and tailored suit, the suit is embroidered all over _in real gold thread_ with _real_ diamonds and aquamarines and pearls (as a joke). It glimmers as he moves and adds just that _touch_ to the outfit without being too gaudy. It’s shocking how none of this is gaudy. 

But on top of that is the styled and gelled hair and the makeup that Biana and Della spent all morning on. Gold eyeliner to match the suit, that shines every time he blinks, bringing out his two toned eyes. They placed gems over his cheekbones and in the corners of each of his eyes, just for that extra touch. It’s also common for people to dye their hair for graduation, (Keefe was going to do pink), but of course Fitz already has his bright blue. I found some sparkle gel in the back of slurps and burps, so his hair glitters too.

But if that wasn’t enough, the Astraea cape is draped over one of his shoulders, trailing artfully on the ground. It finishes the whole look, making him look regal and beautiful and somehow not completely ridiculous. The goddess on the back looks oddly like him, with her hair bleeding into the night sky and the gems filling the expanse behind her.

“You ready?” Della asks, standing in the doorway to the leap master. Everyone has to get all dressed up for this – gowns and suits and everything. But apparently one year there was a big scandal where the head of one family out-dressed a few of the graduates and it was _shocking_ and _horrifying_ and _disgraceful_ so now you have to be plain. Aka giant silk white wedding dress plain: it’s still super fucking fancy and expensive, but there are no beads or lace or anything.

Della has a fuck-ton of good stuffy aristocrat stories. And she is _happy_ to share.

Della and Biana are in matching pale gold dresses, long and silky and A-line. Biana’s is a sleeveless sweetheart neckline, while Della’s is a double-folded boat neck. Biana has also changed her straightened hair for thick box braids, weaved through with gold. Della did them to her and Alana – apparently that’s what they wore at their graduation.

The women _then_ pulled me from my house so I could be dressed to match everyone. Apparently all that pale gold would wash me out, so they settled instead for pressed black pants, a jade button down, and a pale gold tie embroidered with matching jade and black tones with the same patterns that are on Fitz’s suit.

I have no fucking idea how they coordinated all of this.

“I guess I am ready,” Fitz says, turning towards his mom with a bright smile. “Yeah.”

“Well, you’re missing one thing.” She pulls a black velvet box out from behind her back. “I have one more thing to give you. Are you ready for the dramatic speech?”

Fitz glances over at me, and I nod at him once. He interlaces our fingers and turns to face his mother.

“We were a Vacker family for far too long. I took on an oppressive and apparently quite discriminatory title, and you had to deal with that. But now we’re not anymore, so it’s time that I gave you and Biana more of _our_ culture. Because it’s not just the cape. There’s this too.”

She opens the box with a soft click, and I get a sense of déjà vu: because this is what happened with Keefe and their father. “The family pin,” Fitz whispers, reaching out to touch it. I’ve never seen the Astraea pin before, but something about it is so different from other family pins. Less fancy and regal and posh, and more… traditional. One of the original ones. “Eurus found it, when he and ‘Lana were cleaning out the house. He gave it to me, and I thought of you. You’re going to have to share it with Biana, but…”

“We’ll share it with you too, Mom,” Biana whispers, stepping forwards and placing her hand on her mother’s arm. “You are just as much an Astraea as the rest of us, and deserve just as much respect.”

Della smiles, her eyes shining, and turns to her sun, holding out the pin. It’s a teardrop, a set of golden scales along the bottom, perfectly balanced. A constellation shines in the sky behind it, diamonds and thin lines. “But today, for Fitz. For graduation.” Della lightly removes a flimsy Foxfire pin from the base of the cape, and slides the pin in place. It’s heavy and detailed and mature, but it suits him perfectly. More than the Vacker crest ever did.

Fitz lightly hovers his hand above it, his expression soft and tender. I reach forward and rub his shoulder. “And,” Della continues, and Fitz shakes his head.

“Mom, I am _so_ close to crying.”

She laughs. “No, for Biana.” She picks a matching velvet box up from the side table, and turns towards her daughter, who has been lingering on the side. “Well, Fitz, if you want to wear it, you can. But for tonight, it’s Biana’s.”

Inside is a beautiful gold necklace. Instead of a chain and a pendant, it’s an interlocking web of diamonds and pearls. It’s both large and flashy and delicate, and it sits perfectly on Biana’s previously bare neck, making her look older and confident.

Biana smiles, reaching forwards to hug Della. Their skirts meld together into one gold swath, and I reach over to take Fitz’s hand. He flashes me a smile – so _bright_ so _happy_. He’s happy. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.

He pulls me into the leap master, and I stumble into his chest, laughing as we appear on the Foxfire front lawn. There are graduates strewn everywhere, their hair various bright dyed shades. They’re all cheering and laughing, tumbling into each other and trying to navigate the path with their giant skirts and flowing capes.

Tara catches our eye across the lawn and waves, walking over in our direction. She’s wearing a pressed jumpsuit, a flowing cape wrapped around her waist and billowing out around her legs. She’s somehow perfectly balanced in platform high heels, a bright smile on her face. Her hair, normally a wavy brown poof, is braided back across her crown and puffed in a HUGE ball behind her head. The braids have been bleached, and each one is a different shade of the rainbow.

“Fitzroy!” She exclaims, twirling around.

“ _Wow_ ,” I mutter, watching her with wide eyes. “You are _really_ happy.”

She laughs. “I fucking hate this place!”

“You’re not doing the elite levels?” Fitz asks. 

Tara snorts. “Of _course_ not. The first chance I can get out of Foxfire and out of my parent’s grasp is the chance that I am TAKING.”

“Woah, then what are you doing?”

“Research scholarship in the sanctuary studying the alicorn babies. For a little while, at least. I’m going to help the team figure out how to cross-breed the alicorns with some of the pegasuses and unicorns they have there. Elves are dumbasses. ‘ _Oh hoo, we saved the species!_ ’ No you didn’t bitch, they’re _siblings_.”

I snort, and Fitz covers his mouth to stifle a chuckle. “Congratulations, Tara. That’s an amazing opportunity. Animal biology, huh?”

She nods, waves and leaves to join a group of her friends. I turn to Fitz, and he bursts out laughing. “So _that_ was a surreal experience.”

“C’mon, Fitz. We need to find Sophie, Linh, and the twins.”

After Biana and Della glitter in, we head inside to find the rest of the group. It only takes a few minutes – they’re right at the front. Alana, Eurus, and Linh in varying shades of blue, and Sophie in red. They look lovely.

“What, Dex got a matching Astraea outfit and we didn’t?” Sophie puts her hands on her hips, tilting her head at us.

I laugh, and Fitz brushes our hands together. “Sorry Soph. Boyfriend privileges.”

“It’s just a tie.”

“And the patterning!” Della exclaims. “It was my idea.”

“And the patterning.”

The bell sounds to call the graduates to the back, so I give Fitz a tight hug (I would have kissed him, but seeing where we are, all the people…) and we wave him off. Biana and Della head off towards the front, and I go to follow Sophie, Linh, and the twins.

“Dex!” Biana calls, frowning at me. “Where are you going?”

I flash a confused look at Sophie and jog to catch up with them. Biana laces her arm into the crook of my elbow, leading me towards where I assume the family seats are. “The boyfriend privileges don’t just extend to a matching tie, Dex.”

“Oh,” I murmur, sliding into the front row (the _family_ row) with them. I catch sight of Alden across the auditorium, but look away. This is about Fitz’s future, not his past. The lights quickly dim, and Alina crosses the stage. She is _definitely_ out dressing the graduates, and I hear Della make a comment about it to Biana.

“Did I ever tell you that she tried to interrupt Alden and I’s wedding?” Della says to the two of us, a wicked grin on her face.

“Huh,” Biana says. “Maybe I shouldn’t dislike her as much as I do.”

“Oh no, she’s rude in general. But maybe I should have let her. Two shits… they deserve each other.”

I cover my mouth to hide my snickering, and turn my attention back to where Alina is continuing her blab about ‘the future of Foxfire’ and how ‘we should be grateful for even being in the presence of this place’ and a bunch of shit like that. Biana and I spend the whole time making snide comments about it, and once we get Della snickering. She’s practiced enough to mostly hide it, but I can tell we broke her.

Eventually she finishes, and a random graduate I’ve never seen before steps up. She has blunt black hair, streaked through with red and orange, and is dressed in a _huge_ fiery dress. Her expression is bold and sharp, but not in a mean way – she seems cool.

“Welcome, parents and siblings and friends…”

The valedictorian of Fitz’s class makes a much better speech than the principal of the school – well educated, concise, and I found myself nodding along with most of it. I could see Alina in the corner, listening, and a few times her expression hardened. Especially during the “I hope that our generation, and the younger generations listening, can bring change about to this world. We cannot ignore the new things around us – we respect evolution. We are strong. We are powerful. We can bring about change – we can fight for ourselves.”

Biana whooped at that, which got a glare from Della and a laugh from the graduate.

Finally, _finally_ , the procession starts. And to the surprise of both Biana and I, the first name called is: ‘ _Coming in the honor roll, after spending his entire secondary schooling at Foxfire, known for his love of alchemy and Elementalism_ : Fitz Astraea’.

“What?” I murmur, watching Fitz stroll out onto the stage, shining under the lights.

“I got his name changed last minute as a gift,” Della says. “I hope I didn’t catch him too off guard.”

Fitz takes his diploma and turns to us, a bright grin on his face. It’s blinding, but when he makes eye contact with me in the front row, his expression softens. He smiles at me, pure love in his features. I smile back at him, and for a moment it feels like the two of us. He’s so far away and regal, but he’s still my Fitz.

He waves at the crowd and strolls off the stage. I sigh, sad to see him go.

“Biana, never more have I wished to have your ability.”

“What, wanna go sneak off and see him?” My answering sigh makes her laugh. “What, can’t grow a plant that will make you invisible?”

“I wish. And even so, there aren’t really any seeds or pollen in here. Too clean.” I pout at her. “You can’t make me invisible?”

“She can’t,” Della says, brushing off her skirt. “But I can.”

I blink at her, and she grins.

“Best vanisher in ten years, Dex. There’s a reason I was such a catch. It’ll wipe my energy for a couple of hours, but we’re not throwing a party or anything. I’ll sneak you out, and then I’ll just sneak back in and watch the rest of the graduates. This is going to take like an hour.”

I take Della’s offered hand, and shudder as I go invisible. We quickly stand, and fast walk silently out of the auditorium. I’ve been really loud on non-plant-based materials since I manifested, but thankfully the music muffles us completely. We make it to the back in record time, and reappear in the corner, where no one can see us. I push open the door with one hand, turning back to Della.

“Thank you.”

She smiles, leaning forwards and pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head. “Dex – thank you. You’ve done so much for Fitz – helping him, and encouraging him to help _himself_. I didn’t just pick you to sit with us because you’re his boyfriend, you’re also his best friend, and, most of all, his partner. You guys have an amazing relationship. Go. Be with him.”

“ _Thank you,_ ” I whisper again, rushing out the door into the hallway.

There are signs and a pathway for the graduates, so I follow it, pushing the door into the back. The graduates lined up give me odd looks, and I just wave awkwardly at them and poke around. I don’t see him, so I push around the back. There are a few technicians wandering around, one of who approaches me.

“Sir, you’re not supposed to be back here.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just looking for someone.”

“Can’t you wait until the graduation is over?”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m looking for Fitz Astraea, it’s very important.”

They narrow their eyes. “I know he has some sort of fan club, so-”

“ _No_ ,” I say, rubbing my face. “I’m his best friend. _Please_ tell me where he went.”

They watch me for another minute, then nod. “Alright. All graduates come out just around the other side and follow a marked path outside. There are tables to wait at with refreshments, but you can leave if you want. He might have left, but I at least know he went out that way.”

“Okay,” I murmur. “Okay. _Thank you_.”

The path, thankfully, is easy to find, but Fitz still is not. There are three graduates sitting at the tables and chatting lightly, but none of them are him. One of them looks up at me, a tight frown on their face. “Do you need something?”

“Have you seen Fitz?”

They shake their head, but one of their friends points me in a vague direction. I thank them and follow it around the back of the building. I end up in empty space, Fitz still nowhere to be found. I stand there, lost, then catch sight of the greenhouses.

“Ah,” I mutter, walking towards the one we eat lunch in.

From there, it’s easy to find him, just walking down the path. He’s sitting on the bench, his jacket and cape discarded neatly on the table, staring at his hands.

“Fitz?” I call softly, taking another step towards him.

He looks so small, alone on the bench.

“I’m sorry, love,” he says, looking up at me, his face streaked with tears. “I know I said I wouldn’t cry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you to know that when I wrote this chapter I accidentally foreshadowed to something that I didn’t even know I was going to write yet. I’ll let you guess what that is.


	6. Budding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright Kam shippers, come get y’all’s juice.

“Hey, a little help out here?”

My book slips from my fingers, hitting Dex sharp in the lap. He glances up to glare at me, but instead catches sight of Keefe in the doorway, a bruise across their cheek and sand and dirt streaked across their clothes. They smile at us, then point outside.

“Come _on_!” I hear someone exclaim from just behind them, and Dex and I scramble off the couch towards them.

“What the fuck is going on?” Dex hisses, taking Tam and I’s hands as Keefe holds his hand up to the sky. “And what the _fuck_ are you doing?”

“Missed you too, Dex,” Keefe says, and we’re whisked off into the light.

We appear into a random field, materials and tables and weapons strewn about. Keefe grins at the two of us, holding their hand up to the sky once again. “I’ll be back in just a moment.”

Tam grabs their other hand, his expression desperate. “Be safe.”

They smile at Tam softly, and sparkle away.

He turns back to us and takes a deep breath. “Hi.”

I blink at him. “Hi.”

“We don’t have much time, so I’ll make this quick. Keefe is going to get Biana, Sophie, and Linh, and we’ll all meet up here and then head to the other location. A lot happened, but the gist is that we are no longer welcome there and they’re stuck in a huge trap that we set up with your vials, Fitz, and this is the perfect time for us to beat up some of them and give them to the council. We were considering playing it off, but one thing led to another and know they know that we were double agents the whole time.”

Tam is barely paying attention to us, picking up weapons and throwing stars and some of my vials and tucking them onto his belt and into his pockets. He glances up at us, his eyebrows creasing together. “Don’t you guys need weapons?”

“Nope,” Dex says, popping the ‘p’. “As long as there’s plants, I’m all set.”

Still shaken from their sudden appearance during the last week of summer while I was just hanging out with my boyfriend in my living room, I’m only able to nod vaguely and stare at the area around us. When I reach down to grab a vial, my hands are shaking.

“You okay?” Dex questions, taking my hand in his. He smiles at me, his expression soft. I take a deep breath with him, and nod.

“Yeah. Shaken. But…” My shoulders drop, my voice cracks. “They’re coming back?”

Dex kisses softly on the cheek, and hands me one of my vials, wrapping my fingers around it. “We’ll see, love.”

As we’re doling out the rest of the vials, Keefe returns, a teary Sophie, furious Biana, and Linh with them. Linh doesn’t even stop to be confused, she just runs at her brother, enveloping him in a hug. The two of them stand there for a moment, and Keefe abandons the girls to grab materials.

“WHAT THE FUCK, KEEFE?” Biana yells, stomping after them. “YOU BETTER FUCKING-”

“We don’t have time for this,” they hiss. “I have an entire group of trapped Neverseen members and I can take you there and we can beat them up and give them to the council and get information from them. We _cannot_ waste time. I came and got you guys because I trust all of you and knew that Tam and I couldn’t beat all of them alone. They’re the perfect group – not the leaders, so not smart enough or dedicated enough, but a few of them are pretty important so should know some stuff. Okay?”

Their eyes rake around the group, and when we don’t reply, they shove another dagger into their belt, pick up a discarded staff, and hold their hand up to the sky, where it starts to shine. “Get your weapons, then we _have to leave._ ”

We scramble around, then gather around Keefe. They take a deep breath, their hand growing brighter, and we reappear in a desert. The sun is scorching hot and everything is dry and I start to feely hazy immediately, pressing a hand to my forehead.

“You okay?” Tam asks, pulling a water flask out of nowhere and handing it to me.

I take it with a nod of thanks. “When I’m in places with too little water it messes up my whole system. I’ll be okay in a minute.”

Giant mounds of grotesque cacti are grown around seven or eight Neverseen members, their skin red and puffy from the pines. Most of them are passed out, while a few are struggling. Just as we arrive, one breaks out of the cactus prison and comes sprinting towards us.

“ _This_ was the situation?” Dex questions, crouching down towards the ground. “You could’ve just brought me.”

As Tam and Linh tackle the rogue member, Keefe scoffs, glancing down at Dex. “What, you think that you can use your fancy pants plant powers to take out eight members at once? With this distance? Come _on_ Dex, don’t be…”

Dex starts to glow, his hair coming out of its ponytail and whipping around his head in an invisible breeze. His tattoos start to appear through the thin material of his shirt, and I can imagine his irises turning greener and greener. Around us, as far as we can see, cacti start to grow, twisting and warping and growing flowers. One by one, the Neverseen members are covered, except for small holes to breathe.

“…overconfident,” Keefe murmurs, their eyes wide. “What the fuck did I miss?”

Dex stands and looks over at Keefe, his eyes still glowing. “Ever heard of Mother Earth?”

“…yeah, of course.”

He grins, slapping Keefe on their shoulder. “She was an Earth elemental. Shall we call the council, or at least Eurus and Alana?”

As the rest of the group goes to deal with the members and a few pissed off adoptive parents, I grab Keefe’s arm. “What the hell was that?”

They frown, turning back towards me. “What the hell was what? Dex? Because I’m just as confused as-”

“No. The hand thing. The _glowing_.”

They scratch the back of their neck. “I didn’t tell you this but… my mother was pressuring me to join the Neverseen the whole time we were at Alluveterre. Me a few years ago would have considered going, but thanks to a lot of forced therapy and a support system, I was able to shake off my supposed heroic self-sacrificial thoughts and not do anything. Well, I talked to Sophie about it, _and_ Eurus. But we all decided to keep it from everyone else for the time being because we didn’t want to freak anyone out. That was part of the reason that Sophie was so opposed to me leaving, _and_ why Eurus wasn’t. They’d heard it before.

“But a big thing my mom kept talking about was ‘my destiny’.” They sigh, running their fingers through their hair, cut short and blunt and messy. “Like Sophie’s DNA was messed with for the Black Swan, _mine_ was messed with for the Neverseen.”

“YOU’VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” Biana exclaims, flopping deeper into the couch cushions.

Keefe, explaining this for the second time, takes a deep breath and nods. “Yeah. But unlike the Black Swan, that was organized and had biologists and genetic specialists and all sorts of people on their team, it was really only my mom and one of her insane friends. I’m pretty sure they just injected some power-ish stuff into me and called it a day and hoped it would work. And it did.”

I glance over at Dex, whose eyebrows are raised. “Keep listening,” I whisper to him. “It gets better.”

“Sorta like how Sophie can teleport, I can too. But instead I return to locations that I ‘bookmark’ in my brain. That field with the weapons is one of them. Places that are emotionally important to me get automatically bookmarked too. That’s mostly just your guy’s houses and Foxfire and stuff. When Tam and I threw one of the plant vials and trapped the members, I was able to bookmark the location and take us back there.”

Dex blinks in surprise. “That is _really_ useful. It’s like a crystal, or a leap master, but just inside of you for use at any time. Amazing.”

They shrug. There’s a beat of silence, where everyone just stares at Keefe and Tam and they both just stare at the floor.

“Maybe… I think that maybe we should just go home,” Tam whispers, his voice hoarse. “I think I need to go home.”

Linh comes over to him, sitting next to him on the couch and taking his hands. “We are home. We’re here. Do you need to sleep?”

He looks up at Linh, his movements slow and lethargic. “Yeah.”

Linh looks up at the rest of us, a soft smile on her face. “Alright. Goodnight guys. Let’s meet back up in a few days, yeah? Give our rebels a day or so to sleep all of this off and feel a bit better.”

As Tam leaves, Keefe stands and follows them wordlessly, like it’s a completely normal action for them and Tam to go to bed together. I glance over at Dex, but we just let them go. I listen to the noise of their feet on the stairs, the door clicking open, and shut once again a few minutes later. Everything feels much too still and much too surreal. They’re back, but they’re broken. Things feel like they should be back to normal. But they never will; I think I know that now.

Linh reappears in the doorway, her eyes wide. “I was going to lay with Tam, I know he sleeps better with someone next to him. But before I could even do anything Keefe just got in bed with them and they laid together like it was _completely_ normal. Like Tam took their hand and _everything_.”

“Well… when I’m scared I like to lay with someone I trust, maybe they did the same in the Neverseen.” Dex shrugs, rubbing up and down his arms. “It’s only been a few hours – it still feels like they’re in there. It’ll take a while for it to feel like they’re back home again.”

“Are you thinking about Indonesia?” I ask, taking his hand.

He looks up, smiles at me softly, and doesn’t respond.

*

“I really fucking hope I can get this to work,” I mutter to myself, patting the ground with my foot.

“Get what to work?” Fitz asks, walking up beside me.

“Hey, there you are. Ready to go?”

“Go where?”

I take both of his hands in mine and close my eyes, taking in a deep breath. I wiggle my toes in my shoes and let out my breath and open my senses to the Earth. I can feel the life around me, but nothing strong _underneath_ me, where Indonesia would be. I can’t feel it.

I think of Dewi, I think of Wayan and Zahn, the Earth room and the gardens and the running path. The blood and sweat and tears and frustration, the bookshelf with the elven children’s book that I found. The old temple and the paths that I helped rebuild. The globe, carved, delicate, into the front gate. Energy, _pulsing_ inside it. 

Energy, pulsing under my feet.

I open my eyes, smiling. “We’re going to Indonesia.”

Fitz has no time to respond before the ground gives way beneath us.

We are deposited on the grass outside the temple, exactly where I first appeared. I recover quickly, standing and brushing off my clothes, but Fitz stays on the ground, holding his head and groaning. “ _Warn_ me next time,” he moans, glaring at me. I laugh and hold out my hand. He takes it.

Before we can even get all the way inside, Wayan comes barreling around the corner and rams into my knees. I scoop her up and spin her around, laughing. I carry her on my back as we walk deeper into the house.

“Fitz, this is Wayan. Dewi’s granddaughter, and Zahn’s daughter. Wayan, Fitz.”

“ _Man, green eyes,_ ” Way says in Indonesian, squirming.

“ _What do you mean_?”

“ _Other man. Green eyes._ ”

A question dies on my lips when we arrive in the kitchen, following the soft murmur of voices. Instead of Dewi and Zahn like I am expecting, Dewi is sitting with _Bronte_. Councilor Bronte. Eurus’ Bronte. _Bronte?_

Oh. Green eyes.

“Dex!” Dewi exclaims brightly, rocketing to her feet. “You came! Like you promised.” She slaps me roughly on the shoulder, barely missing Wayan’s tiny hands. “Have you met Bronte?”

I look at Dewi, then at Fitz, then at Bronte. “Yes. Hi! What are you doing here?”

“Well,” Bronte says, scratching the back of his head. “I assume for much the same reason _you’re_ here.”

“If that’s true, then I’m assuming that Eurus is here too.”

Bronte grimaces.

I barely manage to stop myself from laughing. Bronte looks like he would be amused if he wasn’t so uncomfortable.

Fitz lightly rests his hand on my shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“It seems that I, the elemental of the Earth, brought you, my partner, to meet the people and the place that took care of me for the three months that I was gone. But Bronte here, _also_ the elemental of the earth, who _also_ stayed here, had the same idea. At the same time.”

Fitz blinks. “Eurus is here?”

Bronte nods, pursing his lips.

Dewi claps. “You guys staying for dinner?”

“Sure!”

I introduce Dewi to Fitz, who she gives a similar back slap that makes him cough. Zahn reappears a few minutes later with Eurus, who I assume was being shown the gardens. Eurus has the same experience that Bronte, Fitz, and I had, but calms the situation somewhat with the fact that he knows all three of us well. I then introduce Zahn to Fitz, to Zahn’s amusement.

“I’m going to take Fitz to the gardens. We’ll be back in half an hour. Holler if you need us.”

Zahn just waves in response, focused on cooking, and I drag Fitz outside towards the path. First is the fountain in the center, with the two rings of pearls around its center, glistening in the water’s mist and late summer sun. 

“I would come here when I was missing you. For the pearls, y’know? It was really calming. Kinda reminded me of the pond.”

Fitz smiles, pecking me on the cheek. “Show me the rest.”

We go through each section of the garden, and I show him what flowers I helped plant, where I trained, which paths I helped repair. It takes a surprising amount of time. 

“You did a lot,” he says, impressed.

“Yeah,” I say, taking his hand. “We have one last stop to make, but I need you to wait outside.”

“What is it?”

I shake my head and squeeze his hand. He frowns, but doesn’t ask me anything else, standing in the doorway as I enter the garden. The tree looks better than the first time I saw it, but has dulled considerably, losing color and leaves. I grow a small path of flowers in front of each of Dewi’s parent’s graves, then press both of my palms to the tree, taking a deep breath.

It’s much easier to call on my magic this time than it was last time, and it flows out of me like a stream into the tree. I can feel it sigh and stretch underneath me, the leaves brightening and furling out. I close my eyes.

The magic of the past elementals stirs, mixing with mine and branching out towards the sky. But underneath it I can feel a new strand – my own, from just a few months ago. It’s weaker than I am now, but it twists with my current magic, growing and changing. I open my eyes to the glow of the tree and step back, looking up.

“Wow,” Fitz murmurs from the entrance. I turn back and smile at him, stepping over the graves to go take his hand.

“Come. To lunch.”

Lunch starts out really awkward, as we mostly just stare at our food as Dewi talks and I moan over how much I missed this cooking. But eventually it settles down, and we fall into a comfortable pattern.

“So, when were you here?” I ask Bronte, curling sliced vegetables around my chopsticks.

“A long time ago. I was about 25, so roughly 35 years ago, when Dewi’s parents were still alive and she was young and spry.”

“She still _seems_ spry,” Fitz murmurs in my ear. I giggle.

“Before Zahn was born.”

Bronte nods. “I didn’t know you had a grandkid, though.”

Dewi ruffles Wayan’s hair with a nod. “She was a recent addition. What brought you here? Anything in particular?”

“Can’t a man just visit the people that helped raise him for a while?”

“That just makes you sound _more_ suspicious.”

Bronte and Eurus fall into an awkward silence, so Dewi lets them off the hook and turns to Fitz and I instead. Fitz mutters a quiet ‘ _oh no_ ’ that makes me laugh again.

“Well, Earth, the last time you were here all I heard about was awkward pining. Sulking in doorways, staring at the rain. Tracing the pearls on the fountain. You going to tell me when this happened?”

Fitz ‘awws’ and I shove him. “’Bout twelve hours after I left.”

“And you didn’t _CALL_?”

“This _is_ me calling!”

Dewi laughs.

“But I want to know. Did Bronte have to do the atrocious pottery and stone remolding? And carry that boulder _while_ gardening _while_ learning biology? Or was I the only one who suffered?”

“Stone remolding?” Bronte asks, frowning. “You can put stone back together?”

I blink in confusion, and we both turn to Dewi for an explanation. She coughs, scratches the back of her head, and sighs. “Earth… you’re a remarkably strong elemental. You have some expanses of your power that others cannot reach. The point of his,” she points at Bronte with a chopstick, “generation wasn’t to be powerful, but was to know enough about the elements to be useful for _you_. I helped train him, but it was mostly spiritual. We wanted them to have a strong understanding of their elements that they could foster in you guys.”

“So lots of pottery,” Bronte says, pursing his lips. “And meditating.”

“But where is the line? What things can I do that he can’t?”

“Well, barring anything that you’ve learned since you’ve left, which I’m assuming is _some_ stuff, because you were able to bring yourself back here… most elementals have a spiritual connection to their element, but not a _physical_ one. So while Bronte can connect with his element, he can’t necessarily draw on its power and redirect it to plants or stone or ground.”

I blink. “So you can’t grow things?”

Bronte does a half nod half head shake thing. “I could use the energy inside of me to give plants extra energy and grow them a bit, but I couldn’t do very much, or it would sap my stores. My powers were much closer to a form of telekinesis than anything else. I could break things too.”

“So like mine,” Fitz comments. “There, but precise and not much store.”

Bronte nods.

I frown, placing my palm flat against my chest. “So you’re saying… the reason that my energy is so unending is because I’m not drawing from myself, I’m drawing from the elemental source itself? That I’ve somehow formed a raw connection to the Earth that I can pull from anytime?”

“Your energy is unending?” Dewi and Zahn ask at the same time Bronte asks “Anytime?”

“Partially unrestrained, and frequently overflowing,” Eurus murmurs. He glances up at me with a shrug. “I’m around you guys a lot, and I was once an elemental myself. I understand where the boundaries are, and I can tell that you have much more power than the others. I am afraid that if this continues, if your connection grows stronger, that it may overwhelm you completely.”

“What the _hell_ does that mean?”

Eurus sighs. “I was the elemental of the sky. And like how Linh can sense whether or not you guys are alive and close by, I have a connection to people’s souls, in a sense. _I_ was a particularly powerful elemental of the sky for that very reason – our power comes from this connection and meditation that you were talking of, while the other elementals are more application. I am very familiar with this idea, I studied it a lot.”

“So what is it?”

“Depends on the person. But think of what happened to Fitz when Sophie brought down the Everblaze.”

Fitz takes my hand under the table. “I don’t remember anything from then.”

“The elements do not understand what it is to be alive, they do not understand what it means to live in a form that could be damaged or broken in a fatal way. Being in this form with so much raw power and energy flowing through you and filling you up could rip you apart. _Literally_. Think of when humans break their bones lifting things when they are desperate. You could do _anything_ you wanted to the world. But it would kill you.”

“But- _Sophie_ is really strong. Why isn’t this happening to her too? Why _me_?”

“Sophie is not nearly as powerful as you. Like Bronte and Fitz, she’s just drawing from her internal energy. _Unlike_ Bronte and Fitz, it’s quite large and reliable. She is not drawing from the primal source.”

“But I’m getting stronger all the time. I just have _more_ energy. Are you saying that I will just get more and more powerful until it eventually _destroys_ me?”

Eurus looks down at his food.

The table is silent, and I can feel everyone staring at me. I take another bite of my lunch and chew slowly, savoring the sweet-salty taste and soft texture. “Oh.”

*

“We should really talk about this!”

“I don’t _want_ to talk about this!”

“Dex!”

Dex turns back to me, his expression taught. “Look, right now is about Keefe and Tam and what happened with the Neverseen. This is about saving the world, healing the rift. This is _not_ about me and my potential problems in the future, this is about our friends, who risked their lives for months on end and deserve our attention.”

“Dex, you’re getting stronger _every day_. Your power is _already_ leaking out and exhausting you. We really need to _talk_ about it!”

“Fitz, please, _DROP IT_.” He glares at me, then turns and walks towards the house, the door clicking shut behind him. 

Tiny flowers with tiny thorns have grown where he was just standing, their dark centers turned towards me like a threat. The grass is taller around them, and each footfall towards the house has gained height, like some sort of reverse path. I crouch down to examine the flower’s pointed petals.

“Oh, love. What are we going to do?”

Keefe and Tam look very uncomfortable, and have not stopped touching the whole time. I don’t think they’ve even registered the fact that their legs are pressed together, and every time one of them moves, the other presses their hand to their arm or side to maintain connection. I’m definitely not the only one who’s noticed, because Linh keeps sending me concerned glances every time it happens.

Dex isn’t looking at me, which is good, because he doesn’t notice when I slip out of the room before we start. Eurus is standing in the entrance, taking to someone on his phone. Well, _someone_ that he signs off ‘yeah, love you too’ with. So either Mom, Alana, or Bronte.

He glances up at me with a nod. “I’m coming, just had to confirm something really fast.”

“Wait.”

Eurus frowns, his eyebrows creasing. “Is there a problem?”

“Yes. It’s Dex. Do you have a minute?”

I take Eurus outside to see the flowers and grass, which have, thankfully, not grown any farther. He crouches down to examine them, tilting his head to one side. “We need to call someone to examine these.”

“The best plant biologist I know is Dex. He’s better than his parents.”

Eurus shakes his head. “Does he know he grew them?”

“No. He was upset with me about something and walked away, but these were left where he was standing. I didn’t know what to do. He’s grown things before, but generally when he’s in one place for a long time and it’s _slow_. Something about this – the fact that he was angry, the fact that they grew so _fast_ … it doesn’t feel right.” 

“Calling me was a good idea. I’ll take a clipping and send it to Bronte, he’ll know what to do with it. We can figure out what he’s growing while we deal with the source of the problem itself. But first, Keefe and Tam.”

I nod, wrapping my arms around myself and walking towards the house.

“And, Fitz?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing.”

I nod, but have still not managed to convince myself by the time I’ve returned to my seat with the others.

“Go ahead,” Linh murmurs, rubbing Tam’s back. Tam and Keefe glance at each other, and Keefe gives Tam a small nod. He nods back and takes a deep breath.

“They’re bigger than we thought. Much bigger – widely spread, with thousands upon thousands of members. But _desperate_. It didn’t take long at all for them to start trusting us with information and missions.

“First,” Tam points at the world map laid out on the table in front of us. “The main bases are here, here, here, and here. In this base, the biggest one, they have a map of every single one of their locations across the entire world. We were only there once, during this huge assembly. Everyone was in masks and cloaks, but I noted that we weren’t the only younger people there. I think they’re recruiting quite a few young adults and teens, and following the same process that they did with us.”

Keefe nods. “I looked at the map for as long as I could, tried to commit to memory. I think that I can put it in the forefront of my mind and maybe you could copy it and project it onto a piece of paper?”

Eurus stands. “I’ll go grab some paper. Continue, I’m recording everything.”

Tam nods slowly. “They’re _really_ well-funded. I know that partially comes from having so many elves in their group in general, but I could tell from the architecture and scale that they’ve got a few big people in with them. They had some symbols that they would frequently carve into walls or floors as decoration.”

Keefe pulls out a sketchbook and flips it open. “I drew all of the symbols and people that I could. We kept it hidden, but they found my first one. It only had a few drawings, but I wasn’t able to copy all of them.”

Sophie takes the sketchbook from them and starts flipping through it. “Yeah, I’ve seen a few of these people before. Eurus, Alana, and Bronte, and my parents and Della – they’ll be able to help a ton. I see you’ve already identified some though. And this…” her voice breaks. “This is Brant.” She turns the sketchbook around to reveal a man with terrible scarring all across his body and face. “So there’s one more, at least. God, that’s not going to be a fun conversation.”

Eurus returns with the paper, so he and Keefe try their exercise. As they work, we pass around the sketchbook and see if we can identify anyone. Besides Alvar, who was already labelled, I don’t recognize anyone.

“There we go,” Eurus says, flattening the paper across the table. There’s a blurry map, with various dots on top of it in different colors.

“We can explain most of those to you, but maybe not right now,” Keefe says, laying back and closing their eyes. “It’s boring, and exhausting, and I think that it might be best to redraw the whole thing. This is a good estimate, but it’s not the most… accurate.”

Eurus nods, rolling up both maps and setting them on the floor. “Well. Let’s continue.”

Tam nods. “Well, the next big thing is… they have an in on the council.”

It’s silent for a moment, where we all just look at each other. No one looks very shocked or taken aback, to my surprise. Well, I’m not either, I guess. Some of them are pretty suspicious. And if the Neverseen is _this_ powerful… it’s not that revolutionary.

“We don’t know who, but I think that we could narrow it down a bit and figure it out. Especially with the symbols here,” Tam taps the sketchbook, “and the identifier.”

Keefe sighs and starts to unbutton their shirt. They pull down the collar slightly, and point to a symbol tattooed into their collarbone. It matches one of the ones in the book – a circle with an eye inside of it, and six lines coming out and curling around, like a sun. They stare at it for another moment, obviously exhausted, then button up their shirt again. “It’s their form of an orientation. It’s pretty inconspicuous, but easy to recognize. Some people get them worked into bigger designs. As a landscape or a flower or something.”

Tam nods and taps his side, just below his armpit.

“We can remove it,” Eurus says.

Keefe shakes their head. “Nope. Permanent.”

“But…” Dex’s eyes are wide. “They have access to Yeti blood? That’s the only permanent tattooing material… it’s illegal unless you have a license, and not very many people have those.”

“There were so many tattooed members… I wonder if we could track licenses and robberies? That might help us find some people,” Tam suggests, rubbing his side.

Eurus nods. “That’s a good idea. Look into the council’s tattoos and yeti blood. Got it.”

“The last thing I can remember for today is just an observation. They’re _really_ interested in humans.” Keefe shakes their head. “They were always observing them or taking their blood or something. I could never figure out what they were doing, what their goal was, but I think humans were one of the biggest parts of it.”

“We also found brain scans, bones, body scans… tons of stuff.” Tam looks up at Eurus. “I think that they’re researching humans like you were. They need them for something.”

I frown, staring off into space. Something about that… need humans… 

“So what are our next steps?” Sophie asks, interrupting my train of thought. “We need to _do_ something. We have information, we have eight captured prisoners…”

“Well, first we need to redraw the map. Then, the councilor’s tattoo and the Yeti blood license. If we find out which councilor it is but aren’t ready to report them, then someone needs to watch them.” Biana counts off on her fingers, expression sharp. “We need to make sure that the Neverseen councilor doesn’t let the prisoners go, or relay back any information that we learn during the interrogation. So maybe someone should guard the prisoners, and someone should find a trustworthy councilor and interrogate the prisoners quickly without telling anyone.

“That will give us tons of information, then we can meet back and make a plan for how to start dismantling the organization, preferably with as little fighting as possible. But that probably means that we’ll need to present you guys to the council as the elementals and get their support. They treat you like fucking gods – once you’re near them, they’ll fund and staff any project that you want.”

We’re all staring at Biana, but she doesn’t notice. She brushes off her skirt and frowns, looking out the window.

“Would you like to be in charge of any of those?” Eurus asks, rapidly taking notes on what she’s saying.

“Well, map is Keefe and Tam; Yeti is you and Alana because you have connections; tattoos is Bronte, probably, because he’s close with them. Maybe he could get a friend to help? Oralie or Kenric? What else,” she clicks her tongue. “Sophie needs to talk about Brant; you need to get someone to guard, I can’t; but I could help with interrogations? I don’t think I’m a very good probe, but I could come up with questions.”

Eurus nods. “Well, make a questions list and we’ll look over it.”

Biana brightens and nods. “Sure!”

Eurus looks over the group and smiles. “I guess that’s it for today.”

*

Biana is sitting at the coffee table, her braids tied up in a huge bun on the top of her head, surrounded by stacks of files. She sighs, flips through one, makes a note on a pad of paper next to her, then pushes it off towards the side.

“Whatcha doing?” I ask, flopping down on the couch across from her.

“I had Bronte send over all of the case files from every time a known Neverseen member was arrested. I’m cross referencing the severity of their punishment with who was working on it to see if I can find any apologists in the bunch.”

“Wow. How many are there?”

She glances up at the piles. “Only about fifteen, but the files are _thick_. I’m ignoring most of the information; what I need is all on the first page.”

I pick up one of the files and start skimming it, confused by all of the names and dates. “You know, Biana, what you said yesterday, taking charge like that. It was really impressive.”

“Was it really?”

“Yeah. You remembered all of the information and were able to break it down into concise and simple steps. Then you gave Eurus a list of things to work on, as well as answer Sophie’s question and make ideas for the future. It was good.”

“ _Or_ … you’re just saying that because I’m your younger sister and you’ve never actually seen me take charge before.”

I roll my eyes. “Take the compliment, Bi. You were a good leader.”

She glances up at me and smiles. “Thank you.”

I return my attention to the file and frown. “Hey, Fintan’s on this one. This is older than I thought.”

“Some of these are people that they’ve only identified as members recently but have been arrested for similar behavior before.”

“You know what would be crazy?”

“What?”

“If Fintan was a part of the Neverseen. Right while Eurus and Alana were working on Swan, it would-”

Biana slams her pen down on the table. “FITZ YOU ARE A FUCKING GENIUS.”

“What?”

Biana starts opening random files. “All of these really old cases where they got let off easily… all Fintan! And in a few of these, _especially the more severely punished ones_ , it was noted that he tried to get on the case and _wasn’t allowed_! He was their old in, and now they have a new one!” Biana grins at me. “Fitz, you’re a fucking genius.”

“Do you actually think that, or is it because I’m your older brother and you’ve never seen me be smart-”

She throws a pillow at me. “Oh, shut up. I’ll call Eurus and Alana later and tell them about it, see what they think.”

I catch the pillow with a smirk and set it on my lap, leaning forwards. “So talk me through what you’re doing.”

“Well, I already told you I’m looking for potential moles in and around the council. But I’m also looking specifically for councilors themselves. Fintan was a good catch. The current councilors are: Bronte, Clarette, Darek, Emery, Liora, Noland, Oralie, Ramira, Terik, Velia, Zaria, and Kenric. I wrote them down. We can pretty easily take out Bronte, Oralie, and Kenric, according to Eurus. He says that he’s worked with Oralie and Kenric before, which I think means is they might actually be part of the Black Swan. But… he won’t tell me anything.

“Emery is a spokesperson; he doesn’t work on these cases. I’ve seen mentions of Noland, Clarette, Zaria, and Darek. I don’t think that it’s Zaria, I’ve read into her past quite a bit and she doesn’t have anything suspicious on her. Honestly, she has a lot of _good_ stuff on her plate, and after some follow ups, it’s all true. Darek is the head of this department, so it would be weird if his name _wasn’t_ on the files. I don’t think that he’s anything suspicious, but I’m not crossing him off. He’s also been a part of the elites since before even Fintan; which doesn’t make very much sense.”

“So Noland and Clarette are your main focus?”

Biana nods, clicking her tongue. “Noland has come up more than Clarette, but he’s been on the council about two years longer than her. But he was also the one who replaced Fintan; Clarette replaced a different councilor a few years later.”

Biana shakes her head and groans. “I need to ask Eurus and Bronte’s advice.”

“Wait, you were looking at who was on the case, right?”

“And footnotes.”

“Did you look at who assigned the people on the cases?”

Biana’s eyes flick open. “No. But, if the mole councilor was the one assigning cases…”

“They could assign other sympathizers.”

“UGH, Fitz, we are _so good_!” Bi exclaims, flipping open a case file. She directs me to a few places to look, and I help her take notes. It’s boring, but Biana is interested, and she keeps up a steady stream of chatter about back to school and this summer and classes that she wants to take.

“Fitz, can I tell you something?”

I glance up at the tone in her voice, pausing my pencil. “Yeah.”

“I want to be a councilor.”

I grin, flipping closed my file. “You would be an amazing councilor.”

“Really? You think so?”

“Really. Right now you’re kicking ass, imagine you in five years! You could take us _all_ down.”

She laughs. “Thank you, Fitz.”

“Of course, Bi.”

*

“You ready for this?” Biana asks, wrapping her arm around my shoulders. “Senior studies, the class that we have only heard about in long complaints from Keefe and Fitz. The class that decides whether or not you graduate high school. The four-hour class on Monday mornings.”

I shove Biana off of me with a laugh. “I will never be.”

Linh, Sophie, and Tam appear behind us, so we head inside. Senior studies is normally in the auditorium, but this year it’s being led by a different teacher that has us outside during the warm months. Which is good, because then I can grow plants when I get bored.

“Does anyone actually know what this class is about?” Sophie questions, frowning. “I heard a lot of talk about presentations and guest speakers, but no topics or anything.”

Linh clears her throat. “’ _Senior studies was created in 1986 by a Foxfire student in the final year of the elite levels. They believed that seniors needed to be further exposed to the general ideas that the eleven world and enlightened people were built on, through a curriculum made of history, philosophy, and experienced guest speakers. The exact format of the class depends on the teacher, but aims to make the students more mature, reasonable, well rounded, and aware of their surroundings. The final exam at the end of the class is an essay question that reflects these values. The students are graded not on their writing skills, but the ideas and reasoning they present._ ’ Fitz got a 93 and when Keefe took it early they got a 75.”

Sophie high-fives Linh for her memorization, and I sigh. “This class is going to fucking suck.”

We arrive in the directed clearing. It has been transformed for the morning – there are tables and benches and mats littered around, depending on the student’s preferences, and it’s shaded by a few river birch trees hanging over the clearing. There are no other seniors here yet, but there is magnate Leto, standing at the head of the clearing. He looks up and smiles when he sees us. “I thought you kids would never arrive.”

*

An exhausted-looking TA hands me my key. “Your dorms are on the top floor. You have the option to go home over the weekends, but the students are required to live here during the week unless they get special permission from the magnate and their parents. Your schedule is on your bed. Depending on what classes you take, your morning may start somewhere from 8:00 to 10:00. Today you start after lunch. We serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner on the bottom floor. There are no specific times, just be reasonable.

“You’re a silver this year; your cape is in your closet, wear it at all times. You’ll share a cafeteria with the golds, but your rooming will change to the other tower next year.” In their first show of humanity in the whole time I’ve seen them, they smile. “This is a nice room; you have a skylight. Good luck – the elite levels are fun, if you make good friends and pay attention in class.”

“Thank you!” I call to their retreating back, but they don’t respond.

My phone chimes just as I go to unlock the door and I answer it, tucking it into the crook of my neck. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Fitzy bitzy!” Keefe exclaims. “How’s your first day of classes going?”

“You know full well that classes don’t start for another for another few hours. How is college? Have you moved into your dorm yet?”

“Yup. My roommate is this super cool lady who is _obsessed_ with three point perspectives in medieval paintings. She likes me now because I listened to her talk about it for an hour, _I timed_ , and asked good questions.”

“Sounds like politics,” I say, _finally_ managing to get my door open. “Holy shit.”

“What?”

“This room is fucking amazing. I might actually live here full time.”

“Describe it.”

“Standing in the doorway, it extends straight back, very long and thin. The roof starts straight, then halfway through slants down. Most of that slant is one big skylight; I can see outside and the clouds. To the left is one bed and dresser, to my right is the other one. At the back is two desks next to each other, with a view out of the tower that is really fucking high up. There are some plants, and someone’s already claimed one of the beds and put glow in the dark stars on the ceiling.”

“Oh! Roommate!”

“Yup. They said that I was rooming with a guy named… Elliott Mandolin. Like the councilor?”

“What councilor?”

“Councilor Zaria, her last name is Mandolin.”

“At least you won’t be the only slightly famous one.”

“You mean my mom’s family, Alden’s, or the elemental thing? Ooh! Or being friends with both of the people who were kidnapped a few years ago and multiple people who were experimented on for their cause? And don’t forget my aunt that is fake-dead.”

“All of the above, Fitzy.”

I snort. “I gotta call you back, Keefe. I need to set up my room. Love ya.”

“Love you too. Bye!”

*

I notice Tam flinch when the door slams shut, then again when a group of students come outside – this is a big class, with the entire year in one big room. I watch him out of the corner of my eye throughout the whole class, paying attention to his movements and comfort. I’m glad that his sorta-father is teaching this class at least, but the crowded room and constant noise is putting him on edge. Linh’s noticed too, but I don’t think either of us know how to help.

He flinches once again when the bell chimes. We linger around at the end and go up to see Eurus, who is packing up the mats on the ground and his supplies.

“Everyone hated senior studies when I was a kid, and I heard much the same sentiments from Keefe and Fitz. I decided that I would try to make the class more enjoyable for everyone. Alana, Della, and Bronte helped me plan it. I asked a few other people too, but they don’t know about this,” he gestures to his appearance.

Eurus glances up at us with a grin. “And this was the most boring class on the repertoire. Well, there is that class where a councilor comes and presents, which is normally Emery, but we’ll see if I can get someone more interesting.” He shrugs. “Go off to lunch. This class is boring, but easy compared to everything else. Our meetings make you more than prepared for it.”

Linh hugs Eurus, and we head off to our normal spot in the greenhouse, making a pit-stop in the caf to grab food.

“That was… interesting,” Tam says, stabbing his salad absent-mindedly.

“It wasn’t _amazing_ , yeah, but he said that it was the most boring class and it wasn’t _nearly_ as bad as Keefe and Fitz would complain about.”

“ _HE READ OFF THE MISSION STATEMENT FOR FOUR HOURS_ ,” Sophie moans. “Linh did it in a minute!”

“It’s a required lesson,” I counter. “I’m with Linh, I think it was pretty okay, and I think it’ll get better. And the twins can look over his lesson plans and undermine them so they’re better.”

Linh high-fives me with a loud clap. Tam flinches.

I clear my throat. “So, uh, what do you guys have next?”

“Inner workings of the Council,” Biana reads off her schedule. “It’s going to be fucking boring, but if I want to do anything in those areas, it’s pretty much a required course. Sophie’s in it with me.”

“Isn’t that an elite level course?” Tam asks, taking Biana’s schedule. “It is! You’re in the silver tower.” He glances up at us with a wicked grin. “Imagine if Fitz is there.”

“When he thinks that he’s _finally_ gotten rid of us.”

Biana snickers. “Yeah, I’m uh, actually…” She looks down, embarrassed. “I’m taking the elite levels in one year. I’ve set it all up with Eurus and Alana. I’m taking an extra class on the weekend one-on-one with Alana, she’s certified to teach it, and then I’m going to do it in one year. I want to be on the council.”

“I’m doing the same thing,” Sophie says, wrapping her arm around Biana. “But I don’t have to take a class on the weekends. I’m taking a class in the place of abilities, and I’ve been taking linguistics for a few years, which is one of the required classes that I can test out of.”

Linh nods, impressed. “Woah. I’m thinking of going to university, like Keefe is. Get a degree and then get a job. Nothing fancy like you guys.”

“You know what you want to go into?”

Linh purses her lips. “Business, I think.” She turns to Tam and pokes his shoulder, a bright smile on her face. “Tell them what you did!”

Tam blushes. “I’m going to start figure skating professionally again. I’m going to get a degree on the side in something related, and those two together will be my career. My old coach always said that they thought I could go into it. I called them again over the weekend, they think I’m ready.”

They all turn to me to finish the conversation, and I blanch, eyes darting frantically between each of their keen gazes. 

_After year eight, what are you going to do next? What’s next? What are you interested in? What are your passions?_

My head spins and pulses painfully.

_Who are you?_

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” I manage to choke out, abandoning my tray and walking out of the room. I hear someone say something about me that I don’t understand, so I pick up my pace. I don’t even know where I’m going.

*

Elliott, my adorable roommate, has helped me turn and loft my bed so that when I sleep on my back I am literally staring straight at the sky. He’s super nice, and takes me outside to introduce me to some of the other people on the floor that he’s already met. I know a lot of the students from last year, but some kids take a gap year and others come from different schools. Foxfire is THE elite school, yes, but it’s also very male-whitewashed-enlightened-language-bullshit. Some people go to school in other countries to get a more well-rounded experience. I have to admit, I’m kinda jealous of them.

Elliott introduced me to a group of his friends from his old school and his girlfriend, who has shocking red hair. He’s in a few of my classes, but only one or two. They’re all really nice.

“You know your way around pretty well,” I comment, and he shrugs.

“My mom has brought me here before; sometimes she does presentations or meetings, always in the towers.”

“Your mom, the councilor, right?”

He winces. “ _Yeah_. Please don’t make a big deal.”

“Don’t sweat it. I’ll tell you something: I was introduced as Fitz Astraea, but my father is Alden Vacker and my mother is Della Astraea.”

“Woah, really? They split up, right?”

I nod. “Like you said, don’t make a big deal, but I know he was pretty well known around the council. _I_ know him pretty well for being a piece of shit. So it’s not the same as having a councilor for a parent, but I kind of get it. Oh, and I’m good friends with ‘the girl who was taken’.”

“Sophie Ruewen?”

“Yup.”

My phone rings, cutting off Elliott’s next word. I mouth a quick sorry at him, then put it up to my ear. “Keefe, really-”

“Not Keefe,” Biana says, her voice quiet and sharp. “You told me to call you if it happened again, and it did. We said something that freaked him out and he made an excuse and left. And… we were in the greenhouse.”

“Is it just on the floor or did he affect any of the bigger plants?”

“He brushed up against one plant, it looks bigger, but the rest are fine. But… there are flowers and weeds all down the path.”

“Fuck. Eurus helped me last time…”

“Eurus? He’s right over there, he taught us senior studies.”

“Eurus is your senior studies teacher? Fuck you.”

Biana laughs, but it’s short lived. “Should I get him?”

I nod, mostly to myself. “Tell him to take a sample again, like he did a few days ago and send it to Bronte.” I sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose. “Thank you, Biana. Call me if anything happens again.”

“Of course.”

I close the call and stuff my phone back into my pocket.

“Bronte?” Elliott asks, frowning. “Like the councilor?”

“Uh-”

He snaps his fingers. “And Eurus, I’ve met him! With Bronte! They’re dating, right?’

I wince. “Please don’t tell your mom.”

“Tell my mom?” He scoffs. “They’ve invited my family over for dinner. I’m pretty sure she knows.” Elliott frowns. “Was that your girlfriend? You look pretty concerned.”

I shake my head. “Sister. We were talking about one of my… friends. My best friend, actually. He’s been having some difficulties, I told her to call me if she noticed anything, and she just did. They’re literally _downstairs_. I wish I could be there.”

“It sucks when not all your friends are your age, huh?”

I nod. “I even have a friend my age, and they _ditched_ me to go to college.”

Elliot laughs. “For what?”

“Art history and species culture.”

The bell chimes and Elliott grins, opening the door of our dorm for me. “Ready for our first day of the elite levels?”

I groan. “I can’t believe I signed up for this.”

*

_Monday, September 7th, 4:52pm_

**They:** how was everyone’s first day of class

**Sun:** fine

**Pearl:** fucking hard, but the people are nice

**Earth:** good. We have Eurus for senior studies

**Pearl:** Biana told me I hate you all

**They:** fuck you!!!

**Vanish:** hah

**Shade:** I think universe this year is going to be actually interesting because we talked about the weirdest planets in the entire universe for two hours

**Earth:** it was fun

**Sky:** you guys have universe together?

**Shade:** yeah

**Earth:** ya

**Pearl:** how was the mission statement lesson

**Sun:** why the fuck does it exist???

**Pearl:** this is going to be so funnnnn

**They:** I’ve been waiting for this day to come

**Sun:** I hate you both

**Sun:** but I have to go I have therapy see ya

**Shade:** bye

**Shade:** fuck this is not my phone

**They:** Keefe get the fuck off my phone

**Shade:** sorry

**Vanish:** what the fuck

**Shade:** we’re working on the map for planning and stuff so we’re right next to each other we put our phones down at the same time and accidentally swapped them

**Sky:** Keefe look at the pictures

**Shade:** I have my phone back, traitor

**Sky:** shit

**Vanish:** tell me how it goes, I think that Eurus and I are going to do interrogations tomorrow, I’ve finished all of my questions

**Pearl:** hey what did you find from the case files?

**Vanish:** I’m the most suspicious of Noland, but I’ll keep looking into Clarette and Darek

**Earth:** aren’t those councilors?

**Vanish:** yeah

**Vanish:** I’m doing research for Eurus

**Earth:** oh

**Earth:** good luck

**Earth:** are you trying to find the mole?

**Vanish:** yep

**They:** oh shit

*

The newly-drawn map has been pinned to the wall, clearer and brighter and _much_ bigger than the other one. The size makes it easy to identify the city that each base is in, but a couple sets of coordinates are listed on the side – Keefe didn’t catch _all_ of them. Different kinds of bases have different symbols and colors – circles for bigger bases, triangles for smaller ones, and colors for their purpose. We aren’t quite sure about every color, but we _do_ know that blue is storage and red is residential.

“Does anyone else think it’s odd that there are these weird tiny yellow bases in every major city?” Sophie asks, frowning.

“Nah,” Biana returns, leaning back in her chair. “They might just be leap masters or something. Big cities are good places to study humans, get materials, and have meetings. It makes a lot of sense, actually.”

“Huh.”

Alana comes in, carrying a tape recorder and a huge spiral bound notebook. She smiles at all of us, taking the vacant armchair and dumping the book on the table. She seems out of it, blinking slowly and yawning as she ties her hair up out of her face.

“So what have we found?” Sophie questions, impatient.

Alana blows out a breath of air. “Okay. We finished the map, which, while good for reference, didn’t give us anything specific. Eurus is still looking into the Yeti blood, and Bronte has narrowed down some of the councilors, but he still has…” she checks her book. “Clarette, Emery, Noland, and Ramira. Bronte isn’t 100 percent, but he’s pretty certain. 

“Next, the interrogations. Overall, we didn’t get a lot of information, but what we did get: humans are part of the Neverseen’s big plan, and the reason that they’ve formed their group. We know that they aren’t happy with some of the council’s decisions, and want to take them out of power to form their own system where they are completely in charge.”

Sophie frowns. “I thought we already knew that?”

“What do you mean?”

“The main Neverseen attacks and protests started happening pretty soon after the council shot down the ‘human sanctuary’ idea. I was under the impression that they were pissed that humans weren’t getting pushed into a corner like that.”

Alana blinks. “That’s good. That’s really good.”

“Did you find anything else?”

“We got a few more member’s names, but we can’t use them for now because it’s not enough proof. They also mentioned Councilor Noland, which of course pissed off the councilors to _no_ end.”

Biana makes a noise. “He was on Bronte’s list, _and_ mine. I don’t actually think that’s too farfetched – maybe have Bronte put an emphasis on it?”

Alana nods. 

*

“Can you help me with something?” Fitz asks, his expression serious.

“Of course.”

He nods, pulling a crystal out of his pocket. It’s hot pink, oddly, and shimmers. “Keefe asked me to do this for them. You’re not going to like it. At all.”

“Just tell me.”

“They’re going to meet up with their mom to see if they can get her to tell them what the Neverseen’s big plan is. Or at least some information.”

I take a deep breath, sigh, and rub my face. “Yeah, I hate that. But I’ll come.”

He grins, kissing me on the cheek. “Thank you.” He holds the crystal up to the light, and we glitter away.

Keefe and their mom aren’t here yet, which is good. We find a suitable bush to sit behind, and wait. Neither of us talk, too nervous about Gisela arriving early and hearing us. I just take Fitz’s hand and watch the sky.

The first sign that we get that someone has arrived is the scuff of boots on the ground. I can hear them pacing back and forth, and they’re murmuring something under their breath, too quietly for me to pick out who’s voice it is. But my question is answered when a bright pink light floods the clearing and a second pair of shoes hits the ground.

“Keefe,” Gisela breathes. She sounds oddly relieved, probably because she thought this was a scam.

“Yeah, Mom, I’m here.”

“You’re okay.”

“Yup.” They sound _very_ unimpressed, popping the ‘p’. I can imagine them crossing their arms and raising their eyebrows, giving a signature glare.

Gisela gasps. “Is that… the Sencen crest?”

“Uh… yeah. Dad gave it to me.”

Gisela laughs. “So he finally came to his senses. He gets too into his head sometimes, I’m glad he finally got his head out of his ass.” She sounds fond.

“You miss him?” Keefe’s voice is soft.

“I married the man, of course I miss him.”

They’re both silent, neither moving. Fitz shifts.

Lady Gisela resumes her pacing. “Why did you want to see me?”

“What? A kid can’t want to see their mother? Oh, right, not if their mother is evil and a murderer. _Right_. I need you to tell me what the Neverseen’s final goal is.”

Lady Gisela doesn’t reply for a moment, then she sighs. “And why do you think I would tell you that?”

“Oh cut the _crap_ , Mom. I’ve seen the Neverseen bases, I’ve seen the hierarchy.”

“You’ve been in the bases?”

Keefe seems genuinely surprised. “They didn’t tell you? I thought that was why they trusted me so quickly.”

“ _What did you do_?”

“Well, Mommy dearest, I joined the Neverseen to get information, got that information, and then left and captured eight of your members in the process.”

“Ah. And how did they not see that coming?”

“Because the only smart person in your entire squad is dead.”

“Fintan?”

“Fintan.” Keefe chuckles. “Seriously. Tell me the goal.”

“No.”

“Look at me. Look around you. Do you really think you’re going to win this? Do you really think this is going to end well? Sooner or later, _we’re_ going to come out on top. I know this, and I’m pretty sure you do too. So why haven’t you left? You’re not _that_ dedicated to this cause.”

“I’ve only ever been dedicated to you.”

Keefe sounds sad, their voice shaking every so slightly. “I know. Come back.”

“And how the hell would you trust me? You said it yourself, I’m a murderer.”

“You’re the one who taught me how to be in a relationship, Mom. I’m pretty sure that you can figure it out.”

Gisela chuckles. “You’re oddly forgiving.”

“I’ve thought long and hard about this: I’ve seen a lot of people that I never thought would join the Neverseen in those bases, and a lot of people that I consider evil helping us take them down. We can all change. We are all different. The elves are fucking immortal; if I didn’t learn how to forgive, then at some point I would hate everyone, including myself. We can figure this out.”

Fitz makes a noise next to me, and I silently turn around. I grow a tiny gap into the bush, peering through it. Keefe and Gisela are hugging, and I can see Gisela’s mouth moving. Keefe tenses slightly, and Fitz shifts next to me.

“Do we do something?” He breathes in my ear.

I shake my head, keeping my eyes fixed on their forms. The branches of the plant start to grow and twist around my fingers. The tiny thorns prick me. It stings.

“Dex,” Fitz whispers, his voice tense. “I don’t think she came alone.” He points to the outline of a person between two of the trees.

“Shade,” I whisper. He nods.

“Come _with_ me,” Keefe begs. Their voice is dripping with desperation, and they wrap their arms around themselves like a shield. “Please, Mama.”

Gisela stares at her son, her expression stiff. I can tell that she’s cracking from the rapid rise and fall of her chest and the shine in her eyes. “Goodbye, love. I’ll see you on the other side of the war.”

“I’ll see you on the other side of the war,” Keefe echoes.

Gisela turns her back on them, holding a dark crystal up to the light. Just as she’s about to leave a shape appears from behind the trees and pounces on Keefe. Gisela turns to call out a desperate “NO!” but the shade is already there, holding a carved knife to Keefe’s throat.

“I TOLD YOU NOT TO HURT HIM UNLESS HE ATTACKED FIRST!”

The shade laughs. “Sorry, _Mommy dearest_ , I’m not on your orders.”

Fitz goes to stand and I push him down. I press my hands to the ground and close my eyes, growing roots around the shade’s legs. She shouts in surprise, but before she can finish I’ve wrapped her entire body, holding her tightly in place. Keefe slips out of her grip, their eyes wide.

A huge wave of water lifts over the clearing, hovering over Keefe and Gisela. 

“Fitz!”

“I know!” He thrusts both of his hands forwards, squeezing his eyes shut. The entire wave freezes in a perfect arc, shining in the moonlight. “Fuck,” Fitz gasps, dropping and clutching his side.

“If I could just find them-”

“JUST INSIDE THE TREELINE, BEHIND THE RIVER BIRCH,” Keefe shouts.

The birch in question is easy to locate, and I look up and meet the eyes of a terrified Neverseen member. The river birch is strong and supple; its roots are easy to manipulate into capturing the hydrokinetic. They yell, but it’s only the two of them and they’re both trapped.

I stand, brushing off my shorts, and hold a hand out to Fitz. He takes it, groaning, and we walk towards Keefe.

They frown at Fitz. “You brought Dex?”

“You’re surprised?”

“I shouldn’t be.”

I shrug. “You need me to trap her too?”

Keefe shakes their head.

Gisela looks between the two of us, her expression uncharacteristically confused. “Who the fuck did you bring to our meeting?”

Keefe grins at their mom. “Just some friends.”

Fitz turns to me, still clutching his side. “How the fuck do you _do_ that? The distance _and_ the size? What the fuck?”

I pat Fitz on the shoulder, and hold my hand out to Lady Gisela. “Hello.”

She shakes my hand, her eyes wide. “Are you the plants or the ice?”

I smile. “I don’t that that’s relevant. Keefe, what do we do next?”

They look panicked. “I don’t know. Take her back? Give her to Eurus? I have no idea.”

Fitz places his hand on Keefe’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Keefe. It worked. You did it. Let’s call Eurus and Alana, and get out of here. They can also do whatever they did with the other eight members what they did with these ones.”

Keefe nods slowly, and turns back to their mother. “We can talk later. But not now.”

She nods hesitantly. “Remember. I’m loyal to you only.”

Keefe holds their hand up to the sky, and it starts to glow pink. “I’ll go get them.” They disappear.

“What the fuck,” Gisela whispers.

Fitz looks over at her, unimpressed. “Didn’t _you_ do that?”

“I didn’t know he manifested.”

“ _They_ ,” I hiss under my breath.

“Yeah, they manifested. _And,_ ” Fitz steps closer to Gisela, standing over her. “Even if they forgive you, I’m still _fucking_ watching you. I’ve already dealt with two crappy family members, so I’m pretty well versed in this.”

“Your father isn’t in the Neverseen.”

“But he’s still a piece of shit.”

Gisela raises her eyebrows. “Alright.” She glares back at Fitz for a moment, then sighs. “Not that you need an explanation, but… I joined this group back when I wasn’t sure which side was the good one – I didn’t know the Neverseen’s goals, nor the Black Swan’s ones. I took a gamble. I knew that I could get access to their resources for personal goals, or at least manipulate my way to the top.

“And then… I got pregnant. And yes, I experimented on my son, but not in the way you’re thinking – I just gave him an enhancing drug to make him stronger. I had finally figured out what the Neverseen was planning, and was too deep to get out… I just wanted him to be strong enough to survive in this world. Yes, it was dumb and selfish and immoral. I know that now.

“But then… _I_ got manipulated. And I was told that if I left I would be killed. And I knew that they weren’t lying, and there was no one who could protect me. My son and husband hated me anyway, so why would I even risk it? But now… I _do_ want to come back, I do.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Or at least I hope I can.”

Keefe reappears in a burst of pink light, Eurus and Alana in hand. They take one look at Gisela and the two Neverseen members, Eurus mutters something about ‘you kids’, and Alana chuckles and shakes her head.

*

We assemble an emergency meeting, which isn’t actually too hard because Tam and Linh are literally _in_ the living room and Sophie and Biana pick up their phones immediately. The Neverseen members are shipped away to wherever the other ones are (I didn’t bother to ask) and Lady Gisela is sitting on the couch, watching us.

Eventually we all get creeped out by her, so Biana (in her pajamas) has the brilliant idea of having her correct our Neverseen hideout map. At least as some sort of beginning of redemption. If she even deserves that. Keefe takes the seat closest to Gisela: the couch next to her chair, but refuses to acknowledge her.

“The final goal is to kill all the humans,” Keefe says, looking at the floor. “Sophie was right about the tiny yellow bases in the big cities. They all have some sort of mechanism in them that can be remotely triggered that will kill all of the humans.”

Silence.

“What’s the mechanism?”

“How will it not kill elves too?”

“ _All the humans_? Also, how will they even be sure they’ve killed all of them? Wouldn’t that take a while?”

Everyone turns to Lady Gisela, who is silently braiding her hair into a messy line over one shoulder. She looks up at the silence, and glances around.

“I don’t know what the mechanism is, and I don’t know how it won’t kill elves too. But those green circles are all labs, they’ve been researching something that requires humans.” She swallows. “They’ve been kidnapping some of them. And per your final question: it _would_ take a while. But elves are immortal, and humans are not.”

“That’s crazy,” Sophie whispers, her face in her hands. “That’s just… crazy.”

“So what do we do now?” Biana asks, her voice sharp. “What’s next?”

“We raid the bases, we kidnap the Neverseen members,” Sophie says, her voice muffled by her hands. “We tick them off one by one until we’ve captured everyone. We rip them apart.”

Eurus and Alana both open their mouths to respond, but are interrupted by Keefe’s, and oddly, Gisela’s, “ _no_.”

Keefe doesn’t react to their mother’s voice. “The Neverseen is bigger than you think, there are more bases then you’re processing. Even if we did a base a week, planning out each one and mapping and assembling teams, it would still take us over a year, maybe even two to get through all of them. And that’s not even accounting for them attacking us, people getting hurt, not having enough resources, and needing more time to plan for bigger bases. No, no way.”

“The Black Swan isn’t a fighting group, we’re not on the front lines. Our members gather information and relay it back to us – we’re much more secretive and political than them. We form beacons for others to follow, we aren’t fighters,” Eurus says.

“Then maybe _you_ should be called the Neverseen,” Sophie mutters.

“But that’s the thing – contrary to popular belief, we were created to work _with_ the council. We _are_ supposed to be seen, at least one day. And don’t kid yourself,” Alana smiles, “politics is _very_ revealing.”

Sophie returns her grin.

“The only other group of elves with as much resources and power to make this happen is the council,” Dex says, his voice soft.

Biana makes a noise. “I’ve been thinking about that for _ages_! I did some research – the council fucking _worships_ elementals. You’re the children of a deity and have _talked to_ a deity that they adore and follow but have never met. If you go and see them, they’ll give you _anything_. The four of you? The ultimate bargaining chip.”

I turn to Eurus and Alana, who are looking at each other and frowning. “If we had the supplies and the personnel, and some time to plan… I think we could do this. I think we could take down the Neverseen. They can fight against the Black Swan – smaller and less violent than them; but they can’t take on an entire race, an entire _class_.”

Biana nods. “But we need to find out who the traitor councilor is first.”

Gisela barks out a nasty laugh. “Oh, I can tell you who right now, no questions asked.”

We all turn to her, and she meets our gaze head on. “Councilor Noland. And Councilor Bronte.”

Eurus is unfazed, nodding along with her words. “Noland… okay. I’ll talk to a few people tomorrow and see what we can get done.” He turns to Biana and smiles at her. “Good work; you were right.”

Biana opens her mouth, gives Eurus a _very_ concerned expression, then closes it again. No one knows quite what to say, so we all just watch Eurus, who watches us. He’s grinning, his expression teetering on laughter. Eventually he does start laughing, covering his face.

“Bronte isn’t part of the Neverseen,” Eurus says, shaking his head. “Like two people in a healthy relationship, we’ve already talked about this.” He turns to Alana, placing a light hand on her shoulder. “Fintan was the head of the Neverseen for a while-”

Biana jumps, pumps her fist into the air, and points at me. “FITZ WE WERE RIGHT! YELL _YEAH_ BABY!”

“This wasn’t public knowledge?” Keefe questions, their eyebrows furrowing. We all shake our heads, and they ‘huh’, turning back to Eurus.

“We chose not to show Bronte the Black Swan, but Fintan chose to show Bronte the Neverseen. He went a few times, because like us, he trusted Fintan. But after a while he realized what the aim of their organization was and left. Fintan, a madman, but a _fair_ madman, let him leave with no strings attached. It’s not like he pledged himself or anything. He told me right after I told him that we created the Black Swan.”

Alana chuckles and shakes her head. “ _Wow_. Okay. So we dismantle Noland, elect a new council member, and then we present the elementals to the council and use the resources they give us to dismantle the Neverseen. Great. Didn’t know we got so much work done at midnight.”

“Do you guys have anyone on the council? Besides Bronte, even if he’s honorary?” Dex questions, leaning forwards.

“Before you answer that, I’m going to take my mother outside,” Keefe says, standing. “I think she’s heard enough.” They turn to her, their expression stony. “This is where your line ends.”

“Where are we going?”

Keefe sighs. “Home, I believe. I haven’t seen Dad in a while anyway.”

“Why?”

“I went to college?”

“Oh?”

Keefe gives us a light wave, and with a flash of pink, they disappear.

Alana gives it a moment, then continues. “We’ve got a few definite apologists, and a few like Bronte that aren’t part of the group but know about it and support it. But actually in the Black Swan… Oralie and Zaria.”

“Oralie?” Linh echoes, frowning. “I guess that’s not surprising. But not Kenric too?”

Alana shakes her head. “He’s like Bronte, but he didn’t pledge himself. Oralie’s been part of the Black Swan since the beginning, earlier even.”

“Really?” Sophie asks, “that early? Like as early as my parents?”

Alana and Bronte exchange glances, and they seem to decide something there, because Eurus sighs and leans back in his chair. “Well… Yes. Because Oralie is your mother.”

Sophie opens her mouth for an automated response then registers what Eurus said and her entire expression falls into shock. She reaches up to fiddle with her blonde hair, processing. Her eyes flick back and forth, as if she’s reading a list we can’t see. We watch her in silence, and after a second, she glances back up.

“So how many moms do I have now? Three? Wow, really racking up the numbers.” She chuckles weakly. “Really? Oralie is my mother? Is Kenric my father too?”

Eurus shakes his head. “No. Oralie mothered you before she even met Kenric.”

“Are you going to tell me who my father is?”

Eurus shakes his head. “Not quite yet. I’ll let you process for a little bit, and then we’ll talk about it some more. I’ll give you a chance to talk to Oralie some too.”

*

“I understand that this is a frightening idea, and it’s unnerving for all of you. But we have received this same word from multiple sources. I am not asking Councilor Noland to be sent to jail or have his mind broken, I would just like for him to have his body checked for the Neverseen tattoo that the group uses to mark their members.”

I forgot how oddly calming Eurus is in his Forkle form, how he changes the patterning of his voice and his body language to seem harmless and kind. He watches the councilors with a soft expression from where he’s standing at the head of the table.

“And how do you know that this tattoo exists?” One councilor asks; Ramira, I believe. 

“This tattoo is present on all of the members we brought in, and we received identical information from two of our moles in the organization.”

I watch Noland’s reaction, which is just his eyebrows raising slightly as he stares at the table. Nothing drastic, but I’m assuming that he’s trying desperately to not look suspicious.

“May we proceed with the checking?”

Emery frowns. “I don’t see why not. If he has the tattoo, then it’s good that we no longer have a mole on the council. If he doesn’t, then this will all be cleared up. It’s not like it will take a while.” He nods at Forkle.

Forkle has Noland stand and take off his cape and top. He has an entire sleeve of tattoos on one arm, patterns of symbols and bands of black. Forkle examines it for a few minutes, and decides that it’s clear. But then he pulls out a light.

Context: all elven tattoos are removable and reversible, except for the ones made of Yeti blood. It is very uncommon for elves to use Yeti blood, and is generally used in gangs. Not only for its permanency, but also for its ties to animal slaughter – you have to kill a Yeti to take their blood, you can’t just draw some. It would probably be banned completely if not for its medicinal uses.

Elven tattoos can be removed in two ways: permanently, with a solvent, and faded temporarily with a light. Keefe came up with the idea; someone could disguise their tattoo by covering it completely in black ink, that could only be revealed by the solvent or one of these lights.

So Forkle brought the light.

Noland stiffens slightly, and Forkle smiles at him. It’s the same soft smile, but something about the context makes it ruthless. He turns on the light and shines it over the thick black band around Noland’s bicep, that quickly disappears, revealing…

“ _NOLAND_!” Ramira exclaims, standing.

…the tattoo. Biana gasps a muffled ‘yes!’ next to me.

“If you do _anything_ to me, I’ll tell them everything. I’ll _wipe my mind_ ,” Noland threatens, staring down Forkle.

Forkle just laughs, producing a pair of handcuffs from deep within his pocket. “Oh, don’t be stupid, Noland. I know desperation when I see it. And we _both_ know you’ve already told them everything.” He locks Noland’s arms together and shoves him down into one of the chairs.

“We should check everyone, shouldn’t we?” Zaria asks, watching Noland with piercing eyes.

That goes by fairly quickly. It’s kinda weird to see some councilors take off their pants, and I look away for most of them. Forkle is fine the whole time… except for Bronte. His odd body language isn’t visible to any of the councilors, but from seeing him often enough I can tell that he’s somewhere between amused and uncomfortable. Bronte looks to be having a similar experience. But, thankfully, all of the other councilors are cleared.

“So, election time?” Oralie asks the group, leaning against the table with a frown.

“I actually… have a suggestion about that,” Forkle says.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever considered doing a democratic election with the whole elven population? Having the councilors vote excludes the rest of the population, and causes you to vote for people who have the same mindset and principles as you, even if you don’t directly mean to. It is important for your council to be diverse.”

“And so what, you want it to be you?” Noland hisses.

“Shut your trap, Noland,” Ramira says, flicking the back of his head, and after a few moments, removing his circlet too.

“I don’t think we can do that so quickly,” Oralie returns, frowning. “I agree with your sentiment, and it’s an important thing to think about, but we’re going to start elections _tomorrow_. I don’t believe that we can implement it yet.”

Forkle dips his head in agreement. “Now, at least, let’s get rid of _him_ ,” he points his finger at Noland.

Once he’s gone, Alana leads us from our listening place (between the roof and the top of another room, it was pretty well kept, so they must have built it in) downstairs. Sophie is especially jittery, wringing her hands together and fiddling with her hair. I tap her shoulder and smile at her, and she smiles back.

“It’s going to be fine,” I whisper. “Oralie is lovely, we know this. We’ve met her before.”

“I guess,” Sophie answers, continuing to fidget. “It’s just… _this time_ …”

“I know.”

The remaining eleven councilors are sitting at the table, silent, when we enter. They look up, surprised.

“My name is Alana Astraea, and I’m a member of the Black Swan,” Alana says, nodding at each councilor in turn. “We’ve been aware of a mole on the council for quite a long time, so we’ve been waiting to introduce ourselves for a little while because of that. But now that we’re sure of the council’s safety, it’s time that we talk.”

“So you _do_ want to have one of your members on the council,” Emery comments, watching Alana.

“Not necessarily. While I do wish to campaign for the council spot, I’ll be going through the same process as all of the other candidates. Additionally, as Forkle brought up, you can just _not_ vote for me, as you are a group.”

Emery nods.

“I thought you were dead,” Liora says, frowning. “You worked under me, for a while. You were very good, and then you died.”

“It was staged. I needed to draw all suspicion from me when I left the council to go work full time on the Black Swan, and that was the best way to do it. I was quite popular in the department,” she says, gesturing to Liora, “and many thought I would try my hand for councilor. I knew people would notice me missing. I… had a different idea of how I could help out the world.”

Liora nods. “It’s good to have you back, Alana. If you don’t get the position, I would be happy to have you back on our team.”

Alana beams.

“You mentioned introductions,” Emery says, leaning back in his chair. “But we’ve already met quite a few of these people.”

“Not quite,” Forkle says.

“Are we doing this _now_?” I ask, eyes wide. “I thought we were waiting!”

Forkle shakes his head. “We need to start as soon as possible.” He gestures to Sophie.

“I’ve _definitely_ met her,” Emery says, and a few of the councilors laugh. 

Sophie does too, until she forms a small ball of Everblaze in her hands. I can tell that the other councilors recognize it from the fear on their faces. “I know many of you are aware that Fintan died while I was trying to heal his mind a year ago. He was burned to death in the only kind of fire that can destroy all elven matter, the only kind of fire that can scar. Everblaze.”

She takes a deep breath. “ _I_ killed him.”

She rakes her eyes across the room, expression bold. Ever the presenter. “There was a reason that Fintan could call down Everblaze – not because he was in a team of multiple elves, and not because he was experienced and well-studied. It was because he was the elemental of the Sun.” Her eyes and the streaks on her arm start to glow. “And now _I_ am. Sophie Ruewen of the Sun.”

Linh steps forwards. “Linh Song of the Sky.”

“Fitz Astraea of the Pearl.”

“Dexter Dizznee of the Earth.”

“We are the seventeenth generation of elementals,” Sophie finishes.

I can tell what Biana meant about them seeing us as gods, because the only person who doesn’t look like they’ve just _seen_ god is Bronte, who is smiling brightly. The councilors are leaning back in their chairs, eyes wide as saucers. A few of them are shaking a bit.

“Wait,” Liora says. “Fintan was an elemental? What happened to the rest of his generation?”

“They gave up their powers,” Alana answers. “Fintan committed an atrocity with the Everblaze; he murdered people. So they chose to disband and give up their powers to the next generation.” She gestures to us.

“How do you know?”

Alana glances at Eurus, then at Bronte. “I was the previous elemental of the Pearl, with Fintan.”

Liora’s eyes narrow. “Prove it.”

Fitz walks over to Alana, making his eyes glow, and lightly touches her arm. Her eyes start to glow too, much fainter than his, but still visible. Liora gasps, clutching the table.

“But there are two more, right?” Emery asks. “Where are they?”

Bronte stands, brushing off his pants, and walks over to me. It’s easy to make my eyes glow, and I place my hand on his shoulder. His eyes are brighter than Alana’s, but still fainter than mine. He smiles at me, and I nod once.

“ _Bronte_?”

“It was before I joined the council. There was no reason to bring it up, and I didn’t want it to affect you voting for me.”

“Didn’t you have a brother, Alana?” Clarette says. “I remember, when we worked together for a little bit, you talked about him some. He was friends with Bronte too. What was his name… was he the last one?”

“Eurus,” Forkle murmurs. “Yes.”

“Where is he?”

“Away. Working on the Black Swan.”

Clarette scoffs. “Another member? Bronte, are _you_ on the Black Swan too?”

Bronte shakes his head. “Alana and Eurus chose to keep their organization from Fintan and I. Eurus only told me of his involvement in it and creation of it recently.”

The councilors break off into chatter, asking Bronte questions and Alana questions and Forkle questions. It gets very hectic, and we all kinda just stare at each other. Fitz brushes his shoulder with mine, and I smile at him.

As the councilors continue to break off into smaller groups, Fitz is dragged over to a conversation about fucking _water_ with Alana and a hydrokinetic councilor while Biana goes to interrogate some others. The rest of us just sit down against one of the walls, watching the group of adults.

Oralie comes over to us, smiling at our tired group, adamantly refusing to socialize about politics. Sophie stands as she approaches, interrupting her path and leading her over to the door, away from the rest of the groups. I watch their conversation, unable to hear anything.

Sophie is nervous, tucking her hair behind her ear, and Oralie brings her hands up to her mouth, shocked, starting to tear up. She asks Sophie something and Sophie nods, looking up into her biological mother’s eyes. They embrace tightly, and I make a quiet ‘aww’ noise.

“Wow. Imagine having three mothers and two fathers,” Keefe says, chuckling. “That’s a lot of family for one person.”

Tam looks over at Keefe. “Three mothers and two fathers?” 

“The human set of parents that raised her; a mother and a father. Grady and Edaline; two mothers and two fathers. And a biological mother; so that’s three mothers and two fathers. She’s got another parent out there somewhere, so then she’ll have _six_.” Keefe pouts. “I’ve only got two.”

Linh leans in. “Tam and I have four.”

Keefe scoffs. “Not all of us have half-adopted reluctant parents, ex _cuse_ me.”

“I feel sort of out of place in this conversation,” I say. “I’ve got one set of parents in a healthy relationship with each other and with me.”

Tam, Linh, and Keefe glare at me. I hold my hands up in surrender.

*

My hands shake. They’ve started doing that recently. I’ve always been anxious, always had a ball of discomfort settled somewhere between my sternum and my stomach, but sometime in the last few weeks its started to externalize itself. It’s not too violent, not too bad, but visible.

I’ve taken to putting my hands in my pockets to hide it from the others.

I take a deep breath in and grab a hold of my baseboard, trying to squeeze all of my nerves into it. I exhale.

The wood starts to knot and twist and grow around my hands, branching up through my fingers and warping. The beautiful lines on it no longer look natural, now deformed and twisted and disgusting. I try to rip my hands away, a yell dying in my throat, but they’re stuck, crushed underneath the wood.

I use one hand to cut the wood open with my powers and stumble away, the disconnected branch thunking hollowly to the floor. I go to lean against the wall to support myself but am stopped by the wood walls and plants hanging down and the flower carpet and the-

I stand in the center of the room. Alone.

*

The click of the front door echoes into the entrance hall. A receptionist’s desk sits empty to the left, rows and rows of skates behind it. A pair of double doors in front of me open up to a huge rink. A shape loops, around the ice. They move with thoughtless precision, turning corners exactly. They pull into a loose spin, then go back to their loops. They don’t notice me.

I drop my bag on a nearby bench and pull off my shoes. As I wait for Tam to come out of his skating haze, I freeze a pair of skates onto my feet, just like I did before at the pond. I open the latch, step out onto the ice, and close it behind me. 

He still hasn’t noticed me.

I sigh. “TAM!”

He jumps, tripping over the front of one of his skates, landing, and skidding to a stop. “Oh, Fitz, you’re here.” He frowns. “Early.”

“It’s not early, Mr. Lost in The Ice. It’s eight thirty, just like you said.”

He glances over at a clock across the room, that in fact says eight thirty, and winces. “Right.”

We start to loop around together, as I remember the movement of the skates under my feet and the feeling of the ice. It’s so nice to just glide, smoothly. I can understand why Tam would want to make a career out of it.

As we slow down a little bit, Tam asks, “why did you want to see me?”

I scoff. “Because I’m your friend, dumbass. And because I’m worried about you.”

“Worried about me? Why?”

I look over and glare at him.

“Oh, are you talking about the intense trauma from being in the Neverseen, or being away from my family and friends? Oh, or is it about my parents and the constant discrimination I receive for being a twin? Hmm, maybe the years I spent at Exillium, the stress of being at a new _elite_ school, and how it affects me and my sister? Or maybe my weird new parents?” He speeds up. “Take your fucking pick.”

“It’s none of those things.”

He frowns. “What?”

“Of _course_ you’re traumatized about all of those things. But as long as you’re going to therapy and you and Linh are talking about your school stress, then it’s okay. And you have a very lovely set of second parents. Even if they are siblings.”

“It’s not like they’re married.”

“No. And you’re probably about to have another dad.”

Tam groans. “It’s already happened. He comes over for dinner _every week_. If Eurus doesn’t propose to him soon, then I’m going to have to do it for him _just_ to get this over with!” He chuckles. “Alana keeps threatening to place bets on it, but that’s not fair because she can influence whatever Eurus chooses to do.”

“Yeah.”

We fall back into silence, continuing our aimless progression.

“So what is the thing you want to talk about?”

“It’s Keefe.”

Tam falters, one of his skates slipping. He catches himself, refusing to look at me. “And what about them?” I can tell that he’s trying to sound normal, but his voice is shaky.

I stop skating to grab his shoulder. “Tam, what the hell happened over there?”

“It’s stupid,” he mutters, not meeting my eyes.

“I _promise_ , it’s not.”

He scoffs. “Yeah, it is. We’re trying to defeat a fucking rebel organization, you guys are _elementals_ , we just got back from _months_ of _raw TRAUMA_! Who gives a _shit_ about relationship problems?”

“ _I_ do! Relationship problems are the _most_ important. They support us. Without the people around us, we’re troubled and unhappy and can’t work properly. When Dex and I were fighting, I felt like I had no one to support me.”

“I have people around me to support me!”

“Tam,” I say, grabbing his other shoulder. “I know you’re not telling Linh everything, not to burden her. I get it, I’ve done it too. That’s why you need more than one person to talk to. _I_ can try be that person for you, or we can talk through these relationship problems of yours and you can talk to Keefe too.”

“Maybe I don’t _want_ to talk to Keefe,” he murmurs.

I let go of Tam’s shoulders and start skating again. He trails behind me, silent. “Well, obviously your radio silence isn’t helping either of you, so maybe you _should_ , even if you don’t want to.”

“THEY _LEFT_!”

“What?”

His eyes are shining. “I _needed_ them, when we got back. I NEEDED SOMEONE TO SUPPORT ME _THEN_! And then they _left_. So yeah, I really fucking want to talk to them _now_ , when I needed them a month ago!”

“They left for college,” I whisper.

Tam wraps his arms around himself and nods once. “They came upstairs to see me, the night we got back. And in the morning, they were gone, across the world. They didn’t say goodbye. They haven’t even _called_. I WANTED TO TALK TO THEM FOR A _MONTH_ , AND NOW I’M _DONE_.” His gaze drops to the floor, his voice heavy and so, _so_ soft. “I thought they cared.”

I’m staring at Tam, a probably _very_ odd expression on my face, because a lot of things are starting to make sense. The hand grabbing before Keefe teleported. The ‘be safe’. The sleeping in the same bed together. The teasing, the fighting, the-

“Holy shit,” I whisper.

Tam glares at me. “Holy shit _what_?”

“You and Keefe…”

Tam blushes, and opens his mouth, but then closes it, skating past me silently.

“Tam, what happened at the base?”

He skids around, sending waves of powdered ice across the floor. In contrast to his violent movements, he, so softly, reaches up to cover his mouth. He closes his eyes. 

“During the day, you can’t _think_. With all of the decisions being made and the people moving around you and your _constant_ fear that you’ll be discovered… It was just one constant mantra: _No one can know_.

“But at night, when it’s finally quiet, when you’re finally alone, everything changes. Everything _hurts_ , your guilt starts to bore into your mind, ripping into your chest, undermining every decision that you made in the spirit of trying to survive.”

Tam looks down at his hands, his eyebrows drawing together. “So we found comfort in the only places we could. Lying next to each other, hearing each other breathe, calming each other when we had nightmares. But it got worse and worse and _worse_. So we started to lay closer, constant contact. Things don’t _hurt_ when someone is always there with you, their arm around you and your foot brushing their leg.

“They were _there_ , for the screaming and the pain and the fear. They were _there_ , every single night, every single nightmare. We were there, together, every time. I would hold their hands and press our foreheads together because if we were too loud, then someone would come and _punish_ us. I…” He shakes his head, his shoulders dropping.

“You love them, don’t you?”

Tam looks up at me, tears streaking down his face. “ _I thought they loved me too_.”

I watch him, helpless.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I mutter, pulling my phone out of my pocket. Tam refused to talk to me once he had admitted that he’s in love with Keefe, so I just looped around the ice a few times and escaped to the front hall, where he can’t see me.

After a few minutes, the door creaks open. I glare, pointing out to the rink. “Fix him.”

Keefe tilts their head to one side. “I thought you said this was urgent.”

I sigh, dragging Keefe through the doors to where Tam is back to being Mr. Lost in The Ice, earbuds in his ears, spinning and jumping every once in a while. “Help him.”

Keefe looks over at me. “You brought me all the way over from the other side of the ocean for _this_? Without even a _hello_?”

“It’s not like it took you a while.” I sigh, rubbing my face. “Please. He needs you.”

Keefe shakes their head. “Tam does not want to see me.”

“I assure you, he does.”

“I left him. I didn’t want to deal with anything, any of you, any questions, so I got up and left with no warning.” Keefe sighs. “Fitz, you know how that feels, and you know how much it fucking sucks. He doesn’t want to see me.”

“ _Do you love him or not?_ ”

Keefe looks over at me, their eyes blown wide. “ _WHAT_?”

I stare at him, my lips pursed. “Answer the _fucking_ question.”

They sigh, rubbing their eyes, and nod once. 

I clap. “Great!” I open the gate to the ice and shove them through it.

“ _Hey_!”

I wave at them, grinning brightly, then point to Tam.

They’re about to protest, but when they see Tam they relent, walking towards where he’s leaning his elbows against the far boards, staring at the ground. He hasn’t heard any of our conversation. Keefe’s steps echo around the room, and they place their hand, more light and tender than I’ve ever seen them, on Tam’s shoulder.

“Fitz, I-” He starts, but when he comes face to face with Keefe, he stops, looking up at him with wide eyes.

“Hey,” Keefe says, his eyebrows drawn up.

“Hey,” Tam says back, dropping the earbud he’s holding.

“I’m here.”

Tam blinks. He opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again, just watching Keefe. “You’re here.”

Keefe nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you love me?”

The question, just like mine, catches Keefe off guard. They take Tam’s hand. “I think so.”

“Then why did you go?”

“I couldn’t deal with any of it anymore. I needed to run away. I spent that last night with you as a goodbye. But you didn’t say anything, you just laid there. So I left.”

“And didn’t _call_?”

They shake their head. “I thought you hated me. I _left_ you. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“I _always_ want something to do with you.”

“We can’t have the same relationship that we had during the Neverseen.”

“I don’t want the relationship that we had there. I want _you_.”

Keefe breaks out in a bright grin. “Well here I am.”

I smile, leaving the two of them to be together. The doors of the rink click shut behind me as they stand, beside each other again, out on the ice.

*

“That was _amazing_ ,” Sophie says with a laugh, flopping down at our table.

“Who knew that listening to Eurus talk about the history of the elementals for four hours could be so _funny_ ,” I agree, setting my tray down across from her with a click.

“Did you see his expression? ‘But sir, the last generation of elementals was around over a hundred years ago’. The man looked like he wanted to explode. I literally had to physically _stop_ Sophie from bursting out laughing,” Biana says brightly. “Like imagine if Eurus _snapped_ and said: bitch _I_ was an elemental thirty years ago I promise you that my information is valid.”

“People kept correcting him! A literal elemental!” Sophie starts laughing again. “But sir, are you sure? How do you know that’s how the energy works? Why haven’t you brought an actual past elemental to present to us? Where are you getting your information from? _Absolutely amazing_.”

“They were just openly so _confused_.” Linh shakes her head. “’How could the moon be sentient?’ ‘Why is one elemental stronger than the other? That isn’t _fair_ ’. Bitch who told you that the fucking laws of ancient immortal energy beings are _fair. Insane_.”

“Fitz would have loved it.”

Tam nods. “Having your boyfriend not going to school with you sucks.”

I blink. “What?”

“I said ‘having your boyfriend not going to school with you _must_ suck’.” He smiles awkwardly, meeting my eyes for too long before grabbing an apple and biting into it fiercely.

“ _Tam_ ,” Linh says, her eyes narrowing.

Biana slaps both her palms down onto the table. “I FUCKING KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!”

“WHAT?” Sophie yells, staring at Tam. “What’s going on?”

“BOYFRIEND NOT GOING TO SCHOOL WITH YOU!” I exclaim. “THERE’S ONLY TWO PEOPLE NOT GOING TO SCHOOL WITH US, AND I ASSURE YOU THAT IT ISN’T FITZ.”

Sophie gasps. “YOU’RE DATING KEEFE?”

Tam groans loudly from where his head is pressed against the table.

I laugh, patting Tam on the back. “That makes over half the group in relationships, what’s up with you guys?”

“None for me, aro,” Biana says, holding her hands up.

“We could be _secretly_ dating, like he was,” Linh wraps her arms around Biana’s waist and dips her, making Biana giggle.

Sophie, however, groans. “I have _tried_ to have good enough taste to fall in love with one of these two, but sadly I am only attracted to self-sacrificial dumbasses.”

Tam protests at that, but I just sigh. “That would be funnier if it didn’t haunt me every day.”

“Oof,” Biana says, still hugging Linh.

Linh blinks. “What do you mean?”

“I was into Fitz a long time ago,” Sophie answers with a wave of her hand. “But now not only is he not as dumb or self-sacrificial, he’s _TAKEN!_ ”

“He’s _taken_?” I gasp, leaning forwards. “Tell me more!”

Sophie pushes my face away from her with a laugh.

Eventually, after Biana and Linh _beg_ Tam for details of how they got together, we settle down to start eating. While we enjoy being able to be rowdy together during lunch, year eight is _really_ intense and we need all of the down time we can get. We’re even considering starting a homework-and-study group as we get closer to exams (even though they’re really far away) for preparation and helping each other out.

“How are your weekend classes going?” I ask Biana, who sighs, setting down her fork.

“Amazing, but _really_ hard. I love all of my elite level classes, they’re so complex and interesting and exciting, but also _hard_. Alana really knows how to push me, so we’re going through the course _super_ fast and I’m learning tons. But sometimes with all of the other school stress it’s a bit too much.”

I nod. “I feel like it’s a bit too much too, and I’m taking _three_ less classes than you!”

Her eyes narrow. “Three? Ability, weekend class, what’s the last one?”

“I never ended up filling my agriculture slot. All of the other classes I could fill it with I needed to start in year six or seven. I didn’t see any point in putting extra stuff on my plate.”

“You could do elemental training,” Biana says, glancing up at me.

I narrow my eyes. “Why do I need more?”

“To help with any overflow.” Her look is intense and serious enough that I realize that she _knows_. 

“So Fitz told you?”

“As Tam said: It sucks to have your boyfriend at a different school than you. He’s _worried_ , Dex. Maybe this could help, at least a bit?”

My grip tightens on the edge of my tray. “Look, just drop it. It’s _fine_.”

“It’s _not_ fine!”

“IT’S FINE, I’M DEALING WITH IT!”

The rest of the group look up at my outburst, eyes wide and hands stilled.

“Dex, turn around.”

My stomach drops and I slowly turn. The plants that used to be feet away from me are hanging over my head, leaves barely big enough to hold up, stems over stretched and bending with the weight. They’re barely inches from my face, in a perfect ring around my form. At my feet are a grouping of flowers – not a species I’ve seen before, seven pointed petals with pitch black centers. There are thorns running up their stems, glistening in the sunlight.

I feel threatened by their presence, as if they’re all about to collapse and engulf me, choking me in their unnaturally large stems. A shiver goes down my spine.

“How long has this been happening?” I whisper, my voice shaking.

“Fitz says the first time it happened was right after you found out, before Tam and Keefe talked about being at the Neverseen.”

“When I snapped at him. Outbursts of emotion trigger it.”

Biana nods, her gaze cautious. “What are you going to do?”

I pull my phone out of my pocket. “Call Fitz.”

“Dex? What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

I look down at the group. They’re still at the table, and can’t see where I’m perched up in this tree, out of sight and out of hearing. “When did the flowers start?”

I hear Fitz shift. “Oh, you found out. Did it happen again?”

“How many times has it happened?”

“Counting this one… three, I think? The first was right before Keefe and Tam talked about being at the Neverseen, the second was during a lunch, you stormed off, or something. The third is today.”

I nod, pressing my hand to my forehead. “I- I think it’s getting worse. It wasn’t just the flowers it was all of these plants in the greenhouse and they grew so _much_ so _fast_ and I barely noticed and-” My voice shatters into a sob. “ _What do I do?_ ”

“I don’t know, love.”

“Biana suggested that I train with Bronte and Eurus in my spare time to see if they can help stop the process.”

He sighs. “That’s a good idea.”

I can hear the disconnect in our voices. “Yeah.”

*

I look around, frowning. “I thought Bronte was going to be here.”

Eurus shakes his head, sitting down in the grass across from me. “We…” Eurus shakes his head.

I blink. “So where do we start?”

“That’s the thing.”

“What do you mean?”

Eurus sighs, pushing his hair out of his face. “We have no idea how to help you.”

I blink. “You’re telling me… there’s nothing you can do.”

Eurus won’t look at me. “We could do pottery, we could do meditating, we could do research. See if that does something. The problem is… you draw your power from the elemental source. If you keep using it, the energy continues to rip through you. If you don’t, then it just fills you up and hurts you and has the same affect. We… can’t help you.”

“You can’t stop this.”

Eurus shakes his head.

“ _I’m going to die_.”

He… 

doesn’t say anything.

*

“There’s nothing he can do.”

“What do you mean?”

A tear slips off my cheek. A blade of grass underneath me gains an inch. “ _There’s nothing that he can do_. We’re out of options.”

“What does that even mean, Dex? You’re just going to _die_?”

I close my eyes.

“You’re just going to die.”

*

Lyra frowns at my frown. “Whatcha thinking about?”

“Well… it’s been a year since we first went to Alluveterre. The anniversary was a few days ago, I think. And I was just thinking about how I acted right after Dex disappeared. Especially in the beginning. How I could barely move and think and act. I know it’s different now that I’m separate from it, but it seems sort of… dramatic, I guess? To break just over my _sorta_ boyfriend being gone.”

“Fitz, I don’t believe you broke down just over Dex.”

I glance up at her, my eyebrows drawing together.

“You told me, once, that every grounding and repetitive action that you did at Alluveterre was rooted in fear: training to fight a villain, a school for the banished, the _base_ itself was created to shelter you and others from prosecution and injury. Even your Elementalism was given to you so you could defeat a bad guy. Dex was the one thing to you that was happy and bright and _good_.

“When he disappeared, you hit your breaking point. You can say that he was only your ‘sorta boyfriend’ and that you _mostly_ knew he was alive, but that doesn’t make it less bad. You were trapped in a situation for _months_ where you were _constantly_ afraid and uncomfortable. When Dex disappeared, the one thing that was rooting your mind, that felt safe to you, was ripped away. So your body shut down.”

I open my mouth, and she raises her hand. “And about your friends – when someone around you is breaking down, _you_ feel like that you can’t. You feel that they take more priority, that what happened to them is _worse_ , even if it isn’t, and you don’t want to be a burden on the people taking care of them. Your friends may have made taking care of _you_ something that prevented them from having a similar experience, even though they were in the same situation.”

“Huh.”

*

I don’t know how Dex and I managed to maneuver ourselves into this position, but somehow it’s working. We’re sitting on the couch, next to each other, his back against my chest and head against my shoulder. Our legs are entangled, bent to hold up the book on my lap. Alana gave it to us; it’s a really old book about the elements, and somehow we are reading it at the same time.

“Oh my god,” Dex mutters. “The elementals are known to be especially attractive. That’s hilarious.”

I laugh. “Imagine that. Dex, I think you’re especially attractive. No, not because I’m in love with you, but because you’re an elemental and they are known to be _alluring_.”

Biana gasps. “YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM?” She points at Dex. “DOES HE KNOW THIS?”

I look down at the man practically sitting in my lap. “Hey, Dex. Bro. I’m in love with you.”

“Woah. Holy shit man. I’m in love with you too. We’re like. So in sync bro.”

“Amazing bro. So-”

Before I can finish, Linh bursts into the room. She makes everyone jump, except for Sophie, who _looked_ like she was reading but on second glance has fallen asleep on top of her school books. Overworking.

Linh flops on the end of the couch next to Dex and I’s feet. “I just called Eurus _Dad_ ,” she groans into her hands.

“That’s _sweet_ ,” Dex protests.

“It was bound to happen at some point,” Tam mutters, a laugh in his voice.

Linh glares at him. “Oh don’t be all high and mighty. At least I didn’t call _Alana_ Dad.”

Tam scoffs. “That is NOT what happened!”

“You used to do it when we were kids too!”

Tam shakes his head, but the smile on his face falls away. Linh doesn’t meet his eyes, her bright energy suddenly sapped. I sit up slightly, frowning at the two of them.

“What… happened with your old parents? Birth parents?” Dex asks, voice soft.

Tam sighs. “Our parents bought into the old beliefs that multiple births diluted the blood of their kids and made them less smart and powerful. They tried to get us to pretend that one of us was older. It worked, for a while, because Linh was smart enough to be a grade ahead. But then _I_ got moved up too, and we switched schools, and everyone thought we were the same age again. …Because we were.

“They took on another method: proving that we weren’t less smart or powerful. Extra tutoring and extra pressure and perfect grades. At first, it was useful and just felt like caring. But it eventually became stressful and painful.

“They got their wish – both of their kids were powerful; but both had elemental or sub-elemental abilities. Stereotyped to be out of control and raw and feral. This grew our rift, and caused them to neglect our abilities; waiting as long as possible to tell people and the school that we had manifested, and we were not allowed to use our abilities at all at home.

“That was fine for me, it just made me not very good at being a shade. But for full elemental abilities; and I guess fueled by Linh’s _other_ elemental connection, it just started to overwhelm her, kind of like it does to Dex.”

“We went to Atlantis one day,” Linh continues. “And I _snapped_. And so did part of the force field that surrounds the city.”

Biana gasps. “That was _you_?”

Linh nods. “The girl of many floods.”

“My point about flooding places with rain still stands.”

Linh smiles. “Well, after that my parents disowned us. It’s actually not official at all _and_ sort of illegal. They told people I was banished, but the council wouldn’t rule anything. They understood that I was an untrained hydrokinetic surrounded by miles upon miles of water and that there was really nothing I could do about it. Their suggestion was just: give her some training. But it was not illegal for them to send us to Exillium, so they did. We were kicked out of the house and forced to find somewhere to live. One of the instructors took pity on us and gave us a tent, and that’s just what we did.”

“Until you met us.”

Linh nods at Biana. “When we came back, Eurus and Alana offered to let us live with them. I guess they had a lot of sympathy for the twin thing. So we started living here. They told us later there was a clash with our parents when they tried to enroll us in Foxfire, as it had to be the _parents_. But Eurus is the beacon, and Bronte is on the council. They were able to convince Foxfire to let us in anyway.

“They were still listed as our legal guardians, and that’s why our exam results were going to get shipped to them. But… Eurus and Alana are trying to form a case to get them charged for disowning us and making us live in a tent for almost four years. While by the time it passes both Tam and I will be eighteen, so it’s kina irrelevant, it will make them no longer our guardians.”

Biana blinks. “Have you talked to them at all?”

Tam nods. “They tried to come and talk one day after we came back from Alluveterre. Asking us to move back in and stuff. We both got to yell at them some, which was fun. They told us that a lot of kids have not great parents and it isn’t fair for us to just leave and not give them another chance. But… forcing your kids to be homeless for four years and go to a school for criminals isn’t _‘not great’_. And refusing to train your daughter even though you know that it will cause her to be uncomfortable to the point of insanity isn’t _‘not great’_.” 

“And asking your children to pretend to be different ages isn’t _‘not great’_. And punishing your kids for not fulfilling a legacy that no one even cares about anymore and that _only_ hurts people and has be _continuously_ disproven isn’t _‘not great’_.” Linh shakes her head. “They haven’t shown up since.”

There’s a silence.

Biana sighs. “Well, I’m glad that you guys are safe now, at least.”

Linh nods once, standing to go sit by her brother.

As we return to reading, light steps come down the stairs, Eurus, and a key scratches into the lock. The door clicks open and Bronte enters, a key spinning in his fingers. Eurus greets him happily and kisses him once, wrapping an arm around his waist. Linh exclaims brightly and pops up to go see them. She yells his name and hugs him tightly, smushing Eurus’ arm against his side. Bronte laughs, patting her lightly on the back.

There’s a collective silence as all of us try to process what the fuck just went on in front of us. Bronte and Eurus finally notice that we’re here and turn to stare at us with similar expressions of collective shock.

Silence.

Bronte blinks once. “You’re dating?” 

I glance down at Dex laying on my chest, our legs intertwined.

“Why do you think I brought Fitz to Indonesia? I literally called him my partner?”

“What?”

Eurus seems to be enjoying the overall confusion and chaos, and brightly asks, “does anyone want to stay for dinner?”

“Sure!” I exclaim, patting my still-in-shock boyfriend on the shoulder. “Can Mom come?”

I kinda thought that Tam was exaggerating when he said that Bronte came over for dinner all the time, but he looks oddly at home. Dex, Sophie, Biana, and I end up watching from the couch as he finds everything first try and helps Eurus cook. 

Mom arrives quickly, greeting all of us and walking over to help. Apparently Eurus can cook really well, Alana and Linh are terrible, Mom is good, and Bronte and Tam are decent. Alana was shamed to go set the table while Linh sits next to us, enjoying our general confusion.

“I _know_ how often you guys have said that they’re your sorta parents, but it never registered until _this_ ,” Sophie murmurs, shaking her head.

Linh laughs. “Tam and I are in competition with you for number of parents – we’re bordering on five. If I can find another one lying around, we’ll be tied.”

“Well I still have my biological father lined up. Not to mention whatever is going on between Oralie and Kenric.”

“Shit.”

Bronte laughs at something Tam says, stirring a pan with fried vegetables in it.

“ _So_ weird,” Biana groans. 

*

I used to go on walks before bed, to get to walk around in nature and smell fresh air and remember when I was in Indonesia, think about Dewi and Wayan and Zahn. I’ve considered going to visit them again a couple times.

But somewhere between the fear of my own energy and exhaustion I’ve stopped. Mom is worried about me, I can tell. I’m sleeping twelve hours a night and am still tired in the morning, frequently rude and snappy.

At some point I just started talking less altogether.

When she asks me if something is wrong, I just deny it.

I can tell she doesn’t believe me.

*

“You fall in love so smoothly,” Linh comments.

We’re lounging on the grass outside my house, watching as everyone else plays a random game from the cities. I’ve been examining Dex, painfully picking apart his movements – how often he stops to catch his breath (too often), how long the grass of the field is where he’s ran (longer). It’s horrifying.

I tear my eyes away from him. “What do you mean?”

“You fell in love with a close friend at a fairly young age. Your relationship is strong and trustworthy – something that many grown elves would get married over. A first love from high school, your destinies intertwined. Like a fairytale.”

“He’s not the first person I’ve liked romantically.”

“But he’s your first _love_.”

I shrug a shoulder. “I’ve never really been one to fall in love easily. It took me a year of knowing Keefe to fully trust and care for them, just as long for everyone else. Romance wasn’t something that ever quite made sense to me – only once or twice. Dex was… an exception, I guess. It just… clicked.”

She chuckles. “Poetic. Don’t you think it’s lucky to fall in love for the last time this young?”

I sit up, eyes wide. “It’s not like we’re _engaged_.”

“But you would marry him if he asked you to.”

I slouch. “What about _you_ then? Do _you_ have any secret loves? Why are we picking apart _my_ love life?”

Linh sighs. “Fitz. I’m sorry I offended you – I was just making an observation. Keefe has dated quite a few people, off and on. They did _exactly_ what you did – fell in love with their best friend. TWICE! And yet it didn’t work out quite the way it did for you. I’m happy for you, for _both_ of you, and like everyone else, find it frustratingly cute. I didn’t mean to be offensive.”

I shake my head. “No, you’re right. It’s… unnerving. It feels like that from _all_ of the data, from what’s happened to everyone else, that I should expect us to have a big fight and break up. A little too good to be true.” I rub my face. “I don’t like to think about it.”

_But I guess that something bad is happening to us anyway, isn’t it? We don’t have enough time left to mess up._

She nods, turning her gaze back to the game. “You asked about my love life? It’s not particularly interesting. I spent so long at Exillium – there isn’t really a chance for love there. You don’t know anyone well enough. I could pick out a few people for you – there was one person, another hydrokinetic. It was right after we got there, and I was too scared to use my powers. They showed me something – reminded me that water is beautiful. I thought _they_ were beautiful.

“Another, talentless, who I would always see during lunch. We went for the same peach one day and they made a joke about it. When I saw them again the next day – they were the only talentless in our group – I picked up a peach and handed it to them. Every lunch, they would hand me a peach. That’s what I named them, in my head. Peach.

“Lovely little flings, pretty far-fetched.” She shrugs. “It was fun, while it lasted, but neither were very serious. I have a tendency to fall in love with anyone who shows any interest in me. All it takes is a conversation, or a dance, or a,” she smiles, “peach, and that’s enough.”

I smile. “Anything recently?”

“Is that your way of asking me if I’m in love with anyone here? I’m not going to take your man, Fitz.”

I laugh. “I just like hearing your stories.”

She flushes happily. “Thank you. And I guess… I’m a little in love with everyone, maybe. Just because this whole situation is more than I could have ever dreamed of. Some more than others – like I said, all it takes is a moment.”

“Would you be open to dating any of them? Or are you just content to stay like this?”

She bites her lip. “It’s a good question, but I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. It seems very daunting. If there’s anyone who I ever feel like I could _really_ consider it with – I know I like them, I know they like me, _they_ know they like me – I guess we could talk about it. But I guess I have a thousand other things on my mind.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “Not all of us have romance just fall into our lap like that.”

I laugh. “You can say that you’re scared of relationships all you want, but when it’s that slow, that perfect – falling from friendship to romance so seamlessly – it’s a little hard to stop.” My eyes follow the ball. “And by the way – if you need someone to remind you that water is beautiful, I’m happy to volunteer.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, I’ll probably need that at some point.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“Well, I’m not going to be the elemental of the sky forever.”

I turn to her. “You’re going to give up your powers?”

“It’s not like _all_ of us enjoy being elementals. Like look at Dex: he really leaned into it. He uses is powers all the time, and he’s really good at it. For offence, defense, general life – plants, plants, and more plants. Sophie? Her powers are less practical, yes, but whenever it’s helpful she uses them. She really enjoys being an elemental.

“But look at me, and look at you! Our powers are so select and not that strong… I’ve used the weather what, once? And it wasn’t even for a real reason! I’ve used the spiritual part of it a few times, but mostly accidentally.”

She sighs and shakes her head. “Don’t get me wrong – I’m happy to be an elemental, and I’m happy to help us fulfill the moon’s wish. I want to protect people, and to protect my family. But it would make no difference to me to do the same thing _without_ these. I would like my hair to be back to its normal color. The tattoo is pretty, but it limits what clothes I can wear. Sometimes…” Her knees draw into her chest. “Sometimes I think that these powers would’ve been better with someone else. Someone who really wanted them, who would really cherish and practice them. Not me, who forgets that they’re there most of the time.”

I stare at her, eyes wide. “Do you want to learn to love them?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure you could learn to love your powers – learn how to make them more practical for everyday life. Learn how to harness the spiritual side. Learn how to be open enough with your tattoo to wear whatever you want.”

“I don’t know. Sometimes it’s nice to just be frustrated with it and let it be. Not deal with it all.”

“I guess I get what you mean. I love my powers, I really do. I love the water and the ice and the snow and the switching between all of them. I would be pretty sad to have to go back to just telepathy, or go back to just water. But the blue hair is _so bright_. And sometimes it would be nice to use my powers without glowing, or without it reminding me of the fact that we have that promise to fulfill.”

“Not all fun and games when it’s lives at stake.”

I look back at Dex, slouching. I don’t reply.

*

“Did I miss anything?”

Tam shakes his head, moving over so I can sit next to him. Fitz, on the couch behind me, lightly taps my shoulder in a silent greeting. I smile up at him for a moment, but quickly return my gaze to the screen we’re gathered around.

The council’s point about not being able to completely change the system for _this weekend_ was fair, while annoying, but they decided to add _some_ transparency by keeping the public updated on the situation and posting who is or isn’t in the running currently. They have a live stream of them sitting in the meeting room, discussing. There isn’t any audio, but we’ve been glued to the visual for the last hour.

Alana left two days ago, on Friday, to run for the council seat. We’re down to three: dame fucking _Alina_ , a random man, and Alana. It’s been two hours of discussion. (We haven’t been watching the whole thing. Sophie and Biana have, but not all of us are politics nerds, and some of us had to go home to check up with parents and stuff.)

“Can’t we at _least_ get down to two?” Keefe murmurs. They’re mirroring Fitz sitting behind me, sitting behind Tam, their head sat on top of his and their arms thrown over his shoulders.

“I dunno,” Sophie answers, “they frequently go from three to one. Eurus said that in the last election they narrowed it from five to one with no warning. And they’ve been talking for a _long_ time.”

“Where is Eurus, by the way?” I question.

“He went to the council building to meet up with Bronte and Alana after it’s over.” 

I nod. We turn back to the eleven councilors. Oralie is talking now, her hands moving to punctuate her speech. Sophie has noticed too, and is leaning in slightly.

Keefe sighs. They find this boring, but they want to support Alana, and Biana and Sophie’s interest. Honestly, I find it boring too, but I have an easier time sitting still than them. “How much longer are we going to sit here-”

Biana shushes them loudly as Emery stands to walk towards the podium. He quickly crosses out the man with a light shake of his head. He glances up at the group and says something. One by one, each councilor nods.

“This is it,” Sophie whispers.

With another light motion of hand, we’re down to one picture.

Biana laughs, standing up and spinning around. Linh stands too, and twirls Biana.

“SHE WON!” Sophie yells, falling backwards onto the couch. “WE’RE GOING TO MAKE GAY MARRIAGE LEGAL!”

I laugh, leaning back to look at Fitz. He’s watching Biana and Linh spin around, smiling brightly. I turn back to the live stream as Bronte stands, opening the door to admit Alana. I can see a flash of Eurus at the door as well, but apparently he’s not allowed in. She laughs, seeming a bit nervous.

The screen cuts to white, a small notice scrawled on it. “The crowning of our new councilor, Alana Astraea, will be tomorrow at 11:00 in the plaza,” I read. Everyone turns to read the message for themselves.

“SHOULD WE WEAR SOMETHING RAINBOW?” Sophie asks, still hyped on the news.

Biana laughs, grabbing Sophie to help her calm down. “I think we have to wear something _fancy_ , actually.”

Sophie deflates. “ _Fancy_?” She groans loudly. “I HATE dresses.”

I frown. “Then why don’t you wear a suit?”

Sophie looks at me, eyes wide, then at Biana, then the two of them sprint out of the room.

I look up at Fitz. “How did they not consider that?”

He shrugs. “They are both very intelligent and very dumb. It’s part of the charm.”

I sit next to him, kicking my legs over his lap.

“I think we’re going to make a new era in the elven world,” he whispers.

I take his hand. “I think so too.”

I try to smile, but a shudder passes through my body and my head throbs once. _But will I be there to see it?_

*

Sophie did, in fact, find a suit. She’s very proud of it – it’s all black, but the fabric shimmers red and orange in the light. Biana suggested red pumps to go with it, but Sophie still can’t walk in those, so they stuck with flats that have a tiny heel. The rest of us just put on our normal fancy clothes – while Alana is our family, both by blood and love, Eurus is the only one who is going to be representing that, so we don’t get to do anything special. It was especially disappointing for Tam and Linh, but they’re not official yet.

It’s _packed_ – there are a lot of elves that are excited about another woman getting elected – and a woman of color, nonetheless. Eurus, at least, got us a place to stand in the front.

“I don’t know how much longer I can stand out here,” Dex mutters, leaning his head back with a long groan. He rubs his temples, wincing. I frown.

“DEX!” Keefe yells, loud enough to turn heads. “CAN I BRAID YOUR HAIR?”

Dex looks much too tired to care, and nods once, rubbing his face.

“I see you’re having fun.” The voice is soft, and vaguely familiar.

Even though Oralie is one of the most known councilors in the elven world, no one even bats an eye at her with her hair piled into a messy bun on her head and dressed in casual clothes. She waves lightly at me, and laughs as Sophie pulls her into a hug.

They must’ve bonded.

“You look nice!” She exclaims, twirling Sophie.

Sophie blushes, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It was Dex’s idea, actually. I had never considered wearing a suit before. Which was dumb, because of _course_ I should when I hate dresses so much.” She fake shudders. “Too much fabric.”

The man in question is pouting as Keefe executes a perfect French braid on his hair. It looks nice, at least. 

All of the lights on the stage shut off at once, and Oralie disappears with a quiet, ‘that’s my cue!’. Emery strolls out, dressed in his full attire – crown and suit and cape and everything. It’s a lot of blue, but I guess _I_ can’t talk.

Dex is growing tiny flowers so Keefe can put them in his hair. The same flowers are growing around his feet too, (and the previously completely worn bare dirt has now grown grass for yards in every direction) but he hasn’t noticed, fully focused on his hands, caressing the tiny white petals.

“Welcome, elven world, to the crowning of our newest councilor!”

Cheer.

“Our loss of Noland was quite sudden, but we understand his need to resign – sometimes, we understand that we can no longer serve you to our highest power, so we must step down. We always, as a council, appreciate new perspectives.”

“And yet this is your first election in fifteen years,” Biana mutters under her breath. I laugh.

“Alana Astraea is a fine young woman – she worked with us for many years, learning the ins and outs of the elven culture and the beliefs we uphold in our world. After a few year hiatus to get more hands-on experience, she returned to try her spot for councilor. As a council, we decided that she was the best candidate.”

He steps to the side, throwing out his arm towards the center. Showman. “Welcome, councilor Alana.”

Sophie and Biana let out _really_ loud whoops, loud enough to make Emery turn and glare at them. They seem completely unfazed, jumping up and down. Keefe puts Sophie on their shoulders.

Alana is dressed in white, oddly. I guess it’s not crazy, but diamond is an odd choice for a circlet – the councilors are pretty much color coded, and while white works, it’s not as memorable as Emery’s sapphire, for example. (A lot of elves can’t remember the names. Honestly, I barely can – I don’t know how Biana manages it.)

She sweeps to the front, waves at the crowd, and turns to Emery.

“Do you, Alana Astraea, vow to uphold the honorary traditions of the elven world to serve and protect the people?”

“I vow to protect the people of the elven world.”

“Do you, Alana Astraea, vow to respect each and every elf, with their differences in ideas and perspectives, no matter how insane or unconventional?”

“I vow to respect each and every elf.”

“Do you, Alana Astraea, vow to support every single intelligent species, even if you do not agree with their choices?”

“I vow to support each and every living thing.”

Emery smiles, producing a circlet. “Then I, Emery of Sapphire, grant this circlet to you: Councilor Alana of Pearl.”

“She did _not_.” 

But there she stands, proud, center stage, wearing a circlet embedded with pearls. She waves.

The night-of firework show is a lot more fun to watch from here. It was Linh’s idea, actually. Apparently Alana and Eurus watched them here when they were still deep in their Black Swan work and couldn’t really be around general public. It’s nice to think about, our group of friends sitting on the same clifftop that Eurus and Alana were so long ago, watching the two of them stand on the stage – now a councilor and a leader.

We’re all in a pile: Tam and I leaning on Keefe, Linh leaning on Tam, Biana in Linh’s lap and Sophie on her shoulder, Dex on mine. It’s nice. It’s been a long time since we were all together like this.

I watch Alana talk with Emery – recognizable just by the blur of white and deep blue.

“I love you all,” Keefe says suddenly, wrapping their arm around my shoulder.

“We all do,” Sophie echoes.

It’s quiet. The stars are bright.

*

“There’s no chance you took universe when you were in year eight, is there?”

Fitz shakes his head with a small smile. “There’s not chance that you’ve taken silver alchemy, is there?”

“I could _try_.”

He laughs.

I return to my homework, frowning down at all of the star types and features we have to memorize. I add a few notes, but my head starts throbbing again before I can get enough done. I sigh, untangling my legs from Fitz’s so I can get some water.

He watches me go with a frown. “Are you okay?”

“Headache. It’s fine. I’ve had worse.”

His concerned expression hasn’t let up by the time I return with a glass, so I turn to raise my eyebrows at him.

(I’ve been snappier, haven’t I? I’m sorry – I’m in pain so often that everything is exhausting. I wish I had more energy to be more forgiving, but I don’t think I have any left.)

“How often have you been getting headaches?”

I don’t answer, taking another sip of water and returning to my homework and earlier position. The throbbing is making it hard to concentrate, I can barely read the words, let alone reason and write out answers.

“ _Dex,_ ” Fitz says, setting down his pen. “How often has this been happening?”

“ _Fitz!_ ”

The plant behind Fitz grows two feet in the blink of an eye, arcing over him and shading his homework. He glances up at it, his eyes wide. I won’t meet his eyes.

“Why haven’t you been telling me?”

“I just want to… enjoy this.”

“We can’t just _forget_ about what’s happening to you! You didn’t tell me it was moving this _fast_. We have to do something – research, meditate… _try_.”

“ _EURUS SAID I WAS GOING TO DIE!_ ”

My head pulses again, worse than before. I turn, dropping my homework on the floor and putting my head in my hands. 

“You think I’ve _forgotten_? This haunts me _every day_. Every time my mother laughs, every time I hug my siblings, every time my father says he loves me, every time I see _you_. Is this the last time? How many of these do I have left? Because it’s not many. I haven’t _forgotten_ , it’s _all I think about_.”

“Dex-”

My voice breaks. “I can _feel_ myself falling apart. I can feel the power leaking out the sides, like water sloshing over the side of a boat. I can feel the cracking. Every day, I ache a little bit more. It’s harder to walk than it used to be. I’ve been doing the same things for the past two months but I can’t run anymore, my feet scream every time they slam the Earth. I haven’t been eating in the greenhouse, and when we go to class outside I can’t sit in the grass. I’ve been sleeping too much and my head always hurts and I- 

“I haven’t _forgotten_.

“I used to love the Earth. And now it’s become something I can’t even touch. I’m scared of being frightened and growing something, of getting upset and growing something. I’m scared of the day that I’ll walk out onto a patch of dirt and the energy will just start flowing and won’t stop, and everything will start growing and growing until there’s no end, destroying everything around and destroying _me_. Choking the other plants, choking the air out of my body until I’m slowly decomposing and becoming dirt and finally, _finally_ being _one_ with the Earth.”

“I-”

I shake my head, grabbing Fitz’s arm and pulling him to his feet. He lets me take him, too shocked and frightened to resist. It’s not a far walk to my bedroom, but when we arrive I linger outside for a moment. My parents and siblings aren’t around to see this, at least.

I open the door and quickly pull us inside, shutting it behind us.

Fitz’s intake of breath is quick and vicious. “What the _FUCK_?”

“The first nightmare I had after we went to Indonesia – it was just one. Some pollen from a flower outside got into the room and grew something on my shelf and it took me a day or so to notice and it was _fine_. I threw it into the bed outside and didn’t mention it because it was a nightmare and it was _one_ but it just started to…”

I look up at the room. There’s almost no light getting in anymore, both windows covered by a thick layer of moss and ivy. The only thing that isn’t green anymore is the center of the bedspread, a perfect oval around where I sleep. The floor is covered with moss and ferns, saplings and vining plants up the walls, flowers hanging from the shelves. It’s thick and dense – you can’t see the walls anymore, the desk, the floor. It would look the same as the center of a rainforest.

“The plants started decomposing and making dirt and more stuff started getting in and…”

Fitz turns to me, his eyes _so_ wide. _So_ pained. His hands are shaking as he puts them on my arms and takes a slow and deep breath. 

“I love you. I want to be happy with you. But you have to _tell me_. So we have _time_.”

I shake my head, tears coming to my eyes. Where they hit the floor, the vines grow, wrapping around my shoes, growing tiny white buds. “Oh, Snowfall.

“We’re out of time.”

*

I am glaring at my homework. That’s all I’m doing right now. It made sense right up until this question, when it randomly brought up a topic I don’t remember _ever_ discussing in class. I consider texting Elliott, he’s good at this, but eventually just set down my pen and groan into my hands.

_We’re out of time._

Biana walks in and gives me a sympathetic look. She’s wearing a winter coat.

I look up. “Where are you going?”

“Eurus was able to trace the Yeti blood license. We’re heading out to one of the Black Swan bases to go interrogate them.” She crouches down to put on one of her shoes, accidentally vanishing from sight. “He asked me to ask you if you wanted to come. You looked pretty invested in homework, so I thought not. But if you’re up for it.”

“I’m too tired to continue. I’ll come.”

Eurus asks us to meet him at his house, where we’re going to light leap to the base, _then_ take a car to the interrogation place. It’s in the middle of the tundra, hence the winter coat that Biana is wearing.

It’s both more and less awkward to be sitting in a car with just Eurus and Biana. He’s driving. I didn’t know he could drive. I don’t know why I didn’t think he could drive.

It’s odd, heading to an interrogation with Eurus when just a year ago we’d barely even met him in his _Forkle_ form. Now we’ve had dinner with him and his boyfriend. I shake my head with a light chuckle, but the thought makes me pause.

“Eurus, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“When we first met you, as Forkle, you wouldn’t tell us anything. Plans, who people were, personal information, and least of _all_ Sophie’s parent’s identities. I get that some of it was just the ball started rolling and didn’t stop, but why did it change so quickly?”

Eurus sighs. “When Fintan killed those people, it broke me. In many ways – a trusted friend had not only betrayed me, but become a murderer. I was forced to hide and disappear – from the world, my friends, from the person I loved. Some people, when something that painful happens to them, they break down. Shut off.” He nods at me once. “But instead of fight or flight or forget, I chose _prevent_.

“I became obsessed – with making perfect plans and keeping everyone safe and alive and making sure that _no one_ could take over or betray my trust _ever again_. The secrecy and the notes; at any given moment I held _all_ the cards. No one could ever take them from me. Alana… was going through something similar. But she chose to forget – burying herself in work and trade deals and making herself trustworthy. She barely noticed my choices.

“But then… the elementals. I _knew_ they were coming, but I never guessed they would be right in front of my eyes. And then I was revealed – my perfectly constructed plan of years and years just shattered in front of my eyes. I had already started to come out of my obsessive state, but as you said, the ‘ball was already rolling’. That event just shattered all of it. And I think… I saw you for the first time.

“How strong you all were. How old you all were. How powerful you all were. Sophie – our Moonlark. And my sister’s kids.” He smiles at the two of us. “And that allowed me to trust you more, and be more open. And the more I trusted you the more I realized how diverse and capable you all were. So I decided to have you guys become a direct part of our organization. The collective and Alana and I manage politics and personnel, and you manage long term goals and brainstorming.”

He smiles. “I’m proud of you all.”

We fall back into silence, watching miles and miles of snow pass outside. There are barely any features – there was a forest a little while back, but now there are just periodic mounds of land and dips in the ground.

We stop at a place that is identical to literally _everywhere_ else, but Eurus claims that we’ve arrived. We jump out of the car – and into snow that comes up to our knees. Biana’s thighs. I burst out laughing, flicking snow at my sister as Eurus digs around and reveals a hidden latch, buried under all the white powder.

“How did you even get them here legally?” Biana questions as we descend.

Eurus doesn’t answer.

The base itself is small – just two rooms connected by the stereotypical interrogation mirror and a thick wooden door. There’s a woman waiting for us, her auburn hair shocking against the white walls and the snow covering us.

“Fitz!” She exclaims, grinning at me. “How are you?”

“Hey, Ms. Juline. I’m good.”

“Elite levels treating you well? I remember how stressed Jolie got when she went through them.”

I shrug. “It’s okay right now. The work is definitely getting harder.”

She nods once, turning towards Eurus. “They’re ready when you are.”

“Wait here, I’ll need a…” he glances at Biana and I. “Well I guess I don’t necessarily need a fourth set of eyes, but I trust your judgement.”

Juline laughs. “Sure.”

Eurus starts to open the door, and Biana lets out a noise of protest. “Shouldn’t we have disguises or something?”

He shakes his head. “They’re blindfolded.”

They barely move when we enter, just tilt their head slightly towards the sound of our footsteps.

“Janna Marque, we have some questions for you about your Yeti blood license.”

Janna laughs. It makes me shiver. “You can try all you want, Forkle, but you’re too late. There’s nothing you can do to me that will stop this.”

“Are they a tattoo artist?” Biana asks Eurus quietly.

“I see you brought a friend,” Janna croons. “Don’t you think it would be suspicious for an artist to have a Yeti blood license?”

“They’re a biologist.”

“ _Geneticist._ ”

Eurus scoffs. “You _really_ think we can’t stop you? You don’t _know_ what I can do.”

“The weapon has already been made and distributed. We’re ready to strike. There’s nothing stopping us anymore – and you don’t even know _where_ it is.”

“Weapon?” Biana questions, her voice soft and scared.

They’re both pretty good at acting. I don’t think I could fake it as well as they can. Taking the overconfident leader and easily traumatized bystander plays perfectly into whatever power fantasy is running through Janna’s head.

“You’re all too focused on our raids and attacks to notice how far our spread has reached, and our real goals. We’re going to kill _all_ the humans. And there is _nothing_ you can do to stop us.”

“How could you kill them _all_?” Biana’s tone still has that scared lilt to it. Janna is feeding off of her fear, blind to the smug grin on her face.

“Elves and humans are genetically different. All it took was some test subjects and some time, and it was easy to figure out how to take advantage of the human’s immune system. There’s a reason that biological weapons are the future.”

“It’s a disease,” Eurus whispers.

Janna laughs. “You think the humans are prepared to fight a disease as infectious and lethal as what we’ve created? You think you can track down every morsel of it? There’s nothing stopping us now. We’re ready to release it all. You think that you’ve got me _just in time_ , but they finished distributions yesterday.”

The three of us look at each other.

“We have to go. _Now_.”

*

We’ve been split up into groups. With the council’s help, we were able to investigate about a quarter of the bases, sending multiple teams to each area to make searching faster. Well, actually, there were enough to investigate all of them, but they thought it was best to draw as little suspicion as possible. Our group has been split – I’m with Dex, Linh, and Eurus; Sophie, Keefe, and Oralie are together; and Tam and Biana with Alana.

Our group was sent to Tokyo, as Linh speaks Japanese. Tam and co. went to Yokohama, and Sophie back to San Diego, where she grew up. 

“How are we even going to find the base itself?” I ask Eurus.

“We have about a mile radius, and then I’m hoping that someone is going to call in and give us some direction. Something to track, or something to look out for. In the mean time we can investigate anything that looks abandoned, suspicious, or has the eye.”

Linh nods. 

Dex, however, is rubbing both of his temples, eyes screwed shut. I reach out towards him. “Dex?”

He directs a quick smile at me. “Headache. I’m fine.”

I rest a hand on his shoulder, and feel that he’s warmer than normal. “Babe… maybe you should’ve stayed home. You feel like you have a fever. This may take a while.”

“Snowfall. I want to stay here with you. Please.”

I want to relent, but something about his expression makes me stop. I take his hand, interlacing our fingers, and follow Eurus and Linh down the street. We spend an hour ducking into corners and looking down alleyways until _finally_ -

“There’s something behind here,” Dex says, placing his hand to the wall of one of the alleyways. Linh does the same and nods. “I can feel some grass.”

“And air – it’s definitely outside,” Linh confirms.

Eurus nods, pulling out an obscurer.

“Come. I can lift us over.”

Dex’s eyes start to glow as he grows us a platform of vines. One by one, we climb onto the wiry platform, crouching down for support. The platform slowly grows up and over the wall, eventually settling low enough for us to jump off. Dex and Linh were right – in between all of these buildings is a tight clearing. It’s not very big – about ten-foot-long and wide, sloping up to a small pedestal in the center.

There’s an eye engraved into it.

“Dex?” Linh’s voice is laced with concern, and I whip around to see him collapsed onto his knees, arm wrapped around his burned side. When he looks up, his eyes are still glowing, brighter than I’ve ever seen them before. He looks straight past me as he stands, eyes fixed on the pedestal.

“I can do this,” he whispers, eerily still.

“What are you doing?” Eurus asks, approaching him. “Dexter-”

Dex looks up. His eyes are still glowing, getting brighter. _Too_ bright. “It’s plant based. The disease. Its plant based.”

“What?”

“I can use the energy. I can destroy it.”

My mind is reeling but somehow it manages to fixate on what he means. Everything goes blank. “No.”

Dex turns to me. He doesn’t look like himself.

“We can fix this a different way. We have _time_ , we can find a cure or-” There are tears running down my cheeks. “Don’t do this. Don’t go. It’ll _destroy_ you.”

He shakes his head. “It’s too late.”

“ _NO_.”

“I’m out of _time_. I have all of this energy. Let me at _least_ save them in the process. Let me do something good with the end of all this pain.”

I shake my head, but Dex has already turned away, walking towards the pedestal. As he approaches it, his vine platform reclaims the walls, the grass stretching up towards the sky. Roots burst out of the ground, wrapping the pedestal in a perfect spiral. Flowers bloom on the grass and petals are picked up by the wind and the ivy is getting tighter and thicker and-

He turns to me, thin lines of green starting to web down his cheeks. He smiles.

“I love you.”

*

I haven’t made a lot of decisions in my life. Many things were thrust upon me, destined, unwanted. I didn’t choose to have talentless parents and triplet siblings. I didn’t choose to go to Foxfire, I didn’t choose to be kidnapped. I didn’t choose much of my life.

But I chose to be the elemental of the Earth. I took my oath. And I am _choosing_ to see this through. Even if it kills me. 

I am glad, at least, to die doing something good. 

Because what is the sun, without anything to shine on? What is water, without a place to rest? What is weather, without ground to rain on? We’ll here’s what I tell you: what is the world, without humans? What is the world without electricity and chocolate cake and jokes? What is the world without light and life and creation? Humans are destructive and erratic and _broken_. But elves are arrogant and self-absorbed and stuck in the past. For some reason, we need each other.

What is the world without the Earth?

Alive. Balanced.

I know that you said that you believed in me. I know that you told me all of this and told me that you believed in me. And this is just throwing it all away. I’m throwing my life away, throwing my powers away. But I am choosing humans. I am choosing a future for Fitz, choosing a future for you and your son and granddaughter, choosing a future in a balanced, safe world.

Do you still believe in me? Because I think I do.

_Thank you._

*

The top of the altar _explodes_ and someone calls out but he thrusts his hands forwards, palms out flat in front of him. The world stops.

Plants no longer shift in the breeze. The air falls still. It’s like the world has stopped spinning completely. I can’t breathe. His eyes narrow and he slowly starts to move his hands, cupping the air. I don’t understand what he’s doing until the air around him starts to glow a sickly shade of grey, revealing the disease. He takes in a deep breath, eyes falling closed, hands drifting apart. Soft. Slow.

His eyes snap open, so bright I can’t see his irises. The tattoos around his legs shoot up his body, around his arms and hands and neck, encircling his skin, inking it all. He claps his hands together, fast and violent, a boom echoing out.

The world goes white.

*

Somewhere, across the world, Sophie Ruewen of the Sun’s hair turns to Everblaze. She turns northwest, lifts her head to the sky, and _screams_ , her eyes bursting with fire.

Linh Song of the Sky _yells_. The sky explodes in response, clouds appearing in seconds, rain soaking the earth, her eyes pure white with rage.

Every raindrop turns to ice, ripping the sky to shreds. With eyes painfully blue, Fitz Vacker of the Pearl sinks silently to the floor. The shards don’t touch him.

Tiny petals of gold drift to the floor where Dexter Dizznee of the Earth once stood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have thought when you read this, “Why is there a major character death tag on this Ditz fic? Is is Fintan?”
> 
> No. It is not Fintan.


	7. Flowering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... hi. This took a frustratingly long time to finish editing so I am sorry for the wait after _that_ cliffhanger.
> 
> However, as a warning: trauma is discussed in depth in this chapter, and there are brief discussions of suicide (no one considers committing suicide, it's just mentioned). It could be upsetting for some readers.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay, desperately, but we had to leave. The humans were suspicious from the beginning and as more elves started to arrive, breaking down the alley wall, ripping through the vines, it just got worse and no matter how much kicking and screaming and fighting, we had to leave.

So Linh and I are sitting in Eurus and Alana’s living room, and I am staring at the floor and pretending that my boyfriend isn’t dead. No, I’m not thinking about that. Thinking about what? Nothing. Nothing at all. Everything is fine.

( _Oh, Snowfall. We’re out of time._ )

With the weapon gone, the council is sending out teams to the bases to trap and bring back members. Everyone who was already on a team just transferred to trying to take over the base they were already at, and Linh and I came home. None of them know yet. I asked that they wait.

I guess that I should be the one to break the news.

Linh tries to hand me a cup of tea, but I slowly shade my head, my gaze still fixed on the ground. She just sighs, sinking into the couch and slowly rubbing my back, circles and circles and circles and circles.

_Why does this keep happening to us?_

I’m glad that Linh is the one here, I think she’s the only one ( _EITHER THAN DEX-_ ) that won’t force me to talk or cry or make sense. She just rubs my back, in circles and circles and circles and circles. I close my eyes, put my head in my hands, and lean into her touch. I let my brain fade, let my mind leave my body in just sensation.

“Fitz, I need you to eat and drink, just a bit. It will make you feel a bit better. It will help, I promise. Just a bit. Just five minutes of action, then we can go back.”

I find myself latching onto some of her words: ‘go back’, ‘feel better’. I want to say: ‘we can’t go back from this, not without Dex’ and ‘I don’t think I’ll ever feel better’. But Linh is sure and quiet and doesn’t ask anything else, and these people have done me well. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. I know what she means. No need for anger. I’m glad that Dex taught me some of that.

( _When he was still alive._ )

I drink a cup of water, then eat the stew that Linh hands me – it’s Starkflower stew, that Calla made when we were back at Alluveterre. I remember, hazily, Linh telling us that Calla taught her and Tam how to make it. Or maybe Eurus knows how to make it? I don’t remember. But it tastes warm and reminds me of home, which is what I need. No expectations. Safety. Comfort. Linh starts rubbing my back again.

Circles. I reach over and rub her shoulder too. She smiles softly.

After a second bowl of stew and another cup of water (Linh eats too), I _am_ feeling better. Or I’ve successfully completely suppressed the situation and am not going to be thinking about it until later.

There’s a light knock on the door, and Linh stands to get it, giving me a small smile. I hear the latch click open, a pause, and her steps returning.

“Dad’s here, with the whole council, minus Alana. I’m sorry.”

I blink. “Dad?”

Linh curses under her breath. “ _Eurus_. God, this is going to start to get embarrassing.”

Eleven councilors, a reluctant father figure, and two elementals don’t quite fit in a single small living room, but the councilors’ obvious discomfort shoves them into a tight blob on one side of the room. Eurus comes to sit with Linh and I, rubbing her back as she rubs mine. I guess that’s where she learned it from. Or Eurus learned it from her and Tam. It doesn’t matter. They’re a family either way.

“I got a call from Alana, her and Tam and Biana are fine. Oralie says that when she left Sophie and Keefe with the other adult, everything was going well,” Eurus whispers to Linh, who sighs in relief, burying her face in his shoulder for a moment.

The councilors, still uncomfortable, watch this scene without saying anything. I, cranky and exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed and suppressed, ask: “ _Yes_?”

Emery clears his throat. “Some of the other elves have noticed that the council is doing some sort of big operation, and it’s worrying them. We thought it was a good time to reveal to them that we’ve defeated… well, _mostly_ defeated the Neverseen. The elementals should be there. Because _you_ did it, and for support.” He glances around, nervous. “…Where _are_ the other elementals?”

“Well, _sir_ , Sophie is on one of your teams in San Diego, helping clear out the Neverseen bases. And Dex is dead.”

They all go silent, but Bronte nods. “It finally happened.”

“He was falling apart at the end – couldn’t really walk, constant headaches, a fever. He decided that he would use the last of his time to save everyone. It was a plant-based pathogen, so he was able to sense and destroy it. He knew what he was doing, he knew what was happening. Nothing’s left.”

“I’m sorry.” Bronte’s expression is more contemplative then sad, but his apology is sincere.

“Yeah. Me too.” 

Their awkwardness and my exhaustion is staring to get unbearable, so I stand, brushing off my shorts. “I’m going to bed.”

“But what about our statement?”

Something in me snaps slightly, and I turn around to stare Emery in the eyes. We’re the same height, and I know that the elementals are scary – we radiate power that unnerves people, even if they don’t know why. ( _DEX WAS ALWAYS THE MOST-_ ) I can tell my eyes are glowing from the blue light on his skin, and I can feel all the water around me at once, waking up to fight with me.

“ _Fuck_ your statement,” I hiss. “FUCK ALL OF THAT. BECAUSE MY _FAVORITE_ PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD JUST SACRIFICED THEMSELVES TO SAVE ALL OF THE HUMANS. _All_ of the humans. So guess what? I’m going to go _mourn him_. ISN’T YOUR FUCKING JOB TO LEAD? GO CALM THEM YOURSELVES.”

I push past Emery, digging my home crystal out of my pocket. I step out the door, hold it up to the light, and glitter away. 

_Why does this keep happening to us?_

*

Being home after living in the towers is always comforting, I guess. Something about being somewhere so familiar, completely removed from all of the stress and exhaustion ingrained into all of the students and the towers themselves. I’m glad that the echoing hallways and crystal walls no longer remind me of Alden, but instead of Mom and Biana and my family.

Mom doesn’t understand why I’m upset when I get home, and I don’t answer any of her questions or looks, just retreat into my room and close the door. It’s empty and cold here, most of my possessions in my dorm. Good – I don’t want to see _anything_ that reminds me of Dex ( _DEX, DEX IS DEX IS D-_ ) here.

Except for one thing that I keep in storage. I didn’t need it, after a while.

But I think I need it now.

It’s easy to find – right on top. The green cover isn’t even dusty. I sink down onto my bed, running my fingers over the embossed leather. The sound of the latch clicking open is familiar, and I take a deep breath before looking down at the words printed on the page.

_Dear Dex…_

_Dear Dex…_

_Dear Dex…_

_Dear Dex, oh my god, I wish you were here today. The funniest thing happened…_

_Dear Dex…_

_Dear Dex, the situation is getting dire. I really need someone to cuddle with. I know that’s supposed to be a serious and sad thing, and I’ve complained about it a lot, but I mentioned it to Sophie and she tried to hug me to help and did it wrong it was laughably bad. Your hugs are…_

_Dear Dex…_

_Dear Dex, my dad has noticed my hair is now blue…_

_Dear Dex…_

By the end of it all, I can barely read because I’m crying so hard, words blurring together. I clutch my chest, trying to stop it from caving in. The book slides off the bed as I curl up into a tighter ball. Everything about this is painful and ugly and gross but there’s a weight crushing me down that makes me stop caring about everything, snuffing the world out so it’s all I can feel.

I think Mom comes in at some point, but I can’t remember anything, desperately trying to stop myself from ripping apart, _just like he did._

*

I’m the one to break the news to Kelser and Juline. I asked Eurus if I could. I thought it was only fair.

I don’t know how to say it. _Your oldest son, cranky and aching, was falling apart. And after being presumed dead twice, it actually happened. He’s gone. Gone into a shower of golden flakes, gone into some sort of void of energy._

_His last words were ‘I love you’._

_They were for all of us._

In the end, I don’t have to say much at all. Somewhere between the expression on my face and a couple words, they understand exactly what happened.

When Juline screams, it starts to snow.

*

Something about this woman resonates with me, like a knew her in a past life. She looks… amused? We’re in a field of grass – the ones that you see in movies, where there are little flowers growing on them and they’re swaying in the breeze. Tiny white flowers grow on each frond, and contrary to what you would expect, they don’t itch at all. It extends forever. You can’t see anything else.

The sky is so big.

I look back at her, and she smiles, raising an eyebrow at me. I think she enjoys the surprise and delight on my face, and when I spin around, brushing as many of the flowers I can at once, she laughs.

I return to her, tilting my head slightly. “I thought the Earth wasn’t sentient?”

“It’s not.”

“Then who are you?”

“Many elves hear the legend of the Earth and the sun and the moon and expect they will be able to meet them. Talk to the Earth that fought against its daughter, the moon that protected its loved ones, the brash and stubborn sun. But no, they’re just beings of pure energy. They don’t bend to time, and they don’t bend to us.”

I watch her, and she pulls her mass of curly blonde hair over her shoulder, leaning back to look up at the sky. (The sky is so big.) She has tan skin and thousands of freckles and brown eyes. Everything about her is warm and sunny and bright. 

“There were others – the ones before you. You’re looking to the Earth for someone to confide in, to give you all of the answers to all of your questions. But here we are, your past, waiting for you.”

When she smiles at me, each past Earth elemental appears in an arc behind her in a little mirage of gold. They all pause what they were doing – talking, writing, dreaming – to look at me. Their unanimously glowing eyes, matching hers, make me shudder. I try to pick out Bronte, but they’re all so different and so identical.

The woman is still just watching me, her gaze so strong it’s unsettling. I look away. “What’s your name?”

She smiles. “Leanna. Leanna Fairchild.”

“Well, hello Leanna.”

“Hello.”

I look up. The sky is so big.

“It’s lovely here.”

She doesn’t respond, so I reach down to finger one of the stalks of grass. When it doesn’t shift with my touch, I look down, surprised. I guess, after everything, I got so used to the overflow that I forgot what it was like to actually have control.

For some reason, I want to laugh.

I look back up at Leanna, and the mirages behind her. “But why are _you_ here? Were you powerful? Did you not complete your promise?”

“I’m a guide. As for power,” she smiles at me, and the entire field of grass around us disappears, dead and decomposed before I could even blink.

“You can kill plants?”

Her eyebrows crease together. “You can’t?”

“No,” I whisper. “I just give and give and give. I can’t take it away.”

“But then where do you get your energy from? The world is a balance of gives and takes. The Earth is constantly giving, growing and growing. So I can take to balance it. You can’t just give energy; it has to come from somewhere.”

I crouch down, pressing my palms to the Earth under us. It thrums under my fingers. “It comes from the Earth itself. When you kill and decompose plants their energy returns to the Earth and comes back up when plants grow. The Earth always has energy. It’s always living beneath us. I just… redirect it.” The field explodes around me, thousands and thousands of grass shoots reappearing and growing around us, blooming with delicate white flowers.

“No wonder you got overwhelmed,” Leanna murmurs, “you were directly connected to the primal source.”

I look up at her. “Weren’t you?”

“A bit, but not like… _this_ ,” she gestures to the newly-grown field around us. “Any good Earth elemental is, but I would just take from other plants and put it in other places. I couldn’t…” She shakes her head. “How long were you falling apart for?”

“It became prominent only recently, it started to go down fast. I would grow plants when I got angry or excited or sad, without meaning to. But I think that it started before that. I would touch plants and they would take my energy, but maybe that wasn’t what I thought it was. Maybe I was falling apart the whole time.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been terrible.”

I must have needed that, because my voice breaks and my chest swells. I swallow. “So can I… can I leave?”

“Oh. I don’t know.”

I go to shove my hands in my pockets, and realize that I’m dressed in the same thing as Leanna, a pair of beige shorts and a matching flowy shirt. My home crystal is gone, and- the vines on my legs aren’t just on my legs anymore – they’re all up my chest and arms, wrapping down my fingers. They’ve interlaced with the anemones on my torso, circled around the buds on my forearms. My whole body is a forest. The earth is choking me. It’s touching me everywhere. I can’t escape it.

Leanna is watching me, confused. “You have a lot of tattoos.”

I stare at my hands, only the tip of each finger not inked in swirling green. Their slight movements make my head spin. I close my eyes and clench my fists. “I have a lot of power. 

“Did… you ever notice that? Our tattoos translate to our power.”

Leanna tilts her head. “I guess that makes sense. I had two tattoos – on my upper arms. One was plant themed, the other stone themed. They capped over my shoulders and came down just above my elbows. Large, more than one, semi detailed… yeah, that tracks.”

I nod. “One of my friends just has one big one, because she can only use her power in a big burst. Another’s are very abstract, because her power isn’t very precise. It is the _sun_ after all.”

She nods. “A word of advice. Don’t let being an elemental rip you all apart. Your friends. It happens sometimes – elementals force you together so tight that when you fix the rift you’re desperate to get away from each other, and you lose touch. Don’t let that happen. Cherish them.”

“I will. I promise.”

She watches me stand there, surrounded by my own plants, lost. “You need to get back to them.”

“I don’t have my crystals to transport, they-” I stop, eyes widening. “Well, I do have one thing.” Leanna tilts her head. “Do you want to go to Indonesia?”

We appear in… a field of grass. The same field of grass.

Leanna frowns. “I guess the field really is endless. Or we just didn’t go anywhere.”

“No,” I say, reaching down to pick up a stone. It’s a perfect sphere, with all the continents carved into it. It’s warm, and pulses ever so slightly. I hold it up, and I can imagine it, resting in the carved arch. “No, we’re in Indonesia.” I turn to Leanna. “We’re on Earth.”

She stops herself from laughing, but it reads through on her face. “I think I got that part.”

“No, we’re on the Earth. _The Earth itself_. You said that there was no personification of the Earth, but it _is_ a _place_. This is our being of pure energy.” I throw my arms out, gesturing to everything around us. “We’re here. This is the primal source.”

Leanna’s eyes widen, and she reaches down to touch one of the stalks, surprised. “I guess that makes sense.” She glances back up at me, a grin tugging on her face. “Kinda pissed that I didn’t figure that out in all the time I’ve been here.”

I laugh, throwing my head up. The sky is so-

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“You said that elves were fools to think that beings of pure energy could be sentient, but _the moon is sentient_. It came and talked to us. It _created_ us.”

“And? The moon can talk to the Earth and get you home?”

I grin at her. “HEY MOON!”

“Wh- _what they fuck are you doing?_ ”

“They had swearing in your time too? That’s cool.” I lean my head back and take a deep breath. “MOON, I NEED YOUR HELP. I CAN’T HEAL THE RIFT IF IM STUCK ON THE EARTH. I THINK I’VE GOT IT. I THINK I HAVE A NEXT STEP.” I sigh, rubbing my face. “I need to be able to tell Fitz.”

I turn to Leanna. “Can you help?”

“You sound crazy; you know that right?”

“Yes. Did you solve your rift? Because if you did, then they own you one. _Please._ ”

She sighs. “HEY MOON? I HAVE A FAVOR TO ASK. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS SLIGHTLY INSANE KID.”

“Hey!”

“C’mon. You’re literally yelling at a _sunny_ sky with _no sun_. There’s a chance that the moon can’t even get here, not to mention, what makes you think that they’ll come when you call? This _is_ a little insane.”

“It might be. But I’m willing to try.”

Leanna shakes her head and smiles. “Alright.”

_Glad you see that you two are finally getting along. You should be kinder to each other. Leanna is right – your past is here, just waiting for you._

The previously smooth blue sky has disappeared, left instead with a twisting blue-purple-pink-black mosaic. Thousands of stars shine, their beams stretching out. I can’t identify any of the constellations. And in the center of it all, the moon hangs full.

Leanna is just _staring_ , her eyes blown wide. “It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you.”

_Hello, Leanna. I hope you’re well._

“I feel okay. You’ve got quite a smart one here – I’ve been here, what, five hundred years? And I never figured out that we’re on the primal source.”

_He is a good one. That’s part of the reason you want to go back, yeah, Dexter? How are you?_

“I dunno. Dead, I guess.”

She laughs, or at least what I think is a laugh. _In some ways, yes. In others, no. Take this time to rest, at least._

“I’ll try. Never been great at relaxing.”

I stare at the moon’s dappled surface, trying to take in what she actually looks like up this close. The first time we saw her, she was only there for a few minutes, speaking then gone. If it wasn’t burned into my memory, I don’t think I even would’ve believed it. Even though she’s hanging above my head, it almost feels like she’s standing next to me, waiting quietly for me to continue. Patient.

“What… happened? Exactly.”

_I can’t tell you much more than I’m sure that you figured out already. You let all of the energy pour into you until it filled you up, then used its obscene amount of power to destroy the pathogen. It worked. It’s gone. And you’re here._

“Was it… violent? It wasn’t bad, right? No one had to see my dead body or anything?”

_No. Just a shower of golden flakes._

“Poetic. Thank you for that, at least.”

_Probably the only thing that you can thank me for._

I look down and away from their light. I feel Leanna reach over and place her hand on my shoulder. It reminds me of Dewi. My throat starts to burn.

“Moon,” I say, trying to ignore my shaking voice. “How many other Earth elementals are alive?”

_There have only been seventeen generations, Leanna’s was the fourteenth. Four are alive, including you._

I look back up, as if I’m making eye contact with the moon itself. “Why only four? Isn’t that low? They weren’t hunted or anything, right?”

_No, thank god. Elves weren’t always immortal._

“ELVES WEREN’T ALWAYS IMMORTAL?”

 _The world would be much more overpopulated if they were. You still have more to figure out about my rift, Dex. You know where the sides are, but you don’t know why it’s important yet. But I know you can figure it out. You’re_ so _close._

I take a deep breath, squeezing my hands into fists. I nod once, and turn to Leanna. “Ready?”

She shakes her head.

“Oh. What is it?”

“I’m your _guide_ , Dex. I’m not one of the four.”

“You’re dead?”

She looks down at the white flowers. She grows one, twisting it around her finger. “It’s been a very long time for me. I had a lovely, happy life. I take care of people like you, here, when they come to the source. I’ll be here until the next Earth elemental dies, and then they’ll be the guide for a little while.”

“Do you just… wait here? For eternity?”

Her eyes crease. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. Now go home – you have a lot more to do with your life. I’m done, but you’re not.” 

She smiles at me, the golden mirages appearing behind her once again. She starts to brighten too, slowly turning gold to match. They all start to fade as she turns to join them. I reach out to brush where she just disappeared, eyes wide. My chest is tight.

I feel like I’ve lost someone, even though I haven’t known her for that long.

I turn back, wrapping my shaking hands around my body. “Okay. I think I’m ready.”

_Before you go: I’ve replaced your body so you can return. But I will give you one more thing: a warning. I may have saved your life this time, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped the Earth. Your cycle will not end. If you cannot learn to control how the Earth’s energy flows through you, then you will just return here, over and over. I can heal you every time, but each time it will get faster. You may start with a year, but that will drop into months, then weeks, then days, the same recovery each time._

_You were blessed with this gift, and the ability to control it; the strongest since Mother Earth herself. But you were also given a curse: to bear the Earth’s energy and what it does to you. Just like you are not the first to bear this gift: you are not the first to bear this curse._

One of the flowers disintegrates in my fingers.

_How did Eurus’ saying go? Let the past be your guide._

And then it’s all gone.

*

My phone buzzes, and for the first time, I actually check it. I couldn’t bear to talk after I told Kesler and Juline, so Eurus broke the news to the rest of the group. I got about a million texts from them, but I muted all of the chats (except for Linh’s) and curled back up in my ball. 

This is the first one I’ve gotten in a while. 

**Sky:** fitz, I think…

 **Sky:** I can still feel him

 **Sky:** its faint. But its there

“Where are you going?” Mom yells, following me as I sprint upstairs.

I can understand her confusion and worry – I’ve been lying in bed for the last day, refusing to eat or change clothes (for a while, at least) or talk to anyone. I’m dressed in pajamas now, and I pull on a jacket to protect against the night chill as enter the leap master. I’m not even wearing shoes.

“I’ll be back. I love you.”

_Those were his last words: I love you. That’s the last thing he wanted to say. That he loved me. He knew he was dying, and all he said was that he loved me._

I look up to the sky as the light takes me away.

At this point I’m much too tired to care about privacy, so I open the door without knocking, bursting into the entrance hall. I hear an exclamation at the noise and run towards it, skidding into the living room. The movement burns against my bare feet.

Eurus, Alana, and Bronte are sitting on the couches, talking. They look up at me with huge eyes. “Fitz-”

“How do you get to Indonesia?” I blurt.

Bronte blinks, shocked, but pulls a keychain out of his pocket – it has a few crystals on it, probably his home crystal – but one of them is cobalt blue, for the cities. He holds it out to me. I take it with a nod, disconnecting the blue crystal from the chain and tossing it back to him. 

I’m sure they want to say something to me about Dex. Something involving regret and apologies. But I don’t want to hear it. I glitter away.

The good news is that while it’s night where I live, it’s the afternoon in Indonesia, and everyone is awake. The man, Dewi’s son, is sitting outside doing pottery, and doesn’t react nearly as much as I expected – I guess he’s used to random visitors. But my puffy face and pajamas do give him pause. He leads me inside to Dewi.

She’s writing something at her desk, white hair braided expertly back out of her face. When she sees me, the pen slips slightly from her fingers, leaving a mark on the paper. She doesn’t notice it.

“I know you,” she murmurs, eyebrows furrowing. “You’re Dex’s boy. What was it, Fitz?”

I swallow and nod once. “I don’t know if I’m Dex’s boy anymore.”

“Did you break up?”

I shake my head, tears coming back to my eyes. She sees my expression and slowly starts to stand, her eyes widening.

“But I might still be.”

*

_Ow._

_Ow. Ow. Ow._

_I spend fucking months dying, in pain the whole time, and when I finally get back I still hurt_

My eyes snap open.

_I’m back._

The world is fuzzy, but I recognize the stone arch in front of me, and feel the power coming from the orb itself. There’s a figure running towards me, just like so long ago. But this isn’t the first time I’ve been here, so I recognize Zahn’s dark hair. He collapses to his knees next to me.

My eyes close.

It’s fuzzy. _Where is my body?_

“Is he-”

“-him to-”

_Ow._

“-sure?”

I can tell Dewi is carrying me, not only from the blur of white hair, but also from the feel of her strong arms sure under my knees and back. I feel so small and weak, but safe. She smiles down at me. “We’ve got you, Earth. We’ve got you.”

It takes all of my energy to move my hand, place it on her arm. She looks down at me, dark eyes serious. 

“F-Fitz.”

She smiles, using her hip to open the door to my old room. There, on the bed, with a shock of blue hair is him. Snowfall. A tear traces down my cheek. I want to call out, but I don’t think I can. Dewi, with a care that I rarely feel, sets me down on the bed next to him. She pushes a strand of my hair out of my face. 

Fitz turns slowly to my warmth until my limp body is cradled. I turn my head to face his, screwing my eyes shut.

“Fitz,” I whisper, my voice breaking.

His arm comes up around my body, hand cupping my cheek. His eyes don’t open. I don’t know if he’s awake. 

*

Kelser and Juline appear at Everglen matching me – in wrinkled pajamas and bare feet. Juline’s auburn hair is sticking up in all directions.

Dex is on the couch in the front room, flopped in a position that can’t be comfortable. When we see him, Kesler sinks to his knees, and Juline turns to me, placing shaking hands on her husband’s shoulders.

“ _Thank you._ ”

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes.

“I- I don’t think that it’s quite that simple.”

Her eyes crease.

“I… I don’t think he can move.”

*

“We were wrong. T-the rift. It’s not the Neverseen.”

The bottle of youth is cold. “Babe, it’s okay. We can think about this later – let’s focus on you for now, yeah?”

“N-no. The rift. _Humans_. It-it’s be-between humans and elves.”

The bottle shatters on the ground.

*

“We did it. We defeated the Neverseen.” Biana won’t meet my eyes, she just stares at the bedspread, fiddling with the embroidered edge. “They’ve been steadily clearing out the rest of the bases, picking up people. Alana and Sophie and I are helping them write a way to punish them – there are so _many_ , we don’t want to mind wipe them all. Gisela is helping too. So many people just got manipulated because they were afraid. Some just picked a side and got it wrong. We got lucky, I guess. But we did it. We defeated them. Right, Dex?”

“We, uh, Linh and I, went to see our parents after that day. You asked about them, before, so I thought I would tell you. It wasn’t to get an apology, just to say goodbye, I guess. I thought that maybe we needed to look at them when we weren’t as angry anymore, just to see them as people who messed up. I think I’ll be able to have a relationship with them in the future. It just might… take a while. What do you think, Dex?”

“My mom has been doing some good stuff. I keep telling people that so they won’t hate her as much. I know she can’t erase all of the shit she did, but I think she’s trying. Spending time with me and my dad. Helping with the map and the raids and the program. I’m proud of her. It really feels like she wants to get better, really wants to _try_. You know what I mean? Does that make sense, Dex?”

Keefe looks helplessly to Fitz standing in the doorway, a glass of water in his hand. Keefe gives me one last look, shakes their head, and stands and leaves. Fitz closes the door behind them, walking towards me.

“I can just tell them that you can’t talk, if you want. You don’t have to let them think you’re just ignoring them.”

“…can.”

He gives me a look as I let out a weak cough. “Babe, I don’t think that counts.”

He sits on the bed next to me, helping me tilt my head back and putting the water glass to my lips. I close my eyes, trying my hardest to drink. I’ve been getting better, at least. I can swallow fully now, and I relearned how to cup my mouth so the water doesn’t pour everywhere. We get about halfway before Fitz moves the glass away and sets it on the bed.

He reaches up to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. He has that expression on his face, the one that looks like he wants to apologize. _Again_. I slowly move my arm so it hits his. He takes my hand and bends each of my so they’re fully interlaced, leaning down to kiss my hand.

“I love you.”

“A-and you.”

He smiles and kisses me on the cheek.

“I’ve been talking to Eurus and Dame Alina. They’re going to let you graduate, even if you don’t come back to school. They think you’ve worked enough.” Linh swallows. “I think so too. You didn’t have that many classes left anyway. You’d be accepted to the elite levels, university, anywhere you wanted to go. Could probably even get a scholarship. But… do you… _want_ to come back, Dex?”

“I know you went through a lot. I don’t know exactly what happened, it’s not like there are records on this, and Bronte doesn’t know anything either, but…” Eurus chuckles awkwardly. “We’re here for you, when you’re ready. You did an amazing thing, Dex. We’re proud of you. All of the Black Swan. I hope that, one day, we can tell your story to the humans. Talk about what you did for them. Does that sound good, Dex?”

Unlike all of the others, Sophie ignores the chair on my bedside and takes Fitz’s usual position on the bed. She doesn’t say anything, just stares up at the white ceiling. We’re in the Vackers’ spare room – mine is still full of plants. There used to be flowers draped across the canopy, but Fitz took them down. He saw my expression when I noticed them. He’s a good boyfriend.

The rest of them didn’t know I was dying until I was gone. They don’t even know what happened. Fitz asked me if I wanted him to tell them. I told him no. _I_ will tell them. One day. When I’m ready. When I can speak again. When I _want_ to speak again.

I think they think I sacrificed myself somehow, some form of heroic suicide. I think that’s why they keep coming, keep telling me about their accomplishments, keep reminding me of nice things happening. They want me to _want_ to stay. They don’t understand that I didn’t have much of a choice.

(It doesn’t seem like there’s many reasons to want to stay anymore. All of this life in front of me, soon it will start to dissolve, the same way it did before. Plants will start to respond to my touch and it will all be downhill from there, faster and faster _and faster_. Do I just want to sit here, and wait? Wait for it to happen again?)

“When we got back from the kidnapping, I was stuck in bed for three weeks.”

It’s a statement. Not a question, or a story, just a statement.

“I couldn’t breathe, in the beginning. My lungs had almost completely faded away. I had to learn how to breathe again. Elwin tried _everything_. He tried to teach me about the muscular structure of the intercostal muscles, the diaphragm, the abdomen, so I would understand how it all came together. _Hours_ of diagrams and biology lessons and confusing words. Some desperate hope that if I could analyze every cell of my biology, I could force it to move again.

“But… Mom was the one who finally got to me. It was all instinct. I couldn’t _make_ my heart beat or my lungs move. I couldn’t force it. I just had to want to live.”

If I could move my neck, I would look over at her. I settle to instead close my eyes and hum softly. I think she gets the message.

“I remember everyone trying to come talk to me. You didn’t. I thought that was because you somehow understood the fact that I didn’t want to be talked to. That was wrong, we both know now, but I didn’t before. We’re different people, of course, so maybe you _enjoy_ the talking. But I know at least that it’s hard to be around people when you’re falling apart. To see them whole while you’re shattered. I guess I was faded, but it’s the same idea.”

She shakes her head and takes in a raggedy breath. “I know that many of our memories are tainted by miscommunication and the kidnapping and me being more focused on the Black Swan and Keefe and Fitz than you. I get it. Or at least, I get _some_ of it now. But I _have_ been broken before, and I’ve crawled my way back. I’ve been somewhere like here. Not the same, _never_ the same, but similar.”

She sighs, reaching over and taking my hand. That’s where Sophie gets the touchiest – hand holding. I let her intertwine our fingers, and do what I can to reciprocate. I hope she gets the message.

“I know you feel broken. But never let yourself believe that you are _irreparable_. You can always come back. Thing is, no one else can glue you back together. No matter how hard your parents fight, the group fights, _Fitz_ fights, if _you_ don’t try, then you won’t get anywhere.

“I’m not trying to say that you aren’t trying right now, and I’m not trying to say that you don’t already know this. But this is _your_ path to go down. And it’s hard. But you can do it, Dex. I believe that. And I really hope that you believe it too.”

I don’t respond, I _can’t_ respond, so she just kisses me on the cheek and leaves the room, clicking the door shut behind her. I close my eyes.

_What’s wrong with me? I thought you said you replaced my body – why isn’t it working?_

_I replaced it, but that means you’re starting over from scratch. There’s nothing wrong, you just need to become strong again. My power is both more complex and more limited then you can ever imagine. It will just take time._

_But I don’t_ have _time._

_Let the past be your guide._

“Dex? Elwin’s here for physio. You ready?”

I blink twice at Mom, our silent system, and she sighs in relief. 

“Alright, love. I’ll come check up again in a couple hours. Fitz is working at the shop right now as well, so if you need any of us just call the store. Love you.”

She disappears before I can manage a reply.

*

“I can go outside,” Dex repeats, for once breathless from surprise, not exhaustion.

Elwin nods. “You’ve come really far in the last month and a half, Dex. You can talk now, sit up fully, move your arms and hands and head. Control in those areas will continue to improve over time, and we’ll start working on your legs, but right now, it’s enough.”

We both expect him to smile brightly or laugh or cry, but he just nods once and looks down. Elwin shoots me a look, frowns, and leaves us. He doesn’t know what to do either. Dex hasn’t agreed to go back to therapy.

I sigh, fingering the crystal in my pocket. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Dex looks up, his eyebrows furrowing together. “Where?”

When I show him the blue crystal I’m holding, his eyes widen.

“The cities?” _There’s_ some of his old energy. I nod.

We’re pretty inconspicuous – just two teenagers. Well, young adults now, I guess. Elven wheelchairs aren’t much different from human ones, and we’re just sitting in the park. I was hoping this would help, but Dex refuses to say anything. Won’t talk to me, won’t touch the Earth, won’t move.

It’s breaking him. I thought he could make it, but he’s falling apart. It’s all moving too fast. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much we _all_ try, he’s falling apart.

“It’s a nice day, isn’t it?” I try, looking over at him.

To my shock, he’s crying, head in his hands.

“Babe?” I ask, standing to crouch in front of him.

“Look at them,” he whispers. “Look at them – running around and laughing and being happy. They can do _whatever_ they want, no questions asked. They’re just _okay_. All of them. I was supposed to be _okay_. I was supposed to come back and be okay! I spent _so long_ breaking and aching and hurting and I then died. I _DIED_!

“But the moon said I could come back so I came back but now it’s just more of the _same_. The same breaking and aching and hurting. Before I was mad because I could barely run or jog but now I can’t even _stand_.” He shakes his head, tears flying off his cheek. “I thought in a week I’d be out of the bed, in two I’d be standing, by a month I’d be back to normal. Look at them running and laughing – I couldn’t even _talk_. I can’t _stand_.”

I reach up and cup his cheek, tilting his head lightly until he makes eye contact with me.

“Look at them,” I repeat. He meets my eyes for a few moments, then glances back out at the humans spread across the park. “Look at them running and laughing.”

He blinks, confused.

“They’re _alive_ , babe.”

“Yeah?”

“They’re alive because of _you_.”

His mouth opens slightly and he glances back out at the humans. I hear one cry out to their friend, something about food and being late, but their tone is unmistakably happy and carefree. Another tear streaks down Dex’s cheek.

“I saved them?” He asks, as if it doesn’t feel real.

I turn so we’re shoulder to shoulder. “ _Every last one._ ”

I watch as his eyes flick to each person. After a few minutes, he turns to me, eyes still wide, and I smile. He grabs my shirt and pulls me forwards, shoving our lips together. Surprised, I close my eyes and lean into him, grabbing the back of his chair to support myself.

“I know that I’ve been out of it. I know I haven’t been the same,” he whispers, his eyes closed. “But thank you. I love you, even when I’m not talking, or I can’t get out of bed. _I love you_. You know that, right?”

“I know. I know. It stuck with me the whole time you were gone – those were your last words to me. That you loved me. You _knew_ you were dying, and you used your last words to tell me that you loved me. Quite a hopeless romantic, you are. I’ve really got you all tied up.”

He laughs, shaking his head. When he sees my expression, his face falls. He hasn’t laughed in months, and it’s written all over my face. “Oh Snow, I didn’t know I was worrying you so much.”

I take his hand. “We’ll get you out of this chair.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so. I believe in you. We’ll- We’ll get you dancing at Eurus and Bronte’s wedding. Really.”

Dex laughs again. _Again_. “You were one of the first people I really felt believed in me. The first was Dewi, oddly. I thought about that right before I died. My parents always did, of course, but they didn’t really _know_ me for a while in there. Know that I was an elemental, know how much of a burden it was, know that I was dying. But Dewi told me, the second week I was Indonesia, right after I found out how important the Earth elemental was. She presented me with every challenge I would have to face and told me that she thought _I could do it_. It really hit me home: she was so straight cut and factual. I believed her, fully. I believe you too.”

“Do you know what the first thing I loved about you was?”

“What?”

I smile. “You were honest with me. My parents were lying about their relationship, Sophie always had something with the Black Swan going on in secret, Keefe had their whole home life that they barely talked about. But you were honest with me. You gave it to me straight. You looked me in the eye and _listened_ and told me the truth.”

He chuckles. “ _You_. You saw me. That was the first thing I loved about you. But I think the second one was that you always try. You would always keep trying, no matter how angry, or frustrated, or torn apart. Even if you needed a minute break between it, you would always come back and try.”

“I’m flattered you think that, because I don’t always feel like I do.”

“You are right now.”

I lean forwards again. “I could never give up on you.”

He kisses me. 

*

I need to do something. I need to move to the other side of my room and read a book or do research or _anything_ , because sitting right here staring out the window is making me go insane, and putting me on the verge of tears. But the idea of taking the energy out of my weak and achy hands to roll the chair sounds exhausting, the idea that even moving is exhausting is _also_ exhausting, and so I just sit here, staring.

I reach up and run my fingers through my hair, pulling it out of my face. It’s getting greasy again, I don’t even want to think about washing it. I like the length at least. And I think that my body getting recreated, while resetting all of my muscles, also reset the health of my hair, so it waves a lot more than before. I like it.

One of my siblings is running outside with a friend. They’re laughing. I think it’s going to make me cry. I _really_ don’t think I can manage crying again. It’s starting to get exhausting.

Scratch that. It’s already exhausting.

There’s a light tap on my door, and I turn my neck towards it. They open it after a second, and while I am unsurprised to see Fitz’s blue hair, I am surprised by waves of pale grey. Lyra looks much the same – short, fluffy bangs, dark eyes. But instead of her generally cheerful demeanor, she looks almost… _angry?_

“Lyra?” I ask, finally moving my chair. It takes me longer than I would like to pick up and spin the wheels, and I start blushing a few seconds through, embarrassed by my own incompetency. I _know_ that I shouldn’t be mean to myself about not being abled enough, but I’ve been in a wheelchair for ages and I still find it difficult.

I could definitely hear Fitz getting mad at me for thinking that. The boy in question shoots me a soft smile. He’s wearing a black turtle neck today. It looks nice on him – brings out his two-toned eyes.

“May I sit down?” Lyra asks, gesturing to one of the chairs in my room. I nod, wheeling myself over to face them.

Fitz’s gaze flicks between the two of us. “I’ll go.”

“No,” I protest. “Stay. Please.”

He nods slowly, his smile returning. To my surprise, he takes the chair next to Lyra and moves it so it’s next to me. For a moment, he reaches over and touches my shoulder.

Lyra’s eyes flick between the two of us. “He doesn’t know you were skipping therapy, does he?”

Fitz turns to me, his eyes widening. I shake my head, not meeting his gaze. “No.”

Lyra sighs. “Care to tell me why?”

“Why are you angry with me?”

“I’m _terrified_ for you, Dex! You’re _hurt_ , and I don’t even know why! From what I’ve heard from your friends and family, it sounds like suicide. And that tracks with the fact that one day you just stopped showing up to see me, and now you’re in a _wheelchair_.”

I reach up to rub my face, continuing to ignore Fitz’s gaze. “I didn’t want you to try to convince me to talk about it. I knew you would be able to get through to me, and I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“About what?”

“The fact that I was dying. Lyra, I _died_.”

Lyra is silent, her eyes blown wide but her expression carefully open. “Can you… explain? If that’s okay.”

I take a deep breath and nod, crushing my hands together in my lap. “I am the elemental of the Earth. And it was killing me.”

I’ve gotten a lot better at talking, but halfway through my story Fitz has to get up to get me a glass of water. Lyra is patient and calm and doesn’t say much, just nods for me to continue when I slow down and never, not even once, asks me to go faster.

It’s good, because I can’t go quickly. 

“The first time I went for help, from Eurus and Bronte, the people most qualified to help me, they told me they couldn’t. Bronte didn’t even _show up_. Eurus barely said anything to me, wouldn’t even tell me straight that I was going to die. I think that was one of the first moments it started to feel really bad. I lost all belief that I could be saved. Everyone who seemed hopeful just seemed _naïve_.

“I started lying to Fitz, lying to my friends, lying to my parents. When I didn’t show up to school lunch I said that I had tutoring or was going home or was spending it with Fitz, who didn’t know that I wasn’t showing up at all. I stopped telling Fitz how I was feeling. I started to become snappy and rude because I was in so much pain and so unbearably _exhausted_.

“When I finally admitted it to him, it was much too late.”

Fitz reaches over and takes my hand, forcing me to unlace them from where they’re painfully gripped in one another. He brushes his thumb over one of the leaves on my palm. I close my eyes, turning my gaze away from the plants.

“I guess this is the part that even Fitz doesn’t know yet. This is when I was on the Earth.”

“The earth?” Fitz questions, frowning. “What do you mean?”

“The primal source, the very being of energy itself. The _Earth_.” I turn to Lyra, aware that she has almost zero context. “Have you heard the legend of the Earth, moon, and sun?”

She nods. “I read it after you guys became my clients. The Earth is a being of pure energy, all of them are.”

I nod. “It’s almost like the Earth’s spirit is under our feet, in another dimension, and I went there. It was an odd place – all that was visible was a field, stretching forever in every direction. Like one you would see in a movie, tiny fronds of grass with delicate white flowers on top of them. The sky was blue but there was no sun and it was _so big_.

“I met a woman there. Her name was Leanna. She was the fourteenth Earth elemental.”

I start to tear up, to the surprise of Fitz and Lyra. “She was lovely and beautiful and young and kind. She guided me, talked with me, told me that she was sorry I died. She was the _first person_ I saw. When the moon brought me back, she said that she couldn’t come too. She just… faded away into gold dust.” I reach forward slightly, like I’m trying to catch the invisible powder.

“That’s what happened to you.” Fitz is breathless, his eyes wide. “All that was left was a shower of gold flakes.”

I tighten my grip on his hand, making eye contact with him. “I’m here, love. I’m right here.”

He takes a deep breath and nods once. “I know.”

“After I figured out that we were on the primal source, I called out to the moon, and they came. There, full, in all of their glowing glory.” I laugh a bit, my voice shaky. “Leanna was so _awestruck_. She hadn’t heard from the moon in _hundreds_ of years.” I take a deep breath, turning to Fitz. “You told me that you valued my honesty. So it’s time that I tell you the full truth. The moon did bring me back, but they didn’t heal me. Just reset my body.”

Fitz blinks rapidly, his eyebrows drawing together. “D-does that mean you’ll fall apart again?”

“Over and over and over and over again, faster each time, until I’m falling apart so quickly that I can’t return to the world without shattering immediately. They’ll reset my body each time, but eventually it will just be in vain. The days, hours, _seconds_ I’ll have at the end will be spend in a bed, unable to sit up.” I swallow.

Fitz’s hand is shaking. “ _Dex-_ ”

“We _will_ save me this time,” I say, and am surprised to find that I believe it. I turn to Lyra, and she’s smiling widely. “We can save me,” I repeat, just because I can. 

“We can save you,” Fitz agrees, covering the relief on his face with his free hand.

“They gave me some advice, actually.” I turn to Fitz, almost grinning. “ _‘Let the past be your guide.’_ ”

Fitz _laughs_. “Just as cryptic as the first time I heard it.”

I open my mouth to respond, only to find that my throat has dried out completely. I reach up to touch it on reflex. Fitz stands, tucks my hair behind my ear softly, and disappears downstairs with my water glass to refill it.

Lyra is leaning back on her chair, much calmer and happier than before. She opens her mouth to say something, then closes it, shaking her head.

“What?”

“Are you going to marry him?”

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

“You guys are just the most married couple I’ve ever seen. You’re more of a married couple then my husband and I are!”

“Fitz and I- we’re-” My expression softens. “You got married.”

Lyra laughs. “I did. It was lovely.”

“Congratulations. Well… Fitz and I… we have each other. He’s just… oh, I don’t know. He was there after the kidnapping and he walked me to therapy aver Alluveterre and he stayed with me every night when I couldn’t even sit up in bed. He’s constant, and steady, and happy and funny and adorable… but we’re _kids._ ” I stop, blinking. “We’re… young adults.” I turn to Lyra. “I’m eighteen.”

Lyra smiles at my confusion, amused. “I guess it’s a compliment from a married person. But get your boy to drag you back to therapy, yes?”

I make eye contact with her, leaning forwards. “I will come to therapy, whether he drags me there or not. I’ll come.” I take a deep breath, twisting my hands together. “I’ll come. I promise. I’ll do this. I’ll fight for myself.”

Lyra comes and crouches in front of me, placing her hand on one of my knees. “Fitz is not the only person you have. You have family, and friends, and professionals. This will not be easy, but we’re here for you, _right now_. Don’t forget.”

Fitz returns, two water glasses balanced in his hands. The water next to his fingers glows ever so slightly. He smiles at me, his eyes soft.

I turn to Lyra. “I won’t. I promise.”

*

Re-learning how to write isn’t as hard as I was expecting. It’s difficult, definitely, but not as bad as I thought. My letters are shaky and look nothing like my handwriting, but they look like letters. They’re just ugly, not wrong. That’s a win, at least.

My siblings are lingering, watching me from the doorway. I knew this was coming – I moved back home the moment that I could sit up in bed, which was about a month ago. They didn’t ask questions for a while, probably to give me some space, to let me recover. I was definitely… not in a good place there. For a while. Still not in the best one, I guess. But I’m better.

I look over my shoulder and make eye-contact with Rex, who immediately drops his gaze to the floor. Lex does the same. Bex is the first to step forwards. She’s the bravest of them now. She’s a lot like Mom, in a lot of good ways, and her confidence is one of the best and worst ones.

“What happened to you?”

The question is blunt, but that’s fair, at least. It’s probably been lingering on their tongues since long before the wheelchair – since the kidnapping even. The first time I was presumed dead. Shit, has it really been _three_ times?

“How about you sit down?”

They settle quickly, taking the other places around the dining table. I’m taller than them, when I stand. But right now, at least, they tower over me. Bex is taller than Rex and Lex. She enjoys it.

I set down the pen. “Where do you want to start?”

Bex blinks. “What do you mean?”

“Well. We could start with the kidnapping, or the disappearing for months, or this,” I gesture at the wheelchair.

The triplets look at each other. “Beginning,” Lex decides.

I nod once. “Well, you know all about the Black Swan. Mom told you, didn’t she?”

Bex nods vigorously. “I wish I could’ve helped out.”

I laugh. “You don’t want to fight in a war, Bex. But there are still tons of things you can do. Maybe I should set you up with Biana. She probably has a whole list for you. I bet you’d get along great.” Her eyes sparkle. I swallow. “Well, the kidnapping. I was kidnapped, I guess. They were after Sophie and they got me too.”

“What happened there?” Rex asks.

“I’m not going to tell you. Not to spare you, but because I really don’t like talking about it. But it did give me this,” I lift up my shirt and point to the burn. It’s almost hidden underneath the anemones and the vines and the impalement scar, but still visible. “The reddish stuff. There are other scars there too, but that’s the next part of the story.

“Mom also explained elementals, right?”

All three of them nod.

“We don’t know much,” Rex murmurs. “Just that there are four of them and they represent four different areas of power. She said that _you_ were going to explain the rest.”

I nod. “The elementals: pearl, Earth, sun, and sky. There are four ways of identifying an elemental: unusual hair color, unusual eye color, their power, of course, and skin markings.”

My sibling’s mouths drop open. I grin at them, and grow a flower out of the air. I hand it to Rex, who stares at it, his eyes getting impossibly wider. I lift the mug off the table (ceramics). I snap it in half, and then fuse it again. Lex takes it from the air, running his fingers along where the seam was. Their childish excitement warms a flicker of love in me. I lost a lot of love for the Earth. It’s taking a while for it to come back.

I think Fitz almost cried the first time he saw me use my elemental powers again. I didn’t realize how much I had been worrying him until I saw his expression every time I laughed or smiled or grew things. I didn’t realize how deep I’d fallen either. He’s started taking me to the cities at least twice a week. Half as a date, and half to remind me that I saved them. I saved them all. I always forget, every time. But he takes me back and I watch them smile together and laugh together and I realize that without me they would all be gone. And then _elves_ would be gone.

That belief saved me. It saves me every day.

God, I love that boy.

“You…” Lex gaps, bringing me back to the present.

“I am the elemental of the Earth,” I agree. “It’s why I have the tattoos and the green eyes and why my hair is so much darker than it used to be. I’m glad it didn’t end up green, though. Some people can’t pull of bright hair.”

“FITZ!” Rex yells, snapping his fingers.

I nod. “Elemental of the pearl. That’s water and snow and ice.”

“But… is that what put you in the wheelchair?”

I purse my lips. “You’re getting too far ahead – next is Alluveterre, where we escaped to with the Black Swan.”

It takes me a while to explain to them why we went and who the other elementals are and Indonesia and training. They can tell I’m getting tired, so Lex brings me a glass of water. They’re so much older then I remember them as. I keep forgetting that they’re fourteen, almost fifteen.

“Right after you got back, that’s when I saw you with the plants,” Rex says. “You were growing them.”

I nod, taking a sip of water. My hand shakes. It’s too heavy. “I guess after that is when it started to get bad.”

“ _That’s_ when it started to get bad?” Bex exclaims. “ _THEN_?” 

I point at the wheelchair. She shuts up.

“Dewi, the woman who taught me in Indonesia, taught me another lesson: the Earth elemental is not only the most important element, but also the most powerful. And I found out, many months later, that I had a problem: my connection to the Earth was powerful. _Too_ powerful. It poured unending amounts of energy into me with barely any out. No matter how much power I used, I was always overflowing. My body couldn’t take it.”

I take a deep breath. “It killed me.”

All three of my siblings are completely silent. I watch them try to process it, periwinkle eyes blown wide. It’s been a long time since my eyes were periwinkle. I kinda forgot about it.

“Mom and Dad said something about it… I thought they were wrong…”

“No.”

“But you’re okay _now_ , right?” Rex’s eyes are teary. “You’re not going to die again?”

“Not if I can help it.”

“But it could happen?” Bex asks, her eyes narrowed.

I wrap both my hands around my water glass to calm me. “Yes. While the energy was reset, it is still pouring into my body. At some point it will break me again. But I have a lead now – I have ideas. I can save myself if I try. I know that.”

They nod. Lex glances up at me, a tiny smile on his face. “Can you grow anything else?”

I lean forwards, grinning. I’ve been told before that our mischievous expressions are identical. “What do you want me to do?”

A lot, apparently. It’s nice to see them, to see them happy and young and excited. It reminds me that I lost this very quickly, the moment Sophie and I were taken. But that’s okay – I can find it, in different ways, once this is all over. I’m already discovering it. It’s here, right now, it Rex’s excited laugh when I twine glowing vines around the banisters of his bed and Lex’s bright eyes when I reenergize all of his half-dead plants. It’s there, when Bex squeals in delight when I stand, shakily, from the wheelchair to grow vines across the top of her bedframe. It’s here.

*

Dex was moved back home the first day he could sit up in bed, but it took a couple more weeks before he could reliably stay in his wheelchair. I was the person he wanted sitting with him at night when he cried. After the first few times, he never hesitated to call me in the middle of the night, and I didn’t want to keep waking Kesler and Juline to let me in. So I got a key.

There’s no one in sight – the triplets are still in school, while all year eights and elite levels have already finished, and the store is open today so at least one of the parents is gone. It’s just Dex most of the time.

I try to visit. I know he gets lonely.

I can hear water running upstairs, but Dex’s door is open. I drop my bag at the door (next to a pile of the triplet’s muddy shoes) and make my way upstairs. To my surprise, he’s sitting at the foot of his bed, shirtless. When he makes eye contact with me, he bursts into tears.

I kneel down in front of him, examining his scratched right arm and the redness across his shoulder.

“I fell,” he says. “I tried to shower and I fell.”

“Babe.”

“Something’s wrong. Something _has_ to be wrong because today I can’t stand and I can barely lift my arms and _yesterday_ I could walk across the room and stand for minutes at a time _I should be able to fucking bathe myself!_ ”

“Dex-”

“Something _must_ be wrong.”

He won’t meet my eyes, dropping his face into his hands and holding himself as tight as he can. His legs stay limp, splayed out forwards.

“You’re going to hate me for saying this, but, love, _recovery isn’t linear_.” He looks appropriately annoyed, and I sigh, sitting down fully. “Do you remember when I dislocated my shoulder after the Everblaze?” I ask.

Dex glances up. “Yeah. I kinda forgot about that. You recovered quickly.”

I nod. “Being around so much water and the jump-starting of my powers healed a lot of the damage, but it _was_ sore for a while. It still clicks.” I roll my shoulder to demonstrate. He quirks a small smile. “Some days, I would wake up and it wouldn’t hurt at all. Like nothing had never happened to it. But then the next, it would hurt like it did the day of. Recovery isn’t linear.”

Dex sighs. “I just wanted to be able to shower on my own.”

I tuck a lock of his hair behind his ear. “I know, love. Do you… want help? I can wash your hair if it will make you feel better. I know feeling greasy is exhausting.”

He nods.

He finds a pair of swim shorts so he can sit in the water, and I go home quickly to grab mine. The water is still warm, the shower still running from the first time he tried to get in. There’s a plastic chair in there so he can sit down.

I run my hands very slowly through his hair and pick up the shampoo.

“I’m just scared… I’m scared that every time I feel a little bit worse I’ll stop getting better. How I feel right now… it’s _so similar_ to how I felt before I died. Will it just bleed together? I’ll feel a bit achy one day and then it’ll just start all over again, and the plants just won’t stop growing.”

My eyes land on the vines twisting up his chest. The anemones, that he was so proud of, thought were a beautiful twist of red and green, are almost completely covered. His eyes are closed. He wears long sleeves a lot, high necks, avoids mirrors.

Damnit, Dex.

“The plants won’t stop growing,” he repeats, then sighs. “God, I sound insane.”

I continue working the shampoo through his hair. “If you are, I would say that you have good reason to.”

He glances up at me, leaning his head back. “Babe.”

I roll my eyes, grabbing the shower head from where it’s hooked on the wall. “You’re not insane.”

He hums, smiling, and goes silent.

I rinse out his hair. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“It’s a serious one. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

He reaches up, using the showerhead’s water to rub some spare shampoo off his shoulders. “Yeah, babe. Go ahead.”

I take a deep breath. “The whole time you were dying, you fought me. Why? You wouldn’t talk about it or keep me updated or try any treatments. _Why_?”

I shake my head. “Well… part of it was like what I said to Lyra. I lost so much hope, that anyone or any _thing_ could help me. Everything seemed hopeless and exhausting. It was just easier to… let it alone. To believe there was nothing I could do and not put any energy into it.

“But also… your whole life, terrible things kept happening to you. Your father and school and searching for Sophie – your life was taken out of your hands. You told me that once: I was the first decision you ever made.” A tear drips down my cheek, blending with the shower water. “I didn’t want to ruin it for you. I was supposed to be a _good_ thing, not just another burden in your life.”

I stop halfway to putting the conditioner on his hair. “Yes: you were the first decision I made. Remember, love, I _chose_ you. I want _you_.”

He turns around, eyes narrowed. “You chose _me_. Not the Earth’s energy, not the fucking _wheelchair_ , not _THIS!_ ” He gestures to himself. “ _No one_ signed up for this.” He looks away, shoulders slumping. “You deserve better then whatever the fuck happened to whoever used to be me.”

“No!” I protest, walking to stand in front of him, forcing him to look at me. “I _did_ sign up for this. I still chose you, even after we both became elementals, when a promise of something insane, the _moon’s_ promise, was in our future. I am _still_ choosing you _every single day_. I do want you, no matter what.”

I crouch down in front of him, reaching up to up his face. “I don’t care who or what I deserve. I want you. You and your tattoos and your wheelchair and your intelligence and your love. I want you because you love me and take care of me and _see_ me, every day. I’m here for you. I’m here.”

His voice breaks. “How could you want _this?_.”

“You’re the best person I’ve ever met. I want _you_.”

He closes his eyes, reaching up to rub his eyes. “Okay.”

“I’ll tell you again, if you ever need me to.”

“I don’t- I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay this. All this time you’ve spent with me, all of this shit that you’ve had to work through, waiting for the Dex that you told you loved to come out the other side. The Dex that can walk and talk without needing water brought to him and fucking _bathe himself_.”

“The Dex I love is right here,” I say. “Right here in front of me.”

He sighs. “I love you.”

“I love you. Right here. Right now. I love you.”

He nods.

*

I’ve been doing this for half an hour, but somehow it’s still calming. The water swirls in a circle over my head. I spin one finger to direct the movement and watch the light from the skylight reflect on the edge.

I haven’t been sleeping well – from stress, mostly. And from those three weeks I pretty much _lived_ in that chair on Dex’s bedside, which royally fucked up my sleep schedule. Not that I had much of one, but at least a semblance of one. This is calming. This is nice. I will probably fall asleep and drop the water on my face.

It got bad enough that I would pass out in class and hit my head on things from exhaustion. People wanted to stage an intervention, but I could tell that they were too nervous about bringing up the subject. Eventually, it was Elliott who did it, threatening to start feeding me sedatives. “Both for you _and_ for me. I’m a light sleeper, Fitz, and you showing up or leaving the room at 3am wakes me up. _Every single time_.”

He also started covering me in a blanket in the mornings so I wouldn’t wake up when the sun rose. He sets alarms, thank god, so I wake in time for breakfast. He learned his lesson when he did that and I slept in until one in the afternoon. To be fair to him, I _did_ need it.

The water spins faster and faster and faster and the light shines into my eyes and I-

I sit up quickly, letting it splash onto my pillow case, calming mood lost. I’ll deal with it later. I slide down the ladder, rifle through my drawers, and push my way outside. There are people milling about, doing homework at the tables. I send the ones I know a half-hearted wave as I weave down the huge stairs to the leap master. 

The Foxfire leap master is _huge_ , and normally has a super long cue. It can take more than one request at once, operating in regions, with thousands of crystals for each one. Today, however, it’s empty. Most people have work to get done, are home for the weekend, or because of the late-winter chill, are just inside. I, however, don’t feel much cold.

I discovered the beach pretty soon after I arrived – when you wait in line for people to go places, you hear about a lot of destinations. I was heading home on a Friday, heard a few people going there, and decided to follow. It was lovely – nothing too crowded, with rocks and foliage and thousands of shells.

I don’t normally need to bring my swimsuit, but with as long as I’m going to be swimming today, the heaviness of the clothes will become a hassle. No one is here, as it’s _45 degrees_ , so I speed change behind a rock and dump my clothes on the shore. I’m suddenly very grateful for my numbness to temperature.

I climb onto the highest rock, smell the salt in the air, grin, and dive.

I was never a particularly good swimmer. Not bad, not at all, but never good. I’m still not, but of course now I can breathe underwater and propel myself with the water, so it’s hard to even tell anymore. I flip over in the water, take a deep breath (I don’t even _try_ to figure out how that one works) and dive deeper.

The sandbar cuts off quickly, and I kick and kick and kick and _kick-_

There’s glowing around me, I realize, and spin around to try to find the source of it. There, on my foot, a tiny cut is knitting back together. On my forehead, from where I ran into the edge of my bunk. I lose track of time, lost in the repetitive movements. My lungs don’t burn, my body doesn’t ache, I just move in the water, perfectly at home. 

I finally reach the bottom, pressing my palm to the sand as some sort of achievement. My curiosity is overtaken by the land around me – while this section is sandy, it is full of caves and rocky outcroppings. I peer into the darkness of one of the caves, and shoot back in surprise when it lights up with soft blue light at my approach. The moment I leave, it’s back to darkness.

I peer in again, and realize that my blue hair isn’t just blue hair – it’s _bioluminescent_ blue hair. I grin, and dive deeper into the cave. I see some animals, but it’s not nearly deep enough for lots of them. There are some plants too, but mostly rock. I wonder if Dex could grow underwater plants. I don’t see too much difference. Maybe it’s harder for him? Or we could combine our powers?

Something is enchanting about getting to wiggle around rocks and through holes. Maybe it’s the fish instincts. I really hope those instincts don’t involve trying to eat the first minnow I see. That would be horrifying.

I go to turn back home, but cast my gaze out across the rest of the ocean. “I wonder if the pearl has a primal source,” I wonder aloud. Even though most of what comes out is just bubbles.

I think back to my pearl and shell bracelet, sitting in my room at home. I went to a different beach for those – one known for oysters and pearls. There probably aren’t any here. A part of me itches to go search, but I return home.

Another day.

*

Alana is yelling at Eurus. It’s the first time I’ve seen them full-on fighting, not just bickering, but I guess they still technically aren’t, because she sounds more annoyed than anything else. Bronte is there too, on the couch, watching them. _He_ looks amused. Linh is standing next to me, the one who let me in, staring at them. She also looks amused.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!”

“Alana, that was less me and more your observation skills. Both Tam _and_ Linh noticed.”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT THE KIDS NOTICED, YOU STILL SHOULD’VE _TOLD_ ME. AS YOUR SISTER. YOUR _TWIN_.” She pinches her nose and exhales violently. “DOES DELLA KNOW?”

Eurus droops. “I didn’t know where to buy a ring. AND NOR DO YOU.”

Alana looks like she wants to argue, but Eurus must have her there because she flops against the couch, glaring at Bronte. “Why did you let him do this?”

“What, you’re making it _my_ fault? He’s _your_ twin.”

“And _you’re_ my best friend.” She looks like she going to start yelling again, but her phone buzzes. She checks it, nods once, and stands. “Looks like you guys are off the hook. I’ve got to go help with the council.”

Bronte pulls out his phone, but he doesn’t find anything, so he stays put. Alana pats Linh’s head as she walks out the door, glittering away.

“Well, you saw the tail-end of that, so you might as well hear the news,” Linh says, pushing me into the main room. “E, tell him.”

Eurus sighs, sitting down on the couch next to Bronte. “We got engaged.” He huffs.

“Oh, congratulations!”

“Hon, you don’t need to sound _annoyed_ about it.”

“Alana can just be _so-_ ”

“I’m gonna stop you there.”

“Actually,” I but in. “I have a question.”

The book he pulls down is thicker than I expected, but is reasonably well kept. 

“It was covered in dust right up until a few weeks ago – they had to add in all of you, and all of us too,” Bronte explains, flipping it open. “They only started the records a little while after the council was formed, so we begin at about generation… eight. Everything is here – name, element, status. They normally interview some of the elementals – they want it to be as accurate as possible.”

The table is, thank god, low enough for me to read the book from my wheelchair.

“We’ve kept tabs on all of the live elementals. _Literally_ ,” he adds, fingering the slips of paper that stick out the sides. They’re color coded for the elements.

I ignore the strips and flip to the fourteenth generation. First is sky, then sun, then Earth. Leanna looks almost identical in her photo to when I met her. Same huge blonde hair, same freckles, same brown eyes. The information on her is minimal, but I discover that she was married and had a daughter. I don’t recognize their names.

“Who are you looking at?” Bronte asks, taking the chair next to me.

“Leanna. I met her when I was on the primal source. She was my guide.”

I trace her photo once again, sigh, and examine the three green tabs. The farthest is me – my photo is decent, shockingly, and the information is all correct. There isn’t much of it, just what you would find on my birth certificate – previous ability, name, inception date, family, all of that. Underneath it is a blank spot for ‘purpose of generation’. I frown at it.

Bronte is next, and looks about the same. His generation’s purpose _is_ written. The wording is oddly formal, as if they were quoting from the moon’s speech itself. I find that I didn’t actually know his last name. “No siblings, huh?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “I have Alana, though. Even before Eurus and I started dating, she slotted right into the place.”

I go to turn to the final tab and falter. “Three tabs. The moon said that there were _four_ Earth elementals alive. But elves weren’t always immortal… how would someone from the first generations, _so_ long ago, still be alive?”

Bronte doesn’t have an answer for me, so I just shrug and flip open the third tab. Jerimiah Hussain. About 230. Lives alone by the seaside. Talentless. The aim of his generation isn’t listed. I flip it closed. “Any chance you’ll come?”

“Uh… sure?”

“I wouldn’t bother you, but I’m pretty sure that Fitz has been sleeping since 8pm last night, and I don’t want to bother him. And I need someone to help with the chair.”

It takes a while to get there – we have to figure out whether or not we need to make a crystal, or whether we just go to the region. Researching the region takes a moment, then we decide we _do_ need to make a crystal, which doesn’t take as long as I thought, thank god. About an hour later we’re standing outside Jeremiah’s house. Well, I’m sitting, but same difference.

There are steps, of course. I can stand well enough to get up a few. Bronte needs to carry the chair, but as long as there’s a railing I can make it. He rings the bell once, I sit back down, and _finally_ , we’re here.

“Hi. Are you Mr. Hussain?” Bronte is painfully cheery, his voice switching to something automated and political. Like the councilor’s equivalent of a customer service voice.

He looks mad. _Really_ annoyed. _Strong_ Forkle energy.

He huffs. He’s wearing an art apron, covered in clay dust, over pajamas. There’s some dust on his hands and pants too. “And what about it?”

“I have a few questions for you,” I say. I see his expression falter as he notices me in the chair. The green eyes, the plants all over my legs and hands and visible through the neck of my shirt. The fact that I’m wearing shorts and a thin jacket in the middle of winter. He knows what I am – Eurus said that elementals can recognize each other, even just by touch.

He clears his throat. “Oh, hello.”

 _That_ is when he notices that the other person on his step is _Councilor_ Bronte. His face loses a bit of color. Bronte holds out his hand to shake, a small smile on his face. Jeremiah doesn’t see it, just opens the door wider and gestures us in.

The house is _filled_ with pottery supplies. Glazes and pots. Most have plants in them, one or two aren’t glazed, and there are a couple in progress on wheels in the back corner. The entire back corner is designated for it – a tarp on the floor, clay mush soaking the walls. He must’ve given up on trying to protect them from the splashing.

I respect that.

“Sit,” he says, arms wrapped stiffly around his middle. “What do you need?”

“Help,” I say, wheeling myself over so I’m next to the couch. “How strong were your elemental powers?”

He frowns. “Decent, I guess. Was always partial to the ground side, if you can’t tell from this.” He gestures to the pottery and crystals. I nod, smiling.

“Were you connected to the primal source?”

“What do you mean?”

I sigh, rubbing my face. “I don’t think you can help me. I’m directly connected to the Earth’s primal source – I have an incredibly large influx of energy at all times. I was told that talking to the previous elementals might give me some insight on how to help it.”

Jeremiah frowns. “Is it hurting you?”

“It’s the reason I’m in this chair.”

He pales slightly, then frowns. “No, you’re correct. I can’t help you. But Arya can.”

I glance over at Bronte, who looks just as confused as I feel. “Who’s Arya?”

“Arya was the first. Mother Earth. If she can’t help you, then no one can.”

My eyes widen. “ _You know Mother Earth?_ ”

Jeremiah nods, smiling. “I do. She’s very nice.”

I swallow, gripping the arms of my chair to stop my hands from shaking. _This could be it. This could be it_. “How do I find her?”

“I don’t know. The last time I talked to her, _years_ ago, she was in Ethiopia, trying to help combat deforestation. I don’t think she’s still there- I tried to find her again, recently, and I couldn’t. But I’m sure you can figure it out. If you’re connected to the primal source,” he taps my arm and his eyes start to glow, “then you’re connected to all of us.”

*

The prison is completely silent, oddly. I was expecting talking or yelling or moaning – they prohibit mind breaking and casual use of sedatives, after all. That was one of Biana’s musts. If anyone got loud or violent, then they could _prescribe_ the sedatives.

The sound of my shoes hitting the polished stone floor echoes through the cramped hallway. The stone has tiny veins and carvings into it, made by the dwarves as they carved it out. They’re beautiful. I check the cell number on my phone again – 344. Random. Somehow, that makes me feel better. That in the end, he wasn’t important. Just another member in hundreds.

_341._

_342._

_343._

My stomach swoops as I read the number on the next cell. Instinctively, my fingers come up to brush it, but I stop myself at the last moment. He’s curled up in the back corner, head in his hands. His previously straightened and perfectly styled hair has been shaved off completely.

I hover in the… doorway? Bars? Bar-way? Window? Doorway. Doorway is fine.

I hover in the doorway, just _watching_ him. I sit down onto the freezing floor, making as much noise as possible. The sound startles him, and he glances up. I’m pretty recognizable with the blue hair, but it’s been a long time since he’s seen me. He probably doesn’t even know I have it. But we’re siblings, after all, and he does know my face.

“ _Fitz?_ ”

I hate how familiar his voice is, how it tugs on something in my gut. I take a deep breath. “Hi, Alvar.”

“Fitz, I know this looks bad, I can explain-”

“You don’t need to explain.”

He frowns, inching closer to the bars. “What?”

“I’ve had a long time to think about this. I’ve come up with a million situations, from things as selfish as just wanting power, and as fear filled as being threatened. None of them made me feel better, and none of them made me _care_.”

“But you’re still here. You still came.”

“I’m here to give you once last chance. Not as a member of the Neverseen, but as my _brother_. It’s been years – we’ve kicked out Dad, I’ve grown up, joined the elite levels. Had to deal with some pretty serious shit. We spent _so long_ getting hurt and manipulated together. But now Dad’s gone, and we have an aunt and uncle, and I have a family. I thought that you could use one too.”

His expression is carefully blank. “You’ve changed a lot from the angry boy I knew.”

“I’m hoping that you’ve changed too. Or at least I know that angry boys _can_ change. You were angry too, I imagine. You were cooped up, you weren’t the child they wanted, no matter how hard you tried you could never fill their expectations.”

The fact that he refuses to meet my eyes just answers my prompts.

“No one could satisfy Dad. Not the golden boy, not the Moonlark, not the perfect wife. Not even himself. No one is good enough. I _know_ what it’s done Biana and I, so I can imagine what it’s done to you. But we _have_ a support system and we _have_ therapy, and _finally_ , we have Mom too.”

Alvar looks up, his gaze vicious, hands balled into fists. His knuckles are bruised, two of them scabbed over. “ _You_ kicked him out, didn’t you? Just _snapped_ one day, had him trembling on the ground, bloody, _begging_ for you to stop. Stepped into the role as man of the house. Mom can’t fight a Vacker. Doesn’t have it in her.”

I huff. “Don’t project your fantasies onto me.”

He blinks in surprise.

“Mom kicked him out, actually. It was fun to watch.” I stand, dusting off my pants. “And I’m not a Vacker. I’m an Astraea. I want _nothing_ to do with your bloodline. I _have_ a family. I _have_ people that care about me. I don’t need to cling onto a dirty and dying name.” I laugh. “It’s not like they would accept me anyway, if they found out about Dex.”

“Who’s Dex?”

“My family.”

I realize, as I turn to walk away, that I’m not angry. I guess I really have grown from the boy that Alvar used to know.

“Fitz… wait.”

I look back. He’s standing now, his face pressed up against the bars, hands wrapped around them. “Is it true? Do you really have a family?”

I walk forwards so that we’re face to face. I can tell from his expression that he wasn’t expecting me to be taller than him. Not by much, but still. More has changed since he’s been gone than my personality. Let’s not even get _into_ abilities, or friendship, or sexuality, or-

Alvar reaches forwards, grabs my shoulder. “Just… _Fitz_ …” His expression is conflicted, and I lean forwards slightly, worried. A sharp object presses against my neck. “Give me your leaping crystal.”

I sigh, pursing my lips. _Well, that’s a lost cause if I’ve ever seen one_. There’s water in the sink in his cell, and it’s easy to loop it over to me. I freeze it into a tiny icicle, stabbing it into his wrist. He drops the knife on instinct and I catch it with my foot. My eyes are glowing as I turn the icicle towards his neck.

“ _Elemental,_ ” he hisses, stumbling away from me.

I shrug. “Yeah, I guess so. One thing on the list of serious shit that’s happened to me.”

“What are you going to do with it? _Kill_ me?”

“No. I don’t want to waste my energy on that.” I look at my brother, pressed against the back wall of his cell, expression crazed. Even when he just tried to threaten me, still manages to look entitled and pompous and manipulative. “I really was hoping that after all this time, it would be different. Biana grew up. I grew up. Even _Mom_ , a full adult, grew up. But I see that you’re the same messed up person as always.”

The icicle drops to the ground, shattering on impact. By the time the shards have melted, I’m already home.

*

“How did they take it?”

“Fine, I guess. I’m glad that they actually know why I wasn’t talking and why I disappeared in the first place. It was complicated to explain; they had _so many_ questions. They still want to know if it’s going to happen again. I didn’t tell them everything.”

“We’ll figure it out. We’ve got this.”

Deep breath. “Okay.”

*

“I think that I can track Mother Earth – Arya’s – location.”

Fitz frowns.

“That’s the reason I can get to Indonesia – there’s this globe carved into the arch. It’s a source of energy. So potent that it was still present, even when I was on the primal source itself. A hotspot. If she’s alive, if the Earth kept her alive, then she _must_ have some sort of elemental residue that I can track.”

“Well, let’s try it.”

So that’s how we find ourselves standing outside my house, in the hiking outfits that were given to us back when we hiked in Alluveterre. We’ll be able to get home really easily – we have our crystals, after all, but we’re bringing supplies too. Water, more for Fitz than me, both for drinking and elemental use. Food supplies, a knife, and a couple vials.

Fitz bites his lip. “Are you _sure_ that you want to go now? Without the wheelchair? Are you ready?”

I adjust my grip on the wooden crutches. “I’m _confident_. I’m pretty sure I can grow myself a chair, or even an actual wheelchair, if I ever need one. I’ll be _fine_. And if there’s ever a problem I’ll _tell you_ and we’ll try again another day.”

He looks like he wants to argue, so I hobble forwards and cup his cheek. “Babe. It’s okay. This _is_ my element, after all. I’ll probably do better wherever she’s hiding out then here. I’ll _tell_ you if I don’t feel good. I promised, didn’t I?”

He kisses me on the cheek. “Yes, you did.”

I hand him the crutches and crouch down, pressing both my palms to the Earth. I remember how I got Fitz and I to Indonesia before – focusing on the energy present in the orb, and sensing it through the Earth. It’s harder, since I don’t actually know anything about Arya, but I’ll figure it out.

I take a deep breath and spread my energy out like tiny roots, branching them as far as they’ll go. Indonesia appears to one side, the orb like a tiny burning sun. As I’m trying to brush it off, I feel a faint pulse. It’s so soft that it takes me a moment to register it, and I have to wait another minute before I can find it again. It’s steady, fading in and out. After a few moments, I realize it’s a _heartbeat_.

_Alright, Arya. Let’s do this._

“Let’s go.”

Fitz crouches next to me, wraps his arm around my shoulders, and the ground collapses underneath us.

_Ow._

It’s raining. It sounds really nice, tapping against leaves and dripping through the canopy, but we also… didn’t prepare for this. I stand slowly, legs shaking. Fitz is collapsed, face down, on the ground. He groans.

“I forgot how much this makes my head hurt.”

I brace myself against a tree as he gets his footing back, and thank him as he hands me my crutches. There’s a thin cut on his cheek, but as the rain drips on it, it glows softly and heals. He blinks, surprised, and reaches up to brush his skin, but it’s already gone.

“I guess the rain helps out _one_ of us.”

He laughs. “What about photosynthesis? That needs water, right?”

I sigh. “Water and carbon dioxide. But I’m not _actually_ a plant, you know.”

The tattoos around his wrist start to glow, spinning faster, and I blink in surprise as the rain stops falling. I look up to a tiny water barrier over my head. He smiles.

“So, where do you think she is?”

I shrug. “She has to be close by, or I wouldn’t’ve been drawn here. I guess we should just walk and see if we pass anyone. It’s not like there would be _that_ many people in the middle of a rainforest.”

Our pace is frustratingly slow, but at least it’s nice out here – the rain gives a wonderful ambiance, and the foliage is beautiful. I pull back leaves to reveal animals, and grow anything I can from the excess pollen – it’s so different from what’s back home.

After about half an hour of walking, I feel a slight pull on my chest. It’s so sudden that I drop one of my crutches to touch where the feeling in my chest.

_Like a tiny heartbeat._

“She’s close,” I say, and Fitz nods, handing me my crutch.

“Couldn’t she be up in the trees too?” He questions, and we both reflexively look up.

The beat continues, soft. I spin slowly to see if it’s stronger in any particular direction, and eventually decide to go left. Fitz patiently follows me as we step through undergrowth. The beat steadily gets stronger. There’s a tree collapsed across our path, weakly supported by a few saplings that it’s resting on.

“I’ll get the tree, you get the water,” I say, taking a deep breath and narrowing my eyes.

I let my magic take its time, wrapping around the trunk one, two, three, four times until I feel like I have a steady grip. I slowly tilt it back upwards. Water starts to pour from the shaking leaves, but it collects in a growing puddle in the air. I straighten the tree, and shove it into the ground so it stays put. Fitz discards the water off to the side.

“Impressive.”

There’s a woman watching us in a clearing just across from the tree. She looks about forty, with kinky black hair pulled into multiple gathers down the center of her head. She has deep brown eyes that perfectly match the tree bark behind her, and a warm smile on her face.

Fitz and I are too surprised to say anything, so she laughs, crossing her arms. “I’m assuming you’re looking for me. You don’t run into many people in this part of the Amazon. How did you find me?”

I clear my throat to gather my bearings. “I could feel your heartbeat. I can feel the element in you – like with the temple.”

Arya smiles. “I made that stone – that’s why you can feel it. I can feel it to. And I can feel _you_. What are you, generation sixteen?”

“Seventeen. Do you… know who I am?”

Arya shakes her head. “I’m not very up to date with the current news. But the four of us can talk. You know who I am, right?”

I nod. “Arya. Mother Earth.”

“Arya _Birch_ ,” a voice contests from behind Arya.

Arya shakes her head and rolls her eyes, smiling. There’s a rustle in the tree behind her, and a second woman drops from the canopy to rest on one of the low-hanging branches. She sits, crossing one leg over the other and propping her elbow on it. Very dramatic.

“Guster,” I comment, recognizing the smooth way she fell.

She shrugs a shoulder, a bright grin coming to her face. “Well, I wasn’t always one.”

I blink. “You’re _also_ an elemental?”

She nods, twirling a lock of her grey-streaked black hair.

“Sky?”

“Got that from guster, didn’t you? No.”

“The hair too.”

She laughs.

Fitz steps forwards next to me, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“You brought one of mine!” The woman exclaims, leaning back.

Fitz frowns. “One of yours?”

The woman grins. “Do you really think there was only _one_ person in the first generation of elementals? Hi, Zoey Birch, the first elemental of the pearl.”

“How are you still alive?” Fitz asks, eyes wide.

“Our duty, as a generation, is to guide the future to complete _their_ our tasks. The moon and Earth and sun granted us immortality so that we’ll always be around to help. To be honest, we don’t see a lot of elementals anymore, but sometimes we are still needed,” Zoey gestures at us. She drops off her branch to stand next to Arya, the gust of wind making my shirt flutter.

“We don’t see Jay and Eva much anymore, but last we heard they were still together as well. We all try to use our powers to help people. We may not still have our elemental connections anymore, but after all of these years of training, we’re quite strong, and can use our abilities to help people.”

Fitz glances over at me. I shrug.

“Let’s sit,” Arya says.

I nod. “Fitz, can you get the water off the grass?”

He takes a deep breath, widening his stance slightly, and spins his hands. He was always one to use more gestures than me – it’s dramatic, yes, but the movement helps you really _feel_ what you want to do, which makes it _much_ easier. The water lifts in one sheet, and he throws it off to one side.

“You’ve really improved,” I comment, sitting.

He grabs my arm to support me. “Well, that’s mostly your fault. I was a _bit_ stressed, and elemental practicing helps.”

Arya and Zoey sit across from us, watching our interaction. 

“Did you break something?” Zoey asks, gesturing to my crutches.

I chuckle. “More like my whole body.” Arya and Zoey’s expressions fall into confusion. I clear my throat. “My name is Dex, and I’m the current elemental of the Earth, if you didn’t already gather that. The moon told me to come see you. They said that you could help me with my powers.”

Arya frowns. “It looks like you came quite far, but this might be a dead end for you. I’m always happy to help the other Earths, but… my powers work a bit differently than most elementals, so I don’t know if I can help you improve. The only advice I can give you is probably the same you’ve heard before – practice, explore different methods, connect to the environment around you.”

I sigh and place a palm to the ground. The complex and constantly changing ecosystem of a rainforest is great for me – plant matter is _everywhere_. I make direct eye contact with Arya as the grass around the edge of our clearing grows and the trees on the edges gain height, leaning over us. All of the plants are changing at once, shrinking the clearing by _feet_ in all directions in a blink of an eye.

I lift my palm. “The problem isn’t with improvement.”

Her eyes are wide. “Oh.”

“You’re directly connected with the primal source, right?” Zoey asks, to my surprise. “That’s why you can’t walk. It broke you.”

It’s my turn to be surprised. “Yeah.”

She looks over at Arya. “It happened to her too. Once, a long time ago.”

Arya doesn’t meet our eyes. “Not _once_.” She doesn’t elaborate. I guess I can’t blame her – it’s not an experience I particularly like talking about. I can’t even imagine the idea of doing it twice, or god forbid, _three_ times.

“Can you save him?” Fitz asks, his voice breaking.

Arya looks over at me, her eyes narrowing. She leads us to the edge of the forest – it doesn’t take very long, she knows the path well. It’s not the real edge of the whole thing, but there’s a huge clearing that’s been burnt to the ground.

“Deforestation. Slash and burn,” Zoey supplies, leaning against one of the huge trunks. 

Arya leads me further out into the wreckage, until we’re out of hearing distance from Fitz and Zoey. She tilts her head at me.

“I knew exactly what you were when I met you,” she admits, looking down. “You wouldn’t be able to feel me, I wouldn’t be able to feel _you_ , if you weren’t connected to the primal source.” She glances up. “I knew exactly what happened to you too. The overgrown tattoos, the crutches, all that worry in your boyfriend’s eyes – I had the same. _Exactly_ the same.”

“It probably hurt to see it all again. Like an echo.”

Arya nods, her eyes wrinkling at the corners. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

I bite my lip, looking past her. “The moon compared me to you.”

“Hm?”

“When I was on the primal source, after I died, the moon told me that I was ‘the strongest since mother earth herself’.” I snort. “Didn’t feel like much of a compliment at the time. You don’t want to be strong if all it does is hurt you.”

Arya rubs my arm. “I’ve never looked at the Earth the same, after that happened to me. But I still love it. I’ve found a way to use my powers from it in a way that _makes_ me proud of it. You have to find what works for you. If that means working primarily with stone for a while, that’s what it means. It’s different for everyone.”

“I don’t think you can call it everyone if it’s just us.”

Arya laughs. “You ready for this?”

I nod.

“Close your eyes,” Arya instructs. “Can you feel the energy inside of you? Can you feel it moving? Sometimes it helps to grow something – the transfer of the energy to the plant may make it easier to locate.”

My energy is easier to recognize than I thought – I remember how it feels from the time at the tree in Dewi’s garden, the feeling of it growing and changing as I trained with her. It’s twisting through my body, coming up through my feet and flowing into my body, pouring in and in and _in and in and in and-_

I gasp, clutching my chest. I feel nauseous.

“What does it feel like?”

I don’t answer, wrapping my arms around my center, trying to stop my senses being open to this constant filling, I can _feel_ the energy coming in, the energy that breaks me and tears me apart when I’m still healing, the energy that will destroy me all over again if this doesn’t work, the energy that fills me up, flowing, leaking out the sides-

“Dex,” Arya says, her voice sharp. She places her hands on my shoulders. “Dex, look at me.”

I make eye contact with her.

“This is terrible. This is unpleasant. But once you fix it you will feel _so_ much better. And then you’ll be safe. Take a deep breath, and feel where the energy is entering your body. Where is the source?”

My inhale is shaky, but does the trick. “It comes up through my feet.”

“Both?”

“Yes.”

“It has no output, that’s why it’s hurting you. It’s trying to make your body the sink, but eventually the sink will overflow. You must give it a place to leave – _you_ can direct the energy. It may flow out into the sky, out your hands, or in one foot and out the other. Give it a place to go. The energy is yours. 

“The Earth is ancient, but it chose _you_ to be its host. _Move it_.”

I step away from her, spreading my arms and taking a deep breath. I center back into the energy, and use the discomfort it gave me to _shove_ it into one half of my body. It _hurts_ , but I feel a sudden control, like twisting a plant stem. It spins through my body, around each finger and down each arm and around my heart and rockets through my leg and back down to the Earth in one explosion.

I feel it suddenly, like a circuit being completed – the energy is clean now, no longer clogged or concentrated. It is direct and true. The world around me explodes.

 _Green_ , this time.

Trees shoot into the sky, thousands of leave unfurl, branches reach to the heavens. The field, burnt to the ground seconds ago, is _alive_ , full and dense and complicated and rich. 

I’m alive again.

I stand on shaking legs, pushing a newly-grown fern away from my face. My hands are bare, my vine tattoos reduced back to my legs. I feel stronger. Zoey, Arya, and Fitz are waiting for me around the tree, and I laugh, collapsing into my boyfriend’s arms. He spins me around and kisses me once.

“We did it!” I say, bright again, so much lighter.

“We did it,” he repeats, his eyes shiny.

Arya laughs; I turn to her. “Congratulations, Dex, you are now a fully-fledged elemental of the Earth. Maybe you should have a crown to compensate.”

I go to laugh again, but am stopped as she grows a crown in her hands and blooms tiny flowers around the sides. She inspects it, eyes narrowed, but deems it fit. When she notices our expressions, though, she falters, eyebrows drawing together. “Is something wrong?”

“I thought you lost all of your elemental powers?”

Arya blinks. “I did?”

“But you just grew that.”

“I’m a phytokinetic?”

I glance over at Fitz. “I’ve heard of pyrokinetic, hydrokinetic, telekinetic, aerokinetic, or guster, of course. But what’s a phytokinetic?”

The color drains from her face. “There aren’t any left?”

Fitz inhales sharply. “I’ve got it.”

I turn to him, confused.

“I figured it out. I’ve got it. We have to go. Thank you for your help.”

Zoey shakes her head and smiles, taking the crown from Arya and placing it on my head. “Good luck, Fitz of the Pearl, Dex of the Earth. If you need us again, feel free to find us in our little corner of the forest. Good luck with your recovery.”

I hug Arya, thanking her again, and she rubs my shoulder and steps back, taking Zoey’s hand.

Fitz has the crystal to the light, and I wave to them both as we glitter away.

*

“We got it wrong,” Dex says. “The rift was never between the Neverseen and the Black Swan. It’s between humans and elves.”

They all stare at him. 

“ _What_?”

I clear my throat. “ _’Once upon a time, the elves were strong and powerful – they had everything. Lush greenery, shining crystals, majestic animals. They had access to all of the worlds luxuries and desires, and the ability to control them too. The elementals themselves were able to bring everything to the elven world that was desired. They should have prospered, creating and building. But they stayed in the same simple houses in the same small world’_.”

The group turns to stare at me. I turn a page in the book on my lap.

“ _’Once upon a time, the humans were complex and intelligent – they had so many ideas. Creations and machines that could make everyone happy and everyone prosper. No one would be hungry or sick, no one would be homeless or poor. They should have been happy and unified, creative and artistic. But they bickered over their inventions and money and destroyed the world around them to do what they wanted._

_“Once upon a time, a young human took the wrong turn on a path and stumbled into a new world. They were baffled by the riches around them. They wandered into the local town, eyes wide and shocked. As they stared at a pile of crystals abandoned outside of a house, they were stumbled into by a young elf._

_“A friendship was born there. The human, embarrassed, shared their ideas with their elven friend. The elf asked the human why they couldn’t just make it themselves. The human thought the elf was insane – how could they get access to these materials? How could they manage to do these things?_

_“The young elf was easily able to provide the human creator with materials and an elf skilled in electricity to make it start. The human could construct ideas they never thought they would be able to do before – people could manipulate fire and ice and water and lightning and the Earth-’_ ”

“The Earth?” Sophie questions. “There aren’t any elves who can manipulate the Earth.”

I hold up a finger to silence her.

“ _’People could manipulate fire and ice and water and lightning and the Earth into places that humans couldn’t have dreamed of. With this one human, the small town grew. New inventions and ideas allowed them to have bigger and more complex houses, interesting jobs, easy prosperity._

_“One day, one of the ancients visited, curious what had happened to the small town. There, they met the human and elf at the heart of the community, directing new ideas, making constant changes to grow the place and make everyone happier. The ancient was baffled by how easily the two went together with their different mindsets, and their ability to use their different abilities to help everyone around them._

_“The piles of crystals and metal that had previously been discarded were gone. Technopaths incorporated them into new gadgets, chargers made lightning rods to protect from storms. Even made into chandeliers and decorations. The human admitted that the artistic pieces weren’t their idea, but their younger siblings’._

_“The ancient encouraged the human to bring their sibling in, so the two of them could help the other parts of the elven world prosper just like this town. The human admitted to the ancient that they wanted to stay there with their friends and partner. There were hundreds of thousands of other humans that had ideas that could help the towns – even more than just this one human. They could help!_

_“The ancient considered the human’s proposal. They brought their colleagues to see the town and the inventions, and after many weeks of considering, brought more humans into the elven world. Over time, until the two were integrated together._

_“With the elves materials and abilities, the humans could use all of their creative juices and ideas, make all of their dreams come true. They had no need to fight when everyone had what they needed and everyone was able to fulfill their dreams. With the human’s ideas, elves were able to use their skills and materials, to fill their days with interesting things. They could upgrade their houses and appliances.’_ ”

“This is the whole point of the story: _‘Elves and humans need each other to survive and be happy. One to provide materials, supplies, and skills; and one to come up with the ideas. Humans are creators, and elves are providers. Without each other, their societies will wither until they disappear completely.’_ ”

“This is a legend, written hundreds of years ago.” I snap the book shut. “I read it once when I was a child, and only realized how it fell into place now. Do you see the moon here, telling us we won? Because we _didn’t_. It was pretty damn selfish of us to pretend that the rift was between two groups of elves that have existed for what, thirty years? Of course not!”

“Oh.”

“Yes. The rift is between elves and humans. The Neverseen knew that – they were trying to replicate humans and elves so we wouldn’t need them anymore, but we _do_. Without each other, both races are deteriorating. Why do you think the Neverseen waited to unleash their virus? They needed to fix elves and humans _first_.”

Dex steps in. “Elves didn’t used to be immortal, but now they are. The moon told me, when I was on the primal source. You would think that was good, but look at the ancients – locked up in their towers, would probably be classified as insane if they weren’t so respected. It’s because elves are supposed to _provide_ life, but now it has no outlet. It’s just pouring back into themselves, much like my energy was.

“There used to be phytokinetics – elves who could manipulate plants. I’m sure there were others, who could manipulate stone and ground. This balance is what keeps the Earth alive – once it was broken, elves lost their connection to it. They’re gone now.”

“You want us to _reunite them_?”

_Yes, I do._

Sophie, Linh, and I rocket to our feet. Dex looks up, his eyebrows drawn together.

_This is the rift – Dex and Fitz are correct. It was never the Neverseen and the Black Swan. While that was a very good thing to deal with, it was not a large enough problem to warrant a generation of elementals. I understand the stories that you have heard from the past – humans planned a mutiny, to overthrow the elves. But I will tell you the story differently – from the perspective from someone who saw all of it._

_Humans did plot to overthrow elves and lead them – it is true that humans have violent notions – a feeling born from the many eras that they spent fighting to get their ideas heard, when there weren’t enough resources for everyone. But the elves did the same, just much slower. They had all of the power, they were able to control the human’s creations, because the humans couldn’t control the elements like elves could. In simplicity – elves were discriminatory and belittling, and humans responded violently. In the end, elves continued to see humans as their toys, and tapped out – using mountains of resources and money to wipe minds and separate them again._

_The legend is true – they need each other. If you continue like this for much longer, the human’s global warning and elves ignorance with destroy the planet. It’s time. I know you can do it._

Sophie nods, rubbing her eyes. “No offence, moon, but why the fuck didn’t you tell us in the first place?” 

_I made a mistake._

All of our eyes widen.

_I know that is surprising – but you are only the seventeenth generation. I am still learning. Dex and Fitz met Arya and Zoey – the first elemental of the Earth and pearl, respectively. Arya spoke of how the energy broke her. She met me at the primal source and asked for help, but I chose not to tell her – I wanted her to learn for herself. Thought it would make her stronger. It only hurt her – I know that now. I eventually helped her. She still holds a lot of animosity for me now. I can’t blame her._

“Is there some magical way we do this?”

_No. This, like many things, takes time, patience, and politics._

Sophie laughs. “Well.”

_Good luck, seventeenth generation. Sophie Ruewen of the Sun, Linh Song of the Sky, Fitz Astraea of the Pearl, and Dexter Dizznee of the Earth._

We all stare at each other.

“Is anyone going to tell me what the _fuck_ just happened?”

*

The _Human-Elf Unification Act_ is passed in August, after three months of intense planning, debating, and work. The councilors are pretty down for it, especially since Oralie, Alana, and Zaria are in the Black Swan; Bronte and Kenric are honorary members at this point; and all four elementals and the fucking _moon_ insisted. Most of the delay had to do with detailing and brainstorming.

It’s a ten-year action plan, with waves of talking to world leaders, presenting themselves, and accounting for integration. It’s a mess, but thank god I’m not a politician. Just a college kid.

A week later the _Elf Forwarding Act_ is passed. They say it was mostly to make it easier for the two races to integrate – taking on more of the human’s ideas. But the elementals were pushing pretty hard for this too.

The act details a whole multitude of new rules, including: removing matchmaking, introducing public councilor elections and re-elections, legalizing gay marriage, and allowing councilors to get married. Alana said that was a huge breakthrough – they don’t mind councilors having kids, oddly, but for some reason dating is bad. None of the council could even really remember why the rule was there in the first place.

It was funny, because the moment everyone signed Oralie and Kenric kissed in the room. Sophie is worried that this is going to count as another extra parent, on top of her biological father. I don’t know if Oralie has broken the news to him yet.

We’re doing it. We’re saving the world.

“ _Come on_ , Fitz,” Elliot groans. “We’re going to be late for Alchemy.”

I jump, and laugh. “Sorry. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Writing Dex this and last chapter was _hard_. This was a really serious turn for this fic to take and I wanted it to be played through as thoughtfully as possible.
> 
> And yes I mentioned marriage twice in the last two chapters and I seriously considered actually having them get engaged.


	8. Epilogue

I take Fitz’s hand, looking into his eyes.

“I now pronounce you husband… and husband.”

Eurus and Bronte kiss, and Sophie lets out a loud whoop.

The company (they decided not to separate them – Alana was desperate to be the head of _both_ ) are in various states of distress – Alana, the bridesman of honor, is cheering, Oralie and Della are crying on each other, and Kenric is lightly patting the shoulder of his fiancée, both grinning and slightly worried.

Tam and Linh start playing their music again as the newlyweds walk down the aisle, grinning brightly, hands intertwined. They throw the bouquet backwards and Kenric just barely manages to catch it, to the extreme amusement of his already-fiancée.

Linh is better at singing than I thought, and Tam is an expert on the harp, his fingers moving like lightning. I guess that’s ironic, because his twin is the one who can control it. They were super excited to play for their kinda-dad and kinda-dad-in-law’s wedding, and spent _weeks_ coming up with song ideas and practicing.

“I can’t decide if human weddings are more or less over-the-top than this,” Amy comments, leaning back in her chair to watch the couple enter the dance floor. Tam and Linh seamlessly switch songs.

“Both. Depends,” Sophie agrees, leaning on her sister’s shoulder. “According to Della, this is fairly low-key, even though Bronte _is_ a councilor.”

Amy frowns. “Who’s Della again?”

Fitz waves. “My mom.”

It’s taking her some time to get used to our web of people. It’s impressive, honestly, how quickly she picked up on everything, but apparently she made flashcards, determined to get it all right. She and Sophie have the same brand of stubbornness.

We quiet to watch the couple dance. Neither of them are very good.

The next set of couples join: Tam and Linh, the music now on a speaker; Alana and Della; and Oralie and Kenric. It’s sweet, honestly. We needed some of this.

“Oh, did you guys hear?” Sophie says brightly. “Mom is pregnant!”

“Sophie, genuinely seriously, which one. This could literally be any of them.”

Amy and I burst out laughing.

Sophie rolls her eyes. “ _Edaline_.”

I gasp. “MORE COUSINS!”

Sophie laughs. “They’re really excited! I don’t think we’ll ever be a fighting force against the triplets, though.”

“No. Never.”

I turn to Fitz, but he’s standing, hand held out to me. “I promised you a dance on their wedding, didn’t I?”

I stand, slow, _steady_ , and take his head. I grin. “You did.”

The dance floor is slowly filling up, but we take a fairly empty corner and sway around. Not super complicated – Fitz can, in fact, dance, however I cannot. Both because I don’t quite have the dexterity yet and because I never learned. He finds this funny, but leads the two of us happily.

Fitz and Biana had ballroom dancing lessons when they are kids, and are _shockingly_ good at it. I’ve seen it. Very impressive. So can Alana and Della actually, judging from their spinning across the other side of the floor. Alana dips Della, making her laugh.

Sophie and Linh appear, and Linh gasps. “Dex, you’re dancing!”

I laugh, wrapping my arms tighter around Fitz. “I am! I’m _dancing_.”

“Well,” Fitz counters. “About eighty percent of this is just me holding him up.”

“Rude.”

They laugh, spinning away. Sophie can’t dance either.

We stay there for a while, chatting with friends as they pass by, and making sure to go over and congratulate Eurus and Bronte. Keefe is helping with photography, and comes over to photograph us once before dragging Tam away to work somewhere else. He looks lovingly annoyed by the whole experience.

“Dex,” Fitz whispers in my ear, pulling lightly on my arm. We walk down to the water, away from the set up. There’s a stone bench, swirls carved into the base. My legs are much stronger, but it still feels nice to rest them for a little while. Fitz leans his head on my shoulder. The moon is rising over the water.

I use my free hand to give them a tiny salute.

_Congratulations, Dex of the Earth. You did it. You healed yourself, you’re fixing the rift, you’re a fully-fledged elemental. Thank you, for what you did. I am… very proud of you. Good luck going forwards._

“And you,” I whisper, tears coming to my eyes.

The music is just loud enough to hear down here, but not loud enough to cover the sound of the water moving. The moon shines across the water. I take Fitz’s hand.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

_The end._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for going on this journey with me. Snowfall is the first long fic I've written, and it's been so much fun writing and editing and uploading and receiving comments. After months of work, it's finally done.
> 
> This whole thing started because I was frustrated that there wasn't more Fitz/Dex writing around. It was going to be a one-shot. But this is where we've ended up. So to anyone out there that wants to have more content for their ship: you _can_ do it yourself. But it is a bit of a pain. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I've exhausted all of my desire to read Fitz/Dex stuff for at least a year. So there's that.
> 
> Bye!

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr at @bluefaewren or @blueartwren.  
> Thanks for reading!


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